My first Artemis Fowl fic had to be domestic fluff. Eoin Colfer owns my ass and this series since 1999 so here ya go.

Holly had just finished sending another batch of paperwork to Foaly through LEPRecon's database. She figured the centaur would kill her for putting in overtime hours even though she was supposed to be on sick leave.

Commander Kelp had made a huge deal about her spreading a nasty cold to all officers she came into contact with. So far, the epidemic had gotten so bad 14 officers were out on sick leave and it was all her fault.

Kelp had about enough of officers calling in, so, he stormed into her office with a duckbill mask. His face was flushed and he had a UV air filter rod with him for protection. He held it in front of her like a human would with a vampire.

"Short, I understand you have a duty to the People," he barked. "But you are costing the People more in manpower. Chix apparently wants a medal for pulling a double thanks to the lack of officers. I swear to the gods above, Short, if I much less see your pointed ears near headquarters, I will personally stun you and hospitalize you." To emphasize his point, he handed her a mask and hose her down with antibacterial spray. Commander Trouble Kelp had her escorted back home with a quarantine team. She felt so embarrassed when her neighbors poked their noses out of their windows to see what the commotion was about. She was pretty sure half of Haven thought she had succumbed to Spelltroy, not some cold.

After a trip to the doctor's office it turned out she had a virus known as the Rina virus and the symptoms of it were supposed to last about 2 weeks. The medical warlock looked so confused at her scans.

"It seems, Ms. Short, that you did such a terrible job taking care of your cold, you have developed two other infections."

"Does that mean I'm still contagious?" Holly rasped.

"Oh, you remain contagious a month after the symptoms start. According to the history you gave the nurse, you will remain contagious for the next week and a half. The crazy thing about the Rina is that you are also contagious during the incubation period of 2 weeks; so, whoever you came in contact within the past 4 weeks most likely caught the virus."

Holly internally cringed, she might have created a pandemic because she went to Atlantis 3 week ago on a recon mission. She has always cough or sneezed in her elbow so maybe she still managed to contain it well.

"The Rina is an airborne virus, that means if you much less breathe around a person you give them the disease," the warlock explained documenting his findings into his tablet. Holly wanted to scream, Kelp was going to kill her. "It's incredible really, how badly you took care of yourself. You managed to develop sinusitis and pneumonia at the same time. Usually, if you take medication that alleviates the symptoms you wouldn't have developed it to this extent, but you must have neglected yourself rest and medication. What exactly do you do, Ms. Short?"

Holly wanted to groan. "I'm an LEP officer."

"Oh!" He exclaimed. "You are that Holly Short!"

Holly was not in the mood for entertaining the warlock but Trouble would chew her ass up because bad PR for her meant bad PR for the LEP.

"Yes, sir, is there any shot you can give me that will cure me faster?" She hoped to distract him.

The warlock seemed not to hear her and continued to babble about her and Artemis's exploits, irritating her further. Why did she hate having time off? Because she couldn't get a damn cup of coffee without being questioned about Artemis Fowl. From movies to the godforsaken book Argon wrote about an "anonymous" celebrity patient who was infatuated with her. She heard they were working on a movie featuring a "human" in order to dramatize the story more.

"So what is your relationship with the mudboy?" The medical professional asked.

Holly felt herself snap from composure. "I don't see what this has to do with my health problem. Artemis and I are not dating. We are good friends. I met him when he was 12; when he was a literal child. Please, just give me my medication and a doctor's note for leave. My Commander will kill me if I don't have proof that I went to the doctor today."

The warlock gruffly handed her medication and sent her on her way tittering about the rudeness of LEP officers and how she had some superiority complex.

Now, she was at home sending in paperwork from her tablet, pathetically coughing her lungs out every 15 minutes. Holly figured she might as well make herself useful since she couldn't move without the sinus pressure rattling her brain. She was holed up in her living room in a carefully constructed blanket fort. She used her tablet to look over all her missions, clearing out her tasks list by providing accurate documentation. She was dead set on finishing it all off, so, when she went back to work she could spend more time in the field than her stuffy office.

There was a knock on her door and she moaned. She had just gotten comfortable. She was in a position where she wasn't drowning in her own secretions and simultaneously relaxed on a pile of pillows. It had taken her nearly 5 hours to get into that sweet spot. The knocking continued followed by rings of the doorbell. Whatever salesmen thought this was funny, was going to go through hell. Feeling rather vindictive, she didn't even bother reaching for her mask and marched to the door in full fury.

