I decided to do this because I haven't done any kind of KotOR fan fiction in a ridiculously long time, and there is only a few days until my man gets back from school, and I NEED something to keep my mind focused, rather letting myself leap around for joy, and forget to go to work and count down hours, minutes and seconds. Yeah… this is much saner.
Anyways, I totally broke the rules. I was supposed to pick one pairing and rock it, but it seemed much more fun to bounce around a little and do multiple pairings. Some with disastrous results, and some that I like very much. Some of these aren't even ABOUT a couple. Why should stories always have to be about relationships? Ick.
Also, I picked most of these songs. Putting my massive library of music on shuffle and expecting to get any kind of music pertinent to any kind of drabble is a tall order. Too many tunes!
Stumbled across a couple of these. Apparentlyinsane seems to have started it. Good ideaaaa! You can find the rules at aformentioned page.
None of these songs or characters belong to me. Probably for the best. I'm terrible at music.
.OOOO.
Enchanting Ghost- Sufjan Stevens
"And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh
Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost"
She hadn't been the same since it all ended.
Carth watched her day by day, hour by hour as the woman he had grown to love continued to slip further and further away from him.
Night after night he would awake alone in their bed to find her standing across the room, staring out the window of their reasonably priced apartment on Coruscant. He could tell she knew he was awake and worried, but she never said anything. She never turned away from the window. She would gaze for hours at the few stars that the bright haze of light from the city failed to blot out.
What was she looking for? What was she waiting for? Wasn't it all over? Malak was dead. The Order had forgiven her: She was the hero her former self always dreamed of being.
But she was so very distracted lately. Even entwining his fingers in her own when he could tell she was off in her mind didn't work like it used to. All it merited now was a blink and a slow smile before once away she slipped away from the happy façade they were living.
Where was she planning on going?
Old Shore Road- The Nix Dicksons
"And I know my heart is like the ocean, and I know I am violent like the sea. Burnham and his boys are out to get the best of me, so please, spare me."
"Look." Revan said, jabbing Carth in the chest with a finger. "I never asked for this to happen." She snapped angrily. "So I'm Revan. Wonderful. Do you know what that also means Onasi? It means every memory I have of my life is a lie. Every birthday as a child, all the friends I thought I had growing up. The family I thought I had waiting for me back at home. None of it existed. I'm an anomaly. I'm a lie."
He didn't say anything. He couldn't. He hadn't even considered it.
"So bail on your pity-party; I am not Revan. I was Revan. I look like Revan. At the end of the day this is Revan's body and nothing else. Revan's soul died a long time ago."
Carth still didn't know what to say…
"I am fighting the same battle you are here Flyboy. I know there has been a lot of pain in your life because of Revan, but now it's time to actually accomplish something worth while. They want to kill us all."
Carth knew 'they' simply meant Malak.
"All I ask is that you let this go until our job is done." She said her eyes honest.
He decided to consider it.
The Temptation of Adam- Josh Ritter
"And I don't think that she really thought that much of me
I never had to learn to love her
Like I learned to love the bomb
She just came along and started to ignore me"
"Schutta…"
Mical looked up from his dinner to see Ava saunter into the kitchen, her hands jammed in her pockets as she slammed through cupboards and compartments looking for a snack, a look of utmost loathing on her face.
"Is everything okay?" He offered gently. Sometimes he sensed she needed it. So rarely did any of them receive kind words from another, and too often it seemed they were wrapped up in their own personal problems. Mical always had room for Ava though whether she knew it or not.
"Atton." She grunted, not even looking at him, as she bent down to rifle through a lower compartment. "Pazaak."
Mical sighed. He knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of her. She never had much to say to him.
Somehow though, she always had words for the Rand scoundrel.
Ampersand- Amanda Palmer
"And now to dress the wounds calls into question how authentic they are
There's always someone criticizing me: "She just likes playing hospital"
Lying in my bed, I remember what you said: "There's no such thing as accidents""
It hadn't been the same on the Ebon Hawk since she admitted her identity. Even though everyone tried their best to give her an enthusiastic declaration of allegiance and expressed adamantly their trust (besides Carth,) she could feel a strange sort of tension on the ship that wasn't there before.
Jolee, as much as he pretended he was neutral about the whole thing, was watching her very closely now. She'd caught him staring at her from across the room on more than one occasion. The way he looked at her scared her: Like he was scanning every inch of her for any hint of her old ways. He probably was doing exactly that. Mission, although her initial words of support were believable and genuine, had taken to spending all of her time in her bunk. Zaalbar was always with her now. Revan wondered if she asked him to stay with her to just in case.
Juhani couldn't even look her in the eyes. Revan had tried talking to her the day after, but she quickly said she had something to do, and hurried out of the room. Revan hadn't been able to keep her in one spot since.
