-So, how do I look? – I asked her, nervous about my first job interview.
-You look like a boy in a suit – She answered with a beautiful, playful smile on her features.
-C'mon, I'm serious! You know how important this is for me; it's my big shot! – I whined like the boy she had just claimed me to be.
Her smile grew wider.
-You look handsome, baby.
-But do you think it's good enough for this occasion?
-Hum… Let's see – She analyzed me from head to toe, a thorough look on her face – The person who will interview you, it's going to be a woman, right?
-Yes.
-Then go change into jeans and a button up shirt, and go heavy on that beautiful boyish grin.
-Are you sure?
-Worked with me, didn't it? – She joked.
-But isn't that too casual?
She pondered for a second before turning on her heels so she was facing the kitchen counter. Opening a drawer, she retrieved a little gray velvet box from the inside. As she closed the distance between us, she retrieved a small, shiny object from the box.
Taking my left hand in hers, she slipped a thick golden ring on my third finger. It fitted perfectly, like it was made-to-measure.
-What is this? – I asked, looking at it.
-It's a wedding ring – She answered simply.
-Yeah, I figured that much. But… why?
-Well, it gives a good impression. Married says mature, stable and dependable; everything they want in a future employee.
-Yeah, only I'm not married – I stated dumbly.
-Then marry me, you silly!
-I can't believe you actually proposed to me… - I said.
-Well, it was taking you forever to do it! You know I've always been impatient.
-That's true… - I agreed, sitting across from her on the couch.
-That was a great day, wasn't it? You got the job, we celebrated… We were so happy…
-Yes… And then you left me.
The previous light mood suddenly left the room.
-C'mon, baby, don't do that – She pleaded in a soft voice.
-Do what? State the truth?
-Let's just not go there, please? We were doing fine just two minutes ago.
-I just can't understand… And I can't sit here and chat, pretending we are alright, that everything's okay. We both know it's not.
-I am not pretending anything. All I'm doing is trying to make it less…
-Dark? Sad? Real? – I asked with a bitter tone.
-Okay, say what you want, think what you want, but don't use that accusing tone on me. You know it's not my fault; I had no choice. If there's anyone pretending here, then it's you.
-Oh yes? And how's that?
-You know. And still you won't let me go.
There was a pause when we just stared at each other while exchanging meaningful looks.
-Does that mean you are… leaving? Again? – I asked dreadfully.
-I can't. Unless you want me to. Tell me to.
-I don't. I won't.
-That's what I thought… But you are aware that this is not quite… healthy, right? You should let me go for both of our sakes.
-There's no good coming out of your absence.
-That's not true, honey – She was back with that gentle, loving voice.
-Oh yes, it is. Seeing you is the only good part of my day, of my life…
-Oh, baby… This, what you're doing right here, this is not living. There's so much for you out there. You can be happy again, like you used to be. Just… without me.
-No, I can't. Having you here is the only thing that will make me happy. And that's why you can't leave me. Not again. You know what it did to me.
-Yes, I do. And that's why I came back: to get you better, to make you feel well enough to live without me.
-That's not possible.
-It is, baby. You still have friends and a family that love you very much and are surely missing you, since you've been shutting them out lately. You can have your job back with a phone call, or even get a new one, if that's what you want. Find a hobby, play your music! Oh, you are such a great musician, Edward. I used to love hearing you play the piano for me.
-I haven't touched it since the day you left. There's no point in playing if you're not here to listen.
-Then play for yourself, for the neighbors, for the dogs, birds and cats on the street! It have always been an escape for you, don't waste that.
-I don't think any of those… beings would be able to inspire me enough to the point of making me want to play again.
-You can find someone who does… - She suggested, but I didn't quite get what she meant by that.
-What?
-You can find someone who inspires you like I used to… - Her voice was cautious.
-What? I don't unders… - Then it hit me – Oh my God, Bella, tell me you are not suggesting I find someone… new – I said, disgusted with the mere idea of it.
-Yes, I am. You can love again, Edward. You are so young; life's not over just because we're not together anymore.
-Maybe, but I can't possibly give my heart to someone else. It's yours. Always have been, always will be.
She sighed, looking almost defeated, and I got a little more hopeful that that horrible conversation was reaching its end.
A moment of silence passed before she finally spoke again.
-I'm giving it back to you - She said, serious once again.
-What?
-Your heart. I'm giving it back to you.
I stared at her with pure disbelief.
-Well, don't. I don't want it. And if you don't want it either, that's just too bad. I guess I'll have to be heartless, then – I declared stubbornly – You know, Bella, all this time you've been trying to convince me that this, what you're doing, it's all about me, all about what's best for me. But you know what? I think you're the one who doesn't love me anymore, but you're feeling guilty about it, so you think you owe me this pitiful pep talk.
It was her turn to look shocked.
-That's really what you think? I can't believe you're doubting my love for you! And no, this has nothing to do with pity and it's not all about you. It's about us. It's about what's best for the both of us, and you know it. You're just too stubborn to admit it.
I remained silent because, deep inside, I knew she was nothing but right. But, by admitting it, I would be accepting the fact that I was losing her, and that, this time, she would probably not come back again.
In a blink of an eye, she was behind me, her arms crossed and resting on the top of the back of the couch, her head beside mine.
-You know I have to leave…
For a moment or two, I couldn't find the word or the voice to speak.
-I'm… I'm afraid – I confessed.
-Afraid of what, baby? You've always been so brave…
-I'm afraid of… forgetting… you… us…
-Oh sweetie, don't fear that – She asked in that sweet voice and then let out a heavy sigh, as if preparing herself for a long speech – Now listen closely to what I'll say: You were my first and only love, but I don't have to be your last. When the love is true and pure, all you want is for your significant other to be happy, with or without you. And that's what I want for you, baby. We both have to move on, but that doesn't mean we have to erase what we had from our history, from our memories. What we had was beautiful and epic, therefore unforgettable. When I'm gone, I want to be a good memory for you, not a bad, sad one. We were really happy, and that's how I want you to remember our time together. I know I will.
I closed my eyes and let the tears drop freely down my face.
-Wh-Where are you going? You know… when you leave – I could barely whisper the words.
-I don't know. I really don't. But I like to believe it'll be a nice place.
-I hope it will… You deserve the best.
-So do you… And I hope you'll get it. I want you to be happy again, and I want you to make an effort for it to happen. If not for yourself, do it for me… Promise me you'll try, Edward.
-I… - A lump formed in my throat, practically begging me not to say the words. But I had to… For her – I promise – I whispered so low, I was afraid she wouldn't listen.
-Thank you… - Her voice was small.
-I love you so much, Bella… - I let my head fall back on the couch, my eyes still closed, tears still falling relentlessly.
-I know, baby. And I love you just as much, believe me. I will always be with you, somehow. Keep that in mind and you'll be okay.
-I'll miss you like hell.
She giggled at my words.
-I'll miss you too… - Yet another sigh, now from the both of us, and I knew the moment I've been fearing and dreading was there – Now let go, love – She whispered right by my ear – Just let it go…
A split of a second, a single whoosh of air, and when I opened my eyes, she wasn't behind me anymore. She wasn't there at all. She was… gone. Just dead and gone.