Title: Irrational Fear

Author: RayneLover101

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin or any of the characters mentioned, they all belong to BBC.

Pairings/Characters: Arthur/Merlin, Uther, Gwen/Lancelot (only slightly mentioned if you squint), Gaius, Morgana (mentioned), and Balinor (mentioned)

Timeline: End of Season 2, and Season 3, but before anyone but Merlin knew that Morgana was evil.

Warnings: This is yaoi or slash, whichever you prefer, for those who don't know what that is; it's a male/male pairing, pretty much gay guys. The warnings are that there will be two guys kissing, if you don't like yaoi, please don't continue reading this. A mention of a character death, and it's not a main character. Uther is a bit OOC (out of character), but that centers on his approval.

Spoilers for the following episodes: Season 1 Episode 1: The Dragon's Call, Season 1 Episode 5: Lancelot, Season 2 Episode 13: The Last Dragon Lord, and Season 3 Episode 5: The Crystal Cave

Unofficial Beta: RedWizardFox6, thank you so much for doing this, I really appreciate it. I'm glad you could do this for me; besides, you're the only one of my friends who really knows Merlin. Thanks again. :D

A/N: Hey, guys. I'm back; this took me forever to write and upload. I've gotten some of my mojo back so I'm going to start on a new chap of my story The Good and the Bad, the Ups and the Downs, but I'm not sure when I'll get that up, I'll get working on that soon. I'll have the next chapter of Everything Has Purpose, Even Pain up on Saturday, I hope you guys like it. But first, this story is a story that I concocted out of thin air. This is my first Merlin story and it will be a one shot as well. I'm so glad that I actually wrote a Merthur story, because this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote this, so I've been working on this for a couple weeks now and I've finally finished. I really hope you guys like this story. Oh and there is a bit of sad Merlin, concerned Arthur, and a bit of fluff. I hope this isn't too rushed. Please Review and let me know what you think. :D

A/N 2: Also this is a partial reveal fic, just wanted to give you guys a heads up. This is the longest story I've ever written, so I hope it's good. Please Review! I'd love to know what you guys think about this. Also I'm sorry if any of the allignment is off, fanfiction won't let me change anything or even put in a dashed line below this.

It was almost noon and Merlin was still a no show; Arthur was beginning to grow furious with his servant, "Where is he?" Arthur thought as he tapped his foot and looked up at the ancient looking clock in the center of the room.

"Something must be terribly wrong for my horrible manservant to not be here." Arthur growled irritated, getting even more irritated now because he was talking to himself out loud. So after a small bit of deliberation, he grabbed his sword and stormed out of the room.

As he went down the stairs to Gaius' chambers to find Merlin, passing random servants and chambermaids on the way, he did recognize Morgana's maid, Gwenivere in the corridor.

"Gwen, have you seen Merlin today, he seems to be missing?" Arthur asked walking over to her.

Gwen perked up startled at first sight of the future king and almost dropped the towel she was carrying.

"Oh Arthur, you scared me!" Gwenivere said putting a hand up to her heart. "Oh, and um…to answer your question, no I haven't seen Merlin today. But you should ask Gaius if he knows where he is, he's in his chambers. I'm really sorry, but I need to go my lord, I'm expected by my lady." With a smile and a small curtsy, she walked away fairly quickly.

"Thanks Gwen," Arthur said and continued with his decent. Soon he reached Gaius', then knocked and waited for the signal to enter. "Gaius, have you seen my manservant today or is he faking a sick day to get out of his work?" He said in his usual sarcasm.

Gaius looked up with an unusual pained look, "I-he's out looking for herbs for me, sire, I'm sorry sire, he told me you dismissed him for the day."

With a confused look on his face, Arthur responded with, "No, I didn't Gaius, he never showed up today. Is there something I should know?" He knew there was something wrong, but he couldn't quite place what it was.

"I'm sorry sire, I couldn't tell you where Merlin is at this very moment, but you could try the woods just outside the gates, or maybe he could be at the lake near here," Gaius told him and went back to mixing a sleeping drought for Morgana. Arthur thought it was strange that Gaius mentioned the lake near Camelot, but didn't say anything about it.

