She kicked off her boots first, and then off went her socks and then after resting a moment wiggling her toes in the air-it felts so good to do that, She took off her cap; the itchy thing got stashed under a loose floorboard. What a relief! She thought shaking out her mid-back length blond-brown hair. Then she quickly striped off her pants and shirt, scrambling around in her closet to find the dress she was supposed to be wearing. Then she unbound her chest, put on her corset, and then the slip, and then dress.

            Mother would kill me if she knew what I've been doing. Bless the gods above and below that no one noticed me leave or return. I hope that no one checked on my rooms when I was out. I am almost positive that Lissandra said that both James and Geldeer were going to the joust today, Cian too but he wouldn't turn me in. We are so close in age and we understand each other so well, he's only a year older then me and he would never tattle or try to get me in trouble no matter what I think.  If Lissandra was wrong I will kill her. Actually I would never kill her. So I'll hide if she's wrong. Hide and then no one will find me and then I can live happily ever after, except that won't work.

  She pulled out her school work, done the previous night by one small candle with windows drawn and rags stuffed under her door to keep the light from seeping out and alerting the whole family that she was awake after hours. Maybe I should just sneak out at night. But no one is awake that late. I will learn the fighting arts. And if mother does not believe that ladies should learn to fight with swords and weaponry then that can cripple her. But I won't her idea of what is proper put a constraint on me!

            "But you said that you'd give me the money if you won!" wailed a breathy, high, whiney, voice cutting into her thoughts. She winced, that would be Geraldine. Sure enough around the corner came Gery and her twin brother Cian. He was followed by a pouty-lipped girl with big bouncy yellow curls.

            Cian glanced in as he walked by, and then stopped when he saw she was there. He gave her a mournful look, glancing meaningfully at Gery, she nodded her understanding. Geraldine pulled up beside him still whining. Then Gery noticed that Cian wasn't paying attention, she turned to see who Cian was looking at,

            "Oh, it's you Armina!" she said in a sickly sweet voice. "I was just talking with your brother about how it is so wonderful that he won the joust today."

            "That's wonderful Cian. I'm so happy for you." she said, trying not to sound sarcastic.

            "It wasn't that hard Ria." said her older brother, using her much favored nickname.

            Only her mother (whose name was Joserlyn Valieriane Hultwig) and a few other people called her Armina, which was her first name. It meant warrior-maid, but even so Armina? And her full name all together was atrocious, Armina Lorning Hultwig. She was somehow nicknamed Aria, derived from Armina. Over the years that had been shortened to Ria, which was fine by her and she mainly used Ria as her name. She would respond to Armina, or Ria, but she preferred Ria.

            "I'm sure it was lovely." She said to her twin, and then turned to Geraldine, "Gery, why are you asking for his money?"

            "Why am I what?" said Geraldine.

            "Asking for Cian's money, I heard you as you came up the hall." And it's not hard with a voice like that.

            "Oh, no, nothing. I'm sure you misunderstood. You see I'm not asking for his money. He intended to give it to me. Then he went back on his word."

Ria raised an eyebrow in a question which she shot at her brother :Did you:  and he Sent back :No such thing. Not that I remember at least.:

            She and her older brother Cian were like that. They could communicate perfectly. She could sometimes know what he was thinking and feeling, and he the same with her. Some Sendings were clearer then others. Sometimes she or her brother would pickup something the other didn't want to share or wasn't supposed to be doing, but it was all right because they understood each other. Also emotions came strong through the bond between them, especially pain.

            When Ria was five she had somehow gotten out of her room, left the house, and gotten lost. No one noticed she was gone. Cian had been put to bed, but he woke up screaming. He came running to their mother and told her that Ria was gone. He didn't know how he knew. Her door was locked so he could not have checked on her. But sure enough she was gone. In fact, Cian had been able to lead them to where Ria had fallen and broken her leg and was lying in the wet dirt crying.

            "How about we have a compromise between the two of you; you see mother would not approve of Cian giving you money. She has to clear it first and if she knew he was betting, or had been bet on, she would take the money for herself and do who knows what else. So why doesn't Cian give you a fourth of what he earned and so it won't be so much as you can't explain it and Cian will be able to keep some so no one suspects anything. They'll think that if he was to give you money he would give all of it." said Heather.

            "I believe my younger sister is a genius!" said Cian :thank you Ria, you're a lifesaver. I couldn't have gotten out of that without your help.:

            Geraldine gave a huffy little sigh, "I suppose you're right. Okay, one third."

            "One fourth, Gery."

            "Oh all right one fourth if that's to be it or nothing."

