Disclaimer: Characters/Hogwarts etc... not mine.
Rating: T. Mild drug use and mild sexual scenes of the boy on boy nature quite a bit later.
A/N: This is Remus's life story in his own words. And he's going to tell it from start to finish. I'm not sure how this turned out. It will turn into slash later. But as they are currently 11-13 don't expect it right now. I have a plan for this story, but I have no idea how many chapters it's going to be. Maybe about PLEASE review. Keep me encouraged so I can keep writing, okay? Remus's commentary is in bold.
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This is a long story, and really, I'm not entirely sure where to start. They say you should start at the beginning. But there's a fair few beginnings to choose from.
Logically, my story would start in March of 1960.
But you could say it didn't really begin until six years after that, when I became a monster.
The fact of the matter is my life started on September first of 1971. Yes, I think that's where I'll start. And who knows, maybe if you pay close enough attention, you'll find out that Monster story too.
"Mama! Mama! Papa told me there would be a big lake! And a library with thousands of books! Is it true?" I looked up at my mother with big round little-boy eyes. I was terrified and excited and all these other emotions I didn't even know existed until that day. She smiled at me. She had the prettiest smile. I got my brown hair from her, but her's was thicker, and didn't easily turn gray like my Father's and -as I would late find out- my own.
"I don't know, my angel" She squeezed my hand in hers "I'm different than you and your Papa, you know that." I had forgotten. I always forgot. My father's wand was something so omnipresent that I didn't realize it was there, maybe I had tricked myself into thinking that she had one too.
"Well Papa must have told you!" I was jumping up and down excitedly. Soon we'd be at the platform and I'd be leaving her. I bounced and bounced, and every step was taking me closer to Papa's world. I was going to be like him, and make him proud.
Once my things were hauled onto the train, and I was coated with light-pink lipstick stains, I settled myself into an empty compartment. I was staring out the window, finally feeling the terror that was right in front of me.
No one would like me.
I am a monster.
I'm not even human.
I'd spend the next seven years probably being spit on and beat up.
"Hey mate, you saving these seats?" A short black-haired boy with glasses who looked about my age peeked into the compartment. My head snapped in his direction, and I jumped several inches off my seat. Another boy followed the first one. This one had longer hair, and had a strange look about him. Could eleven year olds look dignified?
"N-no..." I mumbled trying to compress myself in order to take up as little space as possible, without looking like an idiot. There was a hand in front of my face. Why? Oh! Handshakes. Introductions. The sorts of things normal people do.
"Potter. James Potter." The bespeckled boy smiled while I took his outstretched hand. "And this is Sirius." He pointed to the boy behind him who flashed a contained smile. "You shake hands like a nancy, by the by."
I twitched and felt heat all over my face. I had nothing to say. I panicked. The dignified looking boy, Sirius, stood up and slapped me on the back.
"Easy, mate, he's just taking the mickey." He laughed, and I got caught up in it. I laughed along with him because it was just that infectous. "You never told us your name."
"Er..." Name Name Name...What the hell is my name? "R-Remus. Lupin." They smiled at me. Genuine smiles. I had never known what that was like. Other children in town avoided me. They had heard strange stories about the 'Lupin boy' supposedly I was quite dangerous. Before they could respond to me, a girl with long pretty red hair rushed into the compartment and threw herself into a corner. The two boys next to me watched her for a moment, before shrugging vaguely. It appeared that the shorter one - James I thought, right?- Was about to open his mouth to speak, but once again the compartment door was thrown open. A rather...well...odd looking boy came in, closing the door behind him and paying absolutely no mind to us, he started speaking to the girl. James and Sirius were talking again, but I wasn't concentrating. All I knew was that I didn't like how upset that boy made the pretty girl look.
"You'd better be in Slytherin!" The boy said to the girl. There was a smile twisting his sallow face. But I recognized that word. From the way my Father spoke of Slytherin, whatever it was, it couldn't be something good.
"Slytherin?" James's head perked up, and he immediately released Sirius from a playful headlock."Who wants to be in Slytherin? I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
"My whole family have been in Slytherin." Sirius said. He looked ashamed. I wanted to hug him, and read him a poem like my mother did when I was upset.
"Blimey!" James slapped Sirius on the back "And I thought you seemed alright!"
Sirius lost the ashamed lost-puppy look, and beamed. It made me feel better. His shame made me itch.
"Maybe I'll break the tradition! Where are you heading if you've got the choice?" Sirius asked. James pantomimed weilding a mighty sword.
"Gryffindor where dwell the brave at heart! Just like my dad!"
The sallow boy in the corner made a comment. I blacked out of it while they started arguing. I didn't want to hear it. There were kids being nice to me. Not pointing or staring. I didn't want to believe that they could ever do anything wrong. I didn't start listening again until the girl spoke.
"Come on Severus! Let's find another compartment!" She looked disgustedly at Sirius and James. Maybe only bad people become friends with monsters after all. I thought. I stopped listening again. Until a question was directed at me.
"What about you?" Sirius asked, smiling over James in my direction. "What house do you want?"
"Er...I..." Oh God I was so clueless. "I don't know what the houses are..."
"Oh!" A light went on behind James's glasses, and his mouth twitched into a manic smile. "Well there's four houses: Gryffindor (By far the best!) Ravenclaw Hufflepuff and Slytherin (The worst)"
He paused for breath.
"Gryffindor is a house for the brave-"
"And chivalrous!" Sirius added
"And then there's Ravenclaws, those are the bookish people." James's nose wrinkled in distaste. "Not much excitement with that lot."
"Oh, I think I could be in that one!" I said. Yes, that sounded perfect, I loved to read.
