Heyy! this is my first fanfiction story and the first story i ever wrote, so PLEASE review and tel me what you think!
 Advice will be much appreciated!
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT!

Chapter 1

The cold rain fell hard against my skin as I walk down the dark street. I love the rain; I love how it helps me think. God everything's been so fucked up since Abrielle left last year. She was my best friend and I loved her a lot. Even though I'm gay I have such strong feelings for her, and would do anything with her. Man I miss her so much. She was my everything, my shoulder to cry on. I have always thought of her as my girlfriend because we were so much more than friends. I could always tell her everything. She was like my diary.

I have been so depressed ever since she left. I have been drinking and smoking way too much and cutting myself. I know Dahvie sees the scars. I saw him staring at them before. He has yet to talk to me about it. I think he is waiting for the right time. Even if he does ask me I won't tell him about Abrielle. Knowing Dahvie he would try to get with her, I mean who wouldn't? She's 22 with long, layered black and red hair, with the most amazing personality on the planet. She has the most beautiful blue eyes, and last time I saw her she had a septum piercing, spider bites on the right side of her lip, and an eye brow piercing. She is only 5'1" and has the cutest Italian ascent.

She left for a writing job in Chicago. We haven't spoken since. When I found out that she was leaving me with her boyfriend I got so mad and sad at the same time that I picked a fight with her boyfriend and yelled at her for no apparent reason. The last time I saw her she was in tears. I have never felt worse.

But, I have another problem; I am in love with Dahvie. We have always been so tight. He always listens to what I have to say and always has my back. I first fell in love with him when I met him. He is so bubbly and cute I have to restrain myself from kissing hm. Dahvie kisses me on stage at every concert. I know it's just to pump up the crowd but it feels like so much more to me.

I start to cry for two reasons, my emotions are erupting and I have these two big secrets that no one knows. Why is it so hard to talk about your feelings? "Why is life so fucking hard?" I shout into the darkness.

I wipe my eyes on my sleeve as the rain stops. "Jayy?" I hear someone call from down the street. I recognized the sweet voice. "Yea over here," I yell back. Dahvie came into view jogging towards me. Not to be mean but he should jog more often. He's not fat but he is packing on the pounds. I love him just the way he is though, he just complains about his weight all the time. "I got home and you were gone, I tried your cell but you left it in your room. I thought you were Jayy-napped." I smiled at him. "Nope just went for a walk," I said he looked at me with a funny face "In the rain? It was fricken pouring. Damn you look like shit" I laughed and said "yea well it happens" then he took my hand and said "let's get you back to the apartment, I have plans for us tomorrow and I want you to sleep," we walked back to the apartment holding hands and I blushed the whole way.

When we got back to the apartment it was two in the morning and Dahvie immediately passed out on the couch. I know I won't be able to sleep but it's worth a shot.

The next morning I was woken up by a stinging pain on my ass "wake up you lazy ass!" Dahvie yelled at me, I lifted my head up "did you just slap my ass?" I asked in a high voice. "Little bit" he said leaving my room. I laughed, damn I love that boy. I dragged myself out of bed and walked into the bathroom. When I walked past the mirror I had to do a double take "damn," I said to myself. Dahvie wasn't kidding last night, I look like shit.

It took about an hour for me to shower, do my hair and makeup, and get dressed. When I left my room Dahvie was standing by the door "ready?" he asked with a smile "Yup" I said as I walked to the door.

The whole car ride Dahvie had his hand on mine. He was unusually quiet and antsy. I think he is planning something. He looked so uncomfortable. It took me a while to realize he was taking me to the mall. I guess he wasn't planning anything that big, but I am just glad we finally have time alone together. He pulled the car into a faraway parking spot. As I opened the door to get out of the car, Dahvie reached over me and closed the door. He starred at me for a while then took my hand and held up my arm. "Why?" he asked pointing to my cuts. "ummm…" I say as I look away. "no not umm what's going on Jayy Jayy?" he asked as he put his hand over the cuts. I could feel my face heating up. "its fine Dahvie really, you dint have to worry," I say while looking into his eyes. "Jayy these are deep, I thought we told each other everything, now what's up?" I don't have the balls to tell him this is because of a girl so I say "Drama. It's nothing, I'll stop I promise," he put my arm down and looked away "ok," he said as he got out of the car.

I knew that was coming I just didn't know when. I love that he cares about me so much. If he was gay I could swear he likes me but he is 100% strait. As I'm walking I

Turn my head to look over my shoulder and see Dahvie staring at me. Is he checking me out? "What's up?" I asked, and he started to blush. "Check out that girl over there, she's fucking hot" he said. I knew he wasn't checking me out, so I look to where he pointed and froze. Holy shit!