Cheese - A Fragment

(Written originally for a Zenimax Elder Scrolls Online writing contest inspired by a picture of two skeletons at a table that carried quite a few wedges of cheese.)

"Leave the cheese alone, stupid. It could be poisoned – or worse."

"What's worse?"

"Cursed."

"Who would curse a wedge of cheese?"

"You might not have time to answer that question if you eat it. And it's not right. Not natural. Look at the bodies. They're just bones. But that damned cheese still looks fresh. It's not what it seems to be."

"I'm taking it with us, whatever you say."

"Fine. Fine. Feed it to a dog and watch the dog go mad. Then you might believe me."

"What's in that other bag? More cheese?"

"Let me see. Uh-oh. A couple of withered old cabbages and several spools of yarn. You know what that means, don't you?"

"That the deceased believed in a balanced diet and a stitch in time saves nine?"

"No, idiot. That they were messing around with what they shouldn't have touched. Those are offerings to the Madgod, Sheogorath."

"Oh, rubbish. There's no altar near here. Only Pariah Chapel, and that's dedicated to Azura, not Sheogorath. I never heard that Azura was much for cheese."

"The Queen of Dusk and Dawn isn't much for stupidity, either. You're a Dunmer. Go look in the mirror if you've forgotten what she does when you push her too far."

"Now my feelings are hurt. That wasn't my fault. Even an orc should be able to figure that out."

"Oh, leave it. Cheese and cabbage and yarn... Sheogorath. Two skeletons with arrows in the head and the eyes, Sheogorath angry. Leave the cheese."

"No. I like cheese."

"I like being alive. Pissing off Daedric Princes is a good way to be not alive. Look at the two here. They tried something, or were going to try something, and then... arrows. You don't jerk the Daedra around if you want to die a natural death."

"Well, dying with arrows in each eye... and one in the crotch... is natural. Perfectly natural."

"Have it your way. Don't expect me to carry back what's left and ship it off to your family, though."

"You wouldn't anyway. You're too cheap."

"Enough. There's no treasure here. Only a couple of long-deceased fools."

"There's no danger here either. There is absolutely no danger. There is so little danger that I think I'm going to have some of this cheese. I'm hungry."

"You're suicidal."

"Actually, it tastes quite good. Very good. A little tingle of sharpness. Lucky you don't want any. Be wasted on an orc, this would be."

"Hold it. Quiet. I think I hear something at the door. No, nothing. No one's there at all... oh, damn your eyes, you Dunmer dunce. Where have you gone all of a sudden?... Right. It serves you bloody well right. Didn't I tell you?...Well, a rat. I guess I can carry a rat. But the first time you bite me or crap in my pocket, you're dead. All for a bit of cheese. Didn't I tell you the Daedra don't take kindly to being disrespected?"