            Cian handed over the money and then sent Gery off so he could talk with Ria.

            "How are you? I noticed you were gone you know, but it's alright because nobody else did. You were thinking so loud I was afraid mother would here you just a moment ago."

            "You…What?!"

            "I have been picking up you thoughts more clearly and more often. Isn't it the same for you?"

            "To tell the truth I'm so preoccupied most of the time…I guess I haven't been paying attention… Come to think of it, I guess I have Heard and Felt you more often."

            "So what did you learn today?"

            "Don't you already know given what you just said?"

            "Not exactly, I think you got pretty tossed around today and at one point you were very happy, but other then that not much."

            "Today we were doing hand to hand combat. I'm 'one of the boys' you know. No one knows I'm a girl yet. They'll skin me when they find out, but I'm doing better then most of the boys! I royally whooped a few asses today," Ria grinned. "Of course they tossed me around too. But they all didn't have you guys as older and younger brothers driving them insane around every corner when they were kids!"

              "That drove mother more insane then you. Remember the time when James loaned you his pants and we all had that tournament?"

            "Could I ever forget? Mom came out to find us covered in mud and rolling around. She gave us an amazing lecture. And it was worse for me. 'Boys can roll in the dirt and beat each other into pulp, but that is by no means a lady-like think to do, especially if it's boys you're beating into a pulp'."

            "I think it was the fact that you didn't wear a shirt that got her."

            "None of you did, plus I was nine and a half not 17 or anything!"

            "Unorthodox."

            "That's me!" she grinned again then subsided, "So what is it you wanted to talk about."

            "Nothing in particular really. Just wanted to see how you were doing." said Cian, toying with a paperweight from her desk as he swiveled this way and that on the desk chair.

            "I'm fine, thank you. I'm learning a lot from Master Luxoci. I almost want to tell him I'm a girl, he would understand I think."

            "Don't. Don't take any chances. We can't let that happen."

            "I know."

            "Have you told him about us yet?"

            "No, you know I haven't told a soul about us. I think they suspect. But mother would never say so and father believes that everything unexplainable or spectral is witchery and the work of the devil."

            "That really sucks you know. He isn't of the opinion that females should be useless, but he doesn't like magic. Between mother and father you'll never get anything done."

            "You don't think I know that. I can't wait till I'm old enough to leave. As soon as I am I'm going to blow the dirt of this place off my heels and leave. Sorry Cian, but I can't stay."

            "I know." Cian bit his lip worriedly, a frown line creasing his eyebrows, "You know, there is something I wanted to talk about."

            "Yes."

            "Well, I heard mother talking to father. She was not happy with how "manly" you've grown. She blames it on father and me. She thinks we're too close and that I'm influencing your womanliness with my manly ways. She wants to "marry you off" so you'll settle down and be a proper house wife."

            "You mean she wants me to have children, cook dinner, and tat lace the rest of my life."

            "Yeah that would be accurate."

            "To all frozen seven Hells!" said Ria punching a pillow on her bed. "What is it with that? I have to be meek and gentle and nod my head and, and…You think I haven't tried? I've tried damn hard to be a perfect woman! The fact is I can't do needle point. I don't want to be Mrs. Housewife. I want to see people and places. I want to wield a sword and my magic. I want to help the needy. Like knights in stories, except I don't want to have to go to war or kill anyone. I want to be a one woman army for peace."

            "I know that. But mother doesn't approve. She's going to put on show case. She's trying to find you a husband who is strong enough to bend you to his will." That sent a shiver up Ria's spine she knew of a sorts what that meant.

            "She wouldn't."

            "She probably would. We both know it. What's worse she's going to marry me off, or send me out to find a dragon to rescue a princess from. And if all else fails there is always the Guard. The only problem to the dragon idea is that there are no dragons around. And as to the wife bit…Can you see me with someone like Gery living out my days happily? The Guards not that bad, it's the best of all the choices. The main thing is she wants me to be away and then maybe you'll become more "womanly". I know it's stupid but that's what I overheard."

            Ria stared at Cian in shock. "Oh, no. No, this is not good." Cian lifted his shoulders and spread his hands :Nothing we can do that I can see.:

:Not true. There must be something.:

:What?:

:That's my problem; I can't think 'what?'.:

:I suffer your pain.:

:I know. I guess we can just watch and wait, wait and watch. If you hear anything, anything, that might be useful; tell me.: 

:Sounds good to me. I will.:

            "I'll see you at dinner dear brother." Said Ria allowed trying to make it look as if they had just been sitting in companionable silence in case anyone was listening.

