Hey guys! :D 'Tis me again. This is my NaNoWriMo story – National Novel Writing Month of November, where you write a 50,000 word novel in a month? Um, I wrote this in one week. So there were a lot of errors, which I've gone over and fixed a couple times. And though I deem it ready for FanFiction, there are still a lot of errors! If you see any, please point them out. Do keep in mind, though, the speaker of this story (Len) is very illiterate and not very credible. So there are a lot of grammar errors quite on purpose – it hurt me a little on the inside each time I had to do that! –SHOT-
But, enough talking from me. It's time to let Test Tube Len do the talking. Ready, everyone? :3
Days whiz by me like nothing. I don't understand. How can every day be so insignificant, when time is the gift of life? What is life? I've been told that all I am is a computer program. But somehow, somehow I still exist in the real world. Do I have feelings? I feel them, but do they really feel? Or do I just think I feel? Does my heart beat like a real persons' does? What does a real person's heart feel like? Am I really alive?
Sometimes I think I think too much.
~.~.~.~
Ch1
My name is Len Kagamine. I'm fourteen years old. Or maybe I'm only two years old. I've never changed in my two years of life. How am I to say I'm fourteen? How can I even say I live? I'm just a computer program, run though another program and created to walk in the living world.
I don't know if there's blood in my veins. Maybe there's just binary codes running back and forth underneath my skin. Maybe there's neither, and it's all just circuits and wires and I'll short out if I walk in the rain. I never have walked in the rain. I always stay home when it rains, since I'm scared I'll just… disappear.
I'm scared for the next year to come. High school. I learned that high school kids are mean. They pick out your weaknesses and spit them out at you like watermelon seeds. Or something like that. I don't know. The Doctor's a little crazy. He doesn't think I should go to school and thinks I should stay at home and keep learning from him. But he's really crazy. He was crazy enough to invent that whatever-it's-called machine that even brought me to where I am now. I'm not just program string of binary numbers, I'm a 3-D thing standing in front of you. But I can't really say if I'm alive or not. If you ask the Doctor, he'll tell you oh yes, yes, certainly he's alive! I didn't invent something that's not alive, of course. But he also swears on his grey hairs that I had a sister, too. A sister that malfunctioned and disappeared. I don't believe him at all. He looks at me weird when he says it. Besides, it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. He was crazy enough to invent me, let alone another one of me.
~.~.~.~
I saw someone I've never seen today. I've been going to school for two weeks now, and she just transferred into my math class.
When I look in the mirror, I wonder if I'm looking at me or someone else. Is that me? Is that what I look like? Or is it just a hologram, or a thought, me wishing what I looked like? I don't know what I look like. If that's what I look like, I think I'm ugly. My cheeks are all chubby, and my eyes are too blue. My hair is too yellow. Everyone else has normal hair. And I'm so weird. I'm not like anyone else. I'm not even alive.
But that girl that transferred in. I want to know more about her. She has the same yellow hair that my reflection does. But her face is slim and she's not ugly. And her eyes are a darker, more oceany blue than mine. She's pretty. She looks like dandelions that grow out cracks on the sidewalk in the spring. That's exactly what she looks like. But even though she looks like me, we're not the same at all. She's a person, and she's alive. And me? I'm just a projection, a walking dummy. I don't know what I am. But whatever I am, I can't even prove I really exist. Maybe the entire world, the girl, the school, the people, maybe they're all just my imagination, my nonexistent dreams of a computer program, stored on your hard drive.
~.~.~.~
That girl… she came and talked to me today. She told me how strange it was that I reminded her of someone. But I told her that I probably reminded her of herself, and she laughed and said maybe. She has a very tinkly laugh. Something about her draws me in, I don't know, she makes me feel like I have a real heart beating in my chest. But there's nothing there, nothing but the beating of imagination.
She asked me to come and sit with her at lunch. I was a little scared, since the Doctor had so many scary stories about high school. Everything I know, I learned from him, so I was sure high school was bad. But this girl is nice. I wonder what her name is. But anyway, she asked me to sit with her and her friends. They all looked so nice, I couldn't help but sit with them.
I didn't say anything while I was sitting there, except for saying hi as I sat down. I like listening to them all talk to each other. They sound so comfortable, so close. I guess that's being friends. I wonder what it's like to have a friend.
~.~.~.~
I learned all of the girls' friends' names today. The blue haired one is Kaito, the green haired pigtail girl is Miku, the brown haired one who always wears really short red skirts is Meiko, and the pink haired one is named Luka. And I found out the girl's name too. It's Rin. Somehow, Rin's name reminds me of the giant bow on her head. That name fits.
