A/N - Yes, this is a Rin/Sakura story. Which means lots of bad things! Shoujo-ai and incest. Somehow my morals have failed me. If you want to insult me for it, don't bother, since I don't care. I haven't played the games or read the manga, just watched the anime, so that's what this is based off of. Enjoy, if you're brave enough. And since my beta hasn't watched this yet (you slacker!) I didn't have anyone to check through it for me, so please forgive me for mistakes.

Across The Lines

By: Azfixiation

----

I watch her chest rise and fall as she sleeps. My fingers brush against her hair, running through her violet locks, remembering back to a time when we shared such similar features. Things should have never turned out the way they have but I know why she hates me. I hate me too. She has also moved in with Shirou, wanting to forget her darker memories of that home. The home that I failed to save her from. Is it too late to make it up to her? Can I even begin to?

"She's going to hate you even more if she finds you stalking her in her sleep," Illya says from the doorway with her arms folded across her chest. I want to kill that brat sometimes.

"What do you know about anything?" I ask as I stand up to leave Sakura's room. "Go back to sleep brat. Before I knock you out myself."

"I just don't know why you bother. It's not like she knows what you're doing so it's not going to help," she pouts as she walks back to her own room.

"She has bad dreams at night, and it's my fault. I wouldn't expect you to understand," I say quietly, even though Illya is already gone. If comforting her in her sleep is all I can do, then I'll happily do it.

Unable to sleep myself I head to the kitchen and prepare some tea, making Sakura's favorite kind without even realizing it. She still won't talk to me about anything that has happened, staying at a cool distance at best. I've failed her twice now. The first when we were young, and the second by letting her get taken in the first place.

"Smells good," her voice says as she walks into the kitchen.

"Sakura? How come you're up?" I ask quickly, almost defensively. I don't like having my thoughts interruped. Especially not such important ones. Even if it is by the one person I want to talk the most to.

"I always get up this early," she smiles as she starts moving about the kitchen. "How else do you think breakfast and the cleaning gets done?"

"It's only five in the morning though," I remind her, wondering why she would get up so absurdly early if she didn't have to. "I can take care of things today so you can sleep in if you'd like," I added, remembering my goal of forming a relationship with her finally after all these years.

"No I have to do it. I have to do something useful after everything you and Shirou went through to save me," she says through a yawn. It's the first time she has mentioned it, and I wonder if catching her half asleep is the advantage I've been needing.

"Can we talk?" I venture as I pour her a cup of tea.

I see her tense up and sigh inwardly. I already know how she will answer. "I can't right now, I've got to get everything ready before school," she says as she takes the tea I poured her. "Thanks for this though."

"One day you're going to have to listen to me," I say angrily before storming off to my room. This is exactly how things have been between us. Her rejecting me every day as I try to at least get things out in the open between us.

I spend the rest of the morning sulking in my room until breakfast, trying to figure out where I'm screwing things up so badly. Thankfully Illya and Fuji-nee are so active they distract the awkwardness that lays between us during breakfast. She walks to school with Shirou and I leave after them, trying to give her the space that she seems to want. To my relief school passes quickly without much excitement since most everyone ignores me anyways. It's times like this when I want to be alone to think that I'm glad everyone has somehow decided to put me on a pedastal and become too afraid to approach me.

"You seem down lately," Shirou says later after we've returned home from school.

"That's because she's-"

"I will stab you in your sleep," I say quickly as I glare at Illya. Really of all people who had to find out about how badly I want to make ammends, why her?

"She's no fun onii-chan," Illya whines as she clings to Shirou's arm.

"I'll be in my room," I say as I stand up.

"Tousaka wait," Shirou calls out, following me to the door.

"I know I'm not useful for much now that everything's over, but if you need someone to talk to about whatever it is..." he trails off.

"Thanks, but I'm not that soft," I say before walking past him and out of the room.

Not that soft my ass. When it comes to her lately I might as well be a fluffy bunny I'm trying to frustratingly hard. But this is what I deserve, I know that. I left her to be tortured by those people. I've left her to be abused her whole life and only now after almost losing her am I trying to do something about it. But damn I was a kid! We were kids! It's not like I knew what would happen to her there.

Feeling the frustration wash over me once more I lose my patience and storm to Sakura's room. She's just going to have to deal with what I have to say. "Rin?" she asks as I open her door without permission, shutting it firmly behind me.

"I know you don't want to talk to me but at least let me talk to you. Just listen to me, okay?"

She nods in response and motions for me to sit down so I take the space directly in front of her, wanting her to see my face to know how true what I'm about to say is. "I'm sorry for everything. I know how much you hate me for what happened and I've done everything I could to protect you since then. If you don't want to be my sister that's fine, but can't we at least be something?"

"I don't hate you anymore Rin. How could I when you saved my life knowing that I hated you? I could have killed you then but you didn't care. You just wanted to protect me," she says quietly, backing down from my gaze.

