Have you ever felt shame so hot that it burned your insides? And yet so cold, that it sat in the pit of your stomach. It stings at you. Or maybe it's the tears that are dropping from your eyes, hanging onto the eye lashes until they fall and hit your nose.
That's how Naruto felt right at this moment.
"Naruto, your rent was due a week ago, I need it tomorrow" The landlady explained patiently.
Naruto figted, pulling at the thread of his sweater sleeve.
"See, I start my new job tomorrow, and I don't get paid until Friday, See? So I um, I need a few more days" Naruto crossed and uncrossed his legs three times and then stood.
The woman watched him, eyes unsympathetic.
"You said that last week Naruto" The woman said, standing too, "I need the money by tomorrow, Noon, or I'll have to put you out".
The sentence sounded absolute as the thud of the door closing.
Naruto began biting his finger nails off, spitting them on the ground.
"Shit" he muttered.
"Big brother said a bad word" chimed a gentle voice.
Naruto looked up and smiled at the scene. A sleepy seven year old girl stood in the doorway of the bedroom, rubbing at her eyes. The over-sized t-shirt that served as pajamas swallowed her body.
"Sometimes big brothers say those things, Ino" Naruto explained still chewing his nails.
She paused her eye rubbing, tilting her head to the side, thinking about the explanation. She then nodded accepting the answer.
"I'm hungry" Ino said stepping more into the living room.
Naruto crossed over into the kitchenette, opening the refrigerator, and then shutting it, opened two cabinets, until he found a box of crackers, a bottle of ketchup, and a container of salt. He walked over to the rickety table and shifted the dirty plates over to one side. He sat the items down on the table then gestured to Ino.
"Breakfast"
"Breakfast?" Ino questioned wrinkling her nose.
He opened the box of crackers, pulling out a saltine pouring some ketchup over it then salted it slightly. Naruto looked at Ino and slowly put the cracker into his mouth.
"See, its good" He said as he chewed.
Ino slowly walked over to the table and sat in the only chair. She made her ketchup and cracker meal. She slowly ate the first one, sucking the ketchup off her fingers.
"Good right?" Naruto asked, his eyes silently begging her not to complain.
"Yeah" Ino agreed, stuffing a cracker into her mouth.
"Hey big brother?" Ino said after a few minutes of silence, she looked up to see Naruto picking scabs off his arms. His head snapped up.
"What day is it?" Ino asked.
Naruto searched his memory.
"Uh, Wednesday I think" He muttered, unsure.
Ino waited a minute for him to make the connection, and then sighed when he did not.
"I have to go to school" Ino said, happy for the prospect of a real meal.
At nearly the same time the both looked at the glowing letters on the stove. 10:55. For Naruto the numbers seemed to shift, mocking his forgetfulness.
"Oh" Naruto blinked a few times to stop from crying, "Sorry Ino, I-I forgot"
"Its okay big brother, I think I had a test today anyways" Ino said smiling, eating more crackers. But her voice betrayed her breaking, and her hand shook slightly as she put the cracker to her mouth.
"God damn it!" he yelled, and swiped the dishes off the table. Ino looked up frightened at the outburst. There was a moment of tension, and Ino stood up to go to the bathroom.
"No!" Naruto yelled, and Ino froze, "Sit back down-"His voiced lowered, "There's glass on the floor".
Ino did as she was told and Naruto picked up the shards of plates and put them in the sink. He turned on the faucet, forgetting for a moment that they were broken. When no water came out the faucet, Naruto stood there.
"I um, I think the water is broken" Naruto said slowly, he nodded to his self, "Yeah um, it's broken" he thought back to Tuesday when he received a shut off notice for the water.
"Little sister, go comb your hair and put on some clothes, and put some clean ones in your book bag" Naruto commanded softly.
"Where are we going?" Ino asked.
"To McDonalds"
Ino perked up, "Can I get a Happy Meal?"
"um, sure, just go get your stuff" Naruto said distractedly.
As Ino bounced back into the bedroom, Naruto went over and laid down on the couch. He put his arm over his eyes and breathed in and out slowly, and mapped out his day.
He'd take Ino to McDonalds to get washed up.
Then leave her at the park for a few hours- no it was school time. People would wonder why a perfectly healthy seven year old wasn't in school.
He bit his lip. He'd leave Ino at home for a few hours, just until he got some cash.
Then he'd pay the rent with that money.
Go shopping for some real food.
Pay the water company.
And buy an alarm clock.
Naruto stayed laying down until Ino gently shook him.
"Are we still going?" Ino asked.
"Yeah" Naruto said sitting up, looking Ino over. She had pulled her now smooth (if not a bit greasy) hair into a pony-tail, and had pulled on her back pack. He surveyed her clothing, baggy shorts and shirt with slightly too big sandals.
"Won't you be cold?" Naruto said concerned.
"Its hot today big brother" Ino pointed out, looking at Naruto in his sweater.
"Oh, um yeah" Naruto said standing; he scratched his neck furiously for a few moments, then grabbed his keys and walked out of the door with Ino.
It was a short walk to the local McDonalds, only a few blocks. When they entered the establishment the woman manning the counter gave them a suspicious look.
Naruto gave her a wide smile.
"My sister has to use the bathroom" he explained as he pushed a curious looking Ino towards the bathroom. When they got to the door Naruto took her gently by the shoulders.
"Ino go wash up" Naruto said.
"In there? They don't have a tub" Ino told him, her eyes wide, naive and Naruto could not stand to look in them.
