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So I have a new neighbour. And this new neighbour is my smoking hot (literally) crush from high school. Joy of all joys I am going to be living fifteen feet away from a man that I am intensely attracted to and stalked a little bit.
Of course he wasn't particularly aware of this, partly because I only ever made moony eyes at him from afar (by afar, of course, I mean two cafeteria tables across from his, or from behind the bookcase in the library etc, and yes I do realise that I sound like a creeper) and partly because he had no idea I existed. If I had ever doubted that before, I certainly do not doubt it any more. All those day-dreamy thoughts I used to have, wondering whether he ever noticed me semi-stalking him have been put to rest. He did not. Nope, he had no idea. Nada. Zilch. Nil. Zero. Nothing.
So this is what happened, when Mrs Robinson moved out she left me her mailbox key to give to the new tenant because she didn't trust the building supervisor, Mr Littman to pass on the mail to her, a valid concern considering that in the one year I had lived here he had only been seen once(although that may be because there's nothing that he ever needs to supervise, I mean really the building is in awesome shape when you think about all the shit it's been through). So when I came home to find boxes stacked outside the apartment while the door was slightly open and I heard someone talking I figured the new tenant had finally moved in and rang the bell. The door is answered by the one and only Warren Peace, brooding extraordinaire, resident bad boy,voted Most handsome and Most likely to become a supervillain in the yearbook, who stood there looking extremely disgruntled at the sight of a wide-eyed, gawking version of me.
He looks much more grown up now. I mean I know we're not in high school anymore and since he's an important journalist now he can't exactly go around with his hair long and loose with a red streak running through it (that's saved for his superhero persona), but the ponytail and slight scruff is unexpected and very much attractive.
"Um hi..." I said awkwardly while he continued to semi-glare at me. Then again if high school was anything to go by, he semi-glared at everyone except for his girlfriend whom I only ever referred to as The Icy One. "I'm your neighbour and the previous tenant left the mailbox key with me so..." I held the key out in front of me while my other hand continued to do its weird curling, flailing motion next to my thigh. I have never hated my nervous system more than I did in that instant.
Nothing has prepared me for this. At no possible time in my life so far did I anticipate that I would have to talk to him or any of my other crushes. But then again, the fact that all my other crushes were fictional characters probably had more to do with it.
Nevertheless, I did not think I'd have to interact with him and even if I did, this was not the kind of interaction I was thinking of.
He reached out to take it and acknowledged it with a polite quirk of the lips.
"I'm Warren."
I'm pretty darn sure that at moment I died from overexposure to sex appeal before being resurrected by it, it's the only logical explanation for the few seconds where my mind and body shut down.
"I'm Angelica. If any mail arrives for Mrs Robinson, could you please give it to me so I can pass it over? I live in 4B right across the hall." I said, surprisingly coherent considering the mush my brain had turned into. I had always known that my ability to pretend indifference to everything would come in useful one day.
"Sure."
Before I could do anything bad (like rape him) I mumbled a 'Thanks' and fled. I'd like to think it's because I have a moral compass and I know better than to put myself in a situation wherein I might sexually assault a person. Or it's because I'm a sexually frustrated wimp.
The latter is definitely more likely.
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Unfortunately I only remember now, hours later, that Mrs Robinson had said that the new tenants were a couple. If FaceBook is anything to go by, he is still in a relationship with 'The Icy One', who has a lot to learn about privacy settings. Of course, now that The Icy One and I are neighbours I should call her by her name and I might as well be the one who gets to teach her about cyber safety.
Excuse me while I mope.
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Of course by the time I had to share a space with him again I learnt that The Icy One was not in fact dating him anymore. In fact she was now residing in London and her relationship status read 'It's complicated'.
I shouldn't really be this happy I know. Not only for the normal reasons like the fact that wishing for what seemed to be a stable, happy relationship between two people who are nearly complete strangers to you to end is quite unhealthy, but for other reasons as well like it doesn't really do much for me. I mean seriously, what are the chances of me being the rebound for Peace? The neon boy who was part of their group would be more likely than I am.
The only thing different is that I'm now lusting for a guy who isn't taken and I feel less guilty about it. When we rode the elevator down to the lobby, all we managed was a polite smile before going our separate ways after all. But of course, the sheer excitement that I felt simply by being in an enclosed space as Warren fricking Peace is unrivalled by most instances of my life. It didn't show on my face in front of him, but by the time I pulled into the school's parking lot a creepy grin had formed on my face and most of my students asked me if I was feeling alright.
I really need to get laid.
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