Carth was no surprise. His displeasure radiated from him like heat whenever they were in the same room. He had taken to sleeping in the cockpit, sitting up in the pilot's chair, rather than sleeping in the bunk.
The only one who bothered to retain any amount of normal behaviour was Canderous. If anything he seemed to like her more. Revan wasn't sure if she should be relieved or worried: Was he hoping she would bounce back to her old ways? Or was he just a proud Mandalorian, excited to be serving with someone with a reputation such as hers?
For some reason she had never felt like such a liar in her life.
Bark at the Moon- Ozzy Osbourne
"In empty burning hell-unholy one
But he's returned to prove them wrong
so wrong"
He dispatched the Sith guard easily, wrenching his neck to one side with a sickening crack.
The guard crumpled to the floor, his dead weight made a heavy thud. Canderous didn't pause to check if the soldier was dead; he had no doubt in his abilities. Besides, he didn't have time to clean up after himself. Another guard dashed towards him, his sword held high, ready to swing, ready to kill. Canderous picked one of the guard's many weaknesses in form- the training the Sith soldiers received was good for rioting prisoners at best. He grabbed the arm that was wielding the sword, twisting it up and over the man's head, pushing down on the shoulder joint until he felt bone slide free from cartilage. The weapon clattered to the ground and Canderous jerked the soldier around by his dislocated arm, pulling him down and driving his knee up into the man's face: His armour failed to protect him from the sheer force of the Mandolorian's momentum, and like his companion, he too crumpled to the ground, moving no more.
Blood rushed through his veins and his heart raced with excitement. The pace only quickened when he heard the tell-tale sound of a lightsaber not far away. The Sith apprentice had indeed seen him already, but before a snide comment could even escape her mouth, Canderous was already in front of her, he grabbed her by the wrist, squeezing and twisting until the small bones of the Sith woman broke. She gasped in pain and shock, but that didn't stop him; man or woman, this was a war. And she was the enemy; there was nothing polite about death.
He saw her bring her hand up to work her Force powers on him, but it was too late for her now: He cocked his arm back and drove the heel of his open palm into the middle of her face. Bone broke beneath him and blood painted the sweaty canvas that was his face as the sith woman slid to the ground.
He was made for this.
Straight (With Strings)- Amanda Palmer
"And I'm waiting for someone to shake me and say
hey bitch
nice tits
you're broke but then
you're rich in love
you're great in bed
you'll see the world
you'll knock 'em dead"
"I'm a Jedi, remember?" Revan said stoically, glaring at Canderous. "Jedi don't angst."
"Yeah, whatever girly," Canderous grunted, his eyes cold. "Get the fuck out of bed then. It's past noon and we've got work to do."
"Don't tell me what to do." Revan bristled, not in the mood for the Mandalorian.
"Not even if it's for your own good?" Canderous sneered, lighting a ciggara.
"Give me one of those." Revan snapped.
"Mmmmm?" Canderous smirked, "so there is something going on in that over-filled head of yours? I thought you Jedi are too good to smoke."
"I'm too good for a lot of things." Revan grumbled, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.
"Oh really?"
She hated how he goaded her like that. He had a way of making it seem like he really didn't give a shit. Then all of a sudden you were telling him your life story.
"Smoke please. Now." She said, walking over to him and turning her open palm up.
He grabbed her wrist unexpectedly and jammed her hand against his chest. Revan could feel a strong, steady heart beat buried under muscle.
"This is a heart." He said roughly. Holding her hand against him still, drawing on the cigarra and blowing the smoke in her face. He chucked the butt on the ground and stomped it before placing his big hand on her chest, above her own heart. "You've got one too I see. You're better off than most. So get dressed." He let her hand go and stuck a cig between her lips before stomping out of the bunk, his heavy footfalls fading into what she knew to be the darker parts of the ship.
Arise- Flyleaf
"Arise.
Arise and be all that you dream,
all that you dream."
Once upon a time she was a simple smuggler. A scoundrel by all means; no obligations, no requirements, no bloody Jedi, and no damn Sith.
Now she was Revan; a name attached to a completely different person. A person who had little regard for life, and absolutely no regard for what she now saw as happiness.
She couldn't remember anything, no matter how hard she tried. She tried to remember for the first few days. Any small flicker would have sufficed. Anything that bore an answer, like why she had lead Malak down the path of darkness to begin with. Weren't they something like friends at one point? Why would anyone do that to a friend? How could someone be so stubborn and selfish they would jeopardize so much for something they may have been right about?
Revan drew designs in the fine dirt in front of her with her finger. The ground was cold beneath her as she created swirls and lines, all mingling together, forming movement on the ground.
She smiled to herself calmly. This felt familiar. Like something she would have been drawn to do, even in her old life.
It was the feeling of creation. She was taking dirt from the ground, and pushing it, shaping it, and leaving her impression on it, so that the nothing that existed before was now something. It was what she was meant to do.
