Title- Only Come Down In The Rain
Author- MarySuePerfect
Disclaimer- I do not own any part of Crossing Jordan, but boy do I wish I did.
Author's Note- Okay here is MarySue's first fic. If you read the profile you know this psuedonym is to protect the guilty, who'd rather not admit to a desire to write these pieces. There are two of us so far but a third may be joining us later. Now on to the fic.
He wasn't sure how long he'd been walking in the rain. He just suddenly realized he was wet and the people were looking at him as though he'd lost his mind.
He realized he was soaked to the skin and shivering. Nothing was colder than Boston rain in October. He looked around to hail a cab and realized he was on Pearl Street just outside her building.
He stood for a while looking at her building remembering when he'd been welcome there. Before he'd messed up and pushed her away, at first because he was afraid of being a burden, but continuing to push her away when he'd realized what he had become. Every time he'd seen her, he'd pushed harder trying to make certain she stayed far away. He couldn't afford to let her back in his life; not with mess he'd made of it.
She'd only try to help him and be pulled down with him. He had spent so long thinking Cal was just weak and selfish, but now that he was in the same mess as Cal, he understood just how hard it must have been for Cal to try to live up to the standards of his brother. He wished now that he could talk to his little brother; tell him he understood it all now. Now that he had sunk lower than Cal ever had. At least Cal had never pretended to be anything but what he was.
He turned away from her building with tears in his eyes, wishing he could knock on that red door now and be welcomed inside. Inside her apartment and her life. Back into her arms. He could walk up those stairs and knock and she'd open her door and her heart, but it wouldn't change things, wouldn't change what he'd become. Even if she helped him the way he knew she would he would still be the cop turned addict, the smug self-righteous bastard who'd been knocked off his pedestal.
No, he couldn't ask her to walk down that road with him and he knew he couldn't stay on the force or in Boston any longer. He had to resign and leave before any of his friends discovered just how far he'd fallen from that sanctimonious ledge of his.
He started down the sidewalk, not hearing the door open behind him.
"Woody?" Her soft voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Go back inside, Jo." He couldn't turn to face her. He didn't want her to see the tears on his face. He started to walk on, but she quickly moved to step around him and he came face to face with everything he'd ever wanted and could never have again.
"Woody, why are you standing outside my apartment; crying in the rain?" Her hands came up to cradle his face and force him to look her in the eye.
"Go back in now, Jordan. We don't need to go here. I just was caught in the rain and happened to be outside your building looking for a cab." He tried to pass off the tears as rain.
"Bullshit, farm boy. You never could lie worth a damn; I watched you stand here watching my apartment for twenty minutes and I watched you wipe your eyes." Jordan smiled the fragile smile he loved so much. "Come on in, you're freezing out here. I'll make you some coffee and we'll see if you can make me believe what you tell me instead of what I see with my own eyes."
He knew he should walk away, but he was too tired to push her away again and it was so cold, too cold and very little of the chill he felt was due to the weather. He felt the tears falling faster now and her arms were around him leading him inside. She helped him up the stairs, into her apartment, stripped him, and toweled him off. He very quickly found himself wrapped in a blanket and his clothes in her dryer.
She brought him a cup of coffee and he sipped it allowing the warmth to sink in. He raised an eyebrow when he realized that Jordan, the coffee purist, had brought him a coffee with caramel and chocolate.
"Somebody got me started drinking it that way after a cup he gave me in an elevator one day." She answered the implied question.
Woody felt himself smile at the memory of Jordan tricking him out of his double caramel latte in a futile attempt to keep her from playing her sick little elevator game. Seeing her smile warmed him faster than any amount of coffee could. God how he'd missed that smile, but he couldn't afford to allow her inside. He had to stay strong, but her next words demolished his resolve.
"Are you going to keep running away Woody or are you going to face me and what's between us?" Her smile had faltered, but instead of the pain he'd expected in her eyes; he saw love. The purest, sweetest look of love he'd ever seen. He crumbled completely in the face of her love and belief in him, in them.
"Jo, I…. I'm so screwed up." He let go of the last three months of pain and anger. "I….I.. The pain meds they had me on… I can't stop using them, I've tried. I can't….Cal, I was so unfair to him and I'm just as bad, worse. I….I need help, Jo." He knew he was crying like a baby, but he couldn't seem to stop. He felt her arms around him, holding him, rocking him as his mother had when he was small. Her hand was stroking his hair and crooning to him, a soothing, wordless tune of comfort and love.
When he had cried himself out, she pulled his face up off her shoulder and looked in his eyes. "Tell me about the meds, what happens when you stop?"
"It doesn't matter if I take them or not. I can't control how angry I feel; I ache all over and I can't sleep and when I do sleep, I wake up with nightmares. I can't make it through a day without them, but it's only a little better when I take them."
Jordan's eyes narrowed and Woody could tell she was turning the information over in her mind. "Woody, what are you taking?"
"Oxycontin." He answered, feeling the flush of embarrassment heating his face.
"How did you try to stop taking it?"
"The pain wasn't as bad so I quit."
"Woody, you're wrong. You aren't an addict. Some pain meds you can't stop taking all at once you have to stop a little at a time or you get withdrawal symptoms." Jordan smiled at him. "If you stop over about two weeks you shouldn't have any symptoms. I'll help you." Her smile faltered. "If you want me to, that is."
"I'm not addicted?" Woody couldn't believe what she was telling him.
"Nope."
"And after I've been a bastard to you, you'll still help me? Why?"
" Because I meant what I said, farm boy. I love you, no matter what, I love you." Jordan's smile was like the sun breaking through the cold gray clouds, thawing out the cold, scared part of him. "Even if you don't want to be more than friends, I still love you and I always will."
Woody reached out for her and pulled her close. "I love you, Jo. I loved you from the moment I first saw you, I loved you when I told you to get out and I will love you till the day I die. You're in my heart and you are my soul. I can't breathe without you Jordan Cavanaugh."
He tilted her face up to meet his eyes and found his words rewarded with the most dazzling smile he'd ever seen. He leaned down to kiss her and she met him halfway. There was no hesitancy in her kiss this time; Woody could feel her giving him everything and promising more. This was what he'd wanted from Jordan for four years: she opened up to him not just her kiss, but also her life and her heart. He felt as though they were both being reborn in that kiss. And the next.
A/N- Well what do you think and feel free to guess our identities although we won't admit it. Well maybe in private. Please review.