Disclaimer:

Turtlequeen2: Since I wrote one parody, I decided to make another one! However, this time, I hope the humor will still be evident even though there are serious topics in it.

Inuyasha: Keh! Don't you torture me enough?!

Turtlequeen2: Never!

Inuyasha: -rolls eyes- Whatever! What are you doing to me this time?

Turtlequeen2: It'll be a surprise! -gives innocent smile-

Inuyasha: I have a feeling that I won't like this at all…

Note: If you are reading this just to expect a lemon, do not continue! However, if you want to laugh at how unrealistic lemons are written, please continue on!

Inuyasha and the Condom

How many of you have read lemons between Inuyasha and Kagome or between any two Inuyasha characters for that matter? How many of you have written lemons?

Often times, writers place Inuyasha and Kagome in dreamlike fantasy realms during sexual encounters.

What? You don't believe me? How many of you have ever heard of a perfect first experience? Well, outside of lemons and hentai and other forms of pornography, that is…

This story will demonstrate how a more realistic first time would be like…

For some reason, unknown to even them, a particular couple wanted to have sex. Maybe it was the spiked tea? The demon who placed hormonal spells on them? Seeing their friends engage in the same activity earlier in the week? Whatever caused the urge decided to make the couple experience the same state of arousal at the same time. Neither of them cared about the reasons. They just wanted to have sex.

"Is everyone asleep…?" The question was whispered in a sneaky and nervous fashion by everyone's favorite inu-hanyou. His amber-gold eyes focused on the girl who tip-toed behind him.

"Yes, even Miroku-sama," she confirmed, using the similar way of speaking. Her chocolate-brown eyes looked up at the man she was prepared to run off into the woods with. It was good thing that she would agree to do this with someone she loved and who was strong. If with anyone else, who knew what awkward situations would arise from committing such acts outside at nighttime?

"Good."

And with that, the couple ran off into the forest, taking one of the miko's sleeping bags with them. Both of their thoughts went along of the lines of, 'I can't believe that I'm going to do this!' as they ran.

Upon knowing that they were far enough from the group, Inuyasha stopped walking. Turning to face the woman, he told her to place the sleeping bag on the ground. The only reason it was brought with them was because, for some reason, she did not feel like having her first sexual experience while "thinking of sitting on pine cones" or something like that.

"I-Inuyasha… are you sure that you want to do this?" she asked nervously, immediately beginning to regret her decision as soon as she knew that they were about to go down the path they could not turn away from. A light blush crossed her cheeks.

Curse it all! As soon as he could tell that she was blushing, he began to do the same. However, he did not want to turn back now. His manly pride would not allow him to.

What she did not know was how the monk knew about this beforehand. Miroku had figured out his plans from when he and Kagome had their first conversation. That was the only reason why Miroku stayed "asleep." Well, that, and the threat to cut off his manhood if he was caught peeking…

Shaking those heads out of his head, he used his arms to press Kagome against a conveniently placed tree that was behind her. "I-I'm sure…" he lied, his tone giving away everything.

Even when Kagome had caught his stutter, she did not want to back out now. Especially when he had backed her against a tree! Besides, Sango needed a full report!

What he did not know was that she had spoken to the taijiya about the event the week before she had planned to approach him. It was assumed that she was also told to make sure that the monk did not go off to watch them.

Now, Kagome was just making up excuses on why she had to go through with this even after the need for lustful acts disappeared.

Inuyasha let out a deep breath, steadying his racing heart. Based on the look that crossed the miko's face, he knew that he had to make the first move. Quickly closing the gap between them, he covered her lips with his own.

It did not take long until their desires came back with a vengeance.

Kagome's hands were entwined in Inuyasha's silver hair while he wrapped his arms around her waist. He used his natural instincts along with Miroku's "advice" on how to take the kiss further and how to progress into the activity.

The girl's face flushed as he began to kiss down her jaw line and neck. He even managed to suck on her neck as he moved his mouth down. Before speaking, he gave her another long and deep kiss. "K-Kagome… I think we should move a bit…" he murmured in an embarrassed manner, nodding his head towards the sleeping bag. He could tell that her legs were weakening by the way that she was leaning onto him.