            "Till then dear Ria." :Want to meet in the special place later, I have to talk with Mother, but I can meet you after that..: Cian waved and smiled and left.

:Yes, Thank you: Ria mind-called after him.

            Ria thought about what she had talked about with Cian. That's the whole problem; my friends are either boys or servants, or servants' children. And almost all of them are unorthodox in their own ways. I think that might be another thing Mother doesn't like. But I can't get married though. That just wouldn't work, for more then one reason. For one I'm not the proper female. I don't like embroidery or cooking or housekeeping, secondly, I'm shaych. I don't have a partner but it won't be whomever mother picks, that's for sure! That is the main problem. Why couldn't I have been born a boy? Then I could be who I wanted to be. I could have lived happily ever after with that minstrel-Tanya I think her name was-who came through two years ago. I guess that's what really started Mother off. But doesn't she know that no matter who I'm married to I probably won't love them. I wish Mother wasn't so stiff necked about being a proper female!

            Ria went to her room and finished her home work, just the little things she hadn't been able to do the night before, then she set her homework out as if she had been doing it and just happened to set it down for a moment, in case someone should think to look in her room. Then she headed for the special place.

            The special place was a hidden room at the top of one of the towers. The hidden room could be reached two ways, you could either get a rope and grappling hook and get onto the roof of the tower and then come in through the skylight, or you could go up about what seemed like a hundred stairs and then open up the seventh to last cupboard and then open the trapped door that lead from the cupboard ceiling into the secret room, the special place. Why her great uncle Deurick had made the room no one was sure. In fact he may have never told anyone. He was dead now so no one could ask him, and it seemed the only people who knew about the room were Ria and Cian.

            The special place had one bed, one desk, a few miscellaneous rugs and bits of tapestry, a lantern, a lamp, and a skylight in the roof which could only be seen from directly above, or if you were in one of the slightly higher towers facing west at the exactly right time when the sun shone down on the skylight. No one had noticed it yet in a hundred years, except for Cian, so it seemed a fairly safe place. Thank heavens I didn't put on a hoop skirt. I could never get through the trapped door in one of those things.

            Ria closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she opened the cupboard. She was a little embarrassed to admit it but spiders were her worst enemy. She had hated spiders from an early age. Her older brother Geldeer had always stuck them in her bed. But that hadn't been what had caused this embarrassing fear that made her freeze up and start shaking when she saw a spider, or if one surprised her...

            Once when she had been out in the orchard picking apples with Cian a spider had dropped off the tree and onto her arm. She had almost killed someone. She had shaken her arm so hard, whapping is against a branch in the process, and she broke her wrist and fractured a bone in her arm. Thankfully she had been about five and her bones were still young and she had a good recovery, coming out of the event with not as much as a blemish, and all the feeling still in her hand. 

            She pulled herself through the trapped door and closed it, and the cupboard door that lead to it tightly behind her, letting out a silent sigh of relief at the fact that there were no spiders. She should have known there wouldn't be, Cian made sure that there weren't. He was not afraid of spiders.

            Ria looked up. Cian was at the desk, but he turned away from her work and came to embrace Ria.

            "Are you well?"

            "Of course I'm well, I told you so earlier. And you?"

            "Fine. You know, it never hurts to ask. Come sit down." He said, motioning to the bed as he swiveled his chair around to face her, "How were classes today?"

            "Fine. And I already answered that question."

            "Well, Yes but, just checking

            "Did you get my homework?" Ria asked, Cian always picked up her homework before he went to events with her two older brothers so that she could sneak away to fighting practice.

            "Yes." He handed over a packet of papers and patterns, embroidery practice.

            "How in the name of all heavens did you get Mrs. Jerkin to let me skip etiquette class?"

            "Well I told her today you were coming to the joust, she didn't bother to check with mother. And as to your skipping classes, you have the rest of the next two weeks off. I said that you had formal engagements to attend to. Mrs. Jerkin did double check that statement. Mother said that it was the truth. She's going to start bringing in suitors."

            "You mean it's going to be tea time with every male from here to Hardon in hopes that I'll marry?"

            "I think so. But there's a sort of good side. Father, against Mother's wishes, has decreed that you are to learn math, not to mention letters. Mother doesn't disagree with letters, what's a woman who can't write, or respond to, an invitation. And Father thinks that a woman should be able to manage her estate when her husband is away at war or something so even if Mother doesn't like it you get math."
            "That's nice, so I spend my day having tea, and learning math and writing."

            "Almost accurate. You also have to learn embroidery."

            Ria groaned, "Do I have to?"

