Host: Here with us today on "Yaoi Talk" is Roy Mustang and Edward Elric from—
Ed: I am not!
Host: Excuse me?
Ed: I am not so short you can't even see me over this desk!
Host: Who said that?
Roy: So the top of your head is all we're supposed to see?
Ed: God damn-it Mustang, get your bastard ass over here so I can kick it!
Host: Calm down now.
Ed: Humph.
Host: Uh, can we move on?
Roy: Of course, please continue. I'm sure Ed can hear you from way down there.
Crash, boom, bang, splat.
Ed: Damn-it Mustang, get your ass off my face.
Roy: But I thought you liked my ass in your face?
Crash, boom, bang…
Ed: (sigh)
Roy: (sigh)
Host: As I was saying, today on Yaoi talk…um…hello?
Ed: What? You never seen people kiss and make up?
Host:…And now for a commercial break.
Xxx
Host: Okay, we're back on "Yaoi Talk". I have Roy Mustang and Edward Elric from…uh…Fullmetal, um, hmmm, wow…ah, alchemist. Um, I have a few questions for…uh, hello?
Ed: Oh, you still here?
Host: We're on the air…
Roy: Sit up straight, Ed, and get your hand out of my pants for a few minutes.
Ed: Fine. What do you want?
Host: Uh, I wanted to ask you both a few questions.
Ed: Well?
Host: Okay, so what do you both think about the fanfictions people write about you?
Ed: I hate them.
Host: You do?
Roy: I love them.
Host: Why?
Ed: Because bastard dickface reads the damned things and makes me do all that stuff. Do you know someone actually wrote about me laying on a bed with my dick in chocolate pudding?
Host: Oh, (cough), really?
Ed: Yes. Do you have any idea how fucking cold that was? Asshole took it straight out of the refrigerator before he stuffed my dick in it.
Roy: Well, you're so hot I figured you needed to cool down a little.
Ed: Tell them about the one where you get dressed up like a girl and I have to look up your dress?
Roy:…
Ed: Uh-huh, go on. Tell them.
Host: (chuckle) Roy didn't really put a dress on, did he?
Ed: Oh yes he did. I found that one. There was no way he was getting out of it.
Host: So you read them too?
Ed: Uh…
Roy: Yes, he does.
Host: I thought you hated them?
Ed: Well, some of them have me with my brother, for fuck sakes. MY BROTHER. Can you believe it?
Host: Um…
Roy: Actually, I find that very hot.
Ed: You sick fuck!
Roy: That is why you love me…admit it (smooch)
Ed:…
Host: Oh my.
Roy: I told you to keep your hands out of my pants. Can't you just control yourself for a half hour? This poor woman is almost done, right?
Host: Uh, done? Y-yes…
Roy: Ed! I'm sure she doesn't want to see you pawing all over me.
Ed: I took my hand out of your pants.
Host: Uh, there's some chocolate pudding in my purse…