Kagome gave a shaky nod. "R-right," she breathed out, inwardly wondering why her flustered self did not even die out after they started. Was it supposed to be this embarrassing?!

The two got onto their knees on top of the sleeping bag and continued where they left off. However, this time, Inuyasha had gotten a bit farther in his advances. That was until it came to "disrobing" her.

Kagome, who, by this time, closed her eyes due to the small amounts of pleasure she was feeling, opened her eyes when she felt him pull away from her. "W-what… is it, Inuyasha?" she asked in a panting tone.

His own flustered expression was replaced with confusion and annoyance. He pointed at her shirt. "How the hell do you get that thing off?" he demanded, reminding her just how far they were planning to go. He then froze and began to burn a dark shade of red when Kagome turned her head away from his gaze.

"Uh… um… I'll take it off," she stammered. Pausing for a second to look at the hanyou, she untied and pulled the red ribbon from her sailor fuku top. After that, she un-tucked the top from her skirt and pulled it up and over her head, tossing it aside. "Y-you can continue."

He faced her, his eyes widening upon seeing her bare stomach and modest cleavage. "Kagome…" he gasped. He was prepared to spout something romantic like "you're beautiful" or something to that effect, but found that his throat tightened. The only thing he could do was ask, "What's that…?" while pointing to her bra.

"It's called a bra…" she explained, sounding more normal upon feeling her arousal decreasing due to the slight mortification she had experienced. "Girls in my time wear them under their clothes to add support to their breasts…"

"Oh."

The miko sighed. "Are you really prepared to do this?" she questioned again, wondering if Inuyasha was feeling as awkward as her.

"Keh! Of course I am!" he declared, pushing his emotions to the back of his mind. To put emphasis on his statement, he pushed her down onto her back and kissed her again. He sat up quickly, only to pull Tessaiga and its sheathe out of his sash and to set it on top of her shirt. Bending down, he started to suck on her neck while trailing his left hand over the valley of her breasts and down her stomach.

It did not take long before Kagome began to pant once more. Caught up in her fit of enjoyment, she quickly helped him unclasp her bra when his arm reached underneath her back. While he was beside her, she managed to untie the string that managed to hold his outer haori together and helped him get out of it. Continuing on, she also helped remove his under layer of kimono, revealing his lightly muscled chest.

Inuyasha tried not to let his ego swell as she trailed her hand over his chest, outwardly marveling at how handsome he truly was under his baggy clothes. He also tried not to get any more nervous as he saw her breasts bared in front of him. 'Huh… they're a bit larger than I thought…' he noted offhandedly, forcing his feelings down before he could blush even more.

Kagome reclined after she saw his facial expression. She could tell that he wanted to continue where he left off.

The hanyou finally managed to grasp her left breast and rubbed the nipple to attention while beginning to suckle on the other. After a few moments, he switched sides and allowed his hand to slowly make its way down to the band of her skirt. He did not bother to stop to ask how he could get it off. He just slid his hand under the band, feeling his hand land upon thin cloth, which, in other words, were her panties.

During this entire time, Kagome was whimpering, wanting more and yet still bashful enough not to ask for it. She had allowed her body to do all of the talking for her. She arched her hips in silent anticipation.

Just as he was about to finally touch her womanhood, a sudden thought came over her. "I-Inu…yasha," she panted, reaching out a shaky hand to touch his chest.

He paused and looked up at her flushed expression. "Kagome?" he questioned, arching a brow, wondering if anything had caused her pain.

She sat up slightly. "W-we… I mean… I can't do this…" she whispered, using her arm to cover her breasts.

The hanyou sat back, caught by surprise. "W-why not?" He was beginning to recover from his own budding arousal. Hearing her say such words was like feeling cold water splashing down over him.

"Think about it!" she stated with frustration beginning to take over her mortified state. "If we do this completely, I could become pregnant."

Inuyasha honestly did not take too much time to think over that small possibility. He crossed his arms over his naked chest, huffing and trying to recover from his episode of stupidity. "Keh! I knew that, woman!"

She rolled her eyes, trying her hardest not to blush at what had just transpired. "What I should say is that, I'm not prepared to do this until we use protection," she corrected.

