Buffy sat outside on her back porch. The moon was full. It lit up the yard,
making it so she saw shadows every where she looked. It never ceased to
amaze her, nighttime. A time she thought she'd never see again. And in her
heart, a time she hoped she had left behind forever. When night came, so
did evil. Darkness wasn't something you wanted. But in Buffy's life,
darkness was who she was. P
It had been a month. A long month of remembering. All the things that had gone wrong in her life. Her first night as the slayer. She was such a disappointment that night. No wonder Merrick had made her work so hard. But that memory went hand in hand with her parents divorce. She still blamed herself, always would probably. P
Next came the move to Sunnydale, or Sunnyhell as she liked to call it. This place was hell. Everywhere you looked, there was evil. Human and non-human. You couldn't even take a moonlight stroll with your beau and not be attacked by something. Whether it be a vampire or an evil helldog that wished you dead.P
The master was the worst thing she'd ever faced. Angel was a close second but the master was all of Buffy's insecurities. Not even Adam or Glory were as evil as the Master had been. And the Mayor was just a wannabe evil master. He wasn't cut out for it. Never had been. The night she defeated the master she became an adult. She had finally realized how short her life would really be. Dying could do that to you.P
Angel would always be a sore spot with Buffy. She had buried the hatchet, so to speak, but she would never forget. He was her first love. The guy teenagers everywhere dreamed of, only he hadn't been a guy. He had been a demon. And she never should have gotten mixed up with him. Angel was in her past, a place he belonged. She didn't love him anymore, she didn't even know if she had feelings towards him anymore.P
Faith was her biggest failure. If she could have noticed how far gone the slayer was maybe she could have been saved. But once again, Buffy had been too caught up in her own life. Faith had made the only choice she could, to go join the Mayor, he had claimed to love her. But in all realities, he had bought her. But maybe if Buffy had been her friend she wouldn't have been able to be bought.P
Joyce. In three words Buffy could say exactly what she felt. She hated God. No demon had killed her mom. No supernatural force. Just life, just a disease that God let her have. He could have saved her. Hell, Buffy had saved the world so many times, didn't she deserve one reward. Her mom was her support system, after she had died, Buffy had lost the drive in herself. To see someone that close to you die, without reason. It did strange things to a person. Especially someone who could save the world but not her mother.P
Dawn, her sister, her very flesh and blood. Buffy couldn't describe in words how much she loved her sister. She maybe wasn't a "real" sister, but she was even more. She was created from Buffy. She was part of Buffy, the good part. The only part worth fighting for. And fight she had, to death.P
And Spike. The vampire without a soul, without any real reason to not wish her dead, loved her. Now that scared the hell out of her. It went against every thing she believed in. That bloody British vampire kept Buffy up at night. Making her wish of things that were better left alone. But he popped up, at times that Buffy wished to be alone. At times when she needed him the most.P
So Buffy sat there, the same spot. Night after night. Remembering past hurts. Sorting through them, dissecting them. Trying to figure out how she came to be here. Where she went wrong? Why she couldn't have been left dead.
It had been a month. A long month of remembering. All the things that had gone wrong in her life. Her first night as the slayer. She was such a disappointment that night. No wonder Merrick had made her work so hard. But that memory went hand in hand with her parents divorce. She still blamed herself, always would probably. P
Next came the move to Sunnydale, or Sunnyhell as she liked to call it. This place was hell. Everywhere you looked, there was evil. Human and non-human. You couldn't even take a moonlight stroll with your beau and not be attacked by something. Whether it be a vampire or an evil helldog that wished you dead.P
The master was the worst thing she'd ever faced. Angel was a close second but the master was all of Buffy's insecurities. Not even Adam or Glory were as evil as the Master had been. And the Mayor was just a wannabe evil master. He wasn't cut out for it. Never had been. The night she defeated the master she became an adult. She had finally realized how short her life would really be. Dying could do that to you.P
Angel would always be a sore spot with Buffy. She had buried the hatchet, so to speak, but she would never forget. He was her first love. The guy teenagers everywhere dreamed of, only he hadn't been a guy. He had been a demon. And she never should have gotten mixed up with him. Angel was in her past, a place he belonged. She didn't love him anymore, she didn't even know if she had feelings towards him anymore.P
Faith was her biggest failure. If she could have noticed how far gone the slayer was maybe she could have been saved. But once again, Buffy had been too caught up in her own life. Faith had made the only choice she could, to go join the Mayor, he had claimed to love her. But in all realities, he had bought her. But maybe if Buffy had been her friend she wouldn't have been able to be bought.P
Joyce. In three words Buffy could say exactly what she felt. She hated God. No demon had killed her mom. No supernatural force. Just life, just a disease that God let her have. He could have saved her. Hell, Buffy had saved the world so many times, didn't she deserve one reward. Her mom was her support system, after she had died, Buffy had lost the drive in herself. To see someone that close to you die, without reason. It did strange things to a person. Especially someone who could save the world but not her mother.P
Dawn, her sister, her very flesh and blood. Buffy couldn't describe in words how much she loved her sister. She maybe wasn't a "real" sister, but she was even more. She was created from Buffy. She was part of Buffy, the good part. The only part worth fighting for. And fight she had, to death.P
And Spike. The vampire without a soul, without any real reason to not wish her dead, loved her. Now that scared the hell out of her. It went against every thing she believed in. That bloody British vampire kept Buffy up at night. Making her wish of things that were better left alone. But he popped up, at times that Buffy wished to be alone. At times when she needed him the most.P
So Buffy sat there, the same spot. Night after night. Remembering past hurts. Sorting through them, dissecting them. Trying to figure out how she came to be here. Where she went wrong? Why she couldn't have been left dead.