Hey guys, just want to put it out there for this story that, I'm not a doctor or a nurse. I have had a family member who was diagnosed with breast cancer, and like Eddie in this story the cancer was found relatively early and now thankfully my Aunty is in remission. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not very technical in this story and if I have got anything wrong, I want to apologise in advance. I do not mean to offend anyone who knows exactly what the process is to fighting and surviving breast cancer.
Also, like I said before in my other posts, I do get my inspiration from other tv shows as well as movies. So if anything seems familiar, that is why.
Read, enjoy and tell me what you all think!
Eddie changed out of her patrol uniform and headed to Renzulli's office and knocked. Renzulli looked up from beneath his glasses.
"Boss you have minute?"
"For you I have all the time in the world. Especially because you're savin me from going cross-eyed reading this after action report. I don't know how some of you graduated high school with this kind of grammar."
Eddie couldn't help but let out a tiny laugh.
"Come on in, take a seat."
Eddie sat down and struggled to find the right words to say. She knew she would be ok but saying it out loud made it real and scary.
Renzulli frowned, "What's on your mind kid?"
Eddie looked up, "I need to uh….I need to ask for a desk assignment boss."
Renzulli frowned, "And why would you want to do that?"
Eddie stared at her boss for what seemed like an eternity figuring out the right words to say and what order to put them in when she decided it was probably best to just say it, "I have breast cancer."
Renzulli's eyes went wide and was stunned into speechlessness. Eddie could see the tumblers in his mind going a hundred miles an hour so she decided to slow them down with, "Don't worry boss, it sounds worse than it actually is, I'm not dying or anything. The docs caught it early and I've already had the tumour cut out so all I need is some radiotherapy and I should be all good." Eddie didn't know who she was trying to convince more, Renzulli or herself.
"Jeez Janko, you nearly gave me a heart attack, you hear the word cancer and it just sends a shock wave through you."
"I know the feeling," Eddie joked lightly.
Renzulli didn't laugh, "I'm so sorry Eddie. Is there anything I can do? Have you told Reagan yet?"
"If you could move around my shifts to accommodate my hospital appointments that would be a big help."
"Consider it done Janko, now what about Reagan?"
Eddie had hoped he would just let that lie, "No, I haven't told him and I don't plan on telling him."
Renzulli frowned, "Well, why not. He's your partner, don't you think he's going to get a little suspicious when you stop going out on patrol with him. I mean how are you goin to explain this to him without tellin him the truth."
Eddie shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I'll just tell him that I need a change of pace, that the danger on the streets is putting a fear in me that makes me want to ride a desk for a while."
"And you really think Harvard is going to buy that?"
Eddie chuckled lightly as she looked down at her wrung hands, "No, probably not, but it's the way I want it to be."
Renzulli shrugged, "Janko, I can understand you not wanting to mouth off about it to the entire precinct, but you're goin to need all the support you can get and who better than Reagan to give that to you."
"Like I said Sarge, it really isn't a big thing and I don't need Reagan to hold my hand through it." Eddie said with a bit more bite than she would've have like to have given her boss.
Renzulli's eyes softened, "Ok Janko, I may not like it but I'll respect your wishes. Nothing you've said will leave this office."
Eddie smiled softly, "Thanks boss, appreciate it."
Renzulli gave Eddie a tight nod, "Don't mention it, you just get yourself better, you hear me kid?"
"Loud and clear boss."
"Ok, now go on, get outta here."
Eddie gave Renzulli one last smile of thanks and a tight nod before getting up. Renzulli stopped her in her tracks with, "And I expect updates on your progress Officer Janko. Is that understood?"
Eddie turned and gave a nod, "Yes sir, wouldn't have it any other way." Eddie then turned and walked away. Renzulli let out a deep sigh, hoping that Eddie would come to her senses and tell Jamie the truth.
Eddie walked into Sullivan's bar where she had asked Jamie to meet her after their tour had finished. Eddie looked through the packed cop bar until she saw Reagan waving to her from a booth in the back. She smiled and manoeuvred her way through the crowd and was pleased to see he had already ordered drinks for the both of them.
"Hey, what kept you?" Jamie asked as he pushed Eddie's drink towards her with a napkin.
Eddie sat down in the booth, "Yeah, sorry about that, had some things to square away back at the precinct."
Jamie frowned, "What kind of things?"
Eddie sighed, "It's the reason why I asked you to meet me."
"And here I thought you couldn't get enough of me on tour today so you wanted to hang out." Jamie replied with a smirk and a smile.
