Setting: post season 2, episode 3

Author's note: I own nothing, this is my first fanfic.

Mackenzie has thought long and hard about the voice message. "He thinks I did a great fucking job", she thinks. She has come to one of two conclusions, either Will really doesn't remember or he really is a douchebag and is just playing this over her head as some sort of false hope. Either way, any glimmer of hope that she may have gained over the last years since coming back and being let into his life again are gone. She thinks of how stupid she's been trying to pry information from him, flirting with him, letting him get under her skin again. She is embarrassed and frankly feels pathetic that she's let herself be this vulnerable and desperate to have brought it up every day for 2 months. "This ends here", she says to herself. In order to protect herself from any further embarrassment and rejection, she decides on some ground rules:

-She will be professional and courteous

-But will avoid any physical contact and limit eye contact as much as possible

-She will avoid any conversations of a personal nature

Mackenzie goes to work and does her job, well, but follows her ground rules. Will notices a change and for a moment wonders if she knows about him and Nina, but brushes it off. He also wonders why she hasn't been questioning him about the message but chalks it up to his rant. When things erupt in Africa, Will tries to comfort her knowing that she blames herself for allowing Maggie to go. He tries to hug her, but she responds, "no, please just don't" and walks away. There are no late night phone calls, if he calls, she lets it go to voicemail unless it is something urgent and work related. There are no drinks shared together, no usual friendly banter, no personal conversations of any kind, and even little debate about the show's content. She is doing her job, but it's not Mac. The team tries to reach out to him, they have even noticed a difference. She is there and answers their questions, but it's not the same. Will is so bothered by Mac's new attitude and he can't seem to shake it. He brings it up to Nina on a number of occasions. Although he tries to make it subtle and work related, Nina isn't stupid. Nina decides that their relationship…whatever relationship they had is over. She makes it clear that he's a nice guy but his heart belongs to Mac and if she didn't like him so much she might be ok with just fucking him for a while. She doesn't want to get caught up in this because in the end she knows that she is going to lose.

Things continue like this for some time until Will finally corners Mac in her office, "What is up with you?"

"Nothing, what can I do for you Will, is there something about the broadcast that you want to discuss?" Mac says in the most professional voice that she can muster

"Fuck the broadcast, what is up with you lately, Mac?"

"I don't know what you are talking about Will"

"You won't even look at me, I apologized for my snapping at you"

"Will, I really have no idea what you are talking about…we talk every day…the show is going fine"

"Something's changed Mac, you're distant, you don't meet with the team after the show anymore, you have less personality with the staff…even Sloan is worried about you. You haven't even pestered me about the goddamned message…I know you feel bad about Africa, but this is not your fault Mac"

"I am responsible for Africa, I let them go, I let my people head into danger"

"OUR people, Mac"

"You had nothing to do with this and I won't let my personal feelings on this affect the broadcast, so unless there is something else I can help you with Will, I think we are done here"

Will is stunned, not exactly sure what to say. He's hurt by her attitude, but concerned more than anything. He's never seen her like this before.

He is about to leave, when she can't stop herself from saying, "and you don't have to worry Will…I will never mention the message again…you don't have to worry, Nina told me what the message was about, you didn't divulge any deep personal secrets, you called to tell me that I had done a great job on the Bin Laden broadcast. And I can assure you that I am doing my best to continue doing a great job"…she regretted it immediately, she broke her ground rules

Will looked down, he gets it he looks down and says, "Mac, that's not what the message said"

"What do you mean?"

"That's not what the message said, Mac…Nina lied to you"

"Why on earth would she lie about it, she has no reason to lie to me about it?"

"Because when you called, she was in my apartment" He looks down, he knows that as she processes things, that will hurt.

"In your apartment, why would she be in your apartment?" She all of a sudden puts two and two together, "no…you and Nina? You're seeing Nina?" She looks away, she's trying to remember her ground rules, trying to avoid eye contact knowing that her eyes immediately started to gloss over. She thinks for a moment and is mad at herself for letting him hurt her yet again then says, "You know what, don't answer that, it's really none of my business. We are colleagues and nothing more"

"I was, I did for a very short time"

"I think you should leave Will" she says trying not to sound hurt.

Will stands up, he knows that she's too hurt to discuss anything right now. But on his way out, he says, "we're more than just colleagues, Mac"

Mac lowers her head down and weeps…with all of the Genoa stuff happening, and Africa, she just doesn't feel like she can take anymore. Mac takes some time that evening to process things. She didn't even ask what the real message was, she knew that he obviously remembers, but did it even matter anymore? Would it even make a difference, he obviously wasn't willing to share the message and she surely wasn't going to ask about it again. Tears fill her eyes again, but this time with some anger and she decides that she can't do this anymore.