"Thank you, Gaius, I'll find him and I'll see why he never showed up to even mention doing chores for you. Is that a sleeping drought for Morgana?" Arthur was curious as to why she needed the sleeping droughts in the first place, they weren't really working very well, but that really didn't matter right now. "You know what, never mind Gaius, just keep doing whatever you're doing. I'm going to find Merlin and get him to explain himself." And with that, Arthur left a confused and slightly dumbfounded Gaius standing there.

When Arthur arrived in the stables, his horse was already ready for him. Apparently someone knew that he would be leaving soon, he assumed it was the stable hand. He brought his horse outside and just before he mounted, he saw the back of Lancelot making his way towards the direction of where the lake would be. So, Arthur decided to follow him, but if he went by horse, Lancelot would surely hear him, so he decided to go on foot.

Arthur handed the reigns to a stable hand and started to walk through the woods after Lancelot. After walking for about ten minutes (A/N: Not sure how long it takes to get there), he saw Lancelot holding and rocking a sobbing and shaking Merlin. He hid behind a couple trees and bushes; far enough to not get detected, but close enough to hear what they were saying.

"Shhh, Merlin, It's ok, everything's going to be alright. What's wrong? Is it Arthur?" Lancelot was trying to calm Merlin down, but was still curious as to what happened.

"I-it wasn't Arthur," Merlin was starting to calm down a bit since one of his friends were there, though he wished it was Arthur.

"I wish Arthur was here…" Merlin slowly huffed out forgetting for a split second that Lancelot was there.

He looked at Lance, "I-I mean…uh…it's not that I'd rather him over you, it's just-,"

"Merlin, it's ok. I don't mind, and before you say anything, it's because he would be able to help comfort you better than me, am I right?" Lancelot smiled at Merlin and continued, "Besides, I know both of your secrets."

Merlin looked up in surprise, "Well, I know you know…" he lowers his voice, "about my magic," his voice goes back to normal, "but what other secret do I have?"

Lancelot smiled a bit before saying, "Merlin, I know that you don't exactly like women, with the exception of you know who." Merlin looked confused, so Lancelot decided to clarify, "Merlin, I know you're, you know…gay."

Merlin splutters, "Wh-what do you mean, gay? I don't like guys like that!" He was glad for the distraction, but he didn't really want to talk about this.

Lancelot laughs at Merlin's silliness and replies with, "So, if you're not gay, then you deny being madly in love with the prince of Camelot?" He got even more spluttering and laughed even more.

"What?! I-I'm NOT in love with Arthur! He's annoying and mean and…and…" He knew he was cornered, and sighed, "Ok, maybe I do a little, but there's no way anything could happen between us. Besides, it's against the law to be in a public relationship with another guy, especially if it's the prince of Camelot." Merlin stops to take a breath and continues, "And there's no way Arthur could be gay, he's never shown any interest what so ever in any guy."

Lancelot cuts in, "that you know of" Merlin looked up at him in curiosity.

"And besides, you don't know how he looks at you when he thinks no one's watching. He at least cares for you to the point that he would die for you, Merlin you won't know how he feels unless you ask him about it. And nice job averting the subject at hand, you thought I forgot didn't you?"

Merlin looks a bit sheepish, "Sorry Lance, it's just that I've only talked about this with Gaius," he started to tear up a bit. Lancelot put his arm around Merlin's shoulder and said, "It's ok Merlin," and got and idea, "would you feel better if I got Arthur? I'm sure he won't be too mad that you skipped work this morning."

Merlin looked up in surprise, "NO!…I mean, you don't have to Lance, it's ok, really." Lancelot gives him the 'yeah right' look. He sighs and says, "He wouldn't understand, he doesn't know about, you know," he gives Lancelot a pointed look, "and this has to do with it."

Arthur was livid that Merlin thought he wouldn't understand and if it was about what he thought it was, then he was more than ok with it. He wasn't sure whether to come out from behind the trees or continue to listen. Eventually he wouldn't have much of a choice.

Lancelot was surprised but also wasn't at the same time, "Merlin calm down, you don't know if he would understand or not, but I think you should talk to him as a friend and I'm sure he will try to help you, besides, he would always help you no matter what."

He heard a small rustling behind them, so he chanced a look. He was surprised to see Arthur standing there, but he realized that Arthur was worried about Merlin just as much as he was, if not more.