"…We don't have to do that in particular, you know," he pointed out in a low murmur, getting flustered at where the conversation was going. "And what is protection? How do you prevent having a baby?"

Kagome shook her head. "I know that, but eventually, it could lead up to…" she let out a breath, trying to find the right word to use. "…penetration and without protection, I could end up being a mother. I mean, once we start, there's a chance that our judgment could go haywire and we won't stop at a certain point." Her expression turned serious. "And you know that there are many reasons why having a baby would be bad for me right now. Firstly, we have enemies to deal with. Secondly, my age…"

Inuyasha nodded, understanding what she was saying for the most part. "In this time, girls younger than you have families," he said.

"I know, but not in my time!" she exclaimed.

The hanyou's curiosity at his question grew. "But you still haven't answered my question. How do you prevent having a baby?"

"Uh…" Kagome suddenly froze, not wanting to explain one of the two options that was available for them to utilize. "Well, the first one would be me taking birth control pills. But since I'm not really sexually active, I can't very well explain to my mother what I'd get them for without sitting through a very long talk…" She could only imagine what she would have to go through if her mother found out that she was having sex with Inuyasha while being in a different time.

"What's the second option?"

"…A condom," she answered in a whisper that he could barely catch even with his demonic hearing.

"A con—what?" he interrupted, never hearing the word before in his life.

"A condom," she repeated with a heave of her breath. "Men usually place it over the head of their…" Her face turned beat red, unable to continue while looking at his innocent and naïve facial expression.

He took the time to cut her off, much to her relief. Well, until he spoke his next words, that is. "What? How the fuck would placing these 'condoms' over your head prevent that?!"

Kagome's eyes got as large as flying saucers. She tried to speak words but could only sputter. If the situation were not as embarrassing as it was, she would have laughed hard and long. "I-Inu…yasha!" she gasped, feeling even more mortified.

"What?" he demanded, narrowing his eyes at her strange reaction. "What did I say that was wrong?"

Kagome could not help herself any longer. She had to leave. This was beginning to be too much for even her to withstand. It had to be the most humiliating moment of her life. Standing up with her arms to her sides, she felt the cold air pass over her breasts and then remembered that she was half nude. "Ack!" she squeaked out, quickly putting her bra back on and picking up her shirt and ribbon before running back towards the campsite.

Inuyasha looked at her, assuming that something he said had angered her. He gave an annoyed growl and placed the upper half of his clothing back into place before taking up the sleeping bag and returned to the grounds after her.

When he finally returned, he saw her fully clothed body facing away from him, a blanket up to her neck. He knew that she was not asleep, but did not bother her. He knew that it would be useless to.

The next day, the gang was fairly quiet. Especially for the likes of Inuyasha and Kagome, who were still recovering from the previous night. The next day was the same. And so was the next day.

It was not until the next week that they were able to come to terms with the unfortunate night and get the bravery to speak of it.

When everyone in their camp was "asleep" except for the pair, Inuyasha stood up and walked over to Kagome. "Kagome… I need to talk to you." His tone was hesitant, but his eyes held a certainty in them.

"That's good because I want to talk to you as well," she replied, rising up to follow him.

After reaching a point in the dense forestry, Inuyasha sat down against a tree. He glanced up at her, with only the moon illuminating her body. 'Beautiful…' he could only think, but not voice aloud. "Um, Kagome…" he trailed off.

She knew what he was heading towards and sat down beside him. "You want to talk about last week, right?" she pondered, the crimson already creeping onto her cheeks.

"Yeah…" His voice was gruffer than usual, showing that he felt the same about the subject.

She looked down at the ground. "I-I'm sorry," she then said, catching him off guard.

His head nearly snapped as he turned to look at her. "What are you sorry about?" he demanded. "I was the one who obviously said something stupid."

Kagome shook her head. "No… I was the one who stopped it. I should have said no from the start if I didn't intend to do it. Also, for someone who is from this time, it was only a natural reaction. The only reason I left was because it was become too …embarrassing to discuss with you."

Inuyasha's head cocked to the side, a bit confused but more understanding of what she meant. "Well, either way, I'm sorry if it seems like we rushed it too much."

"It's not your fault," she sighed, looking into his eyes. "And… I…I'd like to try it again."

