Chapter 1
Imagine being stuck all alone, totally alone, no one to talk to, and no one to listen to. Now, why am I alone? Well, I know the answer, I've told myself thousands of times, but I always end up asking that question every day first thing in the morning. I am lost. I now where I am and where everyone else is, but I am lost in spirit, my name is Shattersky. I have this name for a reason. I once lived with a group, a group of cats, and that is what I am. I received this name after my father died, I never knew my mother, and she lived with a different group of cats. I also have a brother, Crowshadow. My name used to be Cottonpaw. What a sweet gentle little name, not nearly describing what I've become. I lost hope of ever finding why I was here for. Crowshadow was a good brother; he loved me for who I was, the only one who knew what I could do. Maybe I should have brought him here to live with me? He might have agreed… No, he would have never let me go if I had told him.
Buzz. It's that wretched moth again. I think this only because I am in a bad mood. The moth is my only friend. I might be going insane from being without people so long, but it seems to be special, understand me. I tell what I have done today, what I had discovered, and the moth sits and listens until I finish and it goes home, wherever his home is. I dare not follow the moth, for I would lose its trust. Tonight I had nothing to tell the moth, he must be busy, he didn't visit me. Or maybe he did, I vaguely remember dosing off, while I was waiting. You see, the moth always comes at night time. This night I was exhausted from a long day of hunting, I only caught a vole near the pond.
Shattersky let out a long yawn. I should go to sleep now. I'll need all the rest I can get for the next day; I don't want to go hungry. She closed her eyes and let the cool air sooth her tired feet. The bugs fluttering wings calmed her she only had one thought left in her mind: what will my dreams be.
Her mind swirled. I'm asleep finally. She got up and rolled her shoulders in a round motion and opened her eyes to her old home in the forest. She now lived in a valley on the opposite side of the mountain that lay between her and her old home. Her father lay in a pool of blood in the center of the clearing. Shattersky usually always had this dream, when she did dream, some nights she was so tired that she didn't dream at all. A dark gray tom with black ears stood over him.
"Smokewind…" My father wheezed. "Why have you done this to me?" he blinked, his eyes becoming more glazed with every heartbeat. "I thought you were my friend."
Smokewind shoved his face right into my dyeing father's and snarled. "You took her from me; you took Shimmerleaf away from me!"
He stopped and took a step back from my father and looked at the opposite side of the dusty clearing from where I was crouched beneath the berry bush that I always was placed at. Then I saw for the millionth time, me and my brother bolting out of the woods.
"What have you done?" Crowshadow exclaimed, he was Crowpaw at the time and I was still Cottonpaw. "Why have you done this to our father?"
Smokewind licked his paw and rubbed it over one of his torn ears. "Now don't go accusing me of something you don't even know that I did." He meowed cool looking as though he was a kit about to get told off for messing with the elders. "Settle down Cottonpaw, you look as if you're looking at a fox."
"Well, you not that far from a fox, you snake-heart, what was left where your heart was, is a stone of ice!" I yowled, racing at him. Crowshadow held me back inches away from the horrid beast.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk, now was that really a nice thing to do." He meowed getting up on his paws and smiling maliciously. "Now why can't we all settle down…?"
"I'm not going to settle down," I broke from my brother's grasp and launched myself forward and raked my claws deep into the side of his neck when he was turning his head. Blood gushed out of the fatal wound and he dropped down on his side heaving with the effort to breath. Then a rustle sounded beside me. It was Rosepaw, the cats I think I hated more than Smokewind. She was a goody-goody, the leader's daughter, who was the most popular and always got what she wanted, and oh how she could be bossy! You could see the pure delight on her face when she had finally found a way how she could get rid of me for always being in competition with her and never wanting to be her friend. She let out a quiet smirk and dashed away in a hurry.
Crowshadow padded up slowly to sit beside me. He looked at the two cats lying parallel of each other. By this time Smokewind was long gone. It was a bit stressful looking at what I've done, this was the worst of anything to benefit me, right after this my dream always ends and I wake up. Killing Smokewind hunted me more than being named Shattersky and no longer living as I used to as an apprentice, no one trusted me anymore. I think even Crowshadow avoided me for a short period of time: he always was the best of the pair. I let out a small sigh. No! I can't wish that I was back. I just can't. It will make me want to be back. Maybe I should go back? They must have forgiven me by now. I was young then, what would they do if they had the only chance to get revenge over one of their parent's deaths? I pushed the argument out of my head as I noticed that my dream was changing once again.