He got up slowly and started to walk toward the trees, but stopped a couple feet from them and said to Merlin, "I have a very good feeling that Arthur cares for you, otherwise he wouldn't have saved you so many times. And I'm sure he'd understand-,"

Merlin interjected, "It's about my father, Lance. There's something else I haven't told you. Today's the anniversary of my father's death," he was shaking with unshed sobs, "he died a year ago today-," he stopped there because he was crying so hard.

Lancelot started to walk over to Merlin again, wanting to comfort his friend, but Arthur raced past him and put his arms around Merlin instead. He decided to give the two some privacy; he would find out what happened later from either Merlin or Gwen, since Merlin tells Gwen just about everything; and started off toward Camelot and decided to find Gwen once he got there for some company.

Merlin could tell that it wasn't Lancelot holding him, so he looked up to see who it was. His eyes widened, "Arthur? What are you doing here? How did you find me? Why-"

"Merlin…shut up and tell me what's going on." Arthur interjected, but instead of pulling away, he pulled Merlin closer. "You don't have to be scared Merlin, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."

Merlin starts crying even harder, grabbing hold of Arthur, "I-I'm s-sorry, Ar-Arthur."

"Don't be sorry, it's ok, calm down. Shhh…relax Merlin, I'm here. What's going on?" Arthur was trying to calm Merlin down, but he was starting to get really worried that Merlin wouldn't tell him anything because he was scared that Arthur would hurt or reject him in some way.

"Y-you wouldn't und-understand, Arthur. Very few peop-people know th-this part of m-my life," stuttered Merlin while trying to control his tears. His main fear was that Arthur would turn him in to his father, but Merlin also had the feeling that Arthur would never betray him in that way.

"Do you mean your magic Merlin?" Merlin's head shot up in fear. "It's ok, I know about your magic. I understand why you never told me, I get it, you thought I'd turn you in to my father. But, Merlin, I could never hurt you, I care too much for you to let that happen." Arthur stopped there, feeling as though he said too much about his feeling for Merlin. Arthur knew that he was falling for Merlin, but he didn't know what Merlin's feelings were, because he never announced it before.

Merlin looked into Arthur's eyes, "I know you care, Arthur, and that you'll never leave me to die, and you've tried to save me whenever we've been attacked." He was about to continue, but before he got a chance to, Arthur put his hand on Merlin's cheek and pulls Merlin's head toward his.

"Merlin, I-," their heads were close together, and their mouths were just a couple inches apart. Arthur didn't want to scare Merlin, so he waited for Merlin to take the initiative and lean the rest of the way in.

Merlin knew that Arthur was giving him an out, but he want this so bad. So Merlin threw caution to the wind and leaned the rest of the way in. Merlin and Arthur's lips just barely touched, then Arthur became braver and moved the hand on Merlin's cheek to the back of his head and pulled Merlin even more so closer.

They kissed for what seemed forever, but it had only been a couple of minutes. When- they parted for air, Merlin released a breathy, "wow, Arthur that was-"

"Amazing, I know. I never thought that this would ever happen. I've dreamt of the moment that I would be able to kiss you," Arthur said breathlessly, finishing Merlin's sentence, then pulled Merlin closer to him.

"It seems embarrassing now, but I've wanted you to kiss me since we first met," he paused for a minute to think of how he was going to phrase his thoughts. "It's strange, but I feel so safe with you, I don't know why. How long have you known?" Merlin said looking up at Arthur waiting for an answer.

Arthur looked down into Merlin's eyes and says, "I've known about your magic since I was shot with the 'imaginary' arrow. I heard you trying to save me. Did you manage to heal me? I passed out soon after your second attempt, and thank you for giving this 'pompous, supercilious, condescending royal imbecile' another chance," Arthur smiled at that, then placed his other hand on Merlin's chest.

Merlin's eyes widened a bit though, "You knew for that long?" Arthur nodded, "wow, no that wasn't me, it was Taliesin, he was an old sorcerer who showed me the crystal cave. That's all I can really say right now without telling you everything. I'm not sure if I have it in me to tell you everything that's happened right at this moment."

Before he could continue, Arthur smirks a bit and says, "Merlin, slow down, you don't have to tell me anything right now, but what I would like to know…" he pauses for a moment, worried that he may upset Merlin, "…is about your father." Arthur knew that this was a bad subject to ask about, but he had to know why Merlin was so upset.

Merlin started to get more tears in his eyes as he thought of it, he lowers his eyes and says in a quiet voice, "my father…my father's dead. He died last year."

