An angst one-shot that just came to me. I might extend it if people are interested, but for now it's just this.
WARNING: Mentions of rape and abuse.
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT or any of its characters.
As soon as she takes a sip she can feel the magic radiating through her. It tingles all over, and it is in that moment that Emma Swan knows something bad is going to happen.
"Shit!" She exclaims as she roughly places her coffee back on the table, earning her scolding looks from her parents. Henry merely looks amused.
"Call Regina. There's some fucked up magic shit going on right now and I'm pretty sure she's the only one who can help." Her parents' jaws hang open at this and Emma stifles a chuckle. "I'm serious. I don't feel right. Call her please?"
Reluctantly, her father pulls out his phone and dials Regina. "Hello Regina. Yes I know. I'm sorry. Look we need your help. Emma says there's some strange magic going on right now and that you will know what to do. Thanks, I appreciate it." He hangs up and looks at Emma curiously. "She's on her way." There's an awkward silence for a few moments while they wait and Emma wonders what the hell is happening.
Unfortunately being at Granny's, the only decent place to get food in Storybrooke means that several people have heard their conversation. Gold, Belle and Ruby come walking up to them, looking confused and in Gold's case, curious. "What's up guys?" Ruby asks, looking worried. At that moment, Regina appears in a cloud of purple smoke, looking a bit surprised at the scene. She gives them all an annoyed look before facing the Charmings.
"Why am I here?" She drawls.
Emma immediately answers, the words coming out of her mouth before she can stop them. "Something was in my drink. I took a sip then I felt magic coursing through me. I was worried because I have no idea what it means and that scares me a little." Emma shuts her mouth, looking slightly annoyed that she's revealed so much by accident.
Gold merely chuckles. "Dearie, I think I know exactly what's going on here." At her confused look, he laughs. "Someone's slipped you a truth potion."
Emma's eyes widen in horror as she digests his words. When she finally speaks, to everyone's surprise, her voice is hoarse like there's a huge burden on her mind.
"What? You mean I can only tell the truth? Oh god. No. Please, how do I fix this?"
This time, it's Regina who answers. "I'm afraid, Miss Swan, that you simply have to let it run it's course. It shouldn't last more than a few hours. Do you have any idea who did this?"
Emma huffs, annoyed. "If I did, they would have broken nose right about now." Everyone but Snow and David smirks at this, but their jaws are hanging open again in slight horror. "Are you ok, Emma?" Snow asks, and then she feels like she's done the wrong thing because Emma looks at her with anger and pain in her eyes.
"No it's bloody well not ok. Dammit! Do NOT ask me any questions, ok? I can't lie right now and I need to. So please, don't."
And then David butts in and Emma and Regina both feel the need to strangle him right there for being so incredibly dense. "Emma, what's wrong?" The death glare she sends him does not go unnoticed by anyone, but the hollow laugh that erupts from her mouth certainly surprises them. "There's so much," she says, clearly in emotional pain. "So much you can't understand."
It's at this moment that Regina tells Henry to go home, because if Emma's facial expression is indicative of anything then some really bad things are about to come out, and she doesn't think he should be there for them.
Once he's gone (reluctantly, mind) Regina takes his seat. The Charmings are still looking concerned and Emma looks like she wants to bolt immediately. "Emma, you can talk to us. Why not just tell us what's wrong?"
Emma audibly curses. "I can't. Dammit. You don't understand. I grew up alone. I can't just deal with the fact that I have parents. And parents who didn't want me enough to keep me with them. Parents who shoved me in a wardrobe, not knowing where I'd end up. You have no idea what I've lived through. I'd rather have died than have lived through the life I did." It's this confession that has everyone around gasping and Emma covering her mouth with her hand, desperately begging with her eyes for her parents to cease.
Belle, Ruby and Gold decide to leave at this point as Emma's already revealed too much and they suspect its only going to get worse. Regina decides Emma needs back up and since she's the other mother of their son, she might as well give it. It doesn't look to her like the Charmings are going to listen to their daughter's silent pleas.
With this in mind, Regina decides to intervene immediately rather than watch their relationship crumble in the diner. "Snow, David," she says. "I suggest you don't ask her any more questions. It's not fair while she's this vulnerable. You will regret it, trust me. I have a feeling you don't want to hear what she might say. Stop now, please. You're taking advantage of her."