"Shattersky, you see now what you have done." A soft voice sounded from behind me. I got up on all four paws and whipped around to see who had addressed me with such kindness in their tone. A pretty brown tabby she-cat with white patches was smiling warmly with her tail curled neatly around her paws. "I have been watching over you, my beautiful daughter." Now she realized who this was. She had never met her mother, but she knew it was her for she had the same scent as Shattersky did.
"Mother, I'm sorry I never got a chance to meet you." I meowed nervously. "Have you seen father? I didn't know that you had passed on to go meet our ancestors?"
"I have seen your father, dear." She brushed her tail gently over my cheek. "And at the time you were born I was very ill, that is why I gave you to your father to raise you, it would have been much harder if you stayed in my clan."
For the first time I noticed where I was at: I was in a cavern with a high lime-stone roof and walls. A pool of crystal clear water stood beside us. Then I dared to ask the question, "Where are we? Is this part of StarClan?" I whispered. My voice echoed of the walls and made it sound as if I had spoken at my regular tone.
"No. This in fact is a well-known place called The Heart; some very old StarClan cats still remember the ancient name of this place. I don't." she looked around peacefully for a minute and I followed her gaze. She just seemed to love this white stone. It was unusual for stone to be this color. I have seen almost white stone when I climbed the mountains to get to my valley.
My mother stopped and looked at me for a long time. It made my fur prickle. What does she want me to do? I don't want to ask her quite yet; she might just be looking and will speak.
A few more minutes went by and neither had spoken a word. All was as quiet as the night sky until Shattersky spoke again. "Um, mom,"
"Have you realized yet? Do you understand why I keep sending you back to this memory?" she meowed softly. "I can understand you; I have felt as lost as you had. My mother that lives in StarClan visited me, too, because of mating with a cat from another clan. I never did figure out why she kept sending me the memory in my dreams of giving you and your brother to him on that rainy day." Shimmerleaf was at least an honest cat. "I never regretted what I did, that is why StarClan took me so quickly, is what I thought at first, but now I think they took me young for another purpose: they wanted me to guide you in the right path."
"I do feel that hallow spot beginning to show through. I want it to fade. I now do regret killing him. He was just jealous. Maybe if I had let him live he would still have a chance to become a good cat again." Now I understand why she called me: so that I could be saved, saved from that dreary longing to be back and loneliness that chills you to the bone.
"Don't wait any longer with me. You have learned your lesson." Shimmerleaf was beginning to fade. I looked at my paws, they too were transparent. "By the way, I'll tell Smokewind that you have forgiven him." She faded completely from view with her last words.
"Hey, is that her?" A voice was calling. I must have woken up because my eyes are shut.
"Yes, we have finally found her." It can't be! It's him, it's really him! I bolted up opening my eyes. There he stood, my strong, brave brother coming to retrieve me and bring me home. I ran up and shoved my nose in to his dark gray shoulder.
"I've missed you so much." He touched my head with his nose lovingly. "The clan doesn't hate you for what you did; they are at home worrying about what happened to you."
"I'm fine." I looked up at him. He was smiling with that smile he always used to give me when I did something outrageous.
"I always promised to protect you," he meowed gently. "And I will keep that promise for as long as I live." There was a slight pause and then he began speaking again. "Will you come back home to live with us?" he asked soothingly.
"Of course I'll go with you." I already knew that this was the right answer to say. "Why would I want to be away from my wonderful brother any longer? I would like to spend one more night here, though." Shattersky looked at the cats that had come along with him on the journey. She noticed a small dark brown tabby tom sitting away from everyone else, keeping his head down. A light brown tabby she-cat was smiling at me while trying to keep a young light gray she-cat from toppling over with exhaustion, beside her a large white tom with light gray flecks stood tall and watched Crowshadow and my conversation.
"Hello," the tom I was staring at greeted me. "Don't you remember your old mentor when you see him?"
How could I not recognize him! He was one of the most important cats in my life and I just forget him completely! I ran up and nudged his shoulder. "Rainfall, how are you? Has the clan been doing well? Have you had any more apprentices…?"
"Calm down!" he exclaimed. "One thing at a time, and no I've not had any other apprentices other than you lately, but I am something else." He looked at the light brown tabby she-cat that was smiling at me.
"I'm a father." He meowed with glowing warmth. As I heard what he said my heart seemed to turn brighter by ten times. "This is my mate, Heatherfoot. We have three daughters: Sootpaw, Icypaw, and Russetpaw."
The young light gray she-cat that was fighting the urge to fall over with exhaustion spoke. "My name is Splashpaw, I'm Heatherfoot's apprentice." She looked a little nervous, but I knew there was something else that she wanted to ask. She must be waiting for me to offer if she wants to take a rest.
