Kaneki didn't think of himself as one of those ghouls who thought what they did was right because it was necessary for their survival . 'Nor was he the type of person that thought they were somehow an advanced species, so killing the living didn't count. It does count. Ghouls eat people. He eats people. And all Kaneki can say is that he would have done anything to have stopped becoming this way.

The chalk-haired boy can feel something changing inside of him, like a drop of a pen's ink filtering throughout his heart and poisoning the vermilion with a black tint; he knows he's going insane. And Hide knows, too. Kaneki is well aware that the blonde pretends not to notice it.

Kaneki knew he couldn't hide the results of his torture. He was able to hold onto his sanity with bony digits for months, but now the necessity had slipped through his grasp like water.

Not only has Hide realized it, but his other friends have as well. Touka barks at him when he balls his sweaty hands into fists, yelling how it's irritating when he constantly taps his fingers on a flat surface. Callouses caress the tips of his fingers from the constant rapping. She even goes so far as digging her nails into the back of his hands to get him to stop. Kaneki can tell she's worried to the marrow for him; terrified of how he's managing to make do with his troubles. Sometimes Kaneki even arrives at Hide's apartment with his hands a dark shade of red, swollen from biting them raw. Hinami often catches him washing his hands over and over, minute after minute in a feeble attempt to wash the carmine color off. It usually ends up with the skin cracking and becoming very painful to air or touch.

The ghoul even has a habit of snapping his knuckles. It emitted after the 'incident' and no one can understand why he does that.

Even Kaneki's taste in music has changed. He listens to "shouting music" as Nishiki describes. Anything he can really blast loud through his earphones. The more ear-splitting the better. It keeps him from hearing things from reality, the loud vibrations convulsing loose any phantasmagoria feelings. And for a moment, he manages to forget.

Hide's the only one who thinks of his actions as the road to recovery; subsisting. The blonde gives Kaneki sandpaper sheets to scratch at instead of his head, balls of yarn to tug at instead of the thin strands of white hair. He also stops everyday by Anteiku to say hello to Hinami, Touka, and the rest of the gang, fill them in on how Kaneki's doing. Then he'd buy two black coffees, taking them back to his apartment with him to give to the certifiable teen. Kaneki usually responds with a fast hug and lots of thank you's.

One time Hide came home to find blood all over the floor with Kaneki in the middle of the puddle, screaming and pulling at his hair. The half-ghoul had taken out his kagune and gave a feeble attempt at what looked like suicide; whatever had bled the crimson onto the kitchen tiles had healed rather quick due to his regenerative powers. Hide had to fight the urge to cover his ears at his friends terrified screaming, fall to his knees and crawl his way to the hyperventilating ghoul. He'd gathered Kaneki into his arms and whispered calmly into his ear until the trembling boy stopped his shrieking and tremors.

But some days were good. Kaneki was his usual self, managing to force a small smile onto his countenance. Those were the days Hide, everyone cherished most.

Then some days were terrible. That's just how it was.

The world is cruel.

Hide opens the door with a creak, two hot beverages in a cup holder. Steam emitted and curled from the holes in each coffee lid, the bitter scent filtering throughout the apartment and giving it a calm setting. He makes his way to the kitchen, flicking on the lightswitch with an index finger. He calls out to the form he could sense was there, "Hey man, brought you a little something!"

When there's no reply, Hide sets the foam coffee tray onto a granite counter top, picking up one of the grande paper cups filled with the precious liquid. Making way down a carpeted hall, one of the last doors is open, and from the looks of it, the room is pitch black. Pursing his lips, he steps one foot into the threshold of the doorway and flicks on that light, too. A figure is sitting on the bed, back turned, front facing the corner of the wall. Hide makes his way to the edge of the bed, sitting down on it as well and holding out the cup. He was aware that the half-ghoul couldn't see the offering, but could surely smell it. "Coffee, Kaneki."

It's dead quiet as Kaneki's head slowly lolls back to gaze at the teen. His expression looked drained, bags drooping from a hard day of flashbacks and stress. That one eye radiated the signature red glare against black, crimson spidery threads crawling from the iris and filling up some of the dark sclera. The pupil is trembling and flits down at the coffee. Facing forward and turning his body towards his friend, Kaneki reaches shakily towards the usual gift. Hide can make out the scars on his hands from the constant washing. Cold fingers wrapped around the cup, and at a slow pace, raises the lid to chapped lips. Kaneki began to swallow the steamy contents. He was done within seconds and the empty drinking vessel drops from his grasp and onto the floor.

Kaneki then stroked a finger down the side of Hide's cheek; when he didn't feel like talking, this was the usual 'thank you.' Hide, already accustomed to his friend's awkward advances, ruffles the ghoul's white locks. "No problem Kaneki. Hey, you wanna read something? I got you a new novel a few days ago. Haven't gotten the chance to peruse it with you yet. But since we're here.." Hide reaches back, grabbing a book from a desk at the foot of the mattress. He sets it on his lap and opens it. Almost immediately, Kaneki crawls next to Hide, leaning against the human and peering over at the thin pages. The artificial half-ghoul's chin rested on his confidant's shoulder, sunken eyes reading over the text as Hide read aloud. With each page turn, the book emitted a smell; that scent that new books always had about them when first bought. It soothed the creature. He was about to fall asleep against his buddy before the golden-haired male slapped the book shut.

"It's getting close to dinner, isn't it? Kaneki, are you hungry?" Without waiting for a reply, Hide reaches into his hoodie pocket, pulling out a small rectangular object. It was covered in brown paper, sealed shut with a bit of packaging tape.

The ghoul didn't respond, he only remained silent, extremely silent.

Hide figured it would stay like that.

This was one of Kaneki's days when he didn't talk. He kept himself caged in his brain, drowning in whatever thoughts he hosted.

There's a sudden snap and Hide can only guess that Kaneki was cracking his knuckles again. It sent chills up his spine, made him want to grasp his hands into his own and explain why it wasn't healthy. Why it caused all his friends at Anteiku so much pain to hear it.

And that's when the milky-maned stripling suddenly reaches into Hide's pocket and pulls out his earphones.

He wanted to listen to music?

Hide only gives a reassuring smile, a smile that hid pain behind it. He longed for his friend back. "You want to listen to music?"

Kaneki shakes his head.

This only makes Hide confused. He ponders a moment before picking up the settled book in his lap. "..You wanna read some more?"

Silence.

That is until the ghoul's voice, raw and tired, barely audible makes its way past twisted vocal chords.

"I..I want to l-listen...to music with.. you... Hide," came the helpless whisper, almost begging. His shoulders are trembling while the rest of his body is still. It's obvious Kaneki was trying to hold whatever he was thinking inside. And it hurt Hide, sent a wrenching feeling in his gut.

Could Kaneki not trust him?

Yet Hide didn't push for the ghoul to tell what was wrong. What he went through with Jason. He never did. Because the memories caused Kaneki pain.

Hide has to keep himself from frowning. He nods casually, standing up to search for his phone that held all that jarring music. Turning to look at his corrupt friend momentarily, a fake grin is plastered onto his countenance. It hurts to see his best friend like this.

"Whatever you want, man."

YOOOOO, I'll try to post another chapter soon. Sorry they're so short. School isn't giving me enough time to type as much as I'd like.

Please bear with this for now! I'm aware there may be typos, so please just pretend they aren't there! Haha.

This was just an overview to give you an idea of what's happening with Kaneki right now. I'll make the next chapter more about what Kaneki's thinking.

Thank you very much for reading!