It Wasn't Me

"I don't know what to do!"

"Say it wasn't you."

"Alright…"

Skyla sat with her feet propped up on her desk, casually listening to the absolute classic that was emanating from her computer speakers. She absentmindedly twirled her hair around her finger, the rest cascading down her back in purple-black waves. Man, it had been years since this song was released, but it still held up. The scorned girlfriend in Shaggy's hit may not have forgiven him, but time seemed content to let him slide. Skyla glanced over as a figure filled her doorway. Well, halfway filled it, to be more precise.

"You have that on, too? So do I!"

"Really? Well, they do say great minds think alike. I've set this bad boy on repeat."

"Me too! No wonder I didn't know you were playing it, we must have them synced!" The figure, in all her eagerness, flung a few of the gummy bears she was eating out of their bag.

"Oops. My bad." Tai leaned over and picked up the fallen gummies, tossing them into the trash next to the desk. She flipped her burgundy hair over her shoulder as she righted herself, curls bouncing down her back.

"So, heard from Reno today?" Skyla asked, subtly nodding her head in time with the song. Figures she would think of him when she heard the tune; if any song described that mess of a human, it was this one. "I have yet to see him, which I am in no way upset about. If only every day were like this one..."

"Actually, he just stopped by my desk a second ago. I didn't really catch what he said, though…" Tai blushed, pink spreading across her cheeks as the moment in question played out in her mind.

Skyla smiled knowingly and shook her head. "You really need to work on that memory of yours, Tai."

Tai rolled her eyes. "Psh, my memory is just fine, thanks." She bounced over to sit on Skyla's desk.

"I'm going to guess you've gotten zero papers filled out today."

"You would guess correctly. Besides, have you tried to concentrate on a report while listening to this? It's pretty hard. All I want to do is dance." Tai shoved the last of her gummy bears in her mouth, shimmying side to side as she did so. Suddenly she stopped, a look of panic slowly creeping onto her face. "Um, I need to get to the lounge. I forgot I have eggs boiling in there and I need to make sure they're ok…"

"Yea, because for some reason things turn out very much not ok whenever you attempt to cook. Like that time you set my toaster on fire. Pouring cereal," Skyla recalled, eyebrows raised.

"Yea, well, I told you I'd buy you another! And I did!"

Skyla rolled her eyes just as Elena passed by her office.

"Sup, Laney?" Tai asked, smiling politely.

Elena glared, first at Tai, then at an Skyla. "Sup? Want to know what's 'sup'? Alright. I've barely put a dent in today's workload because I can't concentrate, due to the fact that all I can hear is "It wasn't me!" coming out of the office next to me. Want to know who's next to me? You, Tai! And then, just now, I go into the lounge to get the bag of pretzels I left next to the microwave, only to find them engulfed by flames bursting out of said microwave! That is what's 'sup'!"

Elena stomped away, fuming and mumbling under her breath. Skyla looked after her, shaking her head, before slowly turning to Tai.

"Tai, why is the microwave on fire, if I may ask?"

Tai hoped off the desk and shuffled towards the doorway, eyes darting between the hallway and Skyla. "Well… You see… Since they removed the stove after the first few fires I set… I had to microwave my eggs in order to boil them."

Skyla blinked at Tai. "Are you serious? You don't microwave whole eggs, not without removing their shells first. They explode. Everyone knows that, it's common sense!"

Tai giggled nervously, eyes darting about, slowly backing out of the room. "Oh, really? I had no idea. So, um, I'm just going to see if they're ok…"

With that Tai darted out of the room and down the hall. Skyla shook her head at her retreating friend, calling out after her, "Try not to set anything else on fire on your way there!" She turned back towards her computer, mumbling to herself about wanting to ask for a sandwich from her friend but not wanting it to arrive in ashes.

"What is this nonsensical noise?" Skyla looked up from her monitor only to find Tseng standing in the doorway with an expression stretched across his face that she could only describe as 'slightly constipated'.

"This is magic, Director. Magic." Skyla flashed him a smile, looking back to the screen. "Do you know why this is magic, Tseng?"

"Because it is going to finally motivate you into finishing those papers I asked for?"

"No… though I'm totally on top of that, Turk's honor... It's magic because it possesses the power to make the people dance. Seriously, you can't help but be moved when you hear it. By the way, would you like some Exlax?" Skyla began to reach for something in a drawer of her desk.

"Why would I need Exlax?" Tseng glared at Skyla. "And why would you have Exlax in your desk…?"

"Haha, no reason Director. No reason at all." Skyla threw Tseng what she hoped was a convincing smile, batting her eyes innocently. He shook his head and left the room, deciding that particular issue was not worth the trouble it would undoubtedly cause him. Skyla sighed, rubbing her temples as she let her face fall back into its neutral expression. She was beginning to get a slight headache from the continuous repeat of Shaggy's greatest hit, though to admit as much was to admit defeat. And Skyla was not one to declare her failures.