"Over there is my nest." I pointed towards the bundle of moss and feathers that were under the cedar tree that I slept in. "You look very tired," I looked once more at the faces of the cats around me. "You're welcome to have a rest, all of you."
Splashpaw looked at her mentor waiting for her to say she could lie down. Heatherfoot's ear twitched in amusement. Then she flicked her tail towards my nest and her apprentice went to get her rest then she turned to Rainfall. "That was the first time I've ever seen Spalshpaw wait for me to give her approval of what she wanted to do." She purred half-heartedly. They both must be tired, too.
"Do you want to sleep?" I offered. I knew how Rainfall could be; he would wait last to go to sleep. He was a brave warrior, but he did have a little bit of stubbornness in him when it came to putting the people he loved first. "I don't mind if you do. I am the only one around this part of the woods. There is a friend I have that lives on the edge of the pond just beyond here, he respects my space, and his name is Lance. He has only bothered me once, and that was one of the few emergencies that ever occurred here. Feel free to do whatever you like."
"Where is the pond?" For the first time the dark brown tabby tom lifted his head and asked the question. Crowshadow exchanged a surprised glance with Rainfall and Heatherfoot. By their looks this cat must not speak that often to strangers like me. "My name is Spider, by the way." He stood up straight, but not near as straight as Rainfall was, I guess it was better than being all hunched over like he was.
"I think we should leave Shatterky alone right now." Rainfall meowed before I could reply. Spider looked ashamed at himself for asking that. "You're acting very rudely. You need to show some respect."
"Rainfall," Hazelfoot looked up at him her eyes burning. "He did nothing wrong. It was just a question."
"I would be glad to show you the pond. We could go see Lance if you want, he likes it when there are visitors around. Like I said; we don't get many around here." The way Spider looked at my old mentor when his back was turned wasn't the rebellious smirk I had pictured; he just looked at him and he padded up towards me. Hazelfoot opened one of her eyes and nodded to Spider, approving that he could go. He sat beside me and began to lick his paw and wiped it over a scar on his ear. I noticed that his other ear was torn to bits!
"What happened to your ear?" I exclaimed at how bad it looked.
"I got in a bad fight, that's all." He meowed casually as if it were just a regular thing that he answered all the time. He got up. "Can we go see this Lance guy already?" he meowed sternly.
"Fine, let's go." I sighed. Now I can see why Rainfall was acting like that. Spider must not have had a good childhood. I thought trying to find a way to be friends with someone new. I never was good at making friends with anyone. My only friends that I've ever had were Crowshadow, Cloudpaw, and Owlpaw, but Owlpaw died the year before I left, and Crowshadow is… well I guess he doesn't because he's my brother.
"I would like to get a good look around this place." Spider meowed evenly stubborn with Rainfall.
I nodded and led him through the path that I had made to go to the pond. The pond was the safest place away from the wild animals; if I needed water it was always a close resource to go to. The other wild animals slept near the rocky parts of a field that was just beyond the forest. Crowshadow must have crossed it to come here. I've always known my brother was always a good tracker, but I underestimated his skills this time.
Shattersky ducked her head under the fallen tree that hung over the path. There was just enough room for a cat to crawl under it. She had adapted to this feature and didn't mind it hanging over her head. When she had showed Lance her home for the first time just a few moons after she had arrived he was terrified to cross under it. Lance is a loner, but he lives with two-legs occasionally, he goes in to stay with them in leaf-bare. They let him out all day long though and he doesn't mind going back in to sleep with them at nighttime.
The grass under her paws was beginning to get wetter and water was squelching underneath them. She could see the pond coming into view now and I could see the overcast gray sky peek out between the branches of the trees. The wind was rattling the limbs around in the air. The water of the pond was rippling when the broke through the undergrowth of the forest. She saw Lance was out on the Halfbridge looking at the water his long cream and white fur was fluffed up against the wind.
Spider caught up to me and we walked side by side along the bank of the pond. You could see Lance's two-leg nest close by. I remember in the clan that we weren't allowed to be friends with kitty-pets. Lance didn't seem like a kitty-pet, though. He hunted for himself almost about every day, unless he was sick or not feeling well then he went to go and get kitty-pet food. He said that he hates it, but he would eat it anyway because it was better than starving.
Lance must have saw us out of the corner of his eye because he stopped looking at the dark gray clouds above his head and looked at us instead. The wind was howling too much to hear him greet us. Lance knew I was afraid to go onto the half bridge so he came to us this time.
