AN: Written for the Colour Meaning challenge on HPFC by edgy satsuma. I've always wanted to write about Narcissa. Enjoy.
colours: navy: self pity, deep pink: marriage, sunlight yellow: warmth, green grey: envy, bright red: courage
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
at first, it was because she pitied herself
that she became the quiet one
the one who had nothing to say and no opinion
she was never in the spotlight, no,
that was Bellatrix, with her thirst to prove herself
she learnt how to play the game early on
and Andromeda, with all those fights between her and Mother
she was never going to stay for long
so Narcissa decided to keep quiet
why talk at all if you're not going to be noticed?
but then she realised that this pleased people
because she was doing it perfectly
perfect Black ladies are seen and not heard
and so she became the shining example
and it was too late to turn back now
and she pitied herself even more
+.+.+
she became Narcissa Malfoy when she was young
too young, in her opinion, but her opinion didn't matter
she liked Lucius well enough, he wasn't that foul
rich, handsome, pureblood, respectable
what more could she ask for?
she knew from the moment he proposed
that their marriage wasn't going to be the happiest
how could it?
they both knew they were on the dark lord's side
how could a happy marriage come out of that?
but it was convenient, and she did love him
or at least, that's what she always told him
because it was what he wanted to hear
because it was what they all wanted to hear
and so Narcissa went along with it
because after all, they needed a bit of good news after Andromeda
+.+.+
Draco was the only bit of warmth and happiness
she'd ever have in her life
for some silly little reason, she believed he'd bring hope
after the dark lord's downfall
patch everything up, patch their family together
so that they might live somewhat normally
but it was a fine thread she was holding onto with that hope
she couldn't stop her husband hammering into him all his
blood prejudices and expectations at such an early age
and teaching him the things he and Narcissa had been taught
but she could reserve her smiles and laughter for him
even when he was growing up to be a clone of Lucius
and she could be there for him
even when he did things she knew he'd regret
but she couldn't protect him, not when the dark lord chose him
and that was what she regretted the most
+.+.+
she'd never admit it, but she was always envious
of Andromeda, the sister whom nobody spoke of
she hadn't always been jealous, and it wasn't all the time
but every now and then when the pressure built up
or there was a whisper, a whisper of the dark lord
she wishes she'd gotten out like her sister
married out of love, not out of convenience
Andromeda was doing fine, wasn't she?
but then she heard about her husband, the muggleborn
and the death of that girl, nymphadora, she recalled
her niece, the niece she'd never met, never given a chance
and she realised that her sister was so, so alone now
just like she'd been all those years ago
just like Narcissa had felt all her life
and she wasn't so envious of her sister anymore
because who wanted to live alone, really?
+.+.+
it wasn't courage that made her save Harry Potter's life
though it certainly looked like that
though of course nobody but Narcissa and Potter knew what she'd done
it was fear
fear of losing her son, fear of ending up alone
just like Andromeda
fear of living in a world ruled by darkness and evil
because it's all she's ever been told to believe in
but it's not what she wants
so she saves Harry Potter's life out of fear, not courage
and she runs into the midst of a battle out of fear, not courage
and she's clutching her husband's arm and her son's hand
holding on for dear life as they run, out of fear
because they're all she's got left in the uncertain future
and she doesn't want to be alone
she doesn't want to be alone like Andromeda.
please review :)