Meanwhile…

Tai was in the lounge, surveying the damage that she had unwittingly caused, yet again. So, no microwave, a section of the counter needed to be replaced, at least 3 outlets rewired… And they were out of eggs. It was a sad, sad day.

While in the middle of what had to be the longest sigh in existence, Tai looked over at the entryway to the room to find Reno and Rude just passing through it.

"Sup, yo? Whoa, what happened here?" Reno stood staring at Tai's crime scene, mouth slightly agape.

"Um… Well… I was hungry and then… I don't know really…" Tai stumbled through what she had initially intended to be a convincing explanation, before trailing off into an anxious giggle. She was always like this in the presence of Reno. Her brain stubbornly refused to function normally anytime he was around, much to Tai's embarrassment. It made doing the simplest things impossible, and Tai was getting worried that if she couldn't get it under control, it would creep into her work performance in the worst of ways. Not being able to carry out missions was unacceptable as a Turk, and one of the failures Tai was most afraid of. Rude stared at her from behind his ever-present sunglasses, giving a slight shake of his head in disapproval.

"Well, I'm glad I won't be the one cleaning up this mess, that's for sure. Right Rude?" Reno elbowed his partner, receiving a slight nod. "Anyway, have ya given any thought to what I asked ya earlier?"

Tai stared dumbly at the redhead, trying to rack her brain for what the hell he was referring to. Question, what question? He hadn't asked her anything recently, what was he going on about? Oh, wait… Maybe when he came by the desk earlier?

"Um… Shit… What did you ask again?" Tai could feel her face heating up. She must be a lovely shade of red, perhaps a match to Reno's fiery hair. Reno laughed in response to Tai's question, a melodic and perfect sound to her burning ears.

"I asked if you could come with me to 7th Heaven Friday night. That is, if ya don't have any other date lined up." Reno smiled lazily.

"Of course I could! What's the occasion?" Tai smiled at Reno, attempting to play it cool. She couldn't let him see how much she wanted this. Her heart was racing, and thoughts were buzzing happily about her head. He had finally asked her on a date! She couldn't believe her luck. She had hoped for this moment for so long, it was almost surreal now that it was happening.

"So I can make that new chick from accounting jealous. I knew you'd be up for it, you're always there for me. Thanks a bunch, Tai. I owe ya!" Reno threw Tai a quick wink, turning on his heel and exiting the break room, oblivious to the way Tai's smile faded, her delighted demeanor quickly deflating.

"Yeah… No problem, Reno..." Tai meekly called out after him, heart aching painfully in her chest. Shot down as quickly as she had risen up. It was a familiar feeling, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with. Rude stood there a moment longer before shaking his head once more, leaving to follow his partner.

*Fast forward: end of the workday*

Rufus Shinra was having a difficult time containing the rage that his employees seemed to constantly stoke in him. Someone (and it was no mystery who, as this sort of thing was her specialty) had hijacked the intercom system after noon and had begun playing a particular song on repeat. Try as he might, Rufus could not figure out how to wretch control of his company's intercom back and end the increasingly annoying array on his ears. As a result, all ShinRa employees, save for the Turks, had to be sent home early or risk losing their mental faculties. The loss of productivity, as well as his inability to control his own damn systems, had worn the president's nerves especially thin.

"Skyla, would you mind explaining to me why exactly you over-rode my company's speakers to play this… this… drivel, to put it nicely?" Rufus asked through clenched teeth, his jaw aching from his efforts to control his anger. Maintaining a professional, composed demeanor was of the upmost importance, but it was damn hard to do when surrounded by imbeciles. He glared at Skyla, tapping his fingers in a fast, furious tempo against his desk.

"Well, um…you see…" Skyla tried not to look at Rufus for too long, instead focusing her emerald eyes on the hands that were folded in her lap. What kind of excuse could she possibly come up with? There was no way she could tell him the truth, which was that she had done it for shits and giggles, because he would probably have her... disposed of. That, aside from a field fatality or defecting and spending the rest of your life in hiding, was the only way one got out of being a Turk. No cushy retirement plans here. The thought of not being close to the President made her shudder anyway, so she didn't mind. They say if you love your job, you never work a day in your life.

"It wasn't me?" Skyla shot the President a shaky grin. It was worth a shot. Who knows, maybe he'd see the humor in the situation and let her off. He had his moments.

"Don't bull shit me, I know it was you. Who else would pull this?" Skyla let out a small huff of air, blowing a few loose strands of hair out of her face. The excuse had been weak, sure, but it had fit the moment so perfectly. Guess the President wasn't in the mood to entertain jokes today.

"Oh, speaking of pulling shit… Tai, if you set one more thing on fire, I will have you demoted. In six months, you've given us cause to repair almost a quarter of our facility. I might as well have burnt the place down entirely when I hired you. You're on thin fucking ice," Rufus hissed, fingers clutching the arms of his chair so hard, they turned white. His calm façade was slipping, even as he grasped desperately for control. Should he not succeed, the two in front of him would regret it.

