Panic seemed to snatch him from his sleep, leaving him cold and shaking even as sweat trickled down his face. The darkness caressed his body and seemed to both soothe him as a lover would, and threaten him as if it were a hostile intruder. Reaching out a shaking hand, he stops, listening carefully. Something was missing, something that he should hear in the darkness, something he should feel. Something wasn't right, and the panic that drove him from the dream grabbed his heart again. Sliding carefully from the bed, shaking hand flicking the light switch, careful to not knock the light over, he turns his head, automatically shielding his eyes from the sudden stab of brightness. Sliding slowly to sit on the floor beside the bed, he lets his eyes adjust to the light before lifting his head and gazing around the room. There were so many little hints that something was missing. Someone was missing.

"Sasuke!"

Scrambling to his feet, Kakashi whips around and stares at the bed. The blanket was jumbled at the foot of the bed, half in the floor. The sheets were wet with sweat and twisted in the center of the bed. There was no one else in the bed, only the damp outline where Kakashi's sweat soaked body had writhed in the throes of panicked dreams. Dropping to his knees as a sob rips from his throat, Kakashi doesn't even notice the pain the shoots up from his knees when they connect with the hard floor. Reaching out, he bunches his hands in the twisted sheets and leans his head forward, resting his forehead against the edge of the bed as he cries, body trembling, not from panic now, but from pain. The memories were never far when he was awake, and now his sleep was no longer a respite. The dreams he'd hoped would never come had started. There was no where left to hide, no place to escape.

It had been just over three months since Sasuke had died, and the shock was slowly being replaced by a soul wrenching grief. Kneeling on the floor next to the bed he once shared with Sasuke, Kakashi cries until he's drained and exhausted. Slumping back to sit on the floor, eyes closed, he takes a deep, shaking breath. Turning slowly, Kakashi opens his eyes and stares out across the room, leaning back against the bed once again. Nothing had changed since the day Sasuke died. As if the memory was a solid thing, Kakashi once again feels the weight of Sasuke's body in his arms. Whimpering, eyes closing once again, he slips back into the memory he didn't want, reliving those horrific events again.

A startled, pained yelp rips through the sounds of battle, finding Kakashi's heart and ripping it open, terror flooding in. Forcing himself to concentrate long enough to call up Lightning Blade, Kakashi glares at the man in front of him as the jutsu rips into his chest, sending him to his knees. When Kakashi pulls his hand back and turns to find Sasuke, he barely hears the man fall behind him. Scanning the field around him, Kakashi is nearly in a panic, unable to find Sasuke. When he realizes that one of the torn and bloodied bodies is in fact Sasuke, Kakashi tries to scream, but only a choked moan escapes his throat. Tearing off across the field, shoving ninjas, both friend and foe out of his way, Kakashi keeps his gaze locked on Sasuke. Slipping on blood slicked grass, and tripping over unseen bodies, Kakashi finally manages to reach Sasuke's side. Dropping to his knees, he carefully pulls Sasuke into his arms, whimpering in relief when Sasuke makes small noises of pain. He was still alive.

"Sasuke!? Oh, god, please don't take him from me yet! Not yet! Sasuke!"

With a soft groan of pain, Sasuke opens his eyes, though he didn't seem able to focus on anything. Kakashi tears his gaze away from Sasuke's battered and bloodied face with some effort, moving one hand carefully over his body, trying to see just how much damage was done, and where it was. It only takes him a few moments to realize that the wounds were fatal. It looked like Sasuke had been ripped open from chest to stomach again and again, almost like giant claws had raked him open. Whimpering around the agony that clutched at his throat, Kakashi lifted Sasuke up, hugging him carefully to his chest, letting his tears wash over Sasuke's face, leaving trails behind, painfully pale flesh peeking through the layer of blood.

"Sasuke, please hold on. You've got to hold on for me." Lifting his head, Kakashi stares straight ahead, not seeing anything through the tears and his own panic. "Sakura! Sakura, Sasuke needs you! Now! SAKURA!!!"

"K-kakashi... too late... going to... die..."

"No you're not damnit! Don't say things like that! You've got to hold on! Sakura can help you!" Lifting his head again, Kakashi feels his throat clench, unable to call for Sakura for a moment. "Sakura! Please! Hurry!"

