"For The First Time"
-5986-
First, it's almost midnight and despite your day shift you have to work at the bar.
You have no choice. It's raining cats and dogs out there. It's been like that for three days now. You were fortunate enough that you still lasted for three days with your old Corolla to drive here.
Bad luck would have it, the waters rose thanks to the poor drainage system (damn them bastards- you weren't much a Nature lover but you're not an idiot either to know trash equals one helluva headache) with the lack of a wall clock slows you down a little bit. The sky was unreliable to tell the time today. So you work and work without knowing that your shift ended eight hours ago.
Your common sense tells you cursing won't help the situation right now. Your cheapskate car's probably swept away by the current.
The light's still working though. It's a good thing your boss decided to buy a mini-generator just a week ago.
The harsh weather still didn't drench the spirit of your customers though. Some lasted an hour or two but most were smart enough to leave once the rain fell in pitter-patters a moment or two.
But there was one guy in the far corner who didn't leave. He was here since five o'clock, damning the rain and the time and whatever else to damn. His suit was sopping wet and you were actually kind enough to hang it out in the fan to dry. He ordered water (imagine that- water in a fuckin' bar!) and smokes. He paid extra for the smokes and was off sorting some papers he brought from his attaché case.
When all the old timers had left, you got the chance to examine the man closer. He often blew long puffs as he began to sign or whatever he's supposed to do with the papers. You saw a crest with a bullet in the middle that you easily recognize. He crosses his legs then and again as he sips the water. His left hand taps the table impatiently whenever he finishes one page of the stack he was signing.
Eight o' clock passes by (your fellow barman lets you borrow his battered and aging pocketwatch before braving the flood from the back door) when he finally removes his fedora and you finally catch a look at his sour-looking appearance.
His flyaway silver hair seemed to twitch with every frown from his thin lips. His jade irides were aflame with every scratch of his pen. His semi-thick eyebrows try crossing hairs as they furrow as he drinks.
He drank about five jugs of water as he stayed. And never once did he go to the bathroom.
You wonder if you actually saw the arms of the top Mafia famiglia in the papers. Hell, you even imagined a gun in his pant pockets. Paranoia's seeping in. The more men leaving, the more you want to call 911.
But he doesn't do anything anyway. He just sits and does his papers and drinks and smokes. You'd want him to leave but hey, you're stranded here yourself and you let your sense of duty get the better of you and you serve more water and let him even take a bite off your pita bread.
"Goddammit," he sighs as he drops his forty-first cigar. "Say you, what time is it?"
Shaking slightly, you tell him.
"Fuck, she's late. She told me to wait here at seven damn her…"
You wonder why he even went at such an early hour and then complain. Guy must be nuts.
"Well it's flooding outside. Your girl might not have made it."
"Tch. She'll come," he dismisses folding his papers. For a guy like him, you secretly laud how he easily cleans up the big stack of papers (you guess it's about four hundred pages) and then puts them inside the briefcase with not much of a page out of place. "'Twas her to tell me to come here. She'd come."
You smile. It cheers you up a little- those words of assurance.
"You've been here since I came here. Don't you want to go home?"
"I told you already there's a flood-"
"Am sure that flood won't as hell be much of a problem if you wanna go home. I checked at the window and the water's just from the knee up. I'm sure you'd be able to take that, with that height of yours."
"You're my customer-"
"Tch. I fucking forgot. We'll just have a few drinks and we'll be out in a jiff. You don't have to worry, man. He then unfolds the left cuff of his red polo. His Rolex seems to taunt you as he exhales some smoke.
"A-about your girl signore- is she-"
"Nah," he waves off. "Not my girl. Just an acquaintance." His tone was tender and wounded. "I haven't talked to her in awhile. We're meeting for the first time in seven years."
You look at him. His head suddenly loses its pomp and grit. His frown slackens and he butts the cigarette all to soon. His arms give way to the glass of the table.
"Took damn long for us to get the time we wanted. Wonder what she'd say about her life right now. She'd probably brag. That's how she'd always it. She'd have that stupid gloating face of hers with her foot on the table and screaming 'I'm the best' and shit. She was always like that then…"
"You'd still listen to her?"