"A year ago today?" Arthur asks as Merlin just nods, Arthur tries to remember a year back and realizes something, "wait a minute, Merlin last year was the day we went looking for Balinor, the dragon lord." Merlin nods again, "is Balinor your father?'

Merlin nods again and says, "Yes, Arthur, he was." Merlin didn't look up during this whole conversation; he stared as if suddenly very interested in the ground. Arthur's eyes widen in realization of what he told Merlin that day, "Merlin, I told you no man was worth your tears, I'm so so sorry for telling yo-"

Merlin cut him off, "Arthur, it's ok, you didn't know. I forgive you." He leans up and gently kisses Arthur on the lips. He rests his head on Arthur's shoulder and asks, "can we talk about this later? I'm tired."

Arthur nods, then kisses the top of Merlin's head, "yeah, just rest Merlin, I'll be here when you wake up." Then he shifts so he's leaning against a tree with Merlin lying between his legs.

After about fifteen minutes of lying there, Arthur decided to rest his eyes, but he wanted to be alert so no one would sneak up on them. After about five more minutes, Arthur heard a twig snap in his light dozed off sleep. He quickly jerked himself awake and reached for his sword, but before he got up, he heard his father's voice,

"Arthur, are you out here?" The young prince heard his father call out.

He wasn't using his normal booming voice, but a softer voice as not to scare Merlin. Reason being, Lancelot bumped into Uther, looking for Arthur, a while ago on his way back to Camelot and told him that Arthur was by the lake with Merlin and if he goes there to be quiet, because Merlin was pretty jumpy right now.

Arthur sighs, puts his sword down and calls out in a softer than usual voice, "here, father, we're over here." He heard his father making his way over to them, slowly and quietly; he guessed his father knew that he was with Merlin. When Uther reached them, he frowns in slight confusion, then asks, "what's going on here, Arthur?"

Arthur looked down at Merlin, then up at his father,

"…Father, Merlin's very upset…he just recently found out that his farther is dead. He never really knew his father, so finding out that he will never get the chance to meet him or even talk to him ever again upsets him, and he was scared and needed me. Lancelot came and got me. So when I heard he was sad I came to comfort him." Arthur partially lied to his father, but he thought it best that he never knew about Merlin's magic and who his father really is.

Uther looked at his son and his son's manservant and thought 'about time.'

"It's ok, son, take as much time as you two need, but I would like both of you back in Camelot by nightfall, you know how dangerous this forest is even during the day." And with that he turned and walked away from his confused son and still sleeping manservant.

Arthur was so confused, but decided to say, "thank you father, we will," in return, though he wasn't sure if his father had heard him. So, instead of looking after where his father was heading he took his attention and looked back down at Merlin and kissed the top of his head again.

A little while later, Merlin woke up in Arthur's arms, safe and comfy.

"Mmm, Arthur." Arthur open's his eyes, a tad shocked at first, and looked down, and kissed Merlin's forehead, then stretches.

"Merlin," Arthur looks down, "hey." Merlin looks up into Arthur's too blue eyes and says, "hey…thank you for being here for me, I really appreciate it Arthur."

"You're welcome. Merlin" Arthur was a bit worried and very scared that Merlin would reject him, so he said and did nothing else.

Merlin pulled away and turned to look at Arthur.

"What is it Arthur? Don't be scared of my reaction, just tell me." Merlin nodded to Arthur and gave him his undivided attention.

Arthur swallowed hard and made a decision, and before he chickened out, said, "Merlin…I like you a lot, and I would like to know if you would allow me to court you? And before you say anything, I would like you to know that I've been thinking about this for a while and I'm sure I want to do this."

Merlin was so surprised that he was a bit speechless, but decided that Arthur was worth it. He smiles, "Arthur…maybe we could try this, but your father wouldn't let this," he points to Arthur then himself, "us, how would you have and heir? I've known that some male magic users who are very powerful could carry a child, but I've asked Gaius out of curiosity and I can't do that, it would kill me and the child."

Arthur looked thoughtful for a moment, "well, we could ask a woman close to us or our family to bear either of our children. Maybe even Gwen." He pulls Merlin back to him and kisses him on the lips fairly hard, pulls back after a few seconds, and says, "We should get back to Camelot soon, my father found us while you were asleep, he told me that we had to be back by nightfall. It's nearly dusk, we can talk more in my room over dinner, I'm getting hungry."