            "It's the price you pay for missing etiquette, but it's not that bad. Mrs. Rosette will teach you, and she told me that if you want to she'll add in dagger with it. You have a two hour tea time, then an hour of math and an hour of letters, then you get to have the third floor solar for two hours, uninterrupted, so you can do both emboriey and learn dagger. Mrs. Rosette says that every young lady should be able to defend herself." Cian grinned, "we can practice dagger together when you understand the idea of it."

            "Great. Thank you so much. You don't know how much I appreciate this."

            "Good. Now you should go before mother thinks to check in on you and finds you not in your room."
            "Ok. See you later."

            "By the way," Cian said as he sent her off, "good job with your late-night homework. I couldn't see any light. For all I knew you were asleep."

            "I'm trying."

            "Good. Go now."

            Ria slipped out the trapped door and sped quietly back to her room, then arranged herself at her desk as if she had been there all the time. Just in time to, for a few minuets after she got settled, her mother came in. Ria looked up, as if she had just finished,

            "Why hello mother, come in."

            "Hello dear." said her mother in a fake sweet voice.

            "What do you want?"

            "Oh, I was just coming in to check on you."

            "That's very kind of you, but I have more work. I just finished my old work and got my new, so if you would please cut strait to the chase or leave if you would."

            Ria's mother laid a hand gently on Ria's arm, "Actually, this is just what I need to talk to you about. You see though you may not have known it, you've grown up in a very unstructured way. We gave you to much free reign I believe. We let you run with your brothers and pick up their ways. Now your brothers are perfectly fine, excellent even, males. But that behavior is not proper for a young noble woman. We've tried to curb your ways, but we've agreed that we've failed. And it's not uncommon for girls your age to be married already. In fact I was married at fourteen. We have decided to find you a husband in hopes that you need things to have a purpose for you to understand them. I can see how for you, you would not have any reason to be writing formal invitations, I do that. But if you were married you would have to write them not as practice, but for real. So. If you would like to have any input as to who your husband will be then please tell me. Realize that most girls don't get to have any say in their marriages, you're a lucky girl. Now I know this may be very sudden but don't worry too much, it will be a few months before we can find you a good husband and arrange the marriage and set a time."

            Ria had known that this was coming since her Cian had told her.  But she still found it hard to keep her jaw intact. She found a lump of anger rising in her throat.

            She tried valiantly to keep her anger from showing in her voice, thankfully succeeding, "Mother. Mother, I don't want to be married."

            "Yes, I know it's sudden, I know this is hard, but just try to think about it and accept it. you will have to be married anyhow, whether you want to or not so why don't you just appreciate that we are taking what you say into account and make the best of it." But you don't listen when I say I don't want to be married. You only listen to which man I prefer. And the fact is I don't prefer men, so there isn't going to be anyone that I like. I might be able to be friends with one of them, but I doubt it. I wish you would let me be!

            "Now if you would, wash up and make yourself presentable then come down for dinner. You will begin your visits tomorrow at and hour past noon."

            "Will do so when you leave."

            "Then I will go. Try and understand we're only doing what's best for you."

            As soon as her mother was gone Ria punched her pillow several times and then stuffed it in her mouth and let out the scream of anger that she had been holding back. This was horrible. She would do something about it. She wouldn't let it stay like this. She didn't yet know what she would do, but she would do something.

            Ria made a prompt arrival to dinner. She wore a hoop skirt this time to be "presentable". Dinner was a seemingly endless affair. Her older sister Ilsa was deep in discussion with her husband, not that she and Ria had ever talked much. Cian was at the other end of the table.

            Ria looked up and down the table, but she didn't see anyone to talk to, so she concentrated on her food and the way the wood work swirled on the table, the way it and the table cloth clashed and moved together.  Then she was jerked out of her thoughts by someone saying her name. She realized all eyes were on her and tried not to look embarrassed. In fact she had no clue what had just transpired.

            "Would you stand up dear." said Ria's mother. Ria stood, perplexed.

            "This is my daughter," her mother continued, "she is now looking for a suitable husband. We will be pleased to announce her betrothed in two weeks." Ria fought the want to drop her jaw in disbelief. Two weeks. I only have two weeks. My gods, is she crazy? This is too far. Something needs to be done, not now, not here. But soon. Soon before I'm married to some man who I don't love who doesn't love me and things go down hill from there.  

