Summary: Castiel shares with an unknown listener his story

Rating: T

Pairing: None

Word Count: 1,276

A/N: This is my longest fic, and I have revised and rewrote several bits and pieces, as well as worked on several spelling mistakes.

Our father was the creator. Of everything.

I remember once, I stood with my brothers on the edge of Heaven, watching the Earth. It was fairly boring, mind you. Humans were small creatures compared to us, but Father said they would be needed.

'Yes, as vessels!' and brother joked. 'That's all their good for!'

But my father was persistent. 'Some of them will rise," he said. "They will uncover the greatest mysteries that even I can't solve. And one day, they will help the End.

Of course, we all though he meant to bring it closer and allow for his creation to collapse.

But I know what he meant. For I was part of the end.

The key players, some boys from a Kansas town, and old drunk, and a fallen angel wound up preventing the End, and saving the world. And that was something no one could do, not the angels, the demons, even God Himself. We charged the front lines, we fought the final battles, and we won.

But was it all in vain? Did my father leave it to us only to know that the world would never be safe? That all the chances he gave me would only end in blood?

How was I to know my actions would cause such heartache and pain? How was I supposed to know that my life was meant to end in horror?

I guess it was my own pride. Angels are soldiers, breed to fight and kill the enemies of our father. It was what I biased my life upon, what my purpose in this world was. I had lead many into battle, watched brothers die on the sidelines, and even fought my older brother, Lucifer. And I knew that was my purpose.

Until the chosen one entered hell. I was instructed by my big brother, Michael, along with other angels, to retrieve the fallen Winchester.

I fought my way through hell, though the demons who fought me back, and I griped him tight, and rose him Perdition.

He thanked me by shooting my vessel, which granted, was a human thing to do.

He asked me several questions, but I didn't have time for him. The seal had been broken. And unbeknownst to him, he was the only one who could stop it.

Unfortunately, he and I began to bond. I grew sympathy for the humans, as well as fond of them. But my superiors know that was a mistake. They demoted me, and, later, punished me for my actions. I was 'against the cause', one might say. But I was seeing the truth.

The angels didn't want to stop the Apocalypse. They wanted the world to end.

Why would they disobey our father? Why would they choose to follow Lucifer's plan?

Even thought the punishment, I rebelled. All for them, the two brothers who taught me to stand up against my brother's wrong.

In the end, it resulted in my death, in which the final seal was broken, and Lucifer was set free. Little did Sam and Dean know that they were the chosen ones, the vessels of Michael and Lucifer. And little did I know I would be brought back to protect them.

But I was cut off from heaven, a fallen angel. It was a disgrace, but I had to learn to deal with it. If the angels weren't gonna stop the Apocalypse, then me, Sam, Dean and Bobby would.

Of course that lead to the first meeting with Crowley. King of the Crossroads, and later King of Hell. And he would be the key to my downfall.

But in the end, we stopped Lucifer, and lost Sam in the process. When God restored me, I returned to hell to raise Sam, only I couldn't get all of him out. Which perhaps was my mistake, and Sam didn't take the news so well when I told him. At any rate, I returned to Heaven for the first time in a year. I greeted by my siblings, and also was beat around by my brother, Raphael. And then Crowley came in, suggesting that we search for Purgatory together, and purge our enemies. It was absurd, but he gave me fifty of hell's souls, and their power was…amazing. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I needed the souls to stop my brother from restarting the Apocalypse. And so I spiraled down, falling farther and farther into a web of my own lies. And Dean tried so hard to believe that I was doing the right thing. That I wasn't going behind their backs, and that my goal was not to open monster hell. But unfortunately, it was.

By the end of that year, the boys and Bobby were suspicious. They knew I was hiding something from them. And they caught me, but I had no choice. This war was started to protect them, but they couldn't understand. And now I see the truth to that. I didn't understand.

I had managed to open Purgatory, managed to absorb the souls, and I defeated Raphael. But the power…was so mesmerizing. I should have listened to Dean. I should have released the souls, and saved them. Which ended up happening, but only after I realized the mistake I made. I was no God.

In the end, I not only killed hundreds of people, I also released a creature known as Leviathans, deadly, angel-killing, man eating monsters. They took over my vessel, and tore open my body.

And somehow, I survived. But with amnesia, and no sense of self.

For six months I spent time with a woman, Daphne Allen, under the name Emmanuel. And my life with her changed when Dean returned looking for a healer, and found me. Not remembering who he was, I agreed to go with him, and save Sam. Unfortunately, I couldn't. When I collapsed his wall, his hell toppled into him. When I found out who I was, and remembered, guilt overtook me. I transferred Sam's hell into my mind, which lapsed me into a coma. And I did not awake until the Word was found.

In the end, Dean had managed to convince my broken self to help stop the Leviathan, and we won.

For a moment.

And we continued to fight, through Purgatory, through Hell and Heaven, and we saved the Earth. Me, and my two brothers.

And perhaps that was the reason. Perhaps that was why, even after everything I did, they still loved me like a brother. They accepted me for whom I was, and cared about me, and allowed me to be with them. Perhaps, the reason this who thing started…was for me to realize this. And to see that I do belong. Not in Heaven, or hell, but by the brothers whom I swore to protect. Who taught me freedom, and choice, and how to live a life without someone telling me how. And, maybe that's the whole reason why I'm here. Why I've come back. Because in the end, the darkness will fall. And Team Free Will will be there, standing tall and defiant of those who chose the course for us.

It took me so long to realize, to see, who I am. I'm not a soldier, or a warrior. I'm Castiel, and I choose my own fate. I choose my own paths, and my own rules. Because, you see, freedom is a length of rope, and God wants you to set it on fire, and run with it.

And it's that note I leave you, and go on, with my brothers, and let Earth see the sunlight one last time.