Merlin smiles, "you're always hungry…let's go." He gets up and offers Arthur his hand, "thank you again for being here for me, I don't know what I would have done without you here."

Arthur accepted Merlin's hand up and put his arm around his shoulder. "I'm glad that I'm here, too, I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be here for you." He intertwines their fingers and they start their walk home.

When they got back to Camelot, Arthur asked the kitchen staff if he could have some food sent to his chambers; enough for two. When they reached Arthur's chambers, Merlin used his magic to make Arthur's washtub bigger to fit the both of them and still have room to move about. Nothing happened between the two of them, they were too tired to do anything considered romantic.

They ate dinner, while sitting in front of the fire that Merlin made before they got washed up. Merlin was the one to start talking first, he turned so he could look at Arthur, "I'm glad that I don't have to hide who I am anymore, at least from you."

Arthur looked into Merlin's bright blue eyes, "I'm glad, too, but you have to be very careful. I don't know how well I'll be able to protect you if my father finds out. And just out of curiosity, who else knows about your magic? I'm sure your mother knows." Arthur was actually very curious as to who else knew, but he wouldn't push Merlin if he didn't want to say.

Merlin thought for a moment, "well, you're right about my mother, she told me that I could make things float to me even before I could speak. Gaius knows, he knew from the day I came here; he was looking for something on a high shelf and when I came in, I startled him and he fell. I reacted before thinking and made his bed slide under him so he wouldn't get hurt." Arthur stayed silent during this whole discussion, but whenever Merlin would pause, he would urge him to continue. "Um, Will knew…we'd been friends for a long time and he saw me practicing one day and that's the main reason my mother sent me here. And Lancelot knows, and before you get your undies in a twist, he found out because I enchanted his weapon to kill the griffin that attacked us when we first met. He swore to take that secret to his grave. And that's everyone." Merlin looked uncertain, fearing Arthur's reaction to being almost the last to know.

Arthur thought about it and it made sense that the people closest to Merlin who knew him before he met Arthur would know. He was fine with it and said so, "Merlin, stop fretting, I'm fine with it. It actually makes sense, if you think about it. I'm not mad, actually I'm glad that you had people to talk to about your magic."

Merlin let out a sigh of relief, then smiled, "I'm glad you're not mad and to what you said earlier about being careful, I'm always careful, but we'll figure out everything one day and one step at a time." Merlin said as he leaned over and pecked Arthur on the cheek, "can I stay here tonight?" He was nervous that Arthur would say no, because he really just wanted to sleep in Arthur's arms where he felt safe.

"I'd rather that you do, but if you need to go see Gaius, I'll understand," Arthur said with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

"Hahaha," Merlin laughed, "of course I'll stay, and I want to stay. I can talk to Gaius in the morning."

Arthur's eyes lit up like a kid at Christmas, "good, then let's get to bed, we've got a busy day ahead of us." He got up and offered his hand to Merlin.

Taking Arthur's hand, Merlin asked, "are we going to tell your father about us?" He was worried that Uther would have him beheaded just because he was falling in love with his son and visa versa, but he knew that Arthur would never let that happen, so he was safe.

Arthur nodded, "yeah, but not just yet, I want to approach him with the idea first and see if he'd be open to it." With that, he and Merlin got ready for bed. Merlin had to borrow some bedclothes, but soon they were both snuggled in Arthur's big, warm bed, Arthur with his arms around Merlin and Merlin with his head on Arthur's chest, right over his heart where he will always be.

Merlin sighs, "good night, Arthur, I'll see you bright and early," the little inside joke they shared made him laugh a little. He was tired, but he thought back on his conversation with Arthur and realized that he had no real reason to fear. He was happy to be with Arthur and he was glad that he was able to be in his arms now.

Arthur chuckles, smiled, and kissed the top of Merlin's head, "good night Merlin, my useless manservant." And they both closed their eyes and drifted into the best sleep they've ever had.

A/N: So that's it, I hope you guys liked it. It took me a while to write and I hope I get lots of feedback on this. I know I haven't written anything new in a while, but I'm trying to find the inspiration to continue my other stories. I won't know if anyone really likes my stories unless you review. I know that I can just look to see that people are reading this, but I would like some feedback on whether it was good or if I need to work on it a bit, just please no flames, they kinda stress me out. So Please Review and let me know how you liked it even if it's two words. :D