Please do not review too harshly, this is my first parody and I am trying my best to make this funny.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sweeney Todd and Company; they belong to Tim Burton and Warner Brother Pictures.
Sweeney Todd Parody
Chapter One: There's no place like London
(The camera zooms over to a depressing looking ship, this IS a Tim Burton movie, no color is allowed! The depressing ship continues to sail towards a bridge; a man with blond hair is looking eagerly over the edge of the ship at London.)
Anthony: Wowzers! There's London, the happiest place on Earth full of happy people and hope! There's no place like London!
(Sweeney Todd suddenly walks up to Anthony, when he hears his overly chipper voice.)
Anthony: OMG! It's the immortal pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow!
Sweeney: Do I know you?
Anthony: You have no idea who I am, but I know who you are! You are Jack Sparrow, the greatest pirate to ever live!
Sweeney: Why is the rum gone-I mean my name is Todd, Sweeney Todd and I will have my revenge... MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Anthony: O-kay, you are totally, 100% a man who is sane and not a psychopathic murder, oh look we've arrived in London! YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
Sweeney: All of your happiness is starting to annoy my inner core of angst; In order to prevent losing all of my sanity; I think I'll take a little trip into memory lane…
Anthony: Have fun Jack Sparrow, but be careful last time I went into memory lane a half man, half fish and an army of banana people attacked me!
(Anthony's words fade away into nothing as Sweeney remembers what life was like when he had a family. It is a beautiful summer morning, a much younger Sweeney Todd, Lucy and baby Johanna are in a market that seems to be selling flowers and only flowers. In a corner is Professor Snape, I mean Judge Turpin with his loyal sidekick, Peter Pettigrew I mean The Beadle. These two perverts watch Lucy with a fascination that makes them look like they have never seen a woman before. "I should totally arrest that woman's husband for no legit reason that will TOTALLY make that woman fall in love with me!" Judge Turpin says and snaps his fingers. Half of London's police force suddenly appears and drags a younger Sweeney Todd away from his beloved wife and daughter, "oh Judge Turpin you are so smart and so pretty!" The Beadle announces to the judge, "I know Beadle, I know" The Judge answers proudly.)
Anthony: Helloooooo? Is anyone in there? Charlie it is really not nice to ignore other people.
(Sweeney finally comes out of memory lane and glares at Anthony for interrupting his memory of the good ole' days.)
Sweeney: My name is not Charlie, my name is not Jack Sparrow; my name is SWEENEY TODD, how hard is it to remember my name?
Anthony: Sorry Charlie!
(Sweeney is about to strangle the life out of Anthony, but then he suddenly remembers where he used to live when he had a wife and a daughter.
Anthony: Wake up Charlie! We have so much to do together, like bake muffins and knit fluffy sweaters…
Sweeney: EW. Those activities have too much joy and happiness in them for a barber full of angst. Anyways I just remembered where I used to live; I should really check it out to make sure no crazy women have taken it over as some kind of meat pie shop.
(Sweeney shudders at the idea of someone living in his old home, especially women who have issues with baking.)
Anthony: You're leaving already? But… But I had SO much joy and happiness planned for us, will I ever see you again Jack Sparrow?
Sweeney: I AM NOT JACK SPARROW! If you really want to see me, come by Fleet Street for a 'shave'.
Anthony: Ooooooh, shave! I'll have to grow a beard!
(While Anthony is talking to himself, about the reason that he'll have for visiting Sweeney, Sweeney sneaks away.)
Sweeney: There's a hole in the world like a great, black pit and it's filled with people who are filled with… With… Mitt? Kit? Lick? Aw screw it, I'll figure it out later.
End of Chapter One