"Use the paper towel and soap to wash yourself. Twice. Wash your hair too" Naruto explained.
"O-okay" she said and entered the bathroom.
"Hurry up" Naruto called as she closed the door. When he heard the click of the lock and the running of water, he went and slid into a booth. He his head down and gritted his teeth. Ino didn't deserve to live like this. He did, maybe, but the blonde haired, blue eyed seven year old did not.
His thoughts were a whirlwind and he began biting his fingernails until they bled.
"Naruto" Ino called as she walked towards the booth. He looked at her faded pink shirt and some more baggy shorts; damp hair pulled into a pony tail and nodded. She stood in front of the booth for a moment.
"Can I still get the happy meal?" Ino asked.
"Um" Naruto pulled some change out of his pocket and counted it. One dollar and fifty eight cents. Not enough for a happy meal.
"How about an Ice cream instead?" Naruto said smiling.
"Ice cream? Oh yes please" Ino said excitedly. Naruto poured the money into her hand and told her to get her ice cream and two cups waters.
Waters were free.
As Ino walked to the counter to order, Naruto went to the bathroom to wash up.
He walked into the bathroom, locking it behind him. He glared at the image in the mirror. Greasy blond hair hung limp, blue eyes dull outlined by dark circles. He looked a mess. He slashed some water onto his face; Naruto stuck his head under the faucet. Pumping soap into his hand he shampooed it into his hair. Rinsing it out he dried it out with paper towel.
He didn't bother to look in the mirror again and exited the bathroom, to find Ino eating. A bright red box with a yellow smile on it sitting in front of her.
"A lady bought it for me" Ino explained dipping a nugget in the brown barbeque sauce.
Naruto bit down on his tongue. He hated charity.
"Hurry up" Naruto urged.
She nodded and pushed the box towards him, along with the cup of water.
"You can have the fries, big brother" Ino smiled.
"No," Naruto said pushing the box back, "I'll eat later" He started to sip the water slowly though.
Ino began to eat her food again.
Hunger gnawed at Naruto's stomach.
Another ache lay underneath it, one that unlike hunger. He could not-would not ignore.
Only a few more hours, then he'd be fine.
A
Few
More
Hours
It seemed like an eternity.
By the time Ino had finished her meal, Naruto was biting the inside of his cheek. His was Leg bouncing up and down silently under the table.
After Ino had thrown away her meal and had taken a bathroom break. A thank-you to the woman at the counter they were gone.
"Ino" Naruto said on the walk home, only a few more steps from the small apartment that they called home.
"Yes big brother" Ino replied, looking up into his blue eyes.
"I'm gonna need you to stay home," Naruto paused looking away, "So that I can go grocery shopping" He explained.
"Okay! I can play outside until you come home" Ino said excitedly.
"No, you have to stay inside until I get home, it's dangerous to be outside alone" Naruto mumbled. His throat itched, and he swallowed a few times.
"Okay' Ino said less enthused.
Naruto inched his keys out of his jean pocket and unlocked the door. He allowed Ino to enter first, closing the door after himself.
"If you hear someone at the door, go hide in the closet, okay? When I say 'little sister, come out' then you can come out. If not, stay there until I come and say the phrase." Naruto words rushed out, hurried.
Ino nodded, her eyes assessing him.
Naruto opened the door, after a "Lock the door behind me" He was gone.
Naruto walked at a fast pace. Chewing his lip, he thought of how he could get the money.
Robbery was the first thing that popped into his head, but it was the middle of the day. He'd get caught for sure.
Prostitution was next. Again it was the middle of the day. But Naruto knew a dingy little motel that catered to gays looking for sex. He was sure that he could pick up a few guys.
Twenty five dollars each.
The rent was two hundred and twenty-nine dollars; the water bill was one hundred and twenty-three dollars, about a hundred for groceries. Ten bucks for a cheap alarm clock.
Too many dicks to count.
Maybe he should charge thirty.
His hands began to shake when he made it to the motel. Within twenty minutes a man approached him. Naruto gave him the price, the man agreed. They paid for the room.
"Two hours" the man said.
Naruto knew that they would be done before that.
They entered the room, the man sat on the bed.
Naruto took care of him.
Later after Naruto had collected his money, and washed the cum out of his mouth and out of him. He wondered how much more money he need to pay the rent.
Lie.
He wondered how much crack he could sniff without over dosing.
Naruto walked out of the motel, around the corner to wear his supplier usually was. He accepted the little white baggy, for his soul, his pride, his sister, and his life. He really didn't care.
Walking slowly back to the motel where he had thirty more minutes on the room.
He sat on the bed and dragged the in table closer to him, setting the lamp on the floor. He poured the white powder onto the table. Using one of his last dollars he out the coke into one long white line. He then rolled the dollar up and inhaled.
All his worries faded away. The itching in this throat stopped. The ache in his stomach lessened. He was calm. All better.
There was a knock at the door, and a man yelled that he had ten minutes left on the room. Naruto could have sworn that he had only been in the room for a few minutes. He slowly got to his feet, wiped his nose to get rid of the white residue. He left the room leaving the clear baggie and rolled up bill behind. He staggered out of the hotel, seeing double and bumping into people on the street. Naruto stopped and sat on the curb of the sidewalk when he began to feel woozy. He gave a smile to the young woman who stood in front of him, asking him if he was okay.
"Yeah" He slurred just as he fell back onto the curb, his skull splitting with a sickening crack.
A/N: My first Naruto story. Reviews are welcomed and appreciated.