Inspired by the fan made trailer for 'Always' by Sarah, youtube channel xKamiichan.
What you need to know:
AU: Kate meets Castle in a bar. They hit it off, begin dating. They get into a car accident. Begin...
Kate fumbled with the yellow legal paper in her hands. Words streamed over it, crossed out and edited.
"I've decided to read you these," she began, swallowing the lump in her throat.
"Just stuff I've written – or things I needed to tell you. There are so many things I need to tell you. My therapist said it would help to feel closer to you if I wrote you letters. I don't know, but – who knows. Maybe."
She looked around the room. It was empty, but she was slightly embarrassed with the vulnerability she was allowing herself. His body was a lump in the bed next to her. She couldn't find him there. His soul wasn't hitting her, but she had to keep hope. People told her that he could hear her, but she was skeptical.
"Today is the first day back at work," she said with slight hope in her voice, "I guess we can start with that. The boys asked about you. That one night at the bar really charmed them. They said they would come to visit, so," she paused. It's been a few weeks since the accident. Time flew by as it crawled through her.
"- Ryan got engaged. A girl named Jenny. I haven't met her, but I've seen her – they look happy. They looked – look – like us."
Shit.
"Lanie says hi. Everyone says hi. It's hard. But I didn't cry today. That's a start. Not once, but damn it was hard."
Her eyes filled with tears, but she fought them. Pushed them back, cleared her throat.
"Your seat is just where you left it. When you would come to visit me. I need you to come and visit me. I sat there today. I just need . . . I need to see your smile again. Just once. Rick. I want to feel your hands again. These hands," she begged, grabbing his hand that was eye level to her.
"Squeeze my hand."
"And – an – And I need you. Simple as that. Can you hear me? Please, please."
It was becoming too much. She had been to see him before, but this was the first time she was talking to him. Letting him know how she felt. She needed to continue because if he could hear her, then she needed to finish every letter.
"Yesterday, I went to our place to eat lunch. I ordered your favorite, but I couldn't eat it. I have it here – The manager asked to see you. I – I couldn't tell him. I don't know why, but I said you were great and that you needed your usual. I started to cry - I started to cry. Every place we ever walked and everywhere we talked. I miss you. I think about you every day - The doctor said that we need to wait and see. Wait and see if you are going to get any better, but I don't know. I can't just sit here and do nothing. You need me. I need you. Your daughter needs you. She's fine – Alexis. She's with her mother in LA for the rest of the month. She came in earlier in the month, do you remember? I haven't heard from her, but your mother says she's doing great – as great as she can. Her picture is next to your bed."
Kate grabbed the picture frame that she had brought in earlier. Everyone was trying to move on. It was what they were supposed to do. They were out of the window of opportunity. The small chance that patients get to see their loved ones wake up from their prolonged sleep. But Castle never did. They were losing hope and chances. Kate saw it, but she didn't accept it.
"You know what's funny? I can't figure out how to make the coffee the way you did – do. I put the same things you put in it, but something's off. Maybe it's because I made it for myself. You did always like to do that for me."
She couldn't let her eyes travel to his face. See his plain expression. Staring at his arm, or her lap – it was easier.
"The nurses come in once in a while to move your legs. Do you feel that? They say it helps your muscles. I don't know. I don't know what to believe anymore. I was walking down the street that we went to the day before – before – anyway, the place where you insisted on getting everything from every vendor on the street. It annoyed me, but I'd give anything to buy every single thing for you. See you act that way once more."
Tears filled her eyes. Her emotion was blocked for too long. She had been hiding it, but seeing her boyfriend in a coma before her eyes, with nothing that she could to do help – it was overbearing.
"So, do you hear me?" Kate said, standing up and moving to the side of his bed, her voice catching. She was pushing anger down. She was angry at herself, at him. She shouldn't be alive. She should be right where he is, but she's not. She got scrapes, a broken wrist. Things that could heal.
"Do you hear me Richard Castle! I need you. You need to come out of this because I need you back. You and me. We're a team. And it's not fair that I'm here and you're stuck."
Kate collapsed into his arm. The smell of him was in the pillow, but it was fading. Fading into the aroma of hospital sheets and blankets. She moved his arm and curled next to him. His hair was beginning to smell like the hospital as well. He was fading into this place and she needed him to hold on. She needed him to revive himself. Come out of this lost world he was in and back to her. Back to the way they were before that night. Her tears morphed into the sleeves of his hospital gown as she wrapped a hand around his chest.
"Do you remember when we first met?" she said, stroking his other arm.
"I do. You were sitting at the booth in the back of the bar – your usual – but I didn't know that. And you had this smirk on your face. I saw it before you looked my way. I saw you and how you moved, with confidence – all in this little booth. When you caught me staring I blushed, turned away. I didn't want to be caught staring. You didn't know how much of a fan I was. You still don't. I sat at the bar and you slowly made your way over. Making sure that it was okay. Something you later told me was new to you. You usually weren't nervous. You asked me if I needed a drink, I declined. I didn't want to admit it, but I was nervous too. Who knew that forcing a meal on me would be the best thing to happen to me – to the both of us."
A nurse walked in, interrupting her.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to – I'll just wait –"
"You're fine," Kate said, brushing back tears. "Come do your readings. I'll get going anyway."
Kate grabbed her things, rubbed his hand once more, and left the nurse to her job. She exited the room, empty.
So, what'd you think?
Each post will have hidden song lyrics. Hint: this post has a line from a recently closed broadway musical (very recently closed). Let me know if you find it! If you do I'll mention your tumblr or fanfic in my next post.