This is the first of seven chapters, one for each day of the week. In this story Ayame and Shigure are in high school.
'...' sentences are being thought. "..." sentences are being spoken aloud.
It was Monday morning, the sun was shining, the birds chirping, and the students were cheerfully wishing each other good mornings and hellos as they filed into their classrooms. In sophomore Physics room 248 every student was preparing for his or her big project presentation. In the midst of this, Shigure Sohma was fast asleep on his desk, mouth agape, and drooling on his desk.
In truth, he was hiding from his female stalker, Hannah Hamilrushton. She was, as far as Shigure was concerned, the most annoying living being to have ever walked the earth. He would gladly befriend a swarm of mosquitoes and easily not find them as annoying as she.
'In fact…' She was probably watching right now as he 'slept'. Shigure cracked an eye lid open to check.
A mousy looking girl with pig tails sat in the desk across from him, intensely drawing his sleeping form.
"Eee!" Shigure squealed and clenched his eye lids together.
Wherever he looked she was always there. She was there in the halls behind his back, in the library behind the book shelf, sitting on park benches behind holed out newspapers, and waiting outside the bathroom door inconspicuously clapping erasers during third period. No matter how intrusive and creepy Hannah's habits became, Shigure just didn't have the heart to tell the strange American exchange student off.
Hannah was going to kidnap him one day, he was sure of it. He'd end up stowed away, tied to some chair, in her apartment somewhere.
She'd dress up as a frilly house wife and force feed him cake batter and dried apple slices, and whisper to him, "You're my first."
He'd shriek, "You're first what!"
And she'd ignore his cry and begin to finger his ear.
Shigure snapped out of his nightmare land and realized that he had a more pressing problem to worry about, other than of the eminent fear he felt from the disturbing creature next to him. Shigure wondered what disturbing experiment his cousin Ayame had managed to conjure up from hell to serve as his physics project. He could just see it now, a bubbling green frothy monster oozing onto the floor as it chased Professor Womandaughter around the room…
On a lighter note, his teacher had walked in to greet her class, "Good morning my lovely students! Are you all thirsty for knowledge?"
"YES TEACHER! We are dying from dehydration!" said the class in unison, except, for 'sleeping' Shigure.
Womandaughter frowned; the usual chorus of response was off. She twitched when she spotted the cause. "SOHMA!" She growled, and chucked a large dictionary at his head.
"AH!" It his him square in the noggin and sent him flying to the floor.
"Score!" Womandaughter raised her fist in victory. "Well, now that you're awake we may begin class."
Shigure crawled back into his chair and watched the swirling vortex that was his classroom spin about his head.
"Shigure!" yelled Professor Womandaughter.
Shigure groaned. "Gahh, my head hurts enough as it is!"
Professor Womandaughter had poked a wooden pointer under his chin, forcing his head upright to hold his gaze. 'NO! I can't look away! And, eye contact only angers it!'
"Where is you evil counterpart?" asked Womandaughter. "If you terrible twosome are planning something then you'll be washing the bathroom stalls for a week!" she shrieked.
Shigure shivered. He could just see Hannah waiting outside the lavatories, clapping erasers...
"I don't have the slightest idea teacher." He said and forced a rather large false smile out of his mouth. Womandaughter grunted and retracted her pointer. She glared at him for several seconds longer, obviously not believing him, and walked away.
"Hmmm." Shigure thought and began to rub his chin dramatically. Where ever could his dear cuz be?
Usually when Ayame Sohma was late for school it meant one of three things:
A. He'd staged a false seizure in the main lobby. (To get out of a test)
B. He pulled the, "Help I've been hit by a car and can't get up!" gag. (To get out of fitness testing)
C. He was masquerading as a girl in another classroom. (For various reasons.)
"Well…" Shigure stated to no one other than himself or perhaps Hannah if she were listening, Ayame couldn't have used plan A, or else they would have heard the ambulance sirens.
'Or.' he thought, '...the wailing of his fan girls.'
Whichever found Aya first.
Suddenly and quite abruptly, the door was kicked open by none other than, Mr. Pretty Boy, Ayame Sohma himself!