What's in a name? Why are there names? Why isn't my name 00076210375? Why isn't Rin's name 6670826 and Kaito's name 22039523? Why are there even numbers? Is it just because people who are alive like to call things specifically by name? Am I just another thing? What's the difference between the name Meiko and the name toaster? They both have two syllables. But one is a person name and one is an object name. Why? Is it because one is capitalized and one is not? What makes the difference? Is my name an object name, or is it a person name?
~.~.~.~
My math teacher said something interesting today. He said "I think, therefore I am." What does that mean? I think I defy it. I do think, but I don't really exist, do I?
~.~.~.~
Rin said my mind flows like an exploding, over-swelled rain river. I think that's bad. Maybe I shouldn't think as much? But I don't really have anything else to think about. What do alive people think about? I wish I could know. I just think about existing.
How do I not think like how I think? How do I think like someone else? Meiko said the same thing as Rin. She said that I need to slow down. I think I'm kind of slow already, in PE class I'm always the last one to finish. Isn't that being slow? I don't want to be even slower. I think I'll get in trouble.
~.~.~.~
Today someone new sat with us at the table. They had long, purple hair, and they were like a girl, but Kaito said he was a boy. What's the difference between girls and boys? Meiko and Luka and Miku all have lumpy chests. But me and Rin and Kaito and Gakupo don't. But no one calls Rin he, they call her she. But her chest is flat like mine. What's the difference?
~.~.~.~
Someone asked me something weird today. They asked me why I'm so weird and spacey. Am I weird? Am I spacey? What is weird? Isn't being weird being different? And isn't everyone here different? I don't understand. Maybe I'll ask the Doctor when I get home. He always has answers to my questions. It's just that they normally don't pertain to anything.
~.~.~.~
Today there was no school, because it's a weekend. The Doctor said he needed help at the store to buy machine parts, so I went with him, but then we got separated and now I can't find him. I'm scared. I'm so scared. Even if I can't feel it, I feel like I can. I want to go home. But there's no one here, and I don't know where I am. And I don't know where the Doctor is, or where Rin is, or where Kaito is, or where home is.
It's getting dark, and I'm still not home. I've been walking down streets for hours. I'm cold. I've never felt like this before, I was crying but in a different way. I'm lonely. I want someone I know to come and give me a hug, so much.
~.~.~.~
I had to sleep in an alley last night. It was so cold. I woke up and still felt the same way I did last night. I wished that it was Monday, not Sunday, and that I was at school sitting at the table with Rin and Kaito and Meiko and Luka and Miku and Gakupo. But instead I was sitting beside a puddle watching people walk by. I thought maybe, maybe, maybe someone I knew would walk by and take me home. But no one did.
~.~.~.~
It was Monday and the sun was setting. I had stopped trying to go home. I decided I would just die on the sidewalk, and then disappear and go back to the nothingness that I had come from. I don't think I'd die like a normal person does. If I'm just a living computer program, that means computer programs get uninstalled when you don't want them. If a file goes bad, you put it in the Recycle Bin. I don't want to be uninstalled from the world, or recycled. I want to stay here. But I'm lost. It's all the Doctor's fault, I think that he left me alone on purpose. But if the Doctor left me here on purpose, and he knew me the longest of anyone ever, then I thought for sure that no one would come and save me. That is, until I looked over my knees and saw Rin walking on the sidewalk, right towards me with a look on her face I'll never forget.
She really is a dandelion.
~.~.~.~
I spent the entire night yesterday crying on Rin. I think I feel bad. She took me to her house, and I just cried instead of saying thank-you to her parents for letting me stay over that night. I didn't say much today, either. At lunch, I just sat next to Rin, and she had her arm wrapped around my shoulders. She makes me feel so safe, safe from the fears of disappearing into thin air, safe from the Doctor's experiments, safe from not existing, safe from everything. I really like her. She's so much nicer than anyone else at school, ever.
She even walked with me back home. But when she saw my house, she asked me why I called it home. I told her, I don't know, I've always lived here. And she asked me why I lived in a laboratory. I don't know why I live in a laboratory, but it's home. I guess. I don't really know what a home is. What makes a place home? I just thought home was where you slept at night. And I sleep here, in a room the Doctor assigned to me. There's computers and wires and scanners and screens all over, but I never see the Doctor use them. It's just those and my bed. But when I snuck into the Doctor's room, he didn't have a bed. There was no metal table, just a squishy thing. He said his bed is different from most beds. But the way Rin said no when I asked her if she wanted to come in, I think something's different now. I think he lied.
~.~.~.~
Oh, and one more thing – I've got this story 100% completed. (Since I won NaNoWriMo with it and all lol) so for sure this one'll be done! But I'm debating whether to post them all up at once or do it at intervals. I'm leaning towards the latter.
If anyone wants to review, I'd love to see what you have to say :'D