Written by Ying and Zen Kioshi
Disclaimer: We don't own Dynasty Warriors or "The 12 days of Christmas" But we do own Tofu palace.
Ying: In honor of Christmas, this little... song, was written me, xq-of-wu, and my brother, Magnum Wolf. Yes, I came up with the idea and we spiced it up.
Zen: It was all my idea.
Ying: (punch) shut up liar!
Zen: This is what I get for my insolence.
xxx
On the 1st day of Christmas look and you will see
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 2nd day of Christmas look and you will see
Zhou Yu/ Sun Ce: The Two Qiao's are dancing
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 3rd day of Christmas look and you will see
Guan Yu/ Zhang Fei/ Liu Bei: Brothers swearing oath
Zhou Yu/ Sun Ce: Two Qiao's are dancing
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 4th day of Christmas look and you will see
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Guan Yu/ Zhang Fei/ Liu Bei: brothers swearing oath
Zhou Yu/ Sun Ce: Two Qiao's are dancing
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 5th day of Christmas look and you will see
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: 5 KEGS O' BEER!
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Guan Yu/ Zhang Fei/ Liu Bei: Brothers swearing oath
Zhou Yu: This is getting boring
Sun Ce: Let's go get something to eat
Zhou Yu: Good idea
Sun Ce: I heard of this great new place called the Tofu Palace...
Zhou Yu: Is it another vegetarian place?
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 6th day of Christmas look and you will see
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: 5 KEGS O' BEER! (hic)
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Zhang Fei: How many times do we need to do this?
Liu Bei: well-
Da Qiao: Hey, where did they go?
Xiao Qiao: They buggered off!
Da Qiao: So they have!
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 7th day of Christmas look and you will see
Yuan Shao: 7 peasants bowing
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: (hic) 5 KEGS (hic) O' BEER! (hic)
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Guan Yu: Yeah, is it entirely necessary?
Liu Bei: Like I said before-
Da Qiao: OK he's right, this is getting boring.
Xiao Qiao: Can we do something else?
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 8th day of Christmas look and you will see
Dong Zhuo: 8 executions
Yuan Shao: 7 peasants bowing
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: 5 (hic) KEGS (hic) O' BEER! (hic) (hic)
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Guan Yu: This is getting ridiculous
Liu Bei: BROTHERS SWEARING OATH
Zhang Fei: (hic)
Da Qiao: My feet hurt
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 9th day of Christmas look and you will see
Meng Huo: 9 slaps from Zhu Rong
Dong Zhuo: 8 executions
Yuan Shao: 7 peasants bow- hey, what are you doing with that sword?
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: (hic) 5 (hic) KEGS (hic) O' THAT STUFF! (hic) (hic)
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Liu Bei: Brother's swearing... (sigh)
Guan Yu: You might want to finish that sentence brother
Zhang Fei: (hic) I LIKE SHWEARING (hic)
Da Qiao/ Xiao Qiao: We've been dancing for 9 days straight!
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 10th day of Christmas look and you will see
Zhang Jiao: 10 yellow tur-
Lu Xun: (whisper) fire
Zhang Jiao: 10 yellow tur-
Lu Xun: (whisper)
Zhang Jiao: Wha-
Meng Huo: 9 slaps from Zhu Rong
Dong Zhuo: 8 executions
Yuan Shao: This is mutiny! After all I've done for you!
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: SHEVEN (hic) KeGsh (hic) Ohhh' BIER! (hic)
Xiahou Dun: (SMACK) It's five you morons!
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: (hic) thaz wut wi shayed (hic) sheven
Zhang He: I think I'm getting gayer!
Zhang Fei: shwear oth
Liu Bei/ Guan Yu: Umm, ditto?
Da Qiao/ Xiao Qiao: (pant) (pant)
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 11th day of Christmas look and you will see
Huang Gai: 11 bombs exploding
Zhang Jiao: 10 yellow tur-
Lu Xun: Burn sizzle fry snap crackle pop
Zhang Jiao: You know what bub-
Lu Xun: snap crackle pop
Random girl: Zomg! My rice crispies r lyk speaking to me! rotflololololololol
Zhang Jiao: Well what are they saying to you?
Lu Xun: snap crackle pop
RG: Dong Zhuo... Is... a... fagman
Zhang Jiao: (blink) (blink)
Lu Xun: snap crackle pop
RG: and thaz wat my rice crispies r saying (skips away)
Lu Xun: snap crackle pop
Meng Huo: 9 slaps- you know what? I think I have a permanent imprint on my cheek of Zhu Rong's hand...
Zhu Rong: Speak when spoken to n00b! (slap)
Dong Zhuo: 8 executions... I'm hungry
Yuan Shao: (hack) (slash) (blood squirting)
Lu Xun: 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows 6 flaming arrows
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: (hic) Lyok! (hic) flyeing (hic) goaut (hic) mountsh! (hic) eyi (hic) fell (hic) woozhy (hic) (hic) (hic)
Zhang He: 4 Great new dance moves!
Guan Yu: Darn these peach blossoms! They keep falling in my tea!
Liu Bei: Zhang Fei is wasted
Zhang Fei: flyeing (hic) goaut (hic)
Sun Ce: Hey, we're back! Want some tofu...
Da Qiao/ Xiao Qiao: (grunt)
Zhou Yu: They're just... Walking around in random circles.
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms Dynasty!
On the 12th day of Christmas look and you will see
Lu Bu: 12 bodies fly- what! Who wrote this script! LU BU WILL NOT SETTLE FOR 12 BODIES! HE NEEDS THOUSANDS!
Huang Gai: 11 bombs explo- oops...
Sun Jian: MY PALACE!
Zhang Jiao: 10 yellow tur-
Lu Xun: (whisper)
Zhang Jiao: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (shoots fire at Lu Xun)
Lu Xun: snap crackle pop
Meng Huo: 9 slaps from- THAT'S IT! I'm the husband and king, I demand respect from you-
Zhu Rong: Shut up! I thought I told you to speak when spoken to. (Rolls eyes) Men...
Meng Huo: Yes ma'am
Dong Zhuo: 8 exe-
Gan Ning: WNT SUM BEIR?
Yuan Shao: (dead)
Narrator: The peasants killed Yuan Shao after his many years of conceded looseness, and there was much rejoicing.
Peasants: Hooray!
Narrator: But the 7 peasants were left ruler less so they decided to settle it from a democratic viewpoint. So they each got ballets and wrote down who they wanted to be ruler. But of course everyone voted for himself and a riot arose among the men and they ended up killing each other. THE END... can I go home now?
Emperor: You are dismissed.
Lu Xun: ... I LIKE FIRE!
Gan Ning/ Zhang Fei/ Xiahou Yuan: (hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic) BEIR (hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)(hic)
Zhang He: These moves are soooo 12 days ago
Liu Bei: I'm sick of these oaths! And why are we in a peach garden? I hate peaches, why can't it be an apple garden
Guan Yu: I don't think Brother is even here anymore.
Da Qiao/ Xiao Qiao: (passed out)
Sun Ce: (poking Da) poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke... poke...
Zhou Yu: Stop it!
Cao Cao/ Sun Jian/ Liu Bei: And The Three Kingdoms- aw, screw it...
Cao Cao: All this singing has made me hungry.
Sun Jian: I heard of this great new place called the Tofu Palace...
Liu Bei: Is it another vegetarian place?
xxx
And... that's about it