"Really?" he asked, surprised once more. "Even after all of that?"

She nodded. "But…" she began, pulling a box out of her shirt that she had purchased in her time a couple of days beforehand. "I want to explain what these are first. I won't consent unless you agree to try and use them."

"Are those…?" he trailed off.

"Yes," she confirmed. "These are condoms. And you do not wear them on your head."

"But you said…"

"No!" she said in a stern voice. "You cut me off before I could finish. Now, I'll say this in a better way…" Leaning in closer to the hanyou, she murmured, "You place it over your penis."

He had a feeling that he knew what that particular body part was even though he had never heard it being called by that name. "You mean…?" he questioned with widening eyes.

She nodded, pointing to the spot in between his crossed legs. "Yes. There." It was beginning to become like the last time she had spoken to him about the subject. She willed herself to stay in place.

"…How do you…?" he could only say, staring hard at the small box.

To this, she did not speak any words. She opened the box and pulled out one condom with the wrapper still on it. Tearing the wrapper off, she decided to waste one of them in order to show him the entirety of it. Unraveling the item, she showed him the length of the latex material.

Inuyasha's eyes practically bugged out of his head. "W-what…?" he sputtered. "There's no way…"

Kagome let out a huff. "This is why woman generally don't get pregnant when the man wears this…"

"There is no way…" he repeated.

"'No way'?" she echoed, not knowing what he was trying to get out.

"…There is no way in hell I'm wearing that to cover myself up!" he declared rather loudly. Once he realized that he yelled such words, he blushed. Facing her, he saw her covering her face up in utter mortification. Still, he crossed his arms stubbornly. "There's no way that's comfortable! It's unnatural!"

Recovering quickly, she shot a look of irritation at him. "I know that it would be strange for you do wear, but you can at least try it once!"

"Well, first off, I don't even know how the hell you'd get it on without some bad incident happening! And secondly, chances are that it would hinder everything else!"

"Inuyasha! Lower your voice!" she hissed.

"I'm not wearing that damn thing!" he emphasized despite dropping his voice.

"Look, if you don't like it, I can always go someplace and get the pills," she insisted.

"No," he replied stubbornly. "You're not getting me to wear it and that's final!" He rose up to his feet, knowing that nothing would happen on this night.

She stood up, glaring at him. "Fine, then! I'll see to it that until you try it, I am not consenting to you no matter how much we both want it!" she spat before she realized what she had said. She jerked her head from him, not bothering to care about her humiliating state. "Inuyasha, you are a jerk!" she then added, stomping away from him, leaving the box behind on the grass.

The hanyou glowered at her retreating form and then down at the condoms. "It's all your fault…" he growled at them as if they could talk. He picked up the box and contemplated to crush them, but placed them into his haori instead. Shaking his head, he ran back to camp, knowing that he would have to endure another lonesome night.

Two more weeks went by with no developments on their situation.

The awkwardness was so heavy between the couple that Kagome chose to ride on Kirara with Sango instead of on Inuyasha's back.

The group killed various demons and even encountered a puppet of Naraku. In some ways, the two were glad that the past few weeks were busy because it got them to take their mind off of the situation. The only bad thing was if they had ever physically touched, blushes would cover both of their faces because the two nights would seep into their minds.

After two days, Kagome had gotten over her anger streak towards him regarding his condom comments. However, she was still sore about the subject matter.

Inuyasha, actually understanding why she barely spoke no more than a few words toward him, did not bring up the topic.

On this particular night, the band of people decided to stop in a small village for their rest. With the monk's usual tricks, they had managed to rent out a large manor with multiple rooms.

"You've outdone yourself this time, Miroku," the hanyou commented, looking around the place when they walked inside.

"Why, thank you, my friend!" the monk returned exuberantly, his violet eyes twinkling with happiness. Pulling on the back of Inuyasha's haori, he suddenly dragged him into a private room that was away from the rest of their friends. "Inuyasha," he began in a whisper. "We need to discuss some matters."

"You want to know what I did to piss off Kagome, right?" he asked in a deadpan voice.

"My, you're getting more observant by the day!" Miroku teased, backing away slightly when Inuyasha glared at him.

