April 22, 2010
I roll over and look at the clock. Eleven fifty-nine pm.
I try to go to sleep but all I can think about is her. Her smile, the way she looked at me with so much love in her eyes. I drift into sleep and dream about her, everything I loved about her and suddenly my dream goes from us in love to us fighting, saying horrible things to one another.
I wake up with tears running down my eyes. I try to go back to sleep but my alarm clock goes off, and, as if to mak the day worse, I Miss You by Blink 182 was on. That was her favorite song.
My door opens a crack and CeCe pokes her head in.
"Eli, honey, why don't you go back to bed? You can ditch school today it won't make that big of a difference."
"Mom I'm perfectly okay to go to school. I am 100 per cent over Julia. No matter what day it is."
"Oh is that why you have tears all down your face? You are staying home today and that's final."
"Fine."
CeCe walks out of the room and I pull out my phone to text Clare.
-I'm not coming to school today
Why not?-
-CeCe won't let me
-She doesn't believe I'm over Julia
Of course you aren't it's only been a year-
-But I am.
Eli go back to sleep-
Love ya-
-Love you too
I lay back down in my bed and wrap the blankets around me. I fall asleep and dream about Julia again, and again I wake up crying after Bullfrog tells me she's gone.
At three I drag myself out of bed, shower and get dressed and drive to the cemetary.
"Julia, I can't believe it's been a year, I miss you so much. And I try to pretend I'm okay but my heart is still in a million tiny little pieces and it hurts-" I suddenlly lose control and tears start pouring like someone opened the flood gate "just as much as it did when I found out that I was never going to see you again, never hold your hand or kiss you or hear your voice and I just miss you so much. I wish you were here with me. I wish we had never had that stupid fight, I wish I had never said the things I did. And I know that no matter what I do or say will never change the fact that I was a complete ass and you deserved someone better. I'm sorry I am so sorry that I killed you. I love you Julia."
When I can't talk any more I laydown on her grave and cry. The next thing I know Bullfrog is dragging me to his truckand laying me in the back seat.
I roll over and look at the clock on the radio. Eleven fifty-nine pm.