Billie's and Lili's FanFiction of The Mortal Instruments And Infernal Devices

Clockwork prince- Jem's POV-proposing to Tessa- chapter 18 Until I Die

I can hear Henry and Charlottes fighting although I've no clue what they are arguing about this time. Im on my way to Tessa's room. I do not know what I intend to do, but I know i'll figure it out soon enough. When I get there I'm frozen for a moment thinking about what to say. I knock as softly as I can I am about to walk away when suddenly Tessa throws open the door. She looks surprised and disappointed. "Jem, she says is everything alright?" All I manage to say is "You look as if you were expecting someone else". She looked startled at my comment. "Sophie, I fear I have offended her my habit of not thinking before I speak has caught me out again" she says. I cant think of anything to say so I just settle for "oh", though I'm sure she was expecting a different response. Looking at the scar on her forehead I say "Is now- That is I would like to speak to you in private, Tessa. Are you feeling well enough? That depends on what you have to tell me she said with a laugh, Although her laugh brought no answering smile with it. Jem you promise every things is all right Will-?" This is not about Will I said. Will is out wandering and no doubt perfectly alright. "This is about- I thought for a moment of what to say. "Well I suppose you can say that it's about me"

I glanced up and down the corridor not wanting anyone to over hear our conversation. Tessa looked hesitant to let me in. I felt a pang of guilt what have I done that she does not wish me to be with her I her room. " Tessa," I said oh gosh I just love the way her name feels on my lips. "Jem", she replied. "Jem, she said once more. If this is about your illness I will do whatever I can to help you". "It is not about my illness" I say. I took a deep breath I figured out what I'm going to do."You know we have not found mortmain yet" i say trying to hide my excitement "in a few days the institute might be given to Benedikt Lightwood you will doubt this will allow and myself to remain here but I have no desire to live in a house that he runs, I say and they have to think about the fact that Will and Gabriel will kill each other in a minute. It would be the end of our little group; Charlotte and Henry would find a house I have no doubt and Will and I Will go to Idris until we are eighteen and Jessie i suppose it will depend what sentence the clave passes on her but we cannot bring you to Idris you are not a shadowhunter," She looked as if she were rather suprised and faintly sick. I felt awful seeing he like this. I see but where I should go- No do not answer that you hold no responsibility towards me. Thank you for telling me at least she says. Tessa- I started but she interrupted me you have already been as kind as property allows given that allowing me to live here is done none of you any good in the eyes of the clave I shall find a place- "Your place is with me startling her I immediately felt embarrassed it will always be, I said my face getting hotter by the second. What do you mean?" She asks. " I mean" I said taking a deep breath "Tessa Grey, Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?

Tessa sat bolt upright JEM! She shrieked. I stared at her for a moment for a moment I did not notice she was staring back at me. I said trying to lighten the mood " That was not a no, but not precisely a yes". " You can't mean it "she said. I do mean it" I mean it with all my heart I thought but I could not force myself to say it. "You cant-" she said "I'm not a shadowhunter. They'll expell you from the clave".the truth is i did not think about what the clave would do if we wed. I took a hesitant step towards her not wanting to make her uncomfortable."You may not be a shadowhunter but you are not a mundane,nor provably a downworlder, you're situation is unique, So I don't know what the clave will do but they cannot forbid something that is not forbidden by the law, they will have to take your- our -individual case into consideration and that can take months and that cannot prevent our engagement" I for her response I don't know if she thinks this is all too fast or maybe she just does not wish to marry someone who is near death. "You are serious" she said astonished as if she wasn't expecting it."Jem such a kindness on your part is indeed incredible it does you credit. But i cannot let you sacrifice yourself in that way for me". she said. I was shocked that she thought it was a sacrifice for me to be married to her. "Sacrifice"? I repeated. Tessa, I love you. I want to marry you"" I... Jem it is just that you are so kind, So selfless how can i trust that you are not doing this just simply for my sake." I reached into my pocket and pulled out my family's pendant of green jade with Chinese characters carved into it. I held it out to her, my hand trembling ever so slightly. I could give you my family ring but it is meant to be given back when the engagement is over i want to give you something that is yours forever" I say hoping she doesn't think its to over the top. She shook her head "I cannot possibly"- I interrupted her "This was given to my mother from my father when they were married, The writing is from the I Ching the Book of change. It says "when two people are at one in there inmost hearts they shatter even the strength of iron and bronze". And you think we are? Tessa asked " at one that is.

I knelt down on one knee and look up into her beautiful blue gray eyes. She looked like she was remembering something. " I cannot explain love," I blurted out "I could not tell you if I loved you from the first moment I saw you or if it was the second third or fourth. But I remember the first moment i looked at you walking toward me and I realized that the rest of the world seemed to vanish when I was with you that you were the center of everything I did and felt and thought". Tessa looked overwhelmed. "Jem I never imagined-.""There is a force in strength and love" I said " That is what the inscription means." It is in the shadowhunter ceremony too. for love is as strong as death have you not seen how much better I have been these past weeks Tessa? I have been ill less coughing less and I feel stronger. I need less of the drug - because of you. because my love for you sustains me. Tessa stared it looked like she never thought such a thing was possible that love can cure any illness, She looked as if she just realized he has been looking better." you speak of sacrifice,but it is not my sacrifice i offer. it is yours i ask of you" i went on "I can offer you my life, but it is a short life,i can give you my heart,though i don't know how many more beats it shall sustain. but i love you enough to hope that you will not care that i am being selfish in trying to make the rest of my life-whatever its length-happy,by spending it with you. I want to be married to you,Tessa. I want it more than i have ever wanted anything in my life." I looked a there through the hair that just fell onto my face but i don't bother to move it. "That is" i say shyly "if you love me ,too" Tessa looked down at me then at the pendant in my hand her eyes full of understanding. Slowly she took the pendant from my hands and i felt like a weight has been lifted. "Then yes" she said" Yes,I will marry you James Carstairs. Yes. "Oh thank god,I said releasing a breath i didn't know i was holding. "Thank god".