Feeling a tug on his mask, Kakashi looks back down at Sasuke. Without thinking he lifts a hand and tugs his mask down out of the way, letting Sasuke see his face. When Sasuke's hand reaches up and rests lightly against his cheek, Kakashi closes his eyes and leans his face into that bloody hand as a sob rips itself from his throat. Opening his eyes again, Kakashi looks down at Sasuke and knows that the younger man was slowly beginning to slip away. He'd known all along that Sasuke was lost to him, but he refused to believe it. Seeing the light slowly fading from his eyes, Kakashi was no longer able to deny it however. Reaching out, he cups a hand over one of Sasuke's cheeks, his finger tracing over the soft skin of his face, not noticing the blood. Leaning in, he places on last tender kiss against Sasuke's lips.

Pulling back from the kiss, Kakashi smiles weakly in answer to the loving smile Sasuke was giving him. "I love you Sasuke, always."

"I love you Kakashi. Thank you... for making my... life better. You completed me."

As Kakashi watches, the last of the light fades from Sasuke's eyes. His hand drops away and Kakashi immediately grabs his mask and tugs it back into place. Reaching out, he carefully closes Sasuke's eyes, then tenderly rests his hand on his cheek once again. Slowly he begins to rock back and forth, the tears stopping slowly, leaving behind a deep abyss in the middle of his soul. Sasuke had said that Kakashi completed him. In that moment, Kakashi knew that it was true the other way as well. Sasuke had completed him, and with him gone, there was something inside of him that was gone as well. That deep emptiness that could never be filled. Closing hie eyes, Kakashi leans down, pressing his forehead to Sasuke's shoulder, holding him tightly as he rocked slowly.

"Kakashi-sensei! What happened to Sasuke! Let him go, let me see! I can help him!"

"No Sakura. It's too late. He's gone. Go help the others."

Part of Kakashi is alarmed by just how empty his voice was, as if that abyss in his soul stretched to fill even his words. When the battle finally ends, Kakashi remains, holding Sasuke and rocking. The wounded are gathered and reinforcements come to carry them home. The bodies of the dead are gathered by those that survived the fight and weren't too injured to help. No one went anywhere near Kakashi, letting him carry Sasuke home himself. It took several hours for Kakashi to convince himself to let go of Sasuke's body once they got back to the village. He refused treatment from the medics that swarmed him as soon as he'd stepped away from Sasuke, pushing several people out of his way, heading for the home that had been only recently filled with the sound of Sasuke's voice, his laughter.

Pulling himself from the memory, Kakashi curls forward, wrapping his arms around his legs as pain grips his chest. Sobbing, he slowly uncurls himself and crawls across the floor. Stopping at the chair that sat near the bed, Kakashi reached out a trembling hand and takes the shirt that had been laying there for three months, dragging it down out of the chair. Sitting back, he holds the shirt in his lap, not really seeing it around the blur of tears. Closing his eyes, he sees Sasuke taking the shirt off and tossing it onto the chair as he got dressed for what would be his last mission. Opening his eyes again, Kakashi is able to see the shirt this time. It had been Sasuke's favorite shirt. A deep navy blue with the Uchiha crest on the shoulder. Lifting the shirt, Kakashi presses his face into the soft cloth and breathes deeply of the rich scent that was Sasuke, pain gripping his chest again.

Pushing to his feet shakily, Kakashi turns back to the bed. Staggering more than walking, he makes his way over to the bed and drops down on the edge, Sasuke's shirt still held against his face. Eyes closed, he lets happier memories flicker through his mind, finally settling on the memory of the day he'd given the shirt to Sasuke. It had been a present for his twenty-third birthday. Kakashi had had a hard time keeping the secret about the shirt until Sasuke's birthday, but it had been worth it just to see the joy on his face when he saw the new shirt. Groaning in pain, Kakashi lays down, drawing his legs up and curling his body into the fetal position in the center of the bed, the shirt clutched to his chest. Sleep claims him in this position not long after, and his sleep is blessedly dream free this time.

AN: This is by far the darkest chapter of the entire story. While there are other dark chapters, none come even close to the darkness of this one.

I was asked this when I first posted this chapter on DeviantArt, so I thought I'd answer it here before it was asked... just in case. Yes, Sasuke is dead in the first chapter. I'll say nothing more. You'll have to read the rest of the story to get any more.