"Keh! I just stood my ground and the woman didn't like my decision. That's all!" the hanyou growled.

Miroku shook his head. "Inuyasha, Inuyasha, Inuyasha…" he said in a "tsk-ing" manner. He resisted the urge to hit him on the head with his shakujou. "When will you learn that you will never get anywhere with a woman unless you cooperate with her?"

"What are you talking about?" he questioned, being stubborn.

"Well, whatever the issue is, it must have been big…" the monk trailed off. "She's been giving you strange looks ever since two weeks ago." Thinking upon it some more, a perverted smirk spread over his lips. "I got it!"

Inuyasha saw his expression and did not like the direction the conversation was going. "W-what?" His voice shook slightly. And of course, neither Inuyasha nor Kagome told anyone about their constant blunders and so Sango and Miroku assumed that the act already happened.

"You refused to do something with Kagome-sama in bed, right?"

The hanyou's eye twitched. The man could not have been any more correct.

Upon seeing Inuyasha's reaction, he laughed. Placing his hand on his friend's shoulder, he responded, "What? Is there something that she wants you to do that is discomforting? Or are you just not sure of how to go about it?"

"Trust me…" Inuyasha grumbled, relenting. "You will not be able to advise me on how to go about what she wants me to do."

"Ah," Miroku remarked. "Something from her country?"

"…You could say that."

The monk shook his head. "Did you refuse her without even thinking about trying it?"

Inuyasha glared at him again. "Keh! I am not trying it!"

"Inuyasha, I've never seen you so set against something." Miroku chuckled. "And to think it was about a woman's anatomy."

The hanyou's eye twitched once more. "It's more like about mine!" he yelled, feeling frustrated. He suddenly realized how loud his declaration was and knew that red dusted his cheeks. He could only hope that no one had heard him.

Miroku laughed softly before allowing his facial features to turn serious. "Knowing how stubborn Kagome-sama is, she won't back down. In other words, you'll eventually have to look elsewhere for that type of activity if you don't apologize to her. Even if you were right in such an argument, she can do much more than just 'sit' you now."

Inuyasha let out a cough, feeling a chill run up his spine at his comment. He was right. "Dammit!" he cursed. "I'll never win, will I?"

The other man shook his head. "When it includes the threat of such activities with the woman you love, you can only lose," he confirmed. "And with that in mind, what will you do?"

The hanyou was at a loss for words. "…I don't know. I'm going to think about it." He turned from the monk and walked out of the room, avoiding to look at the women. He headed towards the back door and went out onto the porch. After sitting outside for several hours, he decided to walk back inside, finally making up his mind.

Luckily, and conveniently, Kagome was the only person awake in the entire place. Walking up to her sitting form, he pulled her arm up, making her stand. He continued gripping onto her arm, yanking her along with him to an abandoned room.

"W-what are you doing?!" she demanded, becoming flustered as well as irritated. She glowered at him defiantly.

He silenced her rant before it could even begin by giving her a harsh kiss on the lips while pinning both of her arms against the shut door behind them.

She returned the kiss despite herself. After he pulled away, she lightly kicked him in the leg. "What are you trying to do?" she hissed.

"Don't yell!" he told her. "You'll wake up everyone!"

"You're one to talk," she spat, but lowered her voice anyways. She relaxed her body when he released her arms.

"Kagome," he began, his voice dropping into a defeated whisper. "…I'll do it."

"Do what?"

He snarled at her before he could stop himself. "What do you think, wench?"

"Oh…" Kagome remarked, blushing even more after she figured out what he was talking about. She did not even comment on the nickname she hated the most. "But I don't have any more…" And as long as her stubbornness lasted, it diminished in the blink of an eye when he said those words.

He shook his head and sighed. "I still have the ones you dropped," he murmured, pulling out the box from his haori and placing it in her hand.

"…Are you sure?" she asked.

"Oh, so now you're more sensitive about it?" he responded sarcastically before he could stop himself.

Kagome glared at him. "Look, I'm not going to force it onto you if you don't want to put it on." She began to push at his body that was blocking her path, but found that he would not budge.

Inuyasha's expression softened slightly. "Kagome, I want to," he responded. "You're the only person I want to do this with." He tried his hardest to push Miroku's voice to the back of his mind. He never wanted to find another "partner" in place of Kagome.

