AN: Ok, so this is an idea I've been toying with for a bit, and I finally decided to write it up. Warnings for drugs, abuse and character death. It's quite dark. I suggest not reading it if any of the mentioned warnings bother you. Also, fans of "She's Twisted", fear not, I am working on the next chapter and it's almost finished. Please enjoy and review :)
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
He was home again. I hated it when he was home. I hated him. Every little detail about him. I stared at him from where I was sitting. Actually, glared at him. His eyes met mine and he glared back at me. I could see the hatred in his eyes, equal to the hatred I felt for him. He didn't speak to me. Good. I didn't want to speak to him. I had nothing to say. We never really spoke, only argued. He'd yell at me for my habit. I'd yell at him for... it. I don't even want to think about it. But I do. My eyes brim with tears, and I can no longer hold the glare. I break eye contact first, and stare at a spot on the wall. A hole, actually. From last time he was home. He'd put his fist through the wall when I'd come home on a bad trip. He'd meant to hit me, but he missed. That didn't mean he didn't make it up...
"What the fuck are you crying?" he hissed at me. His face was contorted in disgust. I shook my head, I had nothing to say. I certainly didn't want to talk about him. "Maybe if you weren't cracked out twenty-four seven you'd be able to speak."
I scoffed. That was enough. Before I knew it was happening he was on me, pulling me up by my hair. I screamed. "OTTO! LET ME GO!" He didn't listen. He never listened to me. I was thrown across the small living room. My head hit the coffee table. Everything went black.
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now it's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight while I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight
High off of love, drunk from my hate,
It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate
And right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates me
She fucking hates me and I love it.
Wait! Where you going?
"I'm leaving you"
No you ain't. Come back we're running right back.
Here we go again
It's so insane cause when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind at his back, she's Lois Lane
But when it's bad it's awful, I feel so ashamed I snapped
Who's that dude? I don't even know his name
I laid hands on her, I'll never stoop so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength
Otto looked down at his sisters unconscious form. She looked disgusting. Far too thin, her hair was scraggly and her skin was too pale. But beyond that, her blue eyes were what disgusted him the most. The way they were dead, hollow, but when they fell on him they were full of hate, and blame. He blamed himself, too. That's what he hated the most. It was his fault. Gritting his teeth, Otto turned away from her. Left her there. She'd wake up. Maybe he had saved her a bad trip. She always had bad trips.
In his bedroom, Otto looked around at his trophies, his success. So different from his sister. He had gone on with his life after he had left them. He was a professional surfer. His success paid for this house. Paid for his sisters habit. Raymundo and Noelani had no idea about Reggie's habit, living in Hawaii had that benefit. Otto would never tell Raymundo that Reggie was a junkie. He would never even deny her the substances she sought. It was his fault she needed them, his fault they were as they were now. It was his fault. The thought struck a nerve, as it always did. He grabbed the nearest trophy and threw it, with all his might. It hit the mirror, shattering it. Otto looked at his distorted image for a long while after that, unfeeling and unthinking, completely numb.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
Lars lay with me, on my bed. He often laid with me. He understood how I felt. He always told me, "at least we still have each other." I looked at him and smiled. I rarely smiled, but we were with Cid at this point. Cid made me smile. Cid made things look better. Lars smiled back, then he laughed. The sound was musical. It reminded me of him. Everything reminded me of him. Maybe that's why I spent so much time with Lars. It was as close to him as I would ever get. "I love you, Reggie," Lars told me suddenly.
I looked at Lars, and I saw him in Lars's place. "I love you too, Twist," I whispered. Lars didn't notice, or if he did he didn't say anything. He never said anything when I mentioned Twister. Lars was the only person I spoke that name around.
You ever love somebody so much you can barely breathe
When you're with 'em
You meet and neither one of you even know what hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling
Yeah, them chills you used to get 'em
Now you're getting fucking sick of looking at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em; never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit them
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, hit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em
So lost in the moments when you're in them
It's the rage that took over it controls you both
So they say you're best to go your separate ways
Guess if they don't know you 'cause today that was yesterday
Yesterday is over, it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over but you promised her
Next time you show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo game
But you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it window "pain"
"I hate you!" Reggie screamed at Otto. It was another day, another bad trip. Otto had thrown Lars out of the house. He hated seeing him, hated what he represented. Reggie might be able to use him as a gateway to Maurice, but Otto never could. Otto hated anything that made him think of that particular redhead.