Tai looked down at her feet, blushing wildly. She didn't mean for things to constantly go up in flames around her, they just did. The attention quickly turned back to the reason they were in his office. Skyla glanced at Rufus nervously, finally having thought of an excuse. "It was for motivation, sir. My goal was to motivate everyone through the power of music. By playing such an upbeat song, they'd be inspired to work harder, finish earlier, and get more work done than normal. As I'm sure you already know, sir, good morale is extremely important in the workplace."

Rufus glowered at her, obviously not buying it. She was lying through her teeth and was absolutely daft if she thought he believed a word of her shoddy alibi. Where did he even find people like her? He would have to review the recruiting methods they used to build the Turks after this mess was sorted out. They were supposed to be the best of the best.

Enough time had been wasted in that office, however, so he sighed tiredly and shook his head. Rufus could feel a headache building, pressing painfully against his eyes. "Just turn it off, quickly. And I'll not have you breathing a word of this to anyone else, do I make myself clear? This was scheduled, planned for in advance. I can't have anyone thinking this was some sort of prank I couldn't sort out; the press would have a field day with that..."

Skyla chewed her lip restlessly, hesitating slightly before she spoke again. "Um, about turning it off…"

"You do know how to turn it off, don't you?"

Skyla grimaced, flinching slightly as Rufus scowled even deeper in her direction.

"I'm pretty sure I know, but I can't be for certain it's actually going to work… This was my first time executing such a thing, it's not usually what I do…" Skyla looked over at Tai, who upon hearing those words, looked as though she might lose her lunch (if she hadn't set it on fire, that is).

"I don't care if you're certain, just do something!" Rufus was obviously exasperated, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly. Skyla nodded and moved behind the President's desk, stopping in front of his computer. She cautiously tapped a few buttons, resulting in an abrupt end to "It Wasn't Me"... as well as the sound of a small explosion on the floor below. Rufus let out another long, irritated sigh.

"At least the noise has stopped. Now, if you don't mind, I have a backlog of work from this distraction that I need to attend to, and painkillers to take for the massive headache you have given me." Rufus dismissed the two with an annoyed wave of his hand, not bothering to look at them as they gave slight bows and hurried out.

*Fast forward: Skyla and Tai's walk home*

"All in all, I think today was pretty productive. We got out 2 and a half hours early!" Skyla smirked, pushing memories of the President's most recent reprimand out of her head. The farther away from headquarters she got, the easier it was to downplay his anger towards her shenanigans. Out of sight, out of mind.

"I suppose. I got a little present for our efforts, too." Tai held up a paperweight she had somehow hidden in her blazer. It was in the shape of a chocobo and made entirely of materia. The detail was remarkable, especially for the minature size.

"That's great, Tai. Looks expensive too. Where'd ya get it?" Skyla asked, eyeing the glittering bird. Something about it seemed familiar…

"The president's desk. Figured he'd want me to have it after scolding me again, to make me feel better and all." Tai cradled her new treasure, only to have it snatched away by Skyla.

"Are you out of your mind?! You can't just steal from our boss!" Skyla stared in disbelief as Tai rolled her eyes. "I honestly think you're some sort of masochist, Tai. Anyway, I'm going to hold onto this. Keep it safe for the President." Skyla clutched the chocobo firmly to her chest. She'd have to think up some way to slip it back into his office. She couldn't just hand it to him, it would raise too many questions about how she ended up with it in the first place. Maybe they'd get lucky and he wouldn't notice, or he'd forget quickly…

"Fine, fine, whatever," Tai sighed, before reaching into her pocket and retrieving a black leather wallet. "Guess I'll just have to make do with this. Probably something good in here."

"And who the hell does that belong to?!" Skyla eyed the wallet suspiciously. It looked expensive. That couldn't be the President's too, right? Tai was good but there was no way she could have managed that, when would she have had the opportunity? She found herself imagining the wallet resting in Rufus' pocket. His back pocket. Right against his perfect ass…

"Relax, it's Tseng's. Nabbed it passing him in the hall while he was talking to Laney. Thought he would notice, honestly," Tai mused while inspecting the contents: his I.D., a bit of cash, and a couple of cards. She returned the wallet to her pocket, wondering how much money she could swipe without him noticing it missing when she returned it the next day.

The two finally stood before their apartment, Tai sliding her key into the lock and opening the door. Skyla stopped short of entering, instead staring at Tai as something occurred to her.

"Hey, Tai?"

"Yea?"

"It's not your turn to cook tonight, is it?"

Tai thought for a moment before nodding. "I think so. Why?"

Skyla side-eyed her friend as she pulled out her phone. "Why don't we order takeout instead, Tseng's treat. I don't feel like having to replace two microwaves in one day."