Jesus and Snake
Do Hollywood
Introduction
Note: This is based on the 'sit-com' I am a writer on called Jesus and Snake. Snake is from Metal Gear Solid and Jesus you can probably guess. For a link to a website with all 60 episodes on, check my profile.
WARNING: This has a strong link to religion; obviously. Don't read on if you're strongly religious or cannot laugh at yourself. As someone said months ago "If there's a god, he's probably laughing at this". You've been warned!
Snake put what remained of his leg on the table. Blood ran from it, covering last nights left over take away with the red liquid.
"Honestly" He said, hardly concentrating on the agonising pain he was currently in "I might sue the zoo for this. I didn't know that if I stuck my leg in that pool I might get it bitten off."
Jesus nodded solemnly. His friend wasn't exactly well known for his common sense, or his reading abilities.
"There was a sign there which said 'beware of the sharks
"I know, but it doesn't say WHY to be beware of the sharks."
"Well, now you know." Jesus retorted. Almost every day was like this. Snake would come in with some sort of injury and Jesus would fix it.
Snake frowned.
"I just realised, that shark at ALL my pet varuca's, even JIMMY" A sudden look of anger covered his face. "Smite him, J-Man."
Jesus used his powers to magically make snakes leg grow back. Snake stood up and tried it out.
"Thank god for that. Now I can walk and stuff. Do all the things I've ever wanted. I could run for president if I wanted!" He smiled briefly and then fell back onto the chair in a daze. "Lets see what's on the tube shall we?"
The TV fired up and a picture of a mildly attractive women popped up.
"And this just in, my pussy has been saved. Obehdiah the cat, as he's known, is 3 years old and already lookly like me in more ways then one. And finally, have you ever dreamed of becoming an actor?"
Snake looked at the screen defiantly.
"No!" He said sternly
"Have you ever wanted to be rich?"
"No!" Snake replied, happily in the knowledge that he had absolutely no ambition.
"What about you jesus?" The newswomen asked. For the cheek of mentioning his name on TV, Jesus smited her.
"An actor eh?" He said after getting a bowl of cornflakes. "Pretending to be someone else? I could do that while standing on my head!"
"Yeah, we've all seen you're Henry Kissinger impression. If someone wants Henry Kissinger in a film, you'll be in luck."
"Well shall we do it!" Jesus asked excitedly
"Does it involve moving?"
"Only to the car."
"Is there a TV in the car?"
"Yes."
"IN THAT CASE TO THE SNAKE MOBILE"
Snake jumped down a firemans pole and found himself locked in the basement.
2 hours later, Otacon came out of the computer room.
"Crap!" he said.
Otacon had an addiction to Everquest, and although having been banned from it several times still found ways to trick the system. He was currently being Halinda1345. And this dominated all his time in such a way that he hardly had any time for the little things like eating and sleeping. He was so in tune with the game and the internet, that he often missed Jesus and Snakes many adventures outside. Sometimes they went to the zoo, sometimes to the public toilets. But wherever they went, there was no Otacon.
He looked at his watch and passed out from malnutrition.
The trip to Hollywood was uneventful, on the long, dusty road Snake sang Sinatra songs while Jesus counted how many green cars passed. When they finally reached their destination they booked into a motel and fell asleep.
The fact that they hadn't brought anything with them, including money, didn't bother them as they were both confused and tired after the long drive.