Derpy little idea I had. This will be the sort of prologue to another fic, only sort of.
Title: The Tale of the Drinking Contest and the Princess
Rating: K
Warnings: Genderbended nations, drinking, sheer insanity
Characters: Germania "Sigmund", Fem!Poland "Felicyta", Prussia "Gilbert", Hungary "Elizaveta", Denmark "Mathias", Fem!Norway "Hallie", Lithuania "Toris", references to Turkey and Russia, Roman Empire "Romulus"
Summary: AU!Kingdoms. King Sigmund IV of Germania is having difficulty marrying his disagreeable daughter Princess Felicyta, so he comes up with a plan to find her a husband.
Pairings: PruFemPol, implied TurkHun and DenFemNor
HETALIA AIN'T MINE. Fem!Poland belongs to my loverly Prusy~
Once upon a time, in a land known as the Kingdom of Germania, there was a very wise, very practical king named Sigmund IV and he had several children. When he died, each of his children would inherit a parcel of land based on birth order with the eldest son, Ludwig, would inherit the entire kingdom.
It just so happened that one of King Sigmund's children was a daughter named Felicyta. She, being one of the oldest children, would inherit a sizable amount of land (and a very important piece of land) known as Poland. This being the case, normally she would have been a prime candidate for suitors. However, this was not the case.
Princess Felicyta was not what most people considered a proper princess. She was demanding, ill-tempered, and worst of all, tomboyish. There were rumors that she ran around the castle grounds, hair undone (or worse, cut short), shoes and stockings missing, dress bunched up around her knees (the scandal!). That being said, King Sigmund was at a loss for how to marry her off.
It also happened that he had yet another daughter. This girl was a very pretty one named Elizaveta, who would inherit the land of Hungary. People liked her despite her tendency to beat people (particularly members of the southern Turkish and Romanian Kingdoms) with a cast iron frying pan when they angered her. There were rumors that she sometimes engaged in "unprincess-like" behavior, but she was so pretty and charming people were willing to ignore it.
After much thought and much frustration, King Sigmund came up with a plan. It was a very practical plan and his advisors thought it very wise of him indeed. His plan was to hold a contest, but not just any contest. A contest that was very attractive to all the eligible bachelors in the kings… this contest would be…
The man who could drink the most beer without passing out would win the hand of the princess in marriage.
Now, King Sigmund decided not to specify which princess because that would be counter-productive. Instead, he let everyone assume that he had difficulty deciding who would marry Princess Elizaveta and would let the beer decide.
Now, in a remote, little-known corner of the kingdom known as "Prussia", there lived a young man named Gilbert. He'd served in the war against the Kingdom of Russia and was knighted for his service. This had given him a larger-than-average ego since he was the closest thing Prussia had to actual nobility and so he spent most of his days in taverns and bars proclaiming his awesomeness to whomever was around whether they wanted to hear it or not. When word of the drinking contest came to the little region, Gilbert saw his chance to gain some actual power (and the princess wasn't too bad to look at either), and set out for the capital immediately.
Word of the drinking contest spread to the neighboring kingdoms as well. The Roman Kingdom on the southern sea sent a group of men, but they were laughed out of Germania, the Turkish Kingdom had a couple candidates, the only representative from the Kingdom of Russia was a young Lithuanian duke named Toris Lorinaitis, and Scandinavia had its fair share of participants.
Most notable among them was the heir to the kingdom and Prince of Denmark named Mathias who boasted far and wide about his drinking skills. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to prove himself (and not realizing that winning meant he had to get married), he too jumped on his horse (quite literally, the poor creature), and made for the capital of Germania as quickly as he could. This caused a bit of a stir and a princess from Norway, deciding that Mathias was too stupid for his own good (and because she was rather in love with him, but that's not important right now, nor does it have any bearing whatsoever on her actions), went after him to bring him back before he could do anything too horrendously idiotic and cause the Scandinavian throne any more shame and scandal (that's a story for another time).
The day of the contest arrived and hundreds of men from the very old to the very young gathered in order to participate. The rules were simple: Keep drinking until the last man stands, and finish the whole mug. King Sigmund signaled the start and off the contestants went, downing mug after mug of beer.
An hour in and most of the contestants (especially the ones from other nations) had dropped like flies, leaving only the heartiest of drinkers. Gilbert and Mathias were still going strong, each determined to outdo the other.
In the end, it was the Danish prince and the Prussian knight who remained. Many of the spectators had left for home as it was getting late and dark and dinner needed to be prepared and eaten. Gilbert was almost done. The Dane was going to outdo him… and he was so close too! Mathias just kept chugging beer, feeling rather woozy at this point until…
He stood up with a gleeful shout of "HALLIE!" and raced over to the Norwegian princess as she was entering the square to watch. She really wished he wouldn't call her by that silly nickname when they were in public, but he seemed so happy to see her…
The remaining crowd blinked. The finalist had gotten up and was quite happily crushing the petite blonde in his arms, completely forgetting about the contest. King Sigmund declared Gilbert the winner and a jubilant cry rose from the people. They had their winner! Princess Elizaveta, thinking that she was the unlucky bride, persuaded the King of Turkey (whom she had been seeing in secret) to elope with her, and they were married and lived happily ever after.
However, she wouldn't have needed to fear and cause such a great uproar. Gilbert was to be wedded to the difficult Princess Felicyta, something the tomboyish young woman was not happy with. Neither, it turns out, was Gilbert when he sobered up. King Sigmund ended up having his eardrums nearly burst from the sounds of their complaining.
Eventually, they both came around and were able to tolerate each other enough by the time the wedding rolled around.
The tale of the drinking contest became famous, and would soon become the inspiration for Romulus VII, King of Roma's contest to marry off his disagreeable heiress.
And they lived happily ever after… sort of.