Eddie gave Jamie a small smile, the sadness and loss finally hitting her of not being able to ride with Reagan for the foreseeable future.
Jamie's smile faded, "What is it? You're startin to scare me here Janko."
Eddie looked down contemplating whether or not Renzulli was right and she should tell him the truth.
Jamie laughed lightly trying to break the tension, "You're not dying or something, are you?" Jamie kidded.
Eddie's head shot up at that, cementing that even though she wasn't dying, telling him she had breast cancer didn't seem like the right thing to do for the moment.
Jamie's face fell slightly when Eddie didn't respond. Eventually Eddie let out a light laugh, "No, nothing like that. I just have to tell you something and I just…."Eddie closed her eyes briefly and sighed and then reopened them and continued with, "I just want you to see it for what it is and not ask too many questions ok?"
"Ok, now you're really scaring me. Eddie, what is it?"
Eddie sighed, "After tour today, I asked Renzulli for a desk assignment, he agreed and its effective start of tour tomorrow."
Jamie's mouth dropped as he looked at Eddie confused, hurt and a little angry, "What're you talkin about? Why…why would you do that?"
"I just need a change of pace, patrol has been wearing me down lately and I just thought having a desk job for a little while would help with that."
Jamie scoffed, "You look like my partner, you sound like my partner but you can't be my partner because my partner would never in a million years be happy about ridin a desk let alone volunteer to be assigned to one."
"I didn't say I was happy about it Jamie, it's just what I need to do. For the last three years I've had your back but with the mind frame that I'm in right now I can't do that anymore, well at least for now I can't."
Jamie stared back at Eddie and shook his head, "I don't believe you."
"What?" Eddie frowned.
Jamie just shrugged his shoulders, "You're lyin to me. What's really goin on with you?"
Eddie sat back faking an oblivious reaction to what Jamie was on about, "Nothing, I just told you what's goin on with me."
"Oh really, cause I know you Eddie and I know that there's something else goin on that you're not tellin me."
"Like what?" Eddie shrugged.
"You tell me."
Eddie closed her eyes, "Please Jamie," she the reopened them waited a beat and continued with, "I really don't want to fight about this. can you please just see it for what it is and accept it. We'll be riding again together before you know it."
"No, you can't expect me to see it for what it is when it isn't what it is."
Eddie pinched the bridge of her nose, "Jamie, please."
Jamie grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the booth. As he put on his jacket he said, "Just when I thought our trust issues were being resolved, you spring this on me."
Eddie looked up at Jamie with a frown. Jamie then took out his wallet, putting enough money to cover the drinks, "Call me when you're ready to tell me the truth otherwise I'm done." Jamie gave Eddie one last pointed glare and walked off. "Jamie, Jamie wait!" Eddie stood up calling after Jamie who powered through the crowd, never looking back. Eddie couldn't hide the pain on her face as she sunk back in the booth and slammed her fist into the table.
Next morning Jamie went into the precinct early, hoping to catch Renzulli, if Eddie wouldn't tell him what was going on, maybe his boss and friend could. It was so early that Jamie found Renzulli putting his jacket on in the men's locker room.
Renzulli turned when the door opened, "Reagan, what're you doin here so early? Tryin to get on my good side or somethin."
When Jamie just stared back at him, Renzulli sighed, "Let me guess, Eddie talk to you? Told you, she won't be on patrol with you for a while."
"Yeah, last night. Gotta admit kind of took it out of me when she told me."
Renzulli nodded, "Yeah, well that's understandable, had the same reaction myself."
"Can I ask why?"
Renzulli looked away as he put his bag in his locker, "She didn't tell you?"
Jamie gauged Renzulli, "Yeah, she did but my gut tells me there's more to it than what she told me."
Renzulli sighed and looked down.
"So, I was wonderin if you could tell me."
"You need to try to ask Eddie again Reagan."
Jamie shrugged, "I'm askin you."
"You can ask me til your blue in the face Harvard, you're just gonna have to accept what she told you as the truth."
Jamie shook his head, "I can't do that."
"And I can't help you kid." Renzulli said frustrated.
"I'm her partner Sarge, and have been that for the last three years. I think that gives me the right to know why she would rather ride a desk than ride with me on patrol."
Renzulli rolled his eyes, "Don't do that Jamie, don't make it personal when it's far from it."
Jamie scoffed, "It's not personal? Eddie doesn't want to ride with me anymore and it's not personal? I mean come on Sage, you didn't give me the nickname Harvard for nothing."