"Is this a new cat in the forest?" he asked happily. No one could deny that Lance was probably the kindest and likeable cat they had ever met. He was on everyone's top ten favorite cat list, if he wasn't the only one because no one else came close to being that nice. "I haven't seen him around these parts."
Spider looked at me. "Oh, um, yes he is new." I meowed quickly. "His name is Spider and he was a …"
I realized that Spider hadn't told me what he was before he started to travel with the search patrol.
"I was a rouge." He finished for me. I felt foolish that I had made him answer a remark that most cats wouldn't like to share with new people. And by what I've seen of Spider, I couldn't believe he didn't just rip off our heads and be done with his humiliation. "I'm glad that I'm away from the cats I used to live with though, they weren't exactly the friendly sort."
Lance just blinked at him. "I've known lots of rouges, and made friends with them. What was the group of rouges did you belong to? I've about met a cat from every group you could possibly think of in your wildest dreams."
"I belonged to the Bone-sharp group." He meowed calmly. It sent shivers running down my spine though, and made the wind seem even colder. The sky seemed to become blacker and clouds started to pile up higher and higher until they looked like dark towers ready to come and crash down their white striking wrath on us. "My father is the healer and so is my mother. Ivy, my sister, wanted to become a healer too. I didn't want to fight, or to sit and wait around all day just to clean up bloody cats."
Lance for the first time ever didn't have anything to say about where Spider came from or who he was. This shocked me a bit because Lance could always think of something, even if it made no sense.
Spider is going to get his feelings hurt if we act like we have no interest in him! What could I say? I mean he must not be too bad if he didn't want to grow up as one of those rouges, right? "Sound like you let your heart decide…" Shattersky's voice trailed off. She couldn't think of anything else nice she could possibly say about Spider or where he grew up at.
A cold wet drop of rain splashed on her nose. The rain didn't mind her too much. Lightning was what got her, but Lance loved to sit out and look at the sky just before a storm broke out. She would sit and watch the clouds with him every once and a while. He never failed to come when it was about to storm, and he always sat on the half bridge. Shattersky would go and sit with him on it just as long as the wind wasn't making it move around like it was today.
Spider looked uncomfortable getting soaked. He jumped whenever a large raindrop fell on his head. "Lance," I began. "Will you come and stay with us for a while. I don't think we should get all soaked." He nodded his head in agreement. He must have noticed that Spider didn't like to be wet. Lance was a very observing sort of cat.
When we got back to my resting area everone had fallen asleep accept for Hazelfoot had woken up. She looked surprised when she saw that Lance was following us. He greeted her though, and she must have interpreted that this must be my friend.
"Hello," he greeted her. "I'm Lance."
She just dipped her head to him and looked tired. Lance was looking at all of the other cats. His gaze stopped when he saw Crowshadow. "He has the same marking on his head as you do." He whispered.
"That's my brother that I've told you about, Crowshadow" I whispered back to him. Rainfall's white and gray flesked head was turning over. He looked like he was having some sort of bad dream. Splashpaw lay curled up in a ball inside of my nest. She was barely noticeable tucked underneath all of the moss and feathers.
Spider pushed between Lance and me and curled up in a corner and flicked his tail over his nose. He obviously didn't enjoy our trip back. Lance had told a story about an interesting cat he had met yesterday. Spider must really not like to socialize with others at all. I thought that the story that Lance told was very interesting. He had met this girl cat named Naomi that said she has crossed a pond that farer than the eye could see and Lance said she had this funny accent. Hazelfoot yawned and lay down beside Rainfall. Lance plopped down where he was and shut his eyes and sighed.
I lay down next to him. "Today is a good napping day." I meowed.
The thunder rolled a far distance off and the rain pattering on the leaves above my head was soothing to hear. The wind had died down a bit, but that only meant that the storm was about to begin. And I don't want to stay up to watch the storm's light show either. It's just unnatural having white terrifying light trying to strike down on you.
Shattersky pushed he thoughts of her worst fear away and snuggled up next to Lance. She thought of some of the stories that he had told that were her favorites. Soon they both were sound asleep, while the storm was just beginning to wake up.
Shattersky shot up when she heard a large crash. Light filled the sky and the thunder was crashing all around them. Hazelfoot was up sitting next to Splashpaw beside my nest. Spider was the only one still asleep. Lance was talking to Rainfall under the oak tree where I stayed when it flooded. There was a hollow hole in the side of the tree high enough that you didn't have to worry about flood water coming in. It was just large enough for a cat to squeeze in, Rainfall wouldn't be able to fit, and he was too big.
