Charles hated the memory of that afternoon. He came down the stairs and headed towards her pantry he paused outside the door to watch her as she worked at her desk calculating something or another. He sighed to himself; he had planned to speak with her that very evening about retirement. About doing so together, he thought he may very well have been bold enough to have asked for her hand and finally admit he had admired her for so long. But that opportunity was no longer. Charles knocked lightly on the door frame and she raised her gaze to meet his.
"Hello, what can I help you with this afternoon Mr. Carson?"
Best just be out with it. Charles thought. "I just spoke with his Lordship and I will be traveling with him to America, Her Ladyships brother seems to have gotten himself into some kind of debt and His Lordship has to go bail him out, we leave at sunrise." His shoulders sagged and he met her eyes again to read her response. She looked up at him from her desk and he began to explain to her that he was going to America with Lord Grantham She remained silent, as her face fell, shocked by what he had said.
Quietly, as she did not trust herself to speak, she asked "Why must it be you?" She had tears in her eyes but was fighting to hold them back.
"With Anna's condition being as it is His Lordship thought it best that Bates stay and be present for the birth. His Lordship stated that Mr. Barrow was out of the question and Mr. Mosley is helping his father and won't be returning to the Abbey for another week that leaves me as the last option." Charles sighed, he did not want to go. Charles took a deep breath to steady himself and began Mrs. Hughes, I wanted to .."
At the same time Charles began to speak Elsie pushed herself up from her seat with a heavy sigh "Well that is that then!" Elsie said still fighting the tears. "Have a safe journey; we will be just fine here as always." She pushed past him and headed up the stairs towards her room. She was tired; both physically and mentally. She had hoped that after the talk they had the previous evening Charles would soon come to her with a proposal for retirement or even marriage. But that was just silly fantasy and now she felt a fool for believing he wanted leave with her. He was clearly not as ready to retire as he had led her to believe last night. "A trip to America indeed!" She muttered as she slammed the door to her bedroom and it echoed through the house.
Charles was distraught he wanted to call out to her finish telling her what he had to say before he left the house, left her, for months. By the time he had gained composure she had disappeared behind the door at the top of the stairs. He had heard the faint slam of her bedroom door seconds later. His heart ached to go to her to explain that he did not want to go on this trip, to show her his plans, he had wanted to spend the next months searching for a place to retire with her, and he had even already selected a few places for them to look at together on their next half day. To Charles extreme disappointment Mrs. Hughes did not come down to supper that evening.
Charles saw that Mrs. Patmore was preparing a dinner tray to be taken to Mrs. Hughes. He quickly slipped outside and Cut the most perfect rose from the bush. He scribbled onto a sheet of paper:
I am sorry, I would stay but if I could, Pleasant dreams.
Charles rushed out just as Daisy was headed up with the tray, propriety be damned he thought as he called out for her to stop. Charles placed the rose and the slip of paper on the tray and returned Daisy's smile with a sad half smile of his own. "I hope this helps." He muttered as he turned back toward his pantry. Charles stayed up most of the night writing to Mrs. Hughes. Trying to get down on paper exactly what he wanted to say to her.
He fell asleep at his desk. Waking just before dawn with enough time to change and pack quickly. He heard Mrs. Hughes leave her room while he was packing and he quickly slipped next door to her room pausing as he entered. He had never been inside her room. He took a deep breath; it smelled like her. He quickly looked around for the best place to leave his letter. He spotted the rose he had sent up to her on the bedside table he smiled. Charles knew leaving the letter on her pillow was a little risqué. He shouldn't be in her room let alone near to her bed. But with the months that were going to pass between them and the next time they talked he did not want her to doubt that he meant every word he had written. Charles held small box, inside was the ring he had meant to give her last night he placed it on the pillow next to the letter but he thought again and picked it back up before leaving her room. Charles did not have time to dally the sun was rising and he and his lordship needed to be on the first train. He quickly grabbed his suitcase and went in search of Mrs. Hughes.
"Aye you better get upstairs his lordship has been looking for you for ten minutes now." Mrs. Patmore said shoving a breakfast sandwich into his hands.
"Where is she." He asked looking around panicked.
"Elsie too has been looking for you but after his lordship called for you with no answer she thought it best that she go help him with the final preparations they are all out on the drive." Mrs. Patmore finished as Charles rushed out the door.
There she was standing right next to his lordship and her ladyship had woken as well to see them off. How was he going to get a private word with her? Charles was distraught. He wasn't! Oh he should have just left the ring up in her room along with the letter, now she will have to wait months wondering what exactly his letter had meant! Oh this was not how he planned it at all. Charles composed himself as he approached the small group. " I apologize" he said lifting the bags into the trunk.
"Very well let's be off then" Lord Grantham said turning to her ladyship for a final goodbye.
Mrs. Hughes held out the small book she was holding to Mr. Carson. "I am sorry we didn't have any more time this morning, I thought it might be nice if you kept a journal of sorts to share with me when you return. Being that post will be so slow." She smiled up at him placing on top of the notebook a thick envelope with: Charles written across the front. "For you to read on you long journey" She whispered leaning in close. She wanted to much reach out and kiss him.
Charles placed his hands over hers, Slipping the box into the palm of her hand, begging her with his eyes to understand. As he accepted the gifts he leaned in as close as he dared and whispered. "When I return to you I will ask you properly." He didn't break eye contact with her but stepped back toward the car as his lordship called out to him. "Stay well, Mrs. Hughes." Charles called out as he ducked into the front seat of the car.
Elsie quickly slipped the box into her pocket and turned to her ladyship. "Well Mrs. Hughes. What shall we girls get up to in these next days?"
Mrs. Hughes smiled back saying. "We shall see. Is there anything I can get for you now?"
"No, that will be all. Do run along and see what is in that box that Mr. Carson so sweetly slipped to you while he thought I wasn't looking." Cora smiled sweetly and turned to return to the house.
Elsie patted her pocket and rushed toward her pantry.