Renzulli scratched his forehead as he looked down, wanting this to end badly but knowing that Jamie wasn't going to back down.
"Seriously, what is it? She sick of riding with the commissioner's son. Is that it? she feel I'm holdin her back in her career or somethin?"
"Hey! That's enough. I'm still your boss Reagan so cut it out. You ride with Mckenna until I say different. Do I make myself understood?"
Jamie scoffed, looked down and shook his head.
"Understood?"
Jamie looked up, holding back his anger he replied, "Understood Sarge."
Renzulli nodded and let out a breath as he walked around Jamie and out the door. Jamie took his time changing, caught up with some paperwork and then on his way to roll call, saw Eddie walking towards him with apprehension.
"Jamie can we talk?"
Jamie waited a beat before replying with, "You ready to tell me the truth?"
Eddie just looked down.
"Then we don't really have much to say to each other." Jamie walked around Eddie when she spoke up, "What happened to giving me the benefit of the doubt?"
"Meet me half way and I will." Jamie then walked into the room, leaving Eddie behind.
Over the next two weeks, Eddie kept pretty much to herself, waking up, going to work, attending her radiotherapy appointments and going home. Jamie was keeping his distance and although Eddie missed him, she was the one who pushed him away and she was fully aware of that.
Apart from being a little more tired than usual and a little more blue, Eddie didn't feel sick at all. It was now the Friday of the second week of her treatment and her appetite had decreased making Eddie unaware that she hadn't eaten for most of the day. She was filling out a parking summons when everything went black for all of one second. Eddie closed her eyes tight and pinched them and when she reopened them all she could see were waves and black spots. Eddie took in a breath and then reached for her water bottle which she found to be empty. Sighing Eddie got up slowly, steadying herself on her desk, took a deep breath and starting walking slowly and steadily to the break room.
Jamie and Mckenna were back in the precinct, and Jamie was headed to the break room to have quick bite to eat before processing a collar they had just taken to the booking squad. Jamie was going down the corridor when he saw Eddie moving towards him from a distance. He debated whether doubling back and getting something to eat after his shift when he saw her stop all of a sudden, her arm shooting to her side to steady herself against the wall. Jamie frowned and started to walk towards her when all of sudden she collapsed.
Jamie's eyes went wide and without a second thought he rushed to her side, "Eddie!" As he crouched to her side, worry in his eyes, Eddie was still conscious and already lifting herself off the floor into a sitting position unaware of Jamie's presence.
Jamie grasped her shoulder, "Hey." He said softly. Eddie opened her eyes and blinked a few times until Jamie's worried face came into view. "You ok? What happened? Talk to me Eddie."
"I haven't eaten all day, feeling dizzy." Eddie all but whispered.
Jamie was taken aback as he frowned in concern and confusion, "You haven't eaten all day?"
Eddie just nodded slowly in response as she went to stand up with Jamie's help, "Since when do you, Janko go a whole day without eating somethin?"
Eddie moved slowly, making Jamie step out of her way, to the break room, "I guess I just forgot."
Jamie frowned as he hovered behind her, in case she collapsed again as she reached for the fridge, getting a bottle of orange juice and then, sitting down at the table. Eddie took a couple of swigs of the juice, the sugar within a matter of seconds making her feel better.
As Jamie sat down opposite her, he asked, "Feel better?"
Eddie nodded, "Yeah, thanks."
Eddie leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. Jamie waited a beat before asking, "Are you sick or somethin Janko? It's not like you to forget to eat."
Eddie opened her eyes as she sat forward and put the lid on her juice, "I guess I just have a 24 hour bug or something. I'll go ask the boss if I can have the rest of the day off." Eddie then went to stand up slowly. Jamie getting up too, going to her side to grasp her arm. "Here, let me help."
Eddie looked at Jamie and smiled softly, "I'm fine Jamie, really. Go on with whatever you were doin, probably have a collar to process?"
Jamie smiled back softly, "Yeah, I do but I want to make sure you're ok."
"I'm ok."
Jamie just looked back at her, not believing her words.
Eddie replied back more convincingly with, "Really, I am ok Reagan. I'll go clear it with the boss and then I'll catch a cab home."
Jamie waited a beat and then nodded, "Ok, take it easy then." Jamie replied as he let go of her arm.
Eddie simply nodded with a smile and made her way to the boss' office slowly as Jamie frowned in concern.
After his shift, Jamie sent off a quick text to Eddie asking if she was ok. Eddie received it while she was at the hospital awaiting her treatment to which she replied that she was all good and that there was nothing to worry about.