Snow merely growls. "What do you care? It's your fault we're in this mess? Why should we listen to you?" Regina tries not to get angry, but it's extremely difficult. Snow is constantly disrespectful to her, no matter how many times she's tried to prove she's changed. However, she keeps her composure as she answers. "I've been in a similar situation. Trust me, you do not want to continue. You are taking advantage, and there is no worse pain that the loss of self-control." She glances at Emma, and the blonde smiles at her gratefully, thinking that it worked, but the look of betrayal returns to Emma's face as Snow continues with her questions.
"What happened to you, Emma? Why would you rather be dead?" She ignores the look of deep sadness on Emma's face and anger on Regina's. She's taking the potion as an incentive to find out everything she ever wanted to know, and she doesn't seem to realize what it's going to do to Emma.
"Snow, are you serious? How could you? You heard what Regina said. But I know you're going to keep asking. I know you. I know if I don't answer now that you will find some other way to get the answers out of me, because I know you've been curious about my past for a long time. I just want you to know that I won't forgive you for this. And I would rather be dead because some serious fucked up shit happened to me, stuff I have no desire on ever telling anyone so can we stop now?"
Snow is clearly having none of his. She shakes her head, looking at Emma. "You're my daughter, I want to know your past, I want to know what you went through. I want to understand you. What happened? Was it in the system?" Emma shuts her eyes and the words force themselves out of her mouth, and it's sounds as though she's being strangled.
"Yes," she says quietly, her eyes still clamped shut so she can't see the look of pity on her mother's face. Pity is the thing she abhors. Pity is the thing she runs from. It makes her feel so small and lost that she can't handle it.
She feels Snow's hands grasp her own but she removes hers as though she's been burned. She opens her eyes and sees the look of hurt on her parent's faces. "Emma, please. Why won't you let us help and comfort you?"
And the words are out, because she can't stop them if she wanted to.
"I can't. I can't let you in. You abandoned me. You can't just expect me to roll with that and forgive you immediately. It's likely I will never forgive you. You ruined my life. I grew up an orphan, I will never not be one. It's part of who I am. I needed parents about sixteen years ago, but I don't need them now. I've done everything in my life alone, I can't readjust in huge space of a few months."
"I suggest we take this somewhere else," says Regina, because she's pretty sure they're not going to stop and it won't do to have this out in the open. There's a swirl of purple smoke and the four reappear in the Charmings' apartment. Henry went to Regina's house, so there's no danger of him hearing.
Emma gets up immediately and starts pacing, running hands though her hair in frustration. Snow and David look on the verge of tears, and Regina is just glaring at them for what they are doing. It's seriously stupid and she knows they're about to lose their daughter if they don't stop. She tries to stop them once more but is cut off by Snow. She gives up, hoping that what comes won't be as painful as she thinks it's going to be.
"Emma, you say you don't forgive us for what we did. But do you forgive Regina?" asks Snow, genuinely curious. Emma nods, sighing. Snow's eyes bulge out comically in disbelief. "Why? Why do you forgive her, but not us? She is as much to blame, if not more."
Emma stops pacing and shakes her head. "She may be as much to blame, but she's never tried to pretend she wasn't responsible. She's never denied what she's done; she's never pretended to be more than she is. She's apologised to me, and I forgave her. You on the other hand, never made out like you had any part in what happened to me. You never said sorry for shoving me into a life I didn't want, a life that destroyed me on the inside. You just came along and expected to be included in my life, not even caring that I might have issues or that I didn't have a perfect life. You just expected me to be the saviour and the perfect daughter. And I'm not. You refuse to take any responsibility if anything bad ever happens and I can't deal with that any more."
Snow looks at Regina, almost murderous, because her daughter has forgiven the Evil Queen over precious and good Snow White. Regina glares back, not backing down. She had apologized to Emma, knowing it was partly her fault the blonde had the life she did. But Emma had been fairly nice about it. She'd acknowledged the role Regina played and how it had affected her life, but she seemed more angered that her parents didn't act like they'd done anything wrong.