"Then why do you ignore me? Why do you run away from me?" I ask, my anger dissipating quickly as I reach out to touch her cheek - the same as I did when I saved her from Caster, from becoming the sacrifice for the Holy Grail. Her cheeks flush a slight shade of pink and I find myself surprised that she's not pulling away, and that I'm not either for that matter. Our eyes lock as she leans into my touch, just the slightest bit. "Sakura?"

"I have to go start dinner!" she says in a rush, pulling away from my touch and walking out of the room. What the hell was that just now? I can feel my own cheeks are flushed as I stand to leave her room, more confused now then I was when I went in.

----

She's here again. I can feel her next to me, hear her shallow breathing as she watches me sleep. Why does she do this every night? She has ever since getting me back from Caster. They told me the bad guys were gone, that I was safe now. Is this her way of protecting me? Sometimes she only comes in for a minute, as if she is just checking to make sure I haven't disappeared again. Other times she stays for long periods of time. Doesn't she ever sleep?

Her fingers brush over my face, feather light touches so she doesn't wake me up. If only she knew I was always awake, always waiting for her. This is why I can't be your sister. I fight to keep my eyes from fluttering open, to keep myself from remembering the warmth of her hand on my face. She is the only person who has ever shown me physical kindness.

I had always thought that I would end up with Shirou, the two of us living a quiet happy life. Or so I had hoped, perhaps. At the least being able to come cook and clean for him has always given me the oppertunity to get away from that house. Away from Shinji, and his abusive hands. In the end it wasn't Shirou that saved me. It was her whose arms I ended up in. It was the first and only time I've ever felt safe.

She is my sister, and yet she never has been. She has never been anyone except the person who stole the life I should have led. Yet why is it that I crave her touch since that day? Her gentle hands on my skin as she tells me everything is going to be okay. She would be the one to hate me if she knew how much I craved the safety of her embrace again. It was the first time I've had someone touch me since him.

Before I can stop them, images of Shinji form in my mind. His rough hands as he pins me down. You worthless piece of trash, he used to call me. The sting of his hand across my cheeks. Instinctively I jump, pulling away from Rin's touch, losing the seperation between reality and memory for a second in my sleepy state.

"I'm sorry," she bows her head after seeing the tears form in my eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay. It was him. He was in my head again," I say.

"I'll leave you alone." Her voice is soft - just like her hands. I crave to hear more of it. To have more of her.

Out of reflex, or maybe of their own violition, my hands reach out to grasp hers. "Stay," I whisper. I know she will out of guilt after learning the truth of the things I've gone through. The things she thinks are her fault. The things that cause her to keep pushing closer and closer to me. Would she forgive me for using her guilt like this?

I feel her arms pulling me close and in her attempt to comfort me the tears that I've never allowed myself to cry finally spill out. I hate showing weakness in front of her. She's always been so strong, so sure of herself. She brushes the hair from my eyes and holds me close to her, moving to lay down next to me. "I'll stay. It's okay."

Her voice is soothing and I find the tears stopping as I allow myself to lay against her. Her heart beats strong beneath my ear and I bring my hand up to lay on her chest so that I can feel it as well. "You shouldn't be so kind to me."

"Yes I should. Don't be stupid," she replies and though her words come out harsh I feel her holding me tighter.

Then don't let go.

"Why did you risk your life to save me?" It can't be helped that I ask, even if it was a few weeks ago. I need to know if she cares about me, or if she is just trying to satisfy her guilt.

"I used to cry. Then I decided that I would become the best magi I could, so that I could protect you one day. I finally got to. I was going to win the Holy Grail and wish for a life without pain for you to make up for not being able to keep you with me."

Again my body moves against my will and I feel my fingers on her face, my head moving towards hers. "You shouldn't care for someone like me." For a moment I feel as if I'm outside my body, watching on in horror as I make what I'm sure will be the biggest mistake of my life. My lips press against hers as my fingers tangle in her hair. She doesn't push me or pull away; she's probably too stunned to move.

----

My first kiss.

Her lips are soft. So soft that I can't pull myself away despite the wrongness of the situation. It feels like earlier, that weird thump in my heart when I was talking to her in her room. "Sakura," I breathe out as my mind reels.

She quickly pulls away from me, almost leaping out of the bed all together. "I'm sorry," she says quickly, tears falling from her eyes once more. I pull her back down to me, not thinking about anything other than wanting to save her from more pain.

"I... don't mind," I reply honestly, which is the most I can say right now. "Just lay down with me and get some sleep. We'll talk about things later." She lays back down but stays as far from me as possible and suddenly I don't know how to handle the situation. If I try to comfort her would it only encourage her? Will it hurt her more if I don't? Eventually my hand finds its way to hers and our fingers lace together. "I'm not going to leave you, okay?"

For now, that is all I can promise.