"Maybe. She'd ask about my life, maybe. Wonder how we're doing and if I'm going nowhere and all the other crap I got myself into."
You pour him a glass.
"Can you add Scotch with this?" he asks wearily. "She'd want that. This was the only booze I introduced her. She didn't like dope. But she sure as hell loved drinking."
You nod and went back to the counter. The bottle was there beside the white wine. You prepare the drink and return to his table. He didn't mumble as he drank. He stood there with his posture straight and his hands still folded at the table.
"She'd beat me in our drinking sessions. And I'm sure she's strong. I mean, she'd carry me when I'm sober. Bitch she was, but she was pretty responsible with stuff like that. She'd help me with my homework in high school, and the compensation was listening to her talk about the Tenth for an hour and a half on going home…"
He takes a long draught. You watch and pour him another glass.
"She was freaking obsessed with the Tenth. Damn, it's a good thing I didn't stoop that low to even go to his house and proclaim myself as his wife. Stupid bitch… but then again, she was fourteen. It practically wore off when he began dating Sasagawa and eventually marrying her when they were twenty. She cried inside my apartment then when she found out their wedding ring and began cursing her fate. Women like fancying their life with fate, ha."
His eyes indolently stare at the glass as he shakes the contents with care. You still wonder who was this Tenth he was saying.
"Well she became saner thanks to that. She'd be more obsessed with gymnastics and cosplaying. She and I often talked about the future. Y'know, if we'd let that override our present. We wanted to speed things up. Dreams can inspire or destroy you. It just made us drift apart in the end. She went to college, I went with the Tenth, and the rest is history."
He sighs. The door tinkles open and you stare. Your jaw drops.
It was a good thing her rubber boots reached her thighs, otherwise she would have been sopping wet. She takes off her black raincoat, revealing a sleeveless peach dress with a generous bust peeking through her white-laced bra. (You hit yourself for even noticing that). Her hair reminded you of that Egyptian queen you forgot the name of (you weren't that good at remembering complicated names anyway) with its shortness and class.
She was beautiful, and you remember her name. Miura Haru, a Japanese actress that rose through the ranks three years ago as a supporting character in the hit 'Chasing Tunas' and won an Oscar. Just by that she was able to become a female lead in films like 'Reborn!','Monster Tamer Tsuni', Cherry Blossom Desires', 'The Pineapple and I', and 'The Prefect and the Herbivore', each garnering her a best actress nomination. She was also a good talk show host, with a reality show named 'Haru-Haru Love~'. You try not to look too star-struck as she smiles at you. Sure her star was still rising and getting brighter with every twinkle.
"Gokudera!" she squeals happily as she totters to the empty seat opposite the man. He closes his eyes and sips at his glass, completely ignoring her. "It's been a long time! How are you? I'm sorry for being so late. It's my manager's fault. I had to make her drunk so she'd stop following me. It worked, somehow. I'm here. Yay!"
You nearly fall for their skit going on. J-just what is going on? H-how come this man know Miura Haru?
"You… haven't changed at all," he says in monotone as his eyes simply follow the liquid swirling in his glass.
"Eh? But I did, a little. Come on you must've noticed! I have different hair now, and I'm wearing less make up compared to before. I looked at the pictures we had, and my gad- I looked like a Kabuki actor man! Plus- I'm so tall now. Look, no heels!"
"You didn't understand me," he sips some more. "It's your damn character, not your looks."
"Oh is that Scotch? Super! Waiter, can I have a glass please?"
Hastily, you give her one. (You took one from the counter earlier while they were talking while not making it too suspicious.) You continue staring at her wide simper and how she'd still come across like a teenage girl when she's already twenty-four. She acted and sounded so easy to read.
"Thank you my good man! See Gokudera? I'm so good at English now."
He ignores her finger poking at his shoulder and simply drinks more wine. Deep in your mind, you wonder why she'd say that in English when she's been conversing in Italian. Come to think of it, you wonder why the hell she's not even speaking in Japanese. Did she realize it?
She cheerfully uncorks the bottle and begins pouring herself a generous amount.