It was Sunday dinner at the Reagan's house and Jamie was staring and picking at his food.
"You've been awfully quiet, Jamie. Something on your mind?"
Jamie looked up at his grandpa and just shook his head, "No."
"Come on Jamie, I don't have to tell you that everything is fair game at this dinner table so come on, what's lost your appetite?"
Jamie just sighed, "I'm just worried about Eddie, she hasn't been herself since we stopped riding together."
Frank was cutting into his steak when he asked, "How's she coping riding a desk?"
"I don't know, I haven't really spoken to her much since she volunteered for a desk assignment."
Danny frowned, "What cop volunteers for a desk assignment?"
Linda spoke up, "Well you can't expect Eddie to be out crime fightin on the mean streets of New York City with the condition she's in and the treatment she's been gettin at the hospital."
Jamie's head snapped up to Linda, "Treatment? Treatment for what?"
Linda looked at Jamie as she stopped midway cutting into her steak, "She didn't tell you why she's ridin a desk?"
"She told me patrol was wearin her down but I didn't believe her. Did she tell you somethin different?"
Linda began thinking and treading carefully as she not only had Jamie's attention but the whole tables, "Eddie didn't tell me anythin, I've just been seein her coming in and out of the hospital this last week and out of curiosity I asked her doctor what she was in for."
Jamie shrugged, "Which is?"
Linda looked from Jamie to everyone at the table and then back at Jamie, "You really don't know?"
Jamie replied back with frustration, "No, I really don't know, so are you gonna tell me or not Linda?"
"If Eddie chose not to tell you, I don't think it's really my place to say anthin."
Jamie shifted in his seat, "Is it serious? Tell me Linda, please."
Linda just looked at Jamie, still debating whether or not to say anything.
Jamie waited a beat and firmly asked, "What?"
Linda sighed softly, "Eddie's been receiving radiotherapy for breast cancer Jamie."
All the Reagan family looked slowly from Linda to Jamie, stunned into silence. Jamie's mouth dropped slightly in shock as he stared back at Linda with an unbelievable look on his face as tears welled up slowly in his eyes as he tried to comprehend what Linda had just told him.
After what seemed like an eternity, Jamie finally cleared his throat finding his voice, "Cancer? Eddie….Eddie has breast cancer?" Jamie's voice broke a little at the end of the sentence.
"I'm so sorry Jamie, I honestly thought you already knew."
"Is it serious?"
"Fortunately for Eddie, her doctor caught it in its early stages. The doc told me that she's already had the tumour cut out and will be having radiotherapy five times a week, to make sure all the cancer cells are dead and don't spread."
Jamie closed his eyes as he sighed and looked down.
"Eddie's going to be ok Jamie. And I don't know why she didn't tell you but I know she's gonna need you." Jamie looked back at Linda at that, "even if she doesn't think she does."
"Kind of gives us perspective doesn't it?" Danny voiced out.
Jamie looked from Linda to Danny questioningly, still trying to breathe through the news he had just received, struggling to keep the tears from falling causing his eyes to become red rimmed.
"that we never really know what's going to happen next and that maybe, just maybe we should tell certain people how we really feel about them."
At that Jamie pushed his chair from the dining table, annoyed, "I need some air," Jamie said as he dropped his napkin on his plate of uneaten food.
"Kid!" Danny called out.
Frank pushed his chair out, "I'll go."
Linda stopped Frank when she put her hand on his forearm, "No, let me." Linda didn't wait for a response, she just got up and followed Jamie out the front where she sighed when she saw Jamie sitting with his head in his hands on the front steps leading to the house. She sat down next to him, her presence recoiling Jamie out of his hands as he wrung his hands together and looked down at the ground.
Linda looked ahead to the empty street, "Never gets any easier."
Jamie just looked at Linda and without having to ask, Linda answered, "telling someone a loved one is battling a disease like cancer."
Jamie frowned, "Loved one?"
Linda just looked at Jamie knowingly. Jamie waited a beat when Linda didn't respond, "She's my partner."
"That's it? A man and a woman with guns driftin from one patrol to the next."
"It's enough." Jamie tried to sound convincing.
Linda looked at Jamie questioningly, responding quickly with, "Is it?"
Jamie scoffed and looked away.
Linda sighed, feeling as if she was talking to a brick wall, "I realise that this has probably brought up some memories of your Mom so if you ever need anything Jamie, all you have to do is ask, got a lot of people in your corner….in Eddie's corner too if she's willin to accept it." Linda gave Jamie a tight smile and then got up as she headed to the front door, she turned at her name.
