SUMMARY:He always wanted her but never seemed to have her. When they met again I saw the way he looked at her. I thought I was safe though. She was married and he was my husband. I never thought that he would be unfaithful, but then again I thought he loved me.-OneShot-
DISCLAIMER: I own nada.
A/N: Just a little something I had in my head.
A single tear ran down my face. How did I end up like this? I glance at the reflection in front of me. It truly is a pathetic sight. I almost laugh at it. My mascara is smeared and my hair is a mess. How did I end up like this?
The clock is telling me it is two in the morning. But it has to be lying to me. He said he would be home at ten. I am surrounded by lies. The clock lies, he lies, and the pictures lie. I am at my breaking point but I don't know how to break. I am not sure of what to do. I just sit in front of my mirror staring at the pathetic sight in front of me.
I give up trying to be strong and lie down in my bed. The dam breaks and the tears come falling down again. I hear a car screech to a stop. He's home. I wipe my tears and lie still in the bed. The door is opened quietly. He thinks I am asleep and he slips into our bed. I smell her and cringe. It is always her.
It is morning and I act like nothing happened. He doesn't know this, but he is killing me. Every fake smile is another knife in my heart. I want to be loved not killed. Why can't he love me? I know the answer. It is because I am not her.
I am not sure why I put up with this. I believe that if I love him enough maybe he will love me, not her.
I pity her husband. He doesn't know what I know. He doesn't know the truth. Truth, that is a funny concept. Who tells the truth anymore? I don't, he doesn't, and she doesn't. My life is full of lies. I also envy her husband. Whoever said ignorance was bliss was right. I would much rather be in the dark than suffering.
At parties his eyes are always on hers, never mine. She stands tall next to her husband smiling charmingly. Her eyes follow my husband. She smiles warmly at him. I hate how she looks so innocent. She is far from it. I use to have an air of innocence, but he suffocated it. I am at my breaking point but I don't know how to break. They both disappear. I am left with my thoughts.
Why did they have to meet again? We were happy. I was happy. They say you never forget your first love. She was his. He always wanted her but never seemed to have her. When they met again I saw the way he looked at her. I thought I was safe though. She was married and he was my husband. I never thought that he would be unfaithful, but then again I thought he loved me.
At home it is all lies again. He kisses me on the cheek and I try my hardest not to cringe knowing where his lips were hours before.
Am I a fool for trying to make this work? I do not want to be twenty-four and divorced. People will say I didn't try to make it work. But that is where they would be wrong. I have tried so hard to get past it. But how can someone get past the fact that their husband is in love with another woman.
Another party, another time to be left alone with my thoughts. I scan the crowd and see a face. A face I have not seen in years. His face reminds me of better days. I chuckle. If someone told me when I was sixteen that his face would remind me of better days I would have laughed. He looks at me and smiles. I try my hardest to smile back. His eyes are looking into mine. I feel him reading me like a book. His face looks worried and I see him mouth Mary questioningly. He found out, with one look he knew.
I walk away from his burning eyes and find a secluded room. I sit down trying to compose myself, it's not working. He knew. I hear the door open and look up. There he is. He still looks worried. He sits down next to me. I am at my breaking point but I don't know how to break. I don't have to speak. He knows. He comforts me. I look at him. He has changed. I no longer see a lost little boy, I now see a man. After almost seven years I guess I should have expected him to change.
I look into his eyes and get lost. I am at my breaking point and I just broke. I find myself kissing him. And for a brief moment my pain is gone. It returns though when he pulls away. I feel ashamed. I can't look at him. I get up fast trying to make a quick exit. He stops me and I refuse to make eye contact with him. He forces me to by gently lifting my chin up. He looks at me with knowing eyes. He knows what I need and he obliges. He pulls me close to him and we are kissing again.
The pain is gone and for a brief second I am happy, truly happy. But then guilt sets in. I realize that I am just like him now.
I fill the void with the familiar face. When my husband is with his lover, I am with mine. I forgot what it had felt like to be loved but he showed me how. This goes on for months.
It's not fair that he can sleep easily at night while I am tormented by my deceit. At that point I begin to stop loving him. I hate him. How can someone who claimed to love you be so deceitful and still pretend like everything it okay. I gave up everything for him, my career, my relationship with my mother, my friends and for what. Heartache and suffering. Yes, I truly hate him.
I can't stand all the gatherings we go to. They are so fake, like us. He meets his lover at them and now I meet mine. I can't look at him without disgust. This is it. I can't take it anymore. He has broken me and I can't stand anymore. I scan the crowd looking for the familiar face. There it is. We leave early together. I can't take it anymore. We stop at my husband's house. I run inside. In my husband's room I grab my clothes frantically and shove them in a suitcase. I can't take it anymore. I leave a note and go back outside, suitcase in hand.
We drive away from Hartford and all that it stands for. The ride is a silent one. I look at the road in front of me, I see a sign. Stars Hollow, 15 miles. I look back down.
Fifteen miles later I am home. He waits in the car as I walk slowly up the once familiar steps. I turn back and look at him and he nods at me. I face the door again and I ring the bell. Seconds feel like hours. I hear rustling coming from inside and the door finally opens. There she is standing in front of me. I see the shock and tears in her eyes. We both stand there for a minute taking what was happening in. She leaps toward me and envelops me in a hug. My tears were no longer of sorrow but now of joy.
I am finally free. Free of guilt, of shame, and emptiness.
By now my husband would be home in an empty house. I picture him sitting on our bed reading the note I left him.
Logan,
I thought I knew what love was when I met you. Hell, I thought that we were in love. But now
I realize you never loved me. I know about her and I have for a year. I thought that I could live
with it and eventually you would come back to me, but days turned into weeks which turned into
months. I can't wait anymore. I would be lying if I said I was innocent. I am tired of all the lies and I
am tired of lying. That is why I have decided to leave you. I am not coming back but honestly
I think that the only reason you would want me back is to hide your indiscretion and save your name.
You may have broken me but I have been put back together. Since you were never around I found
someone who actually loved me.You will hear from my lawyer tomorrow. I hope we can settle this
in a civil manner. Goodbye.
My reflection is no longer a pathetic sight. Love changed that. The love my mother has for me, the love my friends have for me, and the love my true love has for me. I am happy now.