"You're so… tall now Gokudera. And you look awfully different compared back then. But your expression's still the same," she giggles. "Oh man, ditch the bad boy image already! It won't help you get a wife."
"Don't judge my looks, you hag."
"I'm serious here!" she wails. "Look at yourself! Your coat's stained and you smell funky. Disgusting for a Right Hand man."
"Don't judge me," he said flatly before drinking another glass again. "Let's just cut to the chase. I have a busy schedule and I waited for you for seven hours. I just missed my flight to France to settle some shit. Give me a reason why I didn't waste my time for nothing."
"Oh, dammit!" she takes out her beeping phone and presses on it hard before throwing it back to her bag. "I already told them I have an appointment today! God, why don't they stop pestering me for once? I already told them they should wait for me at the hotel." She bangs her head hard on the table. The glasses clink a little. "What did you say again Gokudera-kun?" she moaned as she lies face-down.
"I'm asking why I should be here," he sighs exasperatingly.
Her head perks up. She grins. "Because we'd finally be able to meet. And it's the only time that I won't have a fully-packed sched."
"Damn woman, and you chose the wrong time too. I only listened to your pestering since I thought you'd be able to keep your promise this time."
You guffaw as you polish the bottles.
"Well I'm finally here. What should we talk about?"
"You should be starting the conversation first you idiot!"
"Fine."
"Know what, I've been wanting to ask you at what's happening to your side of the world. How's Namimori? I haven't been able to visit with the shit the family's going through right now."
"I don't… dude, I've been living in Tokyo since my college days! I haven't been able to go back with all the shootings I had to do…"
"You're kidding me. You live in Japan, goddammit! Don't you really have time to even spend a freakin' day there?"
"Look who's talking. Why can't you even visit when you have your own private jet?"
"H-how did-"
"Lucky guess~" she sticks her tongue out. Gokudera's hands curl into fists as he straightens up. Both eyes seemed to emit sparks as they stare into each other, with no intention of chickening out.
"Fuel's expensive," Gokudera fires back.
"With the money you guys get, I doubt it."
He growls and drinks, speechless. Smugly, Haru folded her arms in victory.
"If this is all you want to talk about, I'm out," he declares finally and stood up with his briefcase with his right hand.
"Oh my god, stop being a wuss. You've always been like this with me. It's not fun anymore."
"What? You want a hitting match instead? I'll be more than happy to oblige if you weren't a girl. You're not like the baseball freak," he said testily as he sat back down, now crossing his legs. "And besides," his eyes narrowed and his frown deepened when he grabbed the bottle to pour himself a glass. "I'm sure you had enough of my beatings from seven years ago."
She simpers. "Nah, it wasn't your fault. I was too immature then. If I were you I would've pounded myself too, haha."
He looks at her again. She drinks the glass quietly with her pinky sticking out, which you find a little laughable. Her other hand was on her lap and her feet were planted to the floor. Every inch of a lady seemed to emanate and you wonder why you haven't lauded her till now. She had drunk at least five glasses. Hm. Probably the more she drinks the saner she becomes.
"You even went as far as to go rent an apartment for me and pay for the bill when we went to Tokyo. I should've appreciated that more if you didn't bring a woman in our flat!"
"Do you hate me for that?"
"Now only a little bit. Don't stress yourself out haha. That was a long time ago. We were young then. And my studies hampered our times together. You must've felt lonely. I haven't been able to come home many times due to the school workload."
She closes her eyes and exhales heavily.
"I nearly kicked you out then, right? God, I nearly killed the bitch when I had the umbrella, haha."
"And I was the one to pay for her hospital bill."
"It was your fault in the first place Gokudera-kun. Anyway, move on!"
He chortles. It surprises you that you hear that kind of sound from this man. Well, he's still human. He can be prone to cracking up sooner or later.
"I remember the time when we first came to Tokyo. It took us a week to find a decent apartment. Then when our money ran out we slept on the park benches, and on a cold winter's night! I wonder how we survived…"
"You took my coat then, stupid hag."
"Haha, sorry. Well you took my hat then too!"
"You took my boots and wore it with yours."