Jamie was standing now too facing her, "Actually there is somethin you can do."
"What's that?"
Jamie waited a beat, before replying with, "Find out when Eddie's next appointment is and then let me know."
Linda looked down, knowing by doing that she would be breaking a dozen hospital regulations.
"I'm by the book too Linda when it comes to the job. I wouldn't be askin if it wasn't important."
Linda looked away and then back to him, "I don't know Jamie."
Jamie waited a beat sighed and then replied with, "Friday at work, I saw Eddie collapse, she told me she hadn't eaten all day."
"Yeah, loss of appetite is a side effect of the treatment."
"Eddie has let all this time go without tellin me anything, if I'm goin to be there for her, I need to convince her that it's ok to let me in to what she's goin through."
Linda nodded, "I'll see what I can do."
Jamie nodded back, "Thanks."
Jamie looked away as Linda turned to head back in the house when she stopped and turned to say one last thing, "Oh and Jamie?"
Jamie looked at her, "think about what Danny said. From where I'm standin, it kinda makes a lot of sense."
Jamie just continued to stare on to Linda, his face only falling slightly. Linda gave him one last tight smile and then went into the house, closing the door behind her.
The next morning, as Jamie was leaving his apartment to go to work he got a text from Linda, saying that Eddie had her first appointment of the week that afternoon.
Eddie felt worn out and full of fatigue as she left the hospital. Her body stopped her at the front of the hospital at the person leaning against his car, waiting for her in front of the hospital. Eddie didn't move, she just wanted Jamie to go away and not have to deal with this at the moment. Jamie pushed off his car, not caring that he was illegally parked and walked over to Eddie. For a few brief moments of just staring at each other, daring the other to speak that felt like an eternity to each of them Jamie finally spoke up with his hands in his jeans pockets, "When were you gonna tell me?"
Eddie continued to stare back at him, her mouth dropping slightly.
"I mean," Jamie shrugged, "Were you ever gonna tell me?"
Eddie closed her eyes as she bowed her head and brushed her brow, "No," Jamie frowned as he let her continue, "I mean yes, eventually. I just…" Eddie sighed as she let her hand fall and looked up to Jamie and shrugged, "I don't know."
Jamie just looked down as Eddie asked, "Renzulli?"
Jamie looked back at Eddie, "No, Linda told me."
Eddie frowned, "How does your sister-in-law know?"
"Come on Eddie, she's a nurse workin at the same hospital where you're gettin treatment. She was bound to find out."
Eddie chuckled lightly without humour, "I've been so distracted lately, that it never occurred to me."
Jamie just stared back at Eddie with a serious expression making Eddie sigh and go on the defensive, "It wasn't easy keeping this from you Jamie. But hey, what did you expect me to say? I've got cancer and it's stopping me from doing things that I love like being a cop and ridin with you."
Jamie nodded in understanding and waited a beat, "How did it go?" Jamie asked as he glanced briefly to the hospital.
Eddie scratched her head, "Uh, ok I guess. Doc said that I'm progressing ok so that's somethin."
"That's good to know." Jamie replied back, the situation getting awkward.
"Yeah, yeah it is." Eddie replied back feeling just as awkward.
"I didn't notice your car anywhere." Jamie said as he looked back at the street.
Eddie looked at him, "You need a lift?" Jamie asked with a small smile.
Eddie nodded back after a moment of debate, "Sure."
The car ride to Eddie's place was quiet, Jamie focussed on the road ahead and Eddie was looking out the window.
"Are you hungry?" Jamie asked.
Eddie looked to Jamie who still had his eyes on the road, she then looked down at her hands, "Umm."
Jamie side glanced Eddie, "Is your appetite not back yet?"
"No, it is, it's just that I'm uh….." Jamie looked back at her again trying to gauge where her head was at.
"I'm just really tired Jamie. I'm not really up to going anywhere."
Jamie looked away disappointed and tried to mask it, "Oh ok, that's ok. Maybe another time."
Eddie sighed, Jamie was making the effort to reach out to her so the least she could do was meet him half way, "But I am up for ordering some pizza and watching a movie at my place."
Jamie side glanced Eddie again, "Yeah?"
Eddie nodded with a smile, "Yeah, you in?"
Jamie smiled back, "I'm in."
Jamie and Eddie arrived at her place. "Make yourself comfortable Jamie, I'm just gonna go change."
"Yeah ok, I'll order the pizza." Jamie said as he got his phone out of his back pocket.
"Thanks, I'll have half….." Jamie cut Eddie off with, "pepperoni and half Hawaiian, yeah I know." Jamie said with a smirk.