"Right better than Slytherin." Sirius shrugged. "You should shoot for Gryffindor, though. Are you muggleborn?"
"It's rude to ask you prat!" James said smacking Sirius sharply over the back of the head.
"Oh no, it's alright." I said assuringly. "I'm half and half. My Father is a wizard."
"Oh." They said as one.
We passed the remainder of the train ride talking, I forgot that they may have been bad people. They were so friendly they couldn't possibly be all that bad though, could they? Everytime I started to stare out the window and let my mind wander they would pull me back. Sometimes it was as simple as a shout of "Oi Lupin!" before I was pelted with several chocolate frogs by two laughing black haired boys. I had never had more fun in my life.
In the boat to the castle I wanted to be near them, unfortunately I had lost them leaving the train. I was compressing myself again. Trying not to bump into the other first years. I wondered how they sorted us into houses. Why hadn't I asked Sirius and James while I had the chance. An strict looking woman brought out a tattered hat and set it on a stool. It tore open and sang. I clapped with everyone else, not really hearing. And so the sorting had begun.
"BLACK, SIRIUS" I watched Sirius trudge to the front of the great hall, face set, and hands balled into fists. He looked determined. I couldn't hear him, but for a moment while the hat was on his head, I thought it looked like he was qquite angry with it.
"GRYFFINDOR!" I hadn't expected the hat to yell.
"EVANS, LILY!" It was the pretty red-headed girl. She looked much happier now. The hat had barely touched her head when-
"GRYFFINDOR!"
"LUPIN, REMUS!" Oh god. OhgodOhgodOhgod. I shook violently while I walked in front of everyone. I pulled the hat down over my head and the sounds of the great hall disappeared.
"Ahh we've got a clever one."
"Excuse me?"
"You'd do well in Ravenclaw. Very, very clever. Alas I don't think that's where you would find happiness"
"But Ravenclaw is the only one I can be in! I'm not pureblood or brave or anything like that!"
"No, no, you'd be surprised by the things i can see in your head. Loyalty. Bravery. Empathy. No, my dear boy you're meant to be a-"
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat shouted the last word, and I sprinted to the Gryffindor table, where Sirius made a seat for me and patted my back as I sat down. My hands still shaking.
"POTTER, JAMES!"
"GRYFFINDOR!"
And James joined us. I'll never forget what James did right then. He pulled me up out of my seat and hugged me like a brother. Even if we tried to talk we couldn't hear eachother over the noise of the hall. But Sirius stood up and squeezed us both briefly while we all beamed at eachother.
Now, I'm sure you're enjoying this tale of eleven-year-old excitement, but I can't very well tell you what I did every day of my life, can I? We're going to move on to a very important part of my third year. That part that really changed everything. We had aquired a new friend, about half way into first year. Peter Pettigrew. He was pretty funny, and acted, like I did, as a supporting roll to the constant performance that was Sirius and James' existance. I was the brains, and Peter was the dirty work. And we lived to watch the stars perform.
So anyway, back to that life changing event:
"Remus I think I may have figured out where you go every month." Sirius said thoughtfully as he sat on his bed, lazily shooting sparks into the air.
"Has it finally sunk in to you that my Grandmother is sick?" I asked with minor irritation. Sirius sat up and looked dead at me.
"Which side of your family is she on?" He asked, and I could tell he was faking the casual tone in his voice.
"My father's" I lied. There was no sick grandmother. I'm just a monster. And if they knew, they would hate me.
"I looked up your family tree. John Lupin's mother died four years ago. She left an expansive library to her dear grandson too, from what I've read."
Ok I was trapped. How could I get out of this?
"What do you want me to tell you?" I asked not looking away from the book that was resting in my lap.
"How about why you always leave at the full moon." It felt like my heart stopped, or broke, or some stupid cliche like that. I managed to have friends. I got to be happy for just three short years. And apparently that was all I deserved. "Or why you always come back with scars all over, and looking like you've been to hell and back."
I was so angry I was seeing red. How dare Sirius make everything fall apart for me.
"I'm a monster, okay?" I yelled at him, standing up and throwing my book to the side.
"I was right." Sirius's face was blank and unreadble. "You're a werewolf."
"Yes! I am!" I screamed, hoping no one down in the common room could hear us. "Go ahead! Run and tell James and Peter so that all of you can avoid me for the next four years!"
"Why would we do something stupid like that?" Sirius asked standing up. My hands were set into fists and I was shaking all over. "You're a git, you know that?"
I stared at him. He found out what I was and the worst insult he could come up with was 'git'
"If you'd like me to inform James and Peter I will." He shrugged at me. "But you're our best mate and it won't change anything."
Sirius's face never betrayed him. He looked casual. And then, to my horror, James and Peter entered the dorm. Detention had ended.
"Merlin, Remus, you look like you're about to murder someone." James said with a smile before throwing himself onto my bed. Probably because mine was closest to the door. James was really that lazy some days. Sirius looked at me with his eyebrows raised. Are we going to tell them? He asked me silently. I nodded.
"You start." I mumbled, sitting down next to James, who looked between Sirius and I curiously.
"Remus has been keeping a secret from us." Sirius started.
"Oh, he's finally admitted that he's a werewolf?" Peter asked. I stared at him while Sirius nodded. I felt James's hand come crashing down on my back.
"Shouldn't keep secrets mate, we're family." James said affectionately.
"You guys don't hate me?" I whispered.
"You really are a stupid git sometimes." Sirius said sitting down next to James and I. "But if you're ever ready..."
"We'd like to hear how it happened." James finished for him.
I took a deep breath. Here goes everything
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TBC.