"F-Fine, you win this round."
He smirks as he downs another glass.
"Do you still remember how you confessed to me?"
"Shut up, Gokudera! Lalalala-"
"The Baba Yaga Costume?" he says gleefully.
"It was Halloween man! And it was a family affair and I had nothing else to wear!"
"And you had to swoop down only to fall on the branches-"
"I didn't judge the distance! And Tsuna didn't turn on the lights at his house-"
"Then your nose fell off-"
"Fuck man it's not even my real nose!"
"And you were crying like a sissy because you didn't know how to climb down-"
"Well you caught me right?"
"It was because you just wouldn't shut up!" he snaps. "And that stupid cow was teasing me."
"You caught me," she repeats with a malicious grin.
"So?"
"And I confessed."
"Amusing too, since your face was melting-"
"But you still accepted."
"Everyone was watching and you were crying!"
"That justifies you caring about me!" she laughs.
"Damn, I'm leaving. You're just wasting my time."
"Oooh, Gokudera's going to leave because he lost again! What a pussy!" she catcalls. "Don't tell me that even now you still do!"
"Of course I don't." She stares as he says those words. He mindlessly raises his attaché case to his chair as he straightens his tie. "Later," he raises his hand as he walks to the door.
"Ouch." A tear comes out of her eye as he says those words. She wipes it off hastily. Her hands quiver as they let go of the glass. It shatters to the floor. Instantly you run to her aid with your broom and gloves in hand to clean the mess. "Well, I care Gokudera-kun. Even now I still do."
"Too bad," he dismisses as he opens the door.
"Don't leave."
Her words seem to reverberate inside the dingy room. You look up, your mouth hanging open as she grabs the hem of his coat. Her head hangs low, and small droplets fall from her cringing eyelids.
"If you're gonna leave, then take me with you this time. I'm leaving the spotlight. I intended to tell you. I just- dammit I'm really an idiot. I thought that becoming a star- working hard to see the limelight would be enough for me to not look back. After five years… it just couldn't work out. I'm still in love with the bad boy no matter how hard I try to forget."
"You really are an idiot," he sighs amidst the torrents of the rain from outside. The door closes and he returns back to his seat. You and Haru remain rooted on the spot, stunned as he takes off his coat and puts his case down. He sits and pours two glasses of Scotch. "Hey, give us another bottle. Make it two." You quickly clean the broken glass and shuffle obediently to the counter. She stares at him, still dumbfounded.
"You can take the empty seat," he calls out from behind.
She nods dumbly and quietly sits down.
"Want a glass?" he offers. You nearly drop the bottle. How come this bastard became nice all of a sudden?
"Why didn't you leave?" she whispers.
"I can't let you give up on your dreams," Gokudera answers.
"D-Did I just hear you right?"
"Damn right you did," he takes a long draught from the glass. "I don't want to be the same reason why you gave up on the rocket scientist thing-"
"I-I don't blame you. I dropped out of college because my grades were suffering-"
"Since I left."
"I was confused."
"You were blinded by this stupid notion called 'love'."
"I've never felt so sound since Tsuna rejected me!"
"And still you went to acting without my blessing-"
"I wanted to forget, remember? I couldn't. That's why I want to talk to you. I want to join-"
"Don't," he said firmly. "Don't. It will ruin your life. Your family-"
"Mom had a heart attack when she found out I dropped out and dad disowned me, can you believe that? That's a reason why I can't return to Namimori. You guys, even Kyoko, are settled in Italy. I've got nothing to come back to there."
"You can die-"
"All the better, because I'll be dying for your sakes."
"You won't be able to become an actress or a rocket scientist again-"
"Those were childish whims, Gokudera! When I've finally come up the steps, it was really difficult to aim for. And what's the point if I even achieve them? Fame? Fortune? What's the point if I'm able to celebrate it without you guys?"
Gokudera was struck dumb again.
To think- to think this girl-
"Why don't you want me to join?" she demands, forcefully landing a fist on the table. "Tell me, what have I got to lose?"
"Yourself," Gokudera answered quietly. "Your original goals, your soul, your very essence… once you join us even friendship won't help enduring the suffering you're going through."