Eddie turned and squinted at Jamie, testing him further with, "with a side of…." Jamie cut her off with again, "garlic bread." Jamie laughed as Eddie continued to squint at him.
"Ok, ok, I'm impressed hotshot, just order the food," Eddie said as she made her way to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Eddie changed, and just doing that made her feel more tired than when she left the hospital. After splashing some cold water on her face, she walked out of the bathroom connected to her bedroom when a wave of fatigue hit Eddie forcing her to walk over to the edge of her bed and sit down. Eddie took longer than she thought because by the time she was able to force herself up, Jamie was calling out to her, "Hey, Eddie! Pizza's here."
Eddie took in a deep breath, trying to shake off the way she was feeling and walked out of her room, making her way to the lounge where Jamie was already seated with both their pizza's sitting on her coffee table and a movie in the DVD player. Eddie sat down heavily putting her legs to the side of her.
Jamie looked at her face up and down quickly before grabbing a slice of pizza and trying to ask casually, "How're you holdin up?"
Eddie took in a breath and with a smile released, "Starving."
Jamie smiled back, pausing to admire his partner, "And there she is."
Eddie laughed softly, "Here I am."
Jamie broke the moment with, "Well, this pie and movie isn't goin to eat and watch itself so let's get to it."
"Ok," Eddie replied as she leaned forward to get a slice of pizza and Jamie pressed play on the movie.
About three quarters through the movie the pizza boxes had been discarded on the floor and both Jamie and Eddie had moved a little closer to each other without realising it. Both of them were slouched back, their heads resting on the head of the couch and their feet up on Eddie's coffee table.
Jamie was intently into the movie whereas Eddie was struggling to keep her eyes open, a few slow blinks later and Eddie had drifted to sleep, the weight of her head falling, landing on Jamie's shoulder softly, snapping Jamie out of the movie. Jamie's mouth parted in slight shock but he relaxed as Eddie's breathing became even and he realised that she had fallen asleep. He couldn't help but turn his head so that his lips brushed softly against Eddie's forehead. And all of a sudden, all the feelings he had forced himself to bury were beginning to float to the surface as his heart rate started to speed up. There was a reason, they had stopped hanging out as much and letting each other get as close as this, because both he and Eddie had made the silent decision to choose their partnership over anything else.
Once the movie finished, Jamie got to the task of getting Eddie settled without disturbing her. He managed to slip out from underneath her and lay Eddie's head down on a couch cushion. He then got the blanket that was draped over the head of the couch and gently placed it over Eddie's body. Jamie then turned the TV off and wrote Eddie a note that said, "Had fun hanging out with you partner! Call me if you need anything." He then signed his name, gave Eddie one last look with a soft smile and proceeded to make his way out of Eddie's apartment, grabbing the discarded pizza boxes as he went out.
Eddie woke up the next morning, taking a while to get her bearings. She then got up slowly, swinging her legs over so that she was in a sitting position. She put her hands underneath her thighs and bowed her head with her eyes closed, trying to gauge how she was feeling, silently grateful that it was her day off today. When she opened her eyes, Eddie saw Jamie's note, she picked it up and smiled.
Eddie busied herself most of the day with paying bills and chores around her apartment until it was time for her to get ready to go to the hospital. About an hour before she had to do just that her phone started to ring. She hesitated slightly when Jamie's name appeared on the screen.
Eddie sighed, then picked it up, "Hey Reagan, what's up?"
"Nothin much, it's kinda slow around here so boss is givin me and Mckenna an early mark."
"Well, that's very generous of him."
Jamie waited a beat, "Yeah, it is. Uh I was just wonderin if you have an appointment at the hospital today?"
Eddie could see where this was going but instead of saying no, she remembered how lonely going to the hospital alone could be so she answered with, "Yeah I do as a matter of fact, in around an hour."
"Feel like some company?" Jamie asked smiling into the phone.
"I don't know Reagan; It'll be kind of boring for you in the waiting room."
"Hey, I'm used to waitin around for you."
Eddie exclaimed in mock shock, "And what's that supposed to mean sport."
Jamie shrugged, "Nothin, just that I could probably process around ten collars before you'd make it out of the lady's locker room."
"Look who's turning into a comedian."
Jamie laughed, "Last chance Janko, I could be at your place in around half an hour unless you want to pay thirty bucks for a cab."
Eddie laughed, "Ok, ok. Thanks Jamie."
"No problem, I'll see you in bit."
Eddie nodded, "Ok."
