He feels most comfortable in the darkness. The light always seems to bring back memories he had long tried to loose. In the warmth of his bed he would stare upwards at the slowly rotating fan with heavy mako eyes, and listen to the sounds of traffic outside the building.
These were the occasional days he would stay in a room above Tifa's tavern. Marlene and Denzel would beg him to sleep over, and he would, but only rarely. They would have an awkward dinner, and the orphans would ask him questions about his 'adventures' and he would answer only a few. Tifa would look on with sad and sympathetic eyes as he ignored all questions of being a SOLDIER, or anything regarding ShinRa.
Then he'd return to the chapel and lay next to the patch of flowers, letting their soft light in the darkness lull him to sleep, listening to the traffic outside. When his eyes were closed he was most comfortable, in the darkness.
But sometimes he'd dream.
'We're friends, aren't we?'
'Don't worry, I won't leave you behind.'
He felt guilty. He'd asked many people about forgiveness, Vincent, Tifa …. Aerith. He remembered her asking him once why he always asks for forgiveness, but he never does the forgiving. He didn't remember ever having an answer for her.
The dreams would always wake him with a choke, and all he would see is the light of morning, blinding him and making him wince. The morning was always quiet, and even though there was the faint rumble of traffic, he was always able to have a few more moments of rest.
--
"Cloud."
Tifa smiled and set the glass into the cupboard. The bar was empty.
"Didn't you see? We're closed today." She noticed his expression. "Deliveries too. I figured we could do with a holiday."
"We had a holiday last week." Cloud pointed out, and sat down before the polished wood. Tifa just smiled and pulled out the glass she just cleaned, filling it up with water and setting it before him.
"Denzel and Marlene?" he asked. Usually when he dropped by the two children would be running down the stairs to tackle him with hugs.
"Out with friends." Tifa replied. "They've been able to make more friends, now that the Geostigma is gone."
The blonde said nothing, and took a drink of water. Tifa paused for a moment, and then leant forward.
"What about you, Cloud? Are you okay?'
'Hey. Are you okay?'
"Fine." Cloud replied. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He paused. "Unless you're having another holiday."
She laughed. "No."
He left the half empty glass on the counter and left the tavern.
--
He fixed the goggles on his face and gunned down on the engine, tearing off across the plains. He didn't have much else to do to pass the time except do the deliveries for Tifa. He wasn't going to visit the others; he wasn't the type to socially drop by.
So he spent his time biking. It helped him clear his head, and there wasn't anyone around to annoy him or ask questions that he didn't want to answer.
'Don't be mad. You know I'd never leave a friend behind.'
'I know, I'll be an odd jobs person!'
'What about you, Cloud?'
He stopped the bike.
He always dreamed. He dreamed about Sephiroth, and Aerith, and ShinRa and Jenova, and…
He dreamed of him too. But only recently he'd only been dreaming of Zack.
--
He always preferred the darkness. In the darkness he couldn't see the things he had been avoiding for as long as he could remember. At dawn it would be silent, no traffic, and he'd think.
He'd wonder why he'd never been the person who would do the forgiving.
'Hey, what do you thi--'
The flowers faint scent wafted over him, and he breathed in deep. The broken stain glass windows cast soft slanted light over his face, but it was grey light and he'd turn his back and return once more to the darkness.
'CLOUD, RUN!'
But sometimes he'd have a different dream.
A different dream, an impossible dream.
A dream where a first class SOLDIER with mako eyes and dark hair would turn to him in the back of a dingy truck-
And forgive him.
Outside a truck blared its horn, and the traffic started again.
FIN