"…Inuyasha," she gasped, half-expecting him to continue with his "grand" confession that she had only dreamed about. Unfortunately for her, she never heard it.

Instead, he paused and then backed away from her with a blush on his face. "So…uh… how do you really put one of those on?"

Kagome nearly fell over. For such a romantic, passionate moment, he had just ruined it within seconds. Nevertheless, she gave him a small smile. Hopefully, soon, he would say those three little words to her since she had already seen his true feelings expressed through his eyes. "Well, first of all, you can't put them on at first. You have to…"

"Yeah?"

"You have to get aroused first," she finished in a mumble.

"Oh…"

The pair sprouted matching shades of red on their faces. This time, Kagome was the first one to recover. Pushing down her embarrassment, she grabbed his forelocks and pulled him forward, kissing his lips.

Inuyasha quickly got over his shock and returned the kiss with added eagerness. Her arms wrapped around her and he hugged her tightly against himself.

It did not take long for them to end up at the same area where the stopped the last time. Fortunately, this time, they were able to go a bit further.

With Kagome's help, the hanyou was able to pull down her skirt and panties, finally revealing her fully nude body to him. Inuyasha gazed upon her body, his voice caught in his throat once more. He was determined. Swallowing down the knot in his throat, he spoke. "Y-you're beautiful, Kagome."

The young woman found herself flustered beyond herself when she heard his words. "T-thank you…" she whispered.

He wasted no time. He did not want either of them to lose their arousals. He already knew that she was calming down a bit since she was still extremely nervous about being naked in front of him. Working quickly, he kissed his way down her body, his hands roaming as well.

Kagome's breath caught in her throat when one of his hands found its way to her bare thigh. He caressed the skin, moving his hand up towards her womanhood in a slow fashion. Following his instincts, his placed a kiss on her navel before moving his mouth downward.

Upon using his mouth in that certain area, the woman's face completely flushed and her breathing picked up. She had even begun to let out small whimpers. When he had begun to "prepare" her with his fingers, he caught the distinct scent of her blood and stopped.

"Kagome…?" he murmured, looking up at her face that was painted with obvious enjoyment.

When he suddenly stopped, she lifted her head and stared at him. "I-Inuyasha… what's …wrong?" she panted.

"Don't you feel any pain?" he questioned, lifted his head completely from where it once was. "You're bleeding," he added, holding up his fingers and showing the blood dripping down them.

Kagome's face got redder when she saw them. "…Uh, no. But, I think that means that I'm ready?" Her voice held question in it.

Inuyasha sniffed the air again, noticing that the blood flow had slowed since he pulled out his fingers. "Are you sure?" His tone was showing complete concern. "I don't want to hurt you."

Kagome managed a nervous smile. "I'm sure. Please …don't stop." She then paused. "Are you still…?" Her eyes glanced down at his pants. It was a shame that the hakama were so baggy that she could not even tell without him answering her directly.

He managed a simple nod, beginning to undo his sash and pulling down his hakama. Underneath, laid a cloth which told her that it was a primitive form of underwear in the time she was caught in. "…Where are they?"

She sat up, seeing the box on top of the pile of clothes. She reached over to grab it, taking out a condom and opening the wrapper. The woman then handed it to Inuyasha and began to tell him how to put it on. "Um… from what I've read, you just put the top of it…well the closed side of it, at the tip…" she stuttered.

He took off the under cloth and attempted to do as she told him. He gave a frustrated growl. "Could you repeat that more clearly?" He could not tell what exactly she was saying because of her stammering.

The woman her face away from him, hoping that it would help her explain herself more clearly. "Place the closed side facing towards the wall. Take the edges of the opening and slide it downwards…" she told him in a rushed fashion.

He still did not understand her that well, but managed to figure it out on his own. Luckily, he was still able to put it on after several minutes of no physical contact with her. "Um… is it supposed to feel this strange?" he asked.

"I think so. It's made out of a stretchy material called rubber," she told him.

Not really understanding her explanation, he decided to ignore the distracting sensation. "Kagome… are you still…?"

