It was the day after bowling with Finn so when she heard the phone ringing Rae jumped out of bed and ran to answer before her mum could embarrass her. Kester's voice wasn't what she was expecting to hear,
"Rae…its Tix" he choked out. Then Dr. Nick's smooth, even voice took over, explaining that Tix's body hadn't been up to the fight and she'd slipped away an hour ago. Then the phone fell out of Rae's hand. The next thing she knew her mum was coming to sit down with her on her bed,
"Dr. Nick needs to know whether you want to see Tix one last time before they take her to the funeral home?" She said softly, trying to examine her daughter's face for emotions. Rae frowned; she didn't know why that would be an option,
"I'm alright," she muttered and lay down, turning her back to her mum. Not one for heart to hearts, Linda took the hint and moved to the door, stopping before she closed it to say, "There's grief counselling at the hospital until the funeral next week, let me know if you need a lift there," before leaving the room and her daughter alone.
The weird thing was, Rae wasn't feeling. She didn't feel sad or angry or anything really. She was completely numb. That was until she rolled over she saw the picture of the gang from that first night and the hospital bracelet Tix had given her lying next to it. For a moment she was happy, thinking about that day and all the strength it had given her. Then, before grief clawed its way in, she stopped. She got up, picked up the bracelet and shoved it into her desk draw next to her diary. As she shut it away she could feel the black hole of sadness opening up inside her, threatening to take over. But then she sat down. She took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and counted to ten.
It was the usual scene in her living room: her mum and Karim were wrapped up in each other in front of the TV, her mum's head raised slightly at the sound of Rae coming down the stairs. Rae resisted making eye contact, ignoring the questions she knew would be asked and ducked into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. When the phone rang again she started to move towards it but her stomach dropped when she heard her mum say "Oh hiya duck, how are you today?" in that tone of voice reserved for Rae's friends. Rae's heart sped up, thinking it was Finn, excitement quickly overtaking the nerves.
"Its Chloe, do you want me to tell her or..?" Rae looked up as her mum broke her little panic: she was half relieved; half disappointed to hear it wasn't Finn. Just as Linda was putting the phone back up to her face, Rae snatched it off her, "Oh hi Clo, what's up?" she started and made her way upstairs, prepared to give a full debrief of last night. It was as if this was the phone call that got Rae out of bed. There was no sign of grief in Rae's manner and that was the way it was going to stay.
None of the gang even knew Tix existed and so Rae didn't see any point in telling them about what had happened. She went to the pub that night and carried on as normal: laughing and joking with the boys and secret conversations in the toilets with the girls about whether or not Finn was flirting. She almost let herself forget about Tix. There was too much in her life outside of the hospital to go into another meltdown.
Tix was still the voice in her head whenever things got rough, telling Rae to put on her armour and charge at the world. Rae never let herself consider the fact that that's all Tix would ever be now. She locked those thoughts away in that part of her mind where the bad things live and got on with life. She had her friends and a new relationship to focus on. For this week at least, she would live in the real world where she was happy and felt it could last forever.