Suddenly Snow stops the staring contest and frowns, apparently remembering something. "Emma, you said you needed us sixteen years ago. That's very particular. What happened?" The look of pain, hurt and anger on Emma's face does not escape Regina. Emma looks over to her desperately, but Regina offers her a sad and apologetic look to say that she can't stop this. The potion will force the truth out, however unwanted.
Emma shakes her head. "Please don't do this. This…this self control, it's all I have left. I can't stand what you will do when you know. I can't bear the pity." Her parents merely look at her sadly but don't say anything. This makes Regina's blood boil at how stupid and insensitive they are being.
The words are quite clearly wrenched from Emma, who's trying her hardest not to speak but isn't allowed to be silent. "I needed you many times, but most particularly when I was twelve. I needed you to come and save me from what happened."
Snow's eyes shine with sadness. "What happened, Emma?" And its all Regina can do not to throttle the woman who can't see what she's doing to her own child. Emma clearly does not want to talk about this and is in considerable pain.
"I was sent to a new foster family." Emma briefly closes her eyes before resuming her pacing. "The mother was out most of the time. The father, well he wasn't. He liked to get drunk. Anyway, he was a creep. I was a pretty twelve year old girl and his thoughts were inappropriate." The gasp from Snow makes Emma stop pacing and glare at her mother. "You wanted this," she says softly. "You might lose me because of this." Her parents look confused and Emma keeps speaking after a prompt from her father asking what else happened. She looks angry and betrayed but continues anyway.
"I was with that family for a year. After about six months, his thoughts got the better of him." Regina's heart stops because Emma sounds so broken in that moment. "At first it was just beating. It was nothing new, I'd had many broken bones by the time I was six." This sends a shiver down everyone else's spine, that someone could harm such an innocent young girl. "Anyway, after beating came other things. He was way stronger than me, I couldn't overpower him. The first time he came into my room I didn't know what was going on, but when he stripped I figured it out." Tears well in everyone's eyes, but only Regina's portray understanding. Emma locks eyes with her, knowing that Regina understands, not letting her eyes flicker to her parents, who won't.
"He came to my room every night for six months. He would…" Emma doesn't elaborate on this point, as everyone understands her meaning clearly. "He would…you know, and then beat me when I cried. Then when he left I would cry and wish for my parents to come and get me. They never did." She looks over to her parents sadly. "You never did."
Snow and David start to get up in an obvious effort to comfort her, but Emma stops them. "No," she growls. "You don't get to do this, not now. You forced this out of me. I never allow myself to lose control or be forced. Do you understand why? You can't fix this."
And then David makes another mistake by asking another question, showing he hasn't learned from anything his daughter has said. "Did you ever talk to anyone about this, Emma?" Emma looks murderous and betrayed at this and so so hurt that he can't stand it.
"Fuck," she growls. "Yes. They assigned me some sort of psychiatrist when I was sixteen, to 'resolve my issues'. And since you're going to ask, I'll save you the breath. They assigned me some pervert who, when I told him what happened, took exactly the same thing from me, over and over. And they forced me to go to the sessions. He took advantage of me until I managed to get the fuck out of the system and ran. And that's when I met Neal. A whole other chapter of fucked-up mess."
Regina is shaking with rage at this point. She can't watch Emma break down any more. She knows exactly what the blonde went through. She was forced into marriage with a man old enough to be her father; she knows about loss of self-control. She can imagine what Emma felt. And she feels outraged that her parents are getting this information out of her in such a way. But she knows that they would have probably fed her a truth serum themselves another time if Emma had run. At least now, she can try and stem the tide of questions little.
She finally speaks up after a few minutes of watching Emma slowly self-destruct and her parents crying silently with pity. "Enough." They all look up at her words, surprised. "You've asked enough questions. You've ruined Emma enough now. I think she needs to leave." Regina stands up, but is met by Snow facing her head on.
"No!" She yells, taking them all by surprise. "You did this! You are the reason she was sent to this land in the first place! You can't just act all understanding and try and take her from us." Regina stares at Snow incredulously because this woman must be the stupidest specimen she's ever met.
"But I do understand, Snow White," she says softly. "I was forced into a marriage with a much older man. If that doesn't scream understanding, then I don't know what does." Snow's face is lost in confusion for a moment, and then realization and horror crash onto her face in realization. "Oh," is all she says before she stumbles back, looking like everything she's ever believed in has just come crashing down and turned upside down, which it pretty much has.