"Yes, Inuyasha," she confirmed, facing him. Her eyes then automatically fell upon his manhood and she was found to be speechless. 'Wow… so that's what those look like up close…' she thought to herself. Since she had never seen one outside of medical pictures during school classes, she had nothing to use in order to compare sizes.

Inuyasha could not help but feel embarrassed at how intently she stared at him. "Uh… are we going to do this?" He then noticed that the scent of her blood was beginning to fade away.

"I'm ready…" she murmured, awaiting the impending doom that was supposed to be full of agony. At least that was what she was told.

He got down on his knees and gave her one last kiss on the mouth before preparing himself to enter her. There was a moment's pause as he tried his hardest to find the very place to enter into.

Kagome gripped onto her shirt, preparing for the worst.

Finally finding it, he positioned his length and slowly pushed it into her.

The woman cringed, gripping the shirt more tightly, and finding tears prick the back of her eyes from the pain. However, it was a lot better than what she feared. She figured that it was because of his "prepping" beforehand.

But…Where was the pain that was supposed to rip her stomach in half? She figured that since Inuyasha was a hanyou, he would have been able to provide her with more pain than a human man. She grew confused, but pushed the thoughts in the back of her mind.

Inuyasha stopped, staring at her and smelling salt in the air. "Kagome?"

She shook her head. "Keep going after you get used to it being inside. It just feels very strange… And it's supposed to hurt the first time anyways," she added.

"But…" He smelt even more blood.

"Please," she begged, beginning to feel frustrated at how overly concerned he was over her.

Inuyasha nodded, finally listening to her. Pulling out slightly, he pushed his length back into her.

The woman felt an ebbing of pleasure, but the overall sensation was mostly throbbing pain and discomfort. Even after several minutes, the same feeling remained. Whatever happened to the sudden bouts of pleasure a woman was supposed to have? Someone had obviously lied to her.

And as for the hanyou…

"H-Houshi-sama?" Sango whispered, her face a beat red, easily hearing the low whimpers and grunts coming from the next room.

The monk was laying on the opposite side of her with a lecherous grin on his face. "What is it, my lovely Sango?" he queried, turning to look at her.

The flustered taijiya threw a glare at the monk. "Don't you dare!" she warned.

"But why not?" he remarked offhandedly. "They have finally gotten out their sexual frustrations. It's especially satisfying to know that Inuyasha listened to my advice."

"…What advice?" she snapped, her brown eyes staring hard at him.

He let out a nervous laugh. "I just told him that he should cooperate with Kagome-sama's wishes a bit more."

"…And it lead to that?!" she hissed, pointing to the wall.

"I guess so," he replied smugly. "Tell me, didn't you know that it was going to happen sooner or later? Inuyasha told me a lunar cycle ago."

Sango paused from her irritated rant to think about it. "Well… Kagome-chan did mention something about it…"

"That's what I assumed."

Before either person could reply, a loud growl of what sounded like frustration emerged from the next room.

A murmur of Inuyasha's name could be heard followed by an awkward pause of silence.

Following such silence was a very loud shout that would make the poor hanyou the butt of jokes for a very long time afterwards.

"WHAT THE HELL?! I CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING WITH THIS DAMN THING ON!"

Needless to say, neither person got any releases from their first experience. The only reward they got was soreness the next morning. That, along with throngs of awkwardness and embarrassment, no thanks to their friends.

All Inuyasha knew was that it would be the first and last time he would ever wear a condom.

A/N: I hope that you all learned something useful from this slight parody on realistic lemons. As you have just read, a first time may not be as extensive or as awkward, depending on how you are as a person, but this is the more accurate depiction. Call it a wake up call within lemons and hentai, if you will…

I AM NOT AGAINST USING CONDOMS. I'm just poking fun at the fact that a lot of men hate using them. I'm all for people using protection and for those who are abstinent.

I did purposely put less detailed scenes on the grounds that I don't want this story to be reported… So, please, don't report this! I did the best that I could!

Sorry for not mentioning Shippou at all. He just didn't seem to be appropriate to include in this type of story…

Again, this lemon fic was written more or less to poke fun at unrealistic "first times." This is as realistic as it will get in terms of Inuyasha lemon fics. I hope you laughed as much as I did.

Please review!

Ja ne!