She whipped the door open only to nearly keel over from lack of oxygen. It was shortly followed by a cough attack that left her seeing stars. She felt a hand steady her and she regretted not bringing her mask. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. She looked up to see a chest and frowned. She craned her neck and saw the face of a human she knew her neighbors were going to talk about for the next month.

"Artemis," she said in between coughing fits. "What are you doing here?"

"I am now the director of the department of health; or at least that's what Foaly would make me as long as I made sure you were taking care of yourself," Artemis said pushing past Holly and setting down a box on her coffee table.

"He flew you in so you could watch me suffer?" she rasped.

"He flew me in because you are being unreasonable and this virus only affects fairies," he sniffed. "I tried to get him to allow Butler a visa because I figured I'd be no help to you, but apparently he is still banned from the city after the Grub Kelp incident. Which if you ask me it is Mr. Kelp's fault."

Holly snorted and then whimpered. The sinus pressure was killing her. "Mudboy, the last time we were told 'it only kills fairies' it killed a human, too."

"Yes, but this clone body lacks that eye so, I am safe." He pulled up a yellow glove to his elbow. "Now, off you go to bed, officer, or I will hose your house down with the toxic human chemical Lysol."

Holly whipped around dramatically, once more regretting it because she swore she felt her brain rattle. "Don't you dare," she said weakly, attempting to back it up with a wagging finger.

Artemis only grinned and swatted away at her hand. "Watch me. Now put the work down and go to bed."

"I can't," she moaned lying back down on the sofa.

"What?" he snorted. "Why not?"

"I can't go to bed," she said lamely into her pillow.

"Jesus Christ, Holly, what exploded in your room?!"

"I haven't folded laundry in a while," she called out.

"Is that what that is? I thought your closet threw up on your bed," said Artemis. "and your floor. And your chair," he added clearly surveying her room.

She heard him laugh. "This is disgusting, what are in these bottles?"

Holly winced and felt her ears grow hot. "Phlegm. Some nights I can't make it to the bathroom so the nearest empty bottle would do."

"Not the dirty clothes?" he said coming out of her room with an already half-filled trash bag.

"I told you they were clean!"

"Holly, you are the laziest person I know. Even Mulch manages to be clean for a dwarf. Nearly bit of my head for damaging a pile of dirt last time I visited."

"Says the boy with a butler," Holly muttered, clearly offended by the comparison to Mulch. That was an overkill and he knew it. She was too tired to argue but she would get him next time for it.

"I still clean up after myself. I refuse to believe that in the past 3 weeks you have washed all of your clothes and simply neglected to put them in your closet. I am positive you probably have been doing this for the past decade and usually crash on the couch every night," he said signaling to the dining table covered in old takeout menus and tuber wear. He was absolutely right but she wasn't going to let him know that.

"Aren't you supposed to be here to make me feel better?" she asked hiding further in her reconstructed blanket fort.

"No, Captain, I'm here to make sure you stop sending paperwork to Foaly. Now, if you don't want me to tear apart you carefully organized fort, please hand me your tablet that I know you have holed up in there."

Holly peaked from under her blanket fort. Her friend had his hand extended and she heard the tap of his loafer.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," she squeaked.

Artemis frowned and reached for a pillow holding up part of the blankets.

"Wait!" she coughed. She reached around and found her tablet where she had tucked it. She handed it over in a huff swearing under her breath. She burrowed into her blanket fort, hiding from the chastising mudman in her home.

From under the blankets, she heard him move about. There was rustling of the trash bag, some muttering and then it was silent.

Through the blankets, she heard his muffled voice. "I didn't know elves could filter feed."

"We can't," she said peeking once more to see what he was doing. "Where are you?"

"In your kitchen. Your refrigerator only has bottles of water. What the hell do you live off of?" he exclaimed.
"Take out and nettle smoothies, next question," she groaned. She's going to kill Kelp for banning Butler. Butler wouldn't have criticized her. Artemis just loved rubbing everything in. She could hear the clanging of pots and pans.

"When was the last time you ate?" He asked from the kitchen.

Holly frowned trying to concentrate on when her last meal was consumed. At that moment, her stomach growled. "I don't think I've eaten anything more than some crackers this morning."

Artemis swore.

"You are such a drama queen," Holly drawled from her fort.

"You are in luck today because Butler sent me with gifts," he retorted.

Holly's ears perked up. Ever since Butler punt kicked Grub Kelp he hasn't been allowed into Haven. Something about being too dangerous for fairy folk, but she was sure it had more to do with the heavily bruised ego of the Kelp brothers. If Artemis was ever granted a visa, he came bearing gifts from Butler. Most of them were food. Hot food. Enough for leftovers for the next week. She wiggled out of her fort and into the kitchen.

