Existence
By: SilverLunarStar
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Disclaimer: I do not own Angel and co. If I did, Doyle would never have died and there would be no nonsense about Angel with Cordy.
Author's Note: This is my first time writing a fic where the characters don't end up together, whether alive or dead, but together, so bear with me. I was in a really morbid mood when I wrote this, having just seen and read depressing scenes (I finally saw "Hero" and was reading the part in "Breaking Dawn" where Edward hasn't accepted the baby yet…) Also, yes, I know that the whole 'Cordelia dealing with the loss of Doyle is a bit overdone, but I hope I've added a bit of originality to it.
Reason for Posting: I'm taking a break from my long to-do list for school to post this up because it's been a whole decade since Hero first aired. *sniffles*
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Nothing…
There was nothing.
Not one speck.
He left nothing but memories behind.
Everyone knew one could only rely on memory for so long…
All that was left was pain caused by sorrow.
Cordelia Chase had always been number one when it came to hiding her feelings. Angel was the only other one who stood in line, but he usually hid behind his brooding.
After the whole mess with Wesley, she came home, changed into some sweats, and once again watched the commercial Doyle did for her.
Awhile later, Cordelia angrily turned off her T.V. and threw her control past the set.
It floated in the air.
"Why am I mourning a man who was idiotic enough to act the hero?!" He just had to leave her with a little partying gift too. She scoffed. "I can't believe he kissed me just to pass on his visions to me!" She was purposely ignoring what that two-faced, empathic demon suggested.
The remote was settled on the coffee table and her hair was rustled.
Cordelia sighed. "I know Dennis, that little bloody demon did have a point. I just… I miss him so much and I feel as if he didn't exist; it's like missing a passing breeze…" She stayed silent for quite some time, until she finally decided to go to bed. Brushing her teeth, washing her face, and putting her hair into a loose ponytail so her hair won't tangle, she finally got under the covers.
Her covet was raised to her shoulders, the spirit known as Dennis tucked her in.
"Thanks Dennis, goodnight."
The rattling of her lamp was her only answer.
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Days and weeks go by, the illusion Cordelia gave was holding up pretty well.
Angel assumed she's doing well for herself, but was still worried. While she gave her usual attitude, she didn't seem…happy, chirpy.
Doyle had really impacted her life; he was the one person who always put Cordy first. Angel knew that the reason why he sacrificed himself wasn't only for the half-demons, for redemptions, the world, or even for Angel himself. No, he did it for Cordelia. Doyle already had the weight of guilt from his past; if he had allowed Angel to sacrifice himself for them, he wouldn't have been able to live with himself and would have estranged himself from Cordy.
He glanced at Cordelia who's currently staring off into space. He didn't know if they realized it, but Doyle and Cordy cared for each other much more than they let on.
They never got a chance…
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When it's time to lock up, Cordelia collected her things and takes out her keys. Glancing at Doyle's empty desk, she took a deep, shuddering breath and closed the door. As she turned around, she bumped into something solid. "Angel, would you watch where you're going?"
He winced. Not because of her words, but because of her tone. Once upon a time, those words would have been full of spunk, now they're more monotonous than anything. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."
Surprised, it took her a second to respond. "Sure."
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It's one in the morning and Cordelia's tossing and turning. Another half an hour passed by until she finally shoot up. Dressing in a hurry for the first time, she headed out.
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It's only until she's in front of the police station that she realized that she should have called to see if Detective Kate Lockley was in. 'Oh well.' She went in.
Luck's on her side. She's led to the female detective by a rookie cop who's giving her a cheesy grin.
"Cordelia!" Kate exclaimed in surprise.
"Kate." She nodded.
"Sit, please. Thanks Rivera."
"You're welcome Detective Lockley."
Turning to the young girl, she inquired, "What can I do for you Cordelia?"
"I…" she hesitated. "Can you draw up a Death Certificate for Doyle?"
Kate was surprised, but relieved at the same time. A few weeks ago, Angel had told her of his friend's death and, while she didn't know the details of the man's untimely demise, she agreed to help him get an official death certificate for him. With the man's ex-wife present, they discussed the vague details. What they didn't know was that Cordelia had overheard, but she let them know easily by bursting through the doors of the office and screaming, "No!"
The barely legal woman had gone into hysterics, claiming that they had no proof Doyle was really dead. According to Angel, she stayed in the same state of denial for a little over a week before she…resigned. Kate concluded it was depression; Angel didn't let on, but she knew he was worried about the girl that he'd come to care for like a sister. He admitted she's been 'okay' the first week, showing nothing but reminisce. However, Kate's sure she's in the state of denial since the beginning because the girl barely mourned.
"Of course Cordelia."
Cordelia shifted uncomfortably. She heard relief and pity in Kate's voice which made her feel guilty and angry at the same time. She felt guilty because she had denied Harry the right to warrant the certificate of her ex-husband and angry because of the pity, as if she'd been in some far corner of her mind with her denial of Doyle's death. She just hadn't wanted to cross out the option that maybe he was alive somewhere. He'd disappeared after all, no trace of his body found. Sure, the so-called Oracles may have said the half-Brachen had found his redemption, but how could you really trust them? They worked for the Powers that Be! They all knew how tricky they could be… It's this train of thought that finally made her concede. Doyle's not just gone. He's dead…finally resting from the weight of the world that he always seemed to carry around, even though he wasn't the 'Chosen One' and even if he rarely showed it, hiding behind a façade of indifference, much like her own. His life had been ruined since he found out he was half-demon and then burdened with those painful visions…
"Kate? May I ask for another favor?"
"Of course Cordelia."
"Is there any way you can obtain a copy of his Bachelor's Degree and Teacher's Credential?" She bit her lower lip.
Kate thought about it for a bit. She was ready to deny her the opportunity to have something of Doyle's, but… Looking at the young woman again, she agreed. "I can't say it's going to be easy, but I'll do my best."
For the first time in a while, a genuine smile appeared.
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A couple of weeks go by and, little by little, Angel saw Cordelia get better.
She's chatting a bit more, went on a shopping spree last week (surprisingly, she bought him a shirt; in black, thankfully), berated Wesley when he did something idiotic (which is constant), and other little Cordy-like habits.
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Cordelia arrived home after another boring day of work. Dropping her things on the couch, she turned to look at her wall. She smiled.
Propped next to her burnt high school diploma were Doyle's farmed Bachelor's Degree and Credentials. Next to her picture was also a picture of Doyle that Harry managed to unearth.
R.I.P Allen Francis Doyle
AKA
Glenn Martin Christopher Francis Quinn
1970-2002
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Like many others, I was very late in the discovery of the untimely demise of Glenn Quinn. That has most to do with the fact that I never got to see the first season of Angel, until this year, to be perfectly frank. I loved the rest of the series, except for the whole Angel and Cordelia thing. I caught snippets of "Doyle," here and there, but didn't pay attention until I really sat down and started researching it. I, of course, fell hard for the Doyle and Cordelia couple.
For those of you who know my other work, you know how hard that was for me to write. Well, not as hard as I would have thought; I was in a REALLY morbid mood. However, I wanted to go back and change the ending, bring him back with no explanation whatsoever, and that just won't do.
Hopefully I'll be able to write an actual fic where Doyle either A) doesn't die or B) comes back to life somehow. Who knows? Maybe I'll just write one before he dies.
Until then!
I'd love to know what you all think!
Thanks for reading!
~*Eli