David catches her and holds her, seemingly aware of what has just happened. And then god knows why but Snow continues her questions and Regina remains standing, ready to poof them out of there in a minute because she guesses what's coming. Emma seems to as well and shakes her head. "They'll never stop," she says softly. "I might as well do it now while I can say what I want." Regina sighs and nods in defeat and Snow takes that as an opening.
"What about Neal was so messed up? He gave you Henry, I thought you loved him?"
Emma pinches the bridge of her nose in frustration. "He helped me get Henry, and that is the only thing I don't regret. I love Henry so much. But I wish I'd got him any other way. I wish I hadn't got pregnant at eighteen. I wish Neal hadn't been such a jerk that he'd left me for some weird destiny I didn't even want. I don't want to be the saviour, I never have. All it means is sorting out everyone else's problems while they ignore my own. I hate all this magic and villains and never having peace for a year together. I don't want to be the damn saviour; everyone looks at me like I'm some sort of hero. I'm not. I'm just a lost orphan who made the biggest mistake of her life in giving her son away. I'm just a fucked up girl wishing for a way out."
Snow makes to hug Emma, but she steps back. "Don't. I can't do this right now. You have to understand. And again, before you ask. Neal promised me the world. He told me he loved me and that he'd always be there for me. But then he let me to go to jail for him. He left me pregnant and alone. He made the trust I'd put in one person be ripped from me, again. He destroyed my life. He is one of a number of people who have destroyed me, slowly but surely. First it was you two. You basically didn't care enough and that fucking hurts. It will never stop hurting. Then it was the family that said they were going to adopt me but sent me back when they got pregnant. Then it was a succession of foster parents who beat the crap out of me among other things. Then it was Neal. Then it was the whole fucking world. Everyone has left me. Everyone has ruined any trust or love or faith I ever put in them. And so, that's why I wish I had died. I wish you hadn't put me in the damn wardrobe, but I wish I had died because then I wouldn't have to deal with all of this. Now it's a little different because it would mean leaving Henry and hurting him. He is the light in my life, and I won't lose that, even if it means dealing with all of this. But I wish I could end the pain because it's so large and it weighs on me every day. I know that all of the shit that has happened hasn't been my fault. And I can't change that. And I have to fucking live with it while everyone else has sunshine and rainbows radiating off them. You all may have been stuck in some weird kind of limbo for 28 years, but I bloody well lived through every single one of them in this cruel world."
The tension is palpable in the room. Everyone seems to be processing what Emma said, the pain seeping through all of their hearts in that moment. Then, Snow asks one last question she knows she will regret asking but that she feels she has to know.
"You wish you were dead now? Even though you've found us?"
Emma closes her eyes again in annoyance and sadness. "In a way," she practically whispers. "I wish I didn't have to be around Fairytale characters. I wish I didn't have my parents here being all smiley and acting like nothing was wrong. I wish I could end the pain in my own mind but I can't. I have a son. I can't do that to him and I won't. But I wish, for a moment, that the pain would stop. I wish I never lived the life I had. I wish that it could all just go away. But it won't. So for now, I would like to gain some semblance of control back. I'm sorry, but I need space right now. You just took advantage of me massively and I know you wouldn't give in and would find other methods so that's why I haven't run. You would just find a way to get the information so it's better you hear it from me. But I swear," she gives a menacing glare to her parents, "if you tell anyone else about this, especially Henry, I won't be responsible for my actions. I know you can't keep secrets, but I expect you to keep mine. Because if you tell anyone, I swear I will give into the darkness that constantly pervades me. I will let anger consume me constantly. It would be so easy, so don't tempt me. You have no idea how I feel, so don't you dare go making any more assumptions. And just so we're clear, if you ever pull something like this again, I will never speak to you again. I don't know about now, but I do know that I need to leave." She walks over to Regina who is standing slightly shocked as she takes in all the information.
"Regina, can you poof us out of here please? I just need to get away." Regina nods but Snow speaks before they could disappear. "Please Emma, don't shut us out. I just wanted to know why you were so off and get you to speak with us..." She places her hand over her mouth as she realizes what she has just said. Emma's eyes widen.