Jamie and Eddie were now sitting in the waiting room. The elephant in the room making things tense between them. After a while Jamie and Eddie side glanced each other, awkwardly looking away and giving each other tight smiles when they caught each others' eye.
Jamie waited a beat sighed and asked, "So are you gonna tell me why you didn't want to tell me about the cancer?"
Eddie waited, searching for the right words and sighed, "I don't know, I guess I felt like we had gotten to such a great place in our partnership that when this was sprung on me…I don't know…I guess I just didn't want to complicate things between us again."
Jamie frowned, "Again?"
Eddie rolled her eyes, "Oh come on Reagan, we are the definition of complicated."
Jamie just looked back at her shrugging and shaking hia head, like he had no idea what she was talking about.
"The trust issues, threatening each other every five minutes that we were going to ride with someone else if the other didn't change their ways."
Jamie frowned, "Oh come on, every five minutes is a bit of an exaggeration Eddie and yes things were going well in our partnership but I think those trust issues are still lingering between us."
Eddie frowned, "What?" Eddie asked softly.
"Eddie if you trusted me, telling me about this wouldn't have been such a burden, it would've been a relief."
Eddie looked at Jamie and took in a small breath and let it out, "Trust had nothing to do with this Jamie. I just didn't want this to change or confuse anything between us."
Jamie shrugged and softly asked, "Like what?"
"Like things." Eddie replied desperately trying to not say exactly what was in her head.
"What things?"
Eddie waited a beat and slowly and unsurely replied, "Undefined things."
Realisation hit Jamie's eyes, "I thought we had pushed past all of that."
Eddie replied straight away, "Yeah we had. I just… I don't know it's hard to explain."
"We've been partners for three years Eddie and yes I'll admit I'm not exactly the best at expressing my feelings…"Jamie ran off, as Eddie gave him a look that said, 'understatement of the year.'
"but," Jamie said with emphasise to Eddie's reaction, "I can tell you that I'm not confused and I'm not going anywhere until your back beside me in the passenger seat of the cruiser."
Eddie squinted, "Passenger seat?"
Jamie rolled his eyes, "Let's just handle one thing at a time shall we?"
Eddie's squint turned into a smile, "Ok."
Jamie nodded with a soft smile, "Ok."
They were sharing another one of those undefined moments that they had apparently 'pushed passed,' when they were broken out of it, "Eddie Janko." A nurse called out.
Eddie stood up, "Yep, that's me."
The nurse smiled, "We're ready for you now."
Eddie nodded and turned to Jamie, "We good?"
Jamie nodded, "Yeah, we're good."
Eddie smiled back and then followed the nurse.
Eddie met Jamie back in the waiting room where she found him reading a gossip magazine, making Eddie smile.
"Catching up on the latest sex, drugs and rock and roll dramas are we Reagan?"
Jamie just rolled his eyes and hurriedly put the magazine down and stood up, "Just passin the time."
Eddie just squinted up at Jamie, "Mmmhm."
"Anyway," Jamie emphasized changing the subject, "How did it go? How're you feelin?"
Eddie smiled back, "Better knowing that someone was out here waiting for me."
"Was that appreciation? You happy I'm here Janko." Jamie partly kidded and partly said with sincerity.
Eddie paused and with a smile and sincerity replied, "Yeah, I am."
Jamie smiled back and with one movement, surprising Eddie, Jamie wrapped his left arm around Eddie's shoulders, to lead her out of the hospital, "Come on, hotshot I'll buy you some doughnuts."
"Yummy," Eddie replied making Jamie laugh as she leaned into Jamie a little more.
"Jamie!" A woman's voice called from behind them.
Jamie let his arm drop from Eddie as they both turned around.
It was Jen, who wore a big smile on her face at seeing him and as she walked forwards she said, "I knew it was you."
Eddie stepped slightly away and brushed some of her hair behind her ear as she saw that Jen wasn't stopping as she went in for a kiss on the cheek which Jamie gentlemanly returned back.
"Jen, it's been a while um," Jamie turned to Eddie who gave him a soft smile and then turned back to Jen, "How have you….how have you been?"
Jen still had a giant smile on her face as she replied with, "Yeah good, I've been doing good. How about yourself?"
"Uh, yeah good. Can't complain," Jamie returned with a smile.
Jen's eyes then turned from Jamie to Eddie.
It took Jamie a second of awkward silence to realise, when he exclaimed, "Oh, my bad you remember, Eddie."
Jen smiled at Eddie, "Of course I do, it's nice to see you again."