Now it was Haru's turn to be silent. She looks at him again, listening to his words.
"I don't want you to lose the things I threw away. You know, my times back at Namimori were the best ones I had in my life so far," he admitted, now cracking a smile. "Going to school, chatting with you and the rest, going to the amusement park… God, I'll do anything to make my life carefree again. And our bond as friends was really strong compared to now."
She didn't interrupt. She drank though. Gokudera seems to struggle as he ties up words from the emotions he must have bottled up all this time.
"The Tenth… and I don't seem to agree on terms anymore. I guess it's because I've become too cynical about his actions. I never thought that I'd realize he'd be prone to mistakes. When we didn't take this guy's life, he'd just come back to be a pain in the ass.
"The guardians also had a row. The rings had, according to the Tenth given us too much trouble. He wanted the rings destroyed, can you believe that? I didn't agree. Even I was surprised I sided along with Hibari and that pineapple bastard to keep the rings. But in the end, the other side was composed of the Tenth, the stupid cow, the lawn head and that stupid baseball freak. We had no choice but to agree, but I still harbor doubts.
"Then there's this stupid Irie Shouichi who I don't fucking trust. He keeps having private meetings with the Tenth along with Hibari. I don't trust him. I tell the Tenth but he doesn't listen. He also comes up to Hibari more for advice, I wonder now even if I deserve to be a Right Hand man. Now I'm just a figurehead and get sent to these stupid negotiation talks. It's not my style.
"And now there's this war with a family with rings from the Trinisette. They're really powerful, and with the state the family's in, with all the betrayal bullshit going on, I doubt we'll be able to hang on much longer. I'm sure when they win, they'd completely wipe us out. I don't want you to join now when you still haven't achieved something in your life list."
"Well I've already achieved something- people who actually care about me," she says.
"It's something that anyone-"
"You're wrong Gokudera. It's never easy to have people who you love and love you in return. I still remember the messed up life you had before joining Tsuna."
"True but-"
"I know, I know, you care about me too much to let me watch on the sidelines while you guys fight on. You're just as stubborn as I am," she shrugs.
Gokudera twitches. "Yeah, maybe we're alike. Somehow."
"You regret it, don't you? Joining?"
"When I left you, I did. Maybe."
"Haha, then I guess that's my goal for now. I just have to build a family, a home and a life that's befitting of a normal person like me. For your sake," she raises up her glass in salute.
He smiles. "I'd actually want that."
"And then see me rise at the top of the world?"
"I'd rather laugh at seeing you fall."
"I'll just take that as an obstacle I have to run over. Yeah, I'm getting all fired up!"
Gokudera snorts and sips the remaining contents of his glass. "It's annoying how you still have the same vibe even after all this years. I'm not used to it."
"You too. I mean, you don't hit me like before you know. We don't shout at each other anyway, that's a plus. It's like we're… we're meeting each other for the first time all over again."
"Hn." The bottle was empty as he tries to pour more Scotch. She uncorks the other one. You look on, afraid of ruining their moment.
"Can't we… then start all over again?"
"If we do, then one of us would be sacrificing his dreams for the sake of the other's."
"You care about mine that much, don't you?"
"Nah. I just don't want to give up on mine. I want our family to be the strongest one that ever existed."
"Such a high wall you want to scale on, my friend." Her eyes were half closed now and her voice was tipsy as she put the drinking vessel to her lips.
"Life was never easy," he sighs.
She drinks slowly, the glass a kaleidoscope of colors in the light. You look out at the window. The storm outside was still ongoing, but not dampening the warmth inside the very room.
She lowers her glass. It was half-empty.
"It's really good. I haven't tasted this stuff in awhile," she smiled feebly. She reclines to her seat and stares at the bottle of scotch. "It tastes really good."
He nods with a warm smile. Once again he pours himself a glass.
"I guess another hour with you won't hurt."
With all the sham, drudgery
and broken dreams,
It is still a beautiful world.
~Desiderata
Finally a canon setting! Dedicated to Aviann who likes straight 5986.
For The First Time- Boyce Avenue cover (orig. sung by The Script)