There she found Artemis swirling something in a pot and Holly could smell the rich scent of vegetable soup in the air. The elf was positive that the smell alone could bring a fairy back from the dead. She stood next to the mudman tugging at the waist of his shirt.

"Top left cabinet. Big blue bowls."

She heard him snort and reached as instructed. He then looked down at her and used his legs to push her away. Holly playfully poked his sides.

"You know; we have a rule in our household that anyone less than 4 feet is not allowed in the kitchen. They can cause accidents because they're a falling hazard," he teased.

"Fine. I will wait at the dining room table," she mumbled.

"If you could find a spot to sit," he called after her. She, being the ever graceful lady, gave him the bird.

Finally, a bowl of soup was placed in front of her and for a moment she allowed the steam to open up her sinuses. She took a spoonful and almost shivered in delight. It had a nice kick to it. Butler was a gift from the gods. She felt her toes curl with each bite. The only thing the meal was missing was a grilled cheese sandwich but she knew better than to ask Artemis for it. She went into the kitchen to find Artemis cleaning the mess he made.

"I'm shocked the kitchen didn't burn down," she said taking in the view of Artemis being domestic.

The young man snorted. "I'm a bachelor who lives far from home. I'm sure I have managed to pick up a skill or two."

"Can you cook?" Holly teased.

"I'm better at some meals than others. I'm no Butler, but it's not the worst food you've ever had."

"So your cooking is edible, that's what you're telling me?" She said leaning on the doorframe.

"Says the woman who lives off of takeout. Did you take your next dose of medicine?" He asked pointing to the counter. She found her medication in boxes, neatly organized hourly in order to keep her on track.

Holly frowned. "This isn't mine."

Artemis rolled his eyes. "I bought it for you. It keeps you on track with your medication. I took the liberty of setting alarms on your phone for each medication on the times you should take them."

Her eyes narrowed on the mudman. "Is this really necessary?"

Artemis snorted. "You let a common cold grow into sinusitis and pneumonia. Yes, this is necessary."

Holly checked the time and saw what dose was next. She took her medication and turned to her friend. "As much as I enjoy your presence, what time are you leaving?"

"I have another 3 hours until Foaly picks me up. Hit the showers. You stink."

Holly scrunched up her face. "I'm sick. If I get my hair wet, it will get worse."

"That's a superstition. Bacteria and viruses cause diseases, not wet hair. Now go shower."

Holly groaned again but did as she was told. Once she got in, she felt the heat of the shower loosen her tightened muscles. Sleeping on the couch was messing up her back and the coughing only made it worse. She felt the steam fill her airway and realized for the first time in days she could take huge breathes of air. She stayed there savoring it until it got too humid to breathe. Getting out of the shower, she found Artemis kneeling by her desk.

She strangely felt tired, not energized, as she usually did after a shower. She peered at the young man by her desk.

"Did you put something in that soup?"

"Your welcome, I put away all of your clothes, and I even placed your pillows perfectly so you will lay on a 30-degree angle. That helps keep clear your airway so you won't feel like you're drowning."

Her eyelids felt heavy. "There was something in that soup!" she accused.

"No, you took your codeine before it was due on accident."

"You put it in the container!"

"Possibly, human error is a thing," he smiled.

He ushered her to bed placing a diagram in front of her. "I reorganized your drawers and closet by item and color. Here is the new layout, it will be on your desk. Your phone and a bottle of water are next to you. So is your medication organizer."

Artemis grinned as he watched her yawn. "I will most likely be gone before you wake up. The rest of the soup and some side dishes are in the fridge courtesy of Butler."

She tried to narrow her eyes at him but her eyelids were so heavy they closed. Everything was heavy. She could feel her brain trying to fly away as her bones sank into the mattress. Artemis's voice sounded like it was far away. She felt the pressure of his lips on her forehead. She wasn't really mad, she admitted to herself. This was probably the best sleep she would get after a month of suffering.

"Sleep well, Holly."

"Night," she slurred, finally welcoming sleep to drown out all of her senses.

Hysterically, this is kind of based off of my own experience during the flu epidemic. If you much less sneezed on my unit you were escorted to the ED to get tested lol. We did get medals for working overtime though.

For the record, you can get an infection from a viral disease. Been there. Done that. It took 2 months to recover and I hated my life because I made a normal cold into pneumonia and a sinus infection by not taking OTC meds. If I get too nasty sorry.

Reviews and constructive criticism is welcomed!