"Of course, I should have known he would pull something dramatic like this." Womandaughter groaned and checked the kid's name off her attendance sheet.
"Hello my peers!" began Ayame, "No more worrying over my whereabouts, for I am here! Now, I bet you're all wondering what brilliant creation I've come up with for my physics project?"
Ayame stood spread legged, pointing at his teacher. In his had he held a veiled mystery object of wonder. The veil was purple.
Womandaughter sat with her head resting on her hands in that bored sort of way that we all do. "Not really Mr. Sohma" she grumbled, "but why don't you take you place up front and show us all, since you're so very excited."
"I am going to stun the faces off of all of you!" Bellowed Ayame.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "I, the brilliant, beautiful, and brainy, Ayame Sohma have discovered..." He had the fan girls on the edges of their seats.
"Oh God he's pausing for effect." Shigure rolled his eyes. This could only mean that Aya was riding by the seat of his pants.
Ayame dramatically unveiled the object in his hand to reveal a jar of water. "…A WAY TO BOTTLE CUTENESS!" He proclaimed.
Thus, Cue the cheers and swooning of the fan girls.
"F." Said Professor Womandaughter.
Shigure hit his head off of his desk.
"Mr. Sohma unless that's an extremely strong brand of vodka and you expect to intoxicate all of us to the point of stupidity I suggest you sit down and take a D for effort." Said Womandaughter.
Ayame chortled and ruffled his feathers, (figuratively speaking). "Teacher I know that the new technology and findings of our era may seem unbelievable to someone of your age, but please, I assure you this will work. I'll need two volunteers to help me present."
Immediately all of the girls in the class jumped up onto their desks, hands waving madly.
Back in her desk the teacher glared, but allowed him to continue. 'Did he just call me old?'
"A magical jar of water, Ayame really pulled that one out of his ass." mumbled Shigure.
"Shigure how kind of you to volunteer!" Ayame appeared beside him and dragged his grunting cousin out of his seat.
Finally Ayame could begin!
"Now that I have my two volunteers (Hannah had magically materialized next to Shigure) I can begin to demonstrate my findings. You see this is no ordinary jar of liquid, it is a special mixture of chemicals that will make anything appear much cuter than it already is."
Hannah waved a hand under the jar just like Vannah White.
"The chemicals trick the senses into perceiving the affected object as something more appealing, and thus cuter. Allow me to demonstrate." At this, he splashed water all over Shigure.
"Ahhh! That's cold you buffoon!" shouted Shigure.
Reacting quickly to his cousin's hypothermic state, (that's what he told himself at least), Ayame threw Hannah on top of precious Shigure.
The room erupted into a cloud of smoke.
"Look! already my formula is working, Hamilrushton-san cannot keep herself off of my dear cousin!" Aya stood proudly as the smoke cleared, revealing Shigure the dog and a very confused American.
"Magic tricks will grant you a C Mr. Sohma." Said the teacher.
"IT'S NOT A MAGIC TRICK!" screeched Ayame. "I know how hard it must be for someone of you age to even begin to try to comprehend what amazing feats of genius are happening in front of you, but bear with me. Please. Besides, don't you think he's cute? He's so very, very cute!"
Cue fan girl swooning, "Ayame we want bottles of cuteness too!"
The mad scientist beamed.
"I am not old Ayame!" said Womandaughter. Her eye twitched, it was just too early in the day for her to be dealing with this.
Suddenly Shigure erupted into yet another cloud of smoke, leaving behind... well nothing. He and his naked ass booked it out of there.
"AAAAHHH!" The teacher felt like ripping out her hair. What on earth had possessed her to let Ayame Sohma present first? WHAT? Satan! That's who, SATAN!
'Well, screw you, Satan!'
"Ayame where did that dog go?" She pointed, pissed off and demanding.
'shifty eye's Ayame stood confused, holding his empty water jar. "Away?" He guessed, and shrugged.
His professor turned red. "DEMON SPAWN! You get an F!"
Next chapter: Tuesday: messy lunch time accidents.