Her brother was sitting next to Lance almost invisible in the dim light. It must be night now because she could see her brother the majority or the time. Crowshadow was small I guess for his age, but he was the same size as Lance. Spider was only a little bit bigger than them, but he wasn't as near as big as Rainfall.
Hazelfoot looked worried about Splashpaw, but the she-cat seemed to be doing all right from what Shattersky could see. Splashpaw was just tired and her nose was a little runny, but so was everyone else's nose. Hazelfoot has a reason to be worried about her own apprentice; a chance that I was never granted. And after running away like I did there would be no way that the clan would allow me to become a mentor.
She turned her gaze away from the mentor and her apprentice and decided to join Lance, Rainfall, and Crowshadow instead. Shattersky got up and shook the dust off of her fur. It was no longer raining. This must be a heat storm. She guessed.
Rainfall looked up at her and waved his tail over to gesture that they wanted to talk to her. She obeyed and went over to sit next to the three of them. Lance looked worried and upset, but the two other clan cats looked anxiously at him.
"So," Crowshadow began. "Do you think that you would like to go back with us, Lance?" he asked calmly. She could picture Lance becoming a warrior, but this was his decision.
"The clan would be glad to welcome you to stay with us." Rainfall pressed on. Lance seemed to loosen his stress and he let out his breath slowly.
He opened his mouth to answer but he shut it. Then he opened it up again and he spoke this time. "I would be glad to live with your clan. It sounds like it would be enjoyable to meet other cats."
Shattersky's heart lightened when she heard her friend agree to come and live with her in the clan. Lance looked even smaller than Crowshadow now, about the size of Splashpaw. He should be happy, right? I mean he gets to meet new cats? Shouldn't that make him happy? Lance likes nothing better than to meet new cats.
I decided not to say anything to him. Lance seemed stressed out enough already.
"Should we go back the way we came, Rainfall?" her brother asked the senior warrior. "If we go through the pine woods I think it would be easier and safer than going back over through the mountains. Then he bent forward and whispered. "I don't think it would scare Splashpaw. She wouldn't want to go back up the rocks after falling in the coyote den."
I looked back at the light gray she-cat and for the first time I noticed that she had a bad bite on one of her front legs. There was blood crusted around on her fur and on the wound. That must mean that they were there a short time ago if it hasn't even had time to heal up yet. Now she could understand Hazelfoot's concern for her apprentice. I would be concerned also if was my apprentice who was hurt. Splashpaw would have to rest and wait for it to heal.
"I think we should wait until Splashpaw's wound heals." I meowed. "She is young though, and the wound might have a chance to heal while we are traveling, as long as we take it easy for a couple of days. We don't want the gash to re-open, it might get infected."
Lance looked over his shoulder at Splashpaw. "I think Shattersky is right. We should take it easy."
Crowshadow looked at Rainfall again. "We have to travel Rainfall, even if we don't get very far for a few days. Our clan needs us back as soon as possible. StarClan only knows if it's a matter of days before the Grudge arrives. I can't imagine how bad it is back at home." He murmured the last few sentences. "I don't think we should wait any longer."
Rainfall nodded his approval and Crowshadow's ears pricked up in interest that the older warrior didn't have anything negative to say. The white and gray flecked warrior got up and went to go wake up Spider. Hazelfoot helped her apprentice to her paws and trotted over to her mate. Crowshadow was heading back to where the patrol had come from. Lance looked at me nervously.
"What's the Grudge?" he asked nervously. "It didn't sound like quite a pleasant thing from what I understood."
My heart stopped when he asked the question. I can't let him back out now! We need really Lance! "Uh, honestly Lance, it's just one of those things that you have to figure out as you go along." I chuckled softly. "You know what I mean? It's just hard to describe. I'm not trying to hide anything from you." Oh, yes you are! My conscious was screaming at me to not lie to my best friend. But I have to keep it a secret! I was fighting back with myself. I got up with him and we followed Crowshadow.
Another bolt of lightning lit up the sky and crashed somewhere over in the field because the thunder came right after the bolt. The sky was still dark as the darkest night. Shattersky loved the sky when it was storming, but not the lighting and thunder that came along with it.
"I guess this is where our adventure really begins." Lance's mew pulled me back out of my thoughts. "This storm isn't dark and gloomy; we are the ones who make it dark and gloomy, just like how we have destroyed the world. The storms don't destroy the world; we do, with all of our hate and deceit. My mission is to make others see that there is light even in the darkest of times. What is your mission in life, Shattersky? What do you want cats generations from now to remember you by?"