            It was late. More then just a few hours past the time for the last lights to go out, but a lamp still burned in Ria's room. She had done her writing work and copied most of the patterns onto the cloth with a cloth pen. But even with her work done, she could not sleep. She sat on her bed, the lamp throwing shadows. She needed to go see her brother. But at this hour she couldn't take a lamp through the corridors. It wasn't that she was afraid of the dark, but she could never know what lurked in the dark, whether things with eight legs were crawling up the walls with every step she took, and the shadow cast in the dark, the things darker then the dark that blocked the little light there was, shadows made by chairs and figments of her mind always looked like looming black spider webs reaching out to ensnare her in their fatal grip. But she had to do something. She would get Cian. They needed to talk. She took a deep breath.

            She knew her way in the dark by heart; she had walked these passages so often. She tried to ignore the webs of shadow and the way the wall seemed to crawl and writhe. She silently left the female housing and quickly crossed the distance between it and the male housing, sneaking around the family rooms that stood in buildings between the two. She came to what should be the window to Cian's room and rapped the window lightly, blessing her brother for being one of the only light sleepers in her family.

            Cian came to the window, pulling aside the blinds, a puzzled expression on his face that dawned into understanding when he saw Ria. She beckoned :Come out here. We need to talk. We're going up to the special place so that we can have light and a place that we don't have to worry too much about people coming in or finding us.: and he nodded, replying :Good idea. I was thinking of doing something along similar lines, but I didn't know if you were awake. I'll be out in a minute.:

            Cian joined her soundly on the wet grass outside a few moments later

:Are you well?:

:Well, thank you.: she said and then sarcasticly added :this is the what-teinth time you've asked?:

Cian proceeded to ignore her comment :Good:

:Ready then?:

:Yes.:

            They went to the storage building that held the special place. Ria put up the ladder. They always entered through the window on the second story if they went in at night because the door was locked at night so that no one could steal the goods inside, but for some reason the second story window was always unlatched.

            Ria had a slight fear of heights; she was alright if she had two feet on something solid; like a trail. If she had enough room to have her feet next to each other then she was fine, no matter how far the drop off next to her. But climbing trees was hard, ladders harder then trees and climbing up rock walls almost out of the question, all those little foot holds that could only have your toes on them…

            She gave herself a mental shake and quickly and quietly she scampered up the ladder, a slim figure slithering upward through dark night. She reached the window and opened it with her slim fingers that flipped the clasps with ease and then she thrust the window open and glided in without a sound, Cian following on her heals.

            As soon as they were in the secret place with the trapped door shut tightly behind them, they lit the lamps.

            "That's better, I can see properly now." said Ria rubbing her eyes with the back of one of her hands.

            "I agree." Said Cian, "Now we really aught to get to business."

            " Well, you heard what happened at dinner."

            "Yes. Not good news, but confermation of what we already knew. And it won't be good for you.

            "Correct, first there's the fact that I want to be a knight or something like that. The problem is that knights aren't around anymore and I don't want to go into the Guard I don't think, but if it comes to that I will. I need to leave is the fact of the matter."

            "I agree, I'll hate to see you go but to see you suffer under an unhappy and possibly fatal marriage or waste away your gifts and strengths because mother is keeping back." Cian said toying with a paperweight on the desk, "but my question is, where will you go?"

            "That I don't know. Where can we go?"

            They rolled out a map, usurping the paperweight from Cian and using it to hold the map flat. They began scouting out along the borders of Rethwellan and all the possible places to leave to. They didn't know much about their options but that didn't matter.

            "So we pretty much have Karse and Valdemar, not to mention Ruvan and Jkatha but I don't know much about them." Said Cian, running his hands over the map, "I think our best bet is Valdemar. I don't know much about Valdemar. But I do know that they accept the shaych, and that their creed is 'no way is the one true way' I believe. And we could still talk even if you're over there, remember when father sent us on that hunt and we got lost way up in to mountains? You were able to call for me mind to mind."

            "True. I could start a new life there. But alone?"

            "I have to stay here. I can't go over there. Even if you are my twin I can't come with you. It's enough that we can talk any time. I'll be in your head if you need me. Alright."

            "Ok." He was right; they would never truly be apart when they were so close deep down and in their minds. She wouldn't miss home, that was for sure. She would be able to leave and start a new life. Maybe she would be worth more then a housewife in Valdemar. Maybe she could get weapons training and hand to hand combat training without having to masquerade as a boy. She could be who she was and be appreciated. So they would sneak over the border and join Valdemar and no one would fair worse. It was a brilliant idea. 

             "Fine with me. When will I go?" asked Ria.

            "Tomorrow night, I'll help gather."

            "Good. Tomorrow night." Ria reached out for his hands. "Thank you. You couldn't know how much this means to me."

            She would leave, she would start a new life in a new place that would accept her as who she was, but she would still have Cian in her head and heart if she needed him. And most of all she would live, and be free.