Eddie smiled back and politely replied back with, "Nice to see you again too."
Jen nodded and after a beat said, "Well, it must be a nice story to tell."
Jamie and Eddie looked to each other with a frown, confused. Jamie then shrugged, "Story?"
"About how you two got together, I mean from police partners to relationship partners. Doesn't get any more romantic than that right?"
As realization hit, Jamie and Eddie, they laughed and at the same time said, "Oh we're not….."But they were cut off when Jen's beeper started going off.
"Sorry, that's me, I've gotta go." As Jen walked backwards, "Take care of him, he's one of the good ones." And with a last smile, she ran off to the emergency where she was needed.
Jamie and Eddie were stunned into silence, not expecting what just happened to happen at all.
"So you're one of the good ones, Reagan, I never noticed before." Eddie said as she looked ahead of her with a cheeky smile.
Jamie side glanced Eddie with her a smirk, "Alright, laugh it up, get it out of your system."
"Maybe I should get her number."
Jamie frowned, "Planning on switching sides are we Janko?"
"No, I just think I need some advice on how I should take care of you." Eddie replied looking Jamie up and down with a smile.
Jamie rolled his eyes and turned to walk out of the hospital, "shut up Janko."
Eddie smiled as she followed behind him, "Are you still going to buy me doughnuts Officer Jamie?"
Jamie turned his head slightly, "Only if you promise to never call me that again."
Over the next week, Jamie accompanied Eddie to her radiotherapy appointments when he didn't have a shift overlapping with it. Eddie was hiding it from Jamie but her fatigue was getting worse. She tried to not let it affect her mood and with Jamie being more attentive than usual and spending more time with her, Eddie was even more tired of putting up a healthy front. It was the last session of the week; Jamie was waiting for Eddie in the waiting room as usual. Eddie finished up, swinging her legs over however taking her time to get to her feet.
Her doctor asked, grasping her shoulder gently, "Are you ok Eddie? talk to me. What're you feeling?"
Eddie had her eyes closed, "Nothin, I'm just a little more tired than usual." Eddie said as she looked to her doctor.
Her doctor just gave her an, 'I know there's more to it' look.
Eddie rolled her eyes, "Ok, ok, a lot more than usual."
The doc frowned, "Well, it is to be expected, but just monitor it over the next week and if it's still the same or it gets worse, we may have to see about adjusting your treatment plan."
Eddie nodded as she managed to get to her feet, "Ok doc, sounds good."
"No problem, is there someone you want me to call to take you home?"
"Oh no, that's ok. My partner is waiting for me in the waiting room."
After saying their goodbyes, Eddie made her way to the waiting room. Eddie's hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail and she was wearing, sweats and a zipped up hoodie. When she rounded the corner to the waiting room, Jamie noticed her weak form straight away. Eddie folded her arms across her chest and besides giving Jamie a small smile, she couldn't be bothered to hide how she was feeling. Jamie stood up, "Hey, what's up? You look weaker than when I brought you in."
"Can you just take me home please Reagan?"
Jamie frowned relenting, "Yeah ok."
Eddie just nodded and turned to walk out of the hospital, Jamie walking beside her, side glancing her every few steps."
The car ride was completely silent all the way to in front of Eddie place. Eddie sighed, she undid her seatbelt as Jamie jumped out and walked fast around his car, opening Eddie's door for her. Eddie frowned as the fatigue was now just pissing her off.
Jamie noticed this as he leant forward, extending his hand, "Here, come on, let me help."
Eddie was too tried to argue for her independence, grasping Jamie's arm and getting out of the car slowly, when she finally got to her feet, the weight of her body pushed her forward into Jamie's arms forcing Jamie to catch her by her elbows.
When Eddie finally got her bearing, she opened her eyes, Jamie's face only inches from hers, after a moment of staring and searching in each other's eyes, Eddie broke the silence, "I need to lie down."
"Yeah, I should probably get you into bed." As soon as Jamie realized what he said he started working backwards, "I mean…"
"It's ok Jamie, I know what you meant."
Jamie smiled back sheepishly and then nodded, putting his arm around Eddie's shoulders and helping her to the apartment.
Once inside, Jamie helped Eddie to the bed, turning it down and then pulling the blankets over her. Eddie's eyes were already closed. Jamie took a moment to look at Eddie as his hands lingered on her shoulders. He then walked away, stopped when Eddie spoke up, her eyes still closed, "Jamie."
Jamie turned, "Yeah, Eddie."
"Thank you."
Jamie waited a beat and then replied with, "Get some rest."