After several rehearsals and a night of thinking of exactly the words she wanted to use, she walks into Will office and says, "Will, I can't do this anymore. I thought that we could do this, work together, be professional, and at one point, I even thought that we might be friends, but I can't do this anymore. I know that I deserve it, I know that I tore your heart out, I know." She pauses trying to hold back tears, as she remembers her rehearsals.

Will tries to interrupt, "Mac".

"No Will, I'm going to finish…I've taken every punishment from a parade of young women, to having Brian here, to now you and Nina, which even hurt more than the parade of wormen because I was actually starting to like Nina and I could actually see you two having a relationship. I know it's silly, but on some level, I think in coming here I thought that someday, sometime, even if I had to wait years, you'd be able to forgive me. I know now that any hope I ever had of working things out with you are gone and that you will never be able to forgive me. I just can't be around here anymore. You obviously have a life and I want you to be able to live it, without wanting to punish me or being afraid that you've hurt me at every turn. I've even tried keeping things strictly professional, but that's not working either. I can't be all business with you are normal with the team. Nothing can ever just be professional with us Will and this all business thing just isn't me, my team is like my family and those young people over there need more than just a boss. I won't jeopardize your reputation, your show, or the team of people you have out there working like crazy to pull this together. You deserve better, they deserve better and even if you don't agree, I deserve better. I want you to know that I will act in the most professional manner possible to finish the Genoa story and wait until Maggie gets back on track and I will be leaving." She walks out as she had rehearsed before Will even has time to formulate a response.

"Fuck" Will says once she's gone.

That night, he goes over her rant in his head a hundred times…what is she talking about , this is their show, those young people are here because she's mentoring them. Why couldn't he just forgive her? Why did he have to make her this way? Why does he have to keep punishing her? Why can't he just tell her what the message said? Why is he letting the best thing that ever happening to him walk out of his life again? He knows that he doesn't want her to go, he knows that he can't take her leaving, but how does he fix this?

After recanting the recent events to Dr. Habib,

Habib says, "So do you want her to leave? If you aren't going to forgive her and are really trying to move on, don't you think it would be for the best? It can't be healthy for either of you to always be punishing or hurting one another?"

"No, she can't leave," Will quickly responds.

"She can't?"

"No, this is our show, she was the mastermind here, she's the one who got us here, the team is the good because she made them good"

"Is the show the only reason you want her to stay? There are other EP's, good ones even."

"There's no other Mac," Will says sternly.

"Do you mean Mac the EP or Mac the person?"

"Both."

"So it's not just about the show," Habib asks.

"Of course not..fuck…have you not been here for our sessions. I want to forgive Mac, I just can't..you know that"

"What are you afraid of if you do?"

Will just rolls his eyes.

"What about your relationship with Nina, what was that about?"

"What do you think, she's an attractive, smart woman, and she's more than blank shell that people make her out to be"

"Why did you tell Mac about Nina? Why did you tell her that the message wasn't about her doing a good job"

"I don't fucking know"

"I think on some level you wanted her to know it was more than just a good job message"

"I want her to know, I know it's the fucking truth, I'm just not ready to tell her and I don't want it to be something she heard when I was high. When I decide to tell her, I want it to be done the right way, not a fucking oh by the way I'm high message"

"When you decide to tell her?"

"If," Will corrects.

"You said when"

Will again rolls his eyes.

"Will, the way I see it you can continue what you are doing and risk having Mac leave, or you can deal with your issues and forgive her. You can't expect Mac to go on being punished forever. It's clear to me from what you are telling me about her recent behavior that she's reached her breaking point Will. We all make mistakes and although I know this is a big one, she can't keep letting you punish her, she can't keep punishing herself. She needs for her own sanity to move on, either with you or without you."

Will looks down, he hates that he's the one pushing Mac over the edge.

"You need to talk to her Will. Even if the message is just that you want to tell her what the message said but aren't ready to or even that you are trying to forgive her, you need to give her something. She's breaking."

"Fuck" Will says.

Mac is sitting at home, crying. It's been two days and nothing from Will. He didn't come rushing after her, he didn't call to ask her to stay, he didn't acknowledge anything, not even on a professional level. She resolves herself to the fact that he must agree that it's best if she leave. She feels guilty (as always), angry, alone, and heartbroken.

Will is sitting on his balcony drinking scotch. He thinks of what things would be like in the office without her there. He'd have to deal with his young staff, he had no patience for all of that. He'd have to deal with another EP, someone else in his ear. Then he thinks of what his life would be like without seeing her, watching her (she was brilliant in action), debating with her, catching a glimpse of her smile or her legs, or even catching a brief brush of her shoulder or a quick hug. She can't leave, she can't leave him, he thinks. His eyes fill with tears, he has to fix this.