Create beauty…
Adam and Eve- Ani DiFranco
"You rhapsodize about beauty
and my eyes glaze
everything that I love is ugly
I mean really, you would be amazed"
It was morning and the ship was quiet. She quietly, gently lifted Carth's arm and slid out from under the covers. Everyone knew: it suddenly dawned on her. They all knew where they had been last night; that they had shared a bed at long last. She grabbed her clothes off the floor: It didn't feel good.
"Hey gorgeous."
Her heart skipped a couple beats, and her throat tightened. Unfortunately, Carth had woken up.
"Hey." She said softly, doing her best to summon a smile and meet the eyes of the man that she knew she did not love.
He just stared at her for a moment; took her in. She was amazed he couldn't physically see the darkness that was begging to fight its way out. No, he looked upon her like she was the most pure thing in the galaxy.
"Carth…" She began. "I…"
"You're beautiful Revan."
She felt her heart shrivel just a bit more.
Eau'D Bedroom Dancing
"There's no fear when I'm in my room
It's so clear and I know just what I want to do
All day bedroom dancing
To you I wanna say
You're my thing."
He was different, that was for sure. Atton Rand brought out sides of herself she'd never even considered before. Perhaps it was the freakish inclination to liking many of the same things or the bizarrely calming nights when they'd sit on the roof of the Ebon Hawk and look at the stars from the middle of a field in Dantooine and talk honestly, and openly about everything: Adventures, dreams, trouble, and the drug fueled adventures of youth that seemed to bring greater enlightenment than the Jedi ever could.
Atton Rand opened doors and lit up rooms with a crooked smile. Despite the darkness, and despite the sadness, they both shared a history of mistakes, and the resolve to create a future of better things.
Warrior Woman- Jex Thoth
"As a warrior woman, I have the victory"
Sweat beaded Revan's face. Canderous couldn't help but follow a drop of it as it snaked down her cheek, disappearing beneath her jaw, and reappearing at her collar-bone, sliding out of sight where her disheveled Jedi robes clung to her heaving breast. He wished he could have followed its path further.
He never had time for women before. Whores were one thing. Pay, pleasure, go: it was a different kind of conquest all together.
Revan on the other hand was a different kind of mountain to climb. She was a warrior. Tough, gritty, seasoned, he watched her fight from the corner of his eye as he always had. She downed another foe and wiped blood from her eyes with the back of her hand, her mouth set in a thin line of determination. She spat a little blood to the ground and continued her dance with death.
She was built for ferocity. A flexible fast frame could easily be mistaken as delicate, but one look at her hawk-eye glare and those deep set gray eyes and one knew better. She didn't look like the Jedi princess Bastila. Canderous had slept with women who looked like Bastila before: They were easy. Revan brought out a completely different kind of lust in Canderous. It was almost narcissistic in a way; the idea of possessing this warrior woman in a way no other man could dream of living up to made his heart race and his mouth go dry.
A Sith soldier slid dead, off the end of her lightsaber and Revan looked over her shoulder at him; she had clearly sensed him watching her.
He wasn't afraid of that smoldering glare that seemed like it could bend steel. Her piercing eyes, the blood and dirt caked onto her face, and the sweaty hair that stuck to her forehead only served to remind him of what she was as she said nothing, turned away, and removed another life from existence.
.OOOO.
Enchanting Ghost- Sufjan Stevens: Mmmm… angst. Come on man. Revan wasn't going to stay forever. It didn't suit her.
Old Shore Road- The Nix Dicksons: Side note—this is my man's old band. He used to be the drummer. This song just gets me amped, and the chorus lyrics are just so pretty. It was easy to write this one. We all need forgiveness right?
The Temptation of Adam- Josh Ritter: Back in the day, I used to hate Mical. Now I just feel bad for how Exile must have ignored him.
Ampersand- Amanda Palmer: This one was tricky. The song over all doesn't fit.
Bark at the Moon- Ozzy Osbourne: As soon as this came up, I knew it had to be blood and gore.
Straight (With Strings)- Amanda Palmer: I like the idea that Canderous could be the rough slap in the face Revan needed. Everyone else was just too damn gentle. And Carth just made everything his problem *eye roll*
Arise- Flyleaf: This is one of the most inspirational songs ever I think. It made me want to write about a Revan that had found some meaning in creating rather than destroying.
Adam and Eve- Ani DiFranco: Damn. Perfect. Pairings. If I had a nickel for every lovely, sweet "OMG we love each other!" Carth/Revan fic, I wouldn't need my job. I like detached Revan *stubborn*
Eau'd Bedroom Dancing- Le Tigre: For personal reasons my favourite song, for personal reasons, a special drabble.
Warrior Woman- Jex Thoth: Ooooo this is where it gets spicy. I like my stoner-metal and this band never fails to please. I much prefer Canderous' lusty thoughts of Revan rather than Carth angst-ing all the time anyways. Yuck.