"Shut up," Otto growled back at his sister, shoving her roughly away from him. "I can't just replace him like you."
Reggie went to attack, her hands balled in fists, but Otto stopped her easily. "I didn't replace him," Reggie screamed in his face.
"You did," Otto snarled. His grip on her wrists tightened, and she winced slightly, from the pain.
"If it wasn't for you he'd still be here!" Reggie bellowed, before spitting in Otto's face.
"I didn't kill him," Otto told her, his voice a low growl. "He killed himself." Then he pushed her into the wall, and sunk a fist into her stomach. She doubled over in pain, sank to her knees and vomited. Yeah, that made him feel better. It also made him hate himself, more than he already did. The truth was he needed Reggie to keep him happy, but he couldn't let her know how much he needed her.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
My mind was spiralling out of control. Otto had finally left me. I popped a pill as soon as he had left. Now I was sprawled on the floor. I stared at the ceiling, and Twister stared back. I was crying. I had been crying for hours. I missed him. I had loved him. When they had first told me he had killed himself I scoffed. The laughter was still clear in my memory. That happy boy, with the grin that never failed, he'd killed himself? Not a chance. But then it sunk in. He was gone. He'd left me. I don't know what I did after that. It had been a year. A year since that boy had taken his life. I know it was because of Otto. He'd dropped hints. Always coming second, never being good enough. Otto rubbed it in then, and now look what it had cost us. Look what it had cost me.
I stared at the ceiling. Things were clicking into place in my head. I grabbed that little bag that Lars had given me, the one filled with little white pills. Dots. I counted them. There were seven. Perfect. I tipped them all into my palm, sat up and pushed them into my mouth. I swallowed them. All of them. "I'll be with you soon, Twister," I told him, laying back down on the floor.
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
But when it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll lay my fist at the drywall
Next time. There won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know its lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fucking leave again
Im'a tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Otto came home. He was drunk. He had felt the need to drink away his pain on this day. This was exactly a year since Twister had killed himself. "Reggie," he yelled, stumbling down the hall. He was feeling particularly aggressive. "Reggie!" he yelled again, when she didn't answer him. He stumbled up the stairs, to her room. It was empty. He kept looking, determined to find her and start a fight. He needed her to make him feel better. Maybe if he could get her to look at him with fear instead of hatred, he'd be able to stop blaming himself for Twister's death.
Back downstairs, Otto stumbled into the living room. He went to walk through to the dining room, but his foot caught something and he fell to the floor. He looked at the offending object. Thin, pale, disgusting. His sister. Probably asleep, he thought as he looked at her. He sat on his knees and pulled her up by the shoulders, shaking her roughly. "Wake up," he snapped at her. She didn't. Her head lolled to the side, her mouth open slightly. "I said, wake up," he snapped again, slapping her face. She was cool to touch. Otto dropped her to the floor again. She was way too cool. His brain was catching up. He scooted away from her, watching her intently. No rise of her chest, no movement. Nothing.
"Reggie," he whispered, crawling back to her. He placed his head against her chest, his ear pressed to her heart. There was no pulse. No breathing. "Reggie," he said again, panicked. "Reggie, please wake up." He shook her. Called her name. Nothing worked. He crumpled, like a piece of paper, clutching her to his chest. His tears fell into her hair. Now he had no one. His best bro and his sister, gone.
Later Otto found the note.
I can't be here without him anymore. Know this isn't your fault. I love you, Otto, but I loved him more. I'm so sorry.
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I stared at the ceiling. I was getting tired. I closed my eyes one last time. Everything faded. There was no noise, no pain, just nothing. Then I saw him. He smiled at me, his eyes dancing. I walked at first, towards his outstretched arms, but then I was running, crying. He gathered me in his arms when I finally reached him. "I love you, Reggie," he said to me.
"I love you too, Twister."