"What the fuck?" She shrieks. "You did this? You gave me the potion? How could you? I can't believe it. I should have known. You know, you always talk about how good and evil are black and white but they're not. They're one in the same. We're all a bit evil and good, and you just showed off your worst side today."
Snow lunges for Emma, but she pulls away. "No. You do not get to do this. I needed this 28 years ago, but I don't need it now. From now on, I no longer live here. You are not my parents. We are unfriendly acquaintances. Maybe one day I will forgive you, but right now I don't want to. No good parent or parent who loves their child would do this to them. You knew I wanted to keep things hidden. You knew what this would do to me, yet you kept going. I suggest you take a good look in the mirror and realize who you are, Snow White. Good day."
Regina takes that as her cue and they both disappear in a haze of purple smoke. "David," asks Snow once they've left, "what have I done?" They look at the spot where the two have disappeared, tears on both of their faces.
Regina and Emma appear in Regina's living room. Emma sinks on to the couch immediately, her head in her hands and her body shaking with sobs. Regina stands by slightly uncomfortable, not really knowing what to do. Her and Emma have been much more civil as of late and after Neverland managed to work out a good system with Henry. They're almost friends but Regina's not sure they're this close or that she should comfort Emma. When the blonde keeps crying however, she sits down on the couch and pulls Emma into a hug. Emma simply cries it out on her, letting all her pain and frustration come out in waves.
After Regina notices the sobs quiet down, she looks and realizes Emma is asleep. She carefully lays Emma down with a blanket over her and then goes to find Henry, breaking the news of the fallout to him. She doesn't mention any details; just that Emma is not speaking to her grandparents and has been through an emotional ordeal.
When Emma wakes up she finds Henry sitting across from her looking concerned, which breaks her heart; he shouldn't have to be worried about his mother, it should be the other way round. Regina walks in and looks uneasily at the scene in front of her. "Ma, are you ok?" Henry asks tentatively, unsure whether the potion has worn off or not. Emma looks thoughtful for a moment before answering. "No, Henry. It's not. But I hope it will be. Your grandparents and I had...a fight. I'm not talking to them right now and you might not be ok with that, but it's something I have to do. I love you and I'm sorry if this hurts you. But please try to understand." Her eyes are desperate and Henry immediately envelops her in a hug. Emma smiles and hugs him back, tears forming on her face.
Regina lets them hug and then tells Henry to set the table for dinner. "You can stay here for a while if you'd like," she says. "I know you don't want to return home and you might as well be where Henry is." Emma smiles gratefully. "Thanks. I can't face them right now. By the way, how long was I asleep? It looks dark outside." Regina chuckles. "Quite a few hours, dear. I think you were quite exhausted after all that happened. I didn't want to wake you."
Emma looks pensive before saying, "Do you think it's worn off yet?" Regina smirks and sits on the edge of the sofa. "Only one way to find out. What's the most embarrassing experience you've ever had?" Emma's eyes widen comically and she glares at Regina. "Not funny. Not even close."
That's all she says; the words aren't being forced out of Emma's mouth and she visibly relaxes. "I'm not going to tell you!" She smirks. "That was a risky game there, but in any case I can now sense that the magic has gone, thank goodness." Regina smiles. She'd guessed as much, but she got a kick out of exasperating Emma anyway.
"Hey, where did my mother get that potion? I'm guessing Gold or Blue, but Gold looked as surprised as everyone else. Do you think it was Blue?" Regina nods her head. "Most likely. Gold would have looked a lot smugger if it were him. And Blue probably gave it to her after your mother spit out some sop story of happily ever after and all that nonsense. She may have her own price but I bet it was far less harsh than Gold's can be."
There's silence for a few moments as Emma seems to take it all in. Then she sighs. "I can't believe all that came out. I was hoping to keep that locked away forever. I never wanted them to know. They looked at me with so much pity and sadness and…I just couldn't take it. I couldn't have them see me that way, you know? I can't deal with it." Regina nods in understanding. "I'm sorry that all came out too, for your sake. But you can't avoid them forever, Emma," she says gently. "You will have to face them soon enough."
Emma sighs. "I know. But for now, can we just forget about this and enjoy dinner with Henry?" Regina smiles and nods. "I'd like that."