Two days into the Vecchio gig, I couldn't wait for my assignment to be over. Now, it's been almost two years and I can't imagine being anywhere else. I was right. Fraser needed our partnership just as much as I did.
I'm sitting across from him on the frozen water reserve and I can see his isn't really here with me.
"I'm homesick," he reveals sheepishly like he should be ashamed or something for feeling that way. He gives me a sad half-smile and adds a slight shrug of his shoulders. What do you say to that? No amount of accumulated vacation will erase that feeling this time around. I can see it in his eyes. He's ready to go home, yet isn't willing to leave. He's waiting for Vecchio's homecoming before he can conclude his own.
It's been a rollercoaster ride being Vecchio and Fraser's partner. Didn't take Fraser and I very long to figure out we worked well together. Maybe both of us having backgrounds of being the odd-man-out helped make us a better duet. Only problem was, we are both kind of bull-headed and stubborn and like to use our own way of getting the job done. Took us awhile and a couple punches to realize that we both have great instincts. And that regardless of whose method we used, we'd catch the bad guy in the end.
He's a great guy, Fraser. Vecchio's lucky to have such a good friend. He didn't have to be, but he became my friend as well. Not sure how that will work out when Vecchio returns and I go back to being Stanley Kowalski. For a split second, the devil side of me wishes Vecchio would never return because I don't want to lose Fraser as a friend or a partner. But, I know what that loss would do to Fraser. And I really don't want to live with survivor's guilt.
Fraser doesn't talk about Vecchio much. I don't know if that's because he is concerned about blowing the man's cover or if it just hurts too much that he isn't around anymore. And why would you talk about someone when 'technically', they are right there with you? Either way, Ma Vecchio makes up for what Fraser doesn't say. She is full of stories. On the first anniversary of his departure, Fraser and I sat with Ma and did our best to console her as she cried and wondered if her son would ever return. Then a few weeks later, we showed up with a birthday cake to celebrate his life, even though he wouldn't be celebrating with us. I said a silent prayer as I blew out the candles with her asking God to keep him safe and well and bring him home in due time. That was a hard night. I'm sure not a single one of use slept well.
Out of the blue on a cold day, Fraser follows a man into a hotel. Almost like a snap of the fingers, Vecchio has returned. I immediately hate him. Hate him for the smile that is now plastered all over Fraser's face. A smile I have never seen. A smile I could never coerce out of him. Vecchio comes in and tries taking over everything Fraser and I have worked so hard on with this case as if it's his own. Who the hell does he think he is? Oh fuck. Our case for the better part of the last week has been his case for the last year and a half. This is why he left. This is why he has returned.
I realize now that I was only jealous that I was going to have to hand him back his life. A life I have fallen in love with. A partnership I'm not sure I can live without. Vecchio makes a joke in Welsh's office about getting stuck working with the Mounty and laugh along with him, outwardly nodding in agreement, but inwardly knowing that it no longer feels like being 'stuck' It feels right being partnered with Fraser. I secretly hope Vecchio will be the one to move on and let me stick around, but who would that be fair to? Not his family, not his co-workers and certainly not Fraser. Maybe he is trying to steer me in another direction, pretending that working with Fraser really is like getting the short end of the stick. Fraser would have a snazzy word for it. A diversion, perhaps? Well, two can play this game.
Vecchio ends up taking another bullet for Fraser and we end up falling out of an airplane into a hundred feet of snow. Can't say that I'd rather switch places with Vecchio, even though my ass is frozen. Because this way, even if we are in the Northwest Areas, I'm still Fraser's partner.
When it's all said and done and time to part ways, Fraser helps me realize something. To him, I was never Vecchio. I was never a substitute for his friend. I was never a fraud or a fake or the lost loser I claimed to be. With the exception of that first day, I was always Ray Kowalski. His partner and friend. Our partnership, our duet, our red ships green ships will never replace the partnership and friendship he shares with Vecchio. Both are unique, both are treasured, neither has to end.
I give Fraser the go ahead signal as he salutes Frobisher. We promise Vecchio before we take off to find ourselves that we will return. He envelopes us both in an enormous hug as he promises the same.
Tomorrow's a new day for everyone.