title: watch me burn
Playlist: love like woe- the ready set, kiss me- ed sheeran, love the way you lie- Eminem ft. Rihanna, enchanted- taylor swift, down- Jay Sean ft. Jay-Z, worlds apart- The Mostar Diving Club
Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize.
Warnings: I mean I guess it could be triggering but it's mostly just angsty dramatic romance idk.
When he looks at her, he knows she'll never be the same. The perpetual sadness that had taken over the golden glimmer in her doe eyes proved it.
He wants Ally back.
His Ally, hopefully.
Everyone involved blamed themselves for what happened to her, for not noticing, for not helping enough, and in her case, for not getting out fast enough.
She tried telling him, in her quiet little voice, that it wasn't his fault, that it wasn't any of their faults.
"I should've told you guys." She said, a small, faint smile on her face.
He shook his head as he opened a bottle of champagne that they weren't technically allowed to drink for another year, but what happened in the practice room stayed in the practice room, anyways. It was basically their sanctuary.
"Don't blame yourself for this, Alls. And I know you blame yourself for, like, everything, but if there's one thing you don't, please let it be this." He passed her a glass of the bubbly drink.
After taking a small sip, Ally cringed and set it back down on the floor in front of her.
"It tastes like regret. And alcohol."
"Yeah, that's kinda the point." He laughed, downing his in one long chug. Ally looked at him in awe.
"Helps you forget." He promised.
She eyed the glass cautiously and tried taking another sip.
"Nope." She laughed, wiping her lips on her arm. "I don't need to forget anything that much."
They sit there for another minute in silence, staring at each other all the while.
She raises her eyebrows. "Penny for your thoughts?"
He laughs at her use of the old expression, then clears his throat awkwardly.
"Um… this is going to sound really weird, so don't take it the wrong way or anything, but… do you think you'd be able to do it again anytime soon? You know, uh… fall in love."
Ally shakes her head. "No. No, I, uh, I think I'm done with that for a while." She leans over and grabs his hand. "I think I need to prioritize the people who love me first for now."
Wrapping an arm around her small frame, minding the bruises that still linger up and down her arms, he nods.
"Good. Because we do love you, Alls, a whole freaking lot."
Tears well in her eyes and she nods slowly. "I know. I just.. I'm sorry if I forgot that for a while. Thanks for not giving up on me."
She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek, and right then, sitting there in the practice room with Ally, he didn't think he would ask for anything else.
He still remembers the day her façade started slipping. It was a Saturday.
He'd walked into the Sonic Boom, hair dripping with raindrops and t-shirt soaked.
"Hey, Alls!" He'd laughed, bounding over her and wrapping her in a big bear hug with his wet, clammy arms.
"Austin, no!" She'd shrieked, wriggling out of his grasp desperately.
The makeup on her arms had dissolved, and the large, purplish-bluish bruises that lined them had become visible.
"Get away from me!" She screamed, and he released his grip on her out of shock.
"What? Ally!"
She was already up the stairs, locked in the practice room.
He went home that night wondering what the hell had happened.
"Ow."
"Sorry, Ally."
He was kneeling on her bed behind her, trying to remove the bandages that had covered her forehead for the past month as gingerly as he could.
Placing the bandages in her little metal trash can, he looked over at his best friend, his eyes gleaming with hope.
"How does it look?" She asked, trying to peer up at her forehead. A faint pink scar still lingered across it, but she still looked like the same Ally. Just with a new battle wound.
He chuckled. "You look more beautiful than ever."
She smiled shyly.
"Here, I'm going to take a picture so we can send it to Dez and Trish. I know they're upset they had to miss this."
"But Austin, I hate pictures of myself." She groaned.
"Hush. You look awesome all the time, okay? Now smile."
So she does, because she's always had an instinct to give off the illusion that she was okay at all times.
"Perfect."
"So when are Dez and Trish getting back from their movie shoot, anyways?" She asks as he types out a message on his phone.
"Um, next month I think?"
Ally nods.
Austin glances over at her and his eyes trail her body, stopping at the fading bruises on her arms. He wondered about Ally Dawson a lot these days, this little warrior he thought he knew.
She'd kept the abuse secret from them for five months. He just wondered what other secrets she was capable of keeping.
He remembers the day her façade fell apart, which they had not-so-affectionately titled Grey Day (no one knew why, but she had wanted to, so he wouldn't question it). That had been a Saturday, too.
The apartment was dark, he remembered. Silent. The only sign of habitation was the soft flickering glow that the TV emitted from the family room.
"Ally?" He called. The door was unlocked, so he figured she had to be here somewhere. Maybe she'd fallen asleep.
"Alls? You left your phone at the Boom, I figured you might want it or something…"
More silence.
"Okay, uh, I guess I'll just leave it here then." He mumbled, placing the phone down on her hall table, figuring he was talking to himself at this point.
He was almost out the door when she screamed. A loud, blood-curdling, ear-piercing scream of fear and anger and desperation and he went running as fast as he could to her bedroom.
Damon, Ally's boyfriend of five months, was standing over her tiny frame, huddled in a corner on the floor.
She was bloodied, bruised, and shivering. Austin wasn't positive of what was happening, but he knew his best friend was hurt and that would never be okay with him.
"Get away from her!" He screamed, lunging at Damon and knocking him into Ally's dresser. Damon was taller than Austin by a few inches, and broader, but Austin was more pure muscle. And at the moment, adrenaline.
Ally watched in fear as her best friend fought her boyfriend, until Damon swung a hard blow at Austin's stomach, causing him to double over and giving Damon a chance to make a run for it.
Blood was streaming out of his nose and down from a cut on his forehead, and his stomach felt like it was caving in, but he didn't regret a second of it. No one hurt Ally Dawson and got away with it.
"Are you okay?" Ally whispered.
He nodded, though he obviously wasn't.
"Yeah, but you aren't."
She cautiously crawled over to him, one of the few people left in the world that she knew wouldn't hurt her, and threw her injured, frail arms around his neck.
He wove his arms around her waist and their world was quiet for a moment. It was two broken, bloodied people sitting on the floor of a dark room, and it was tears and it was pain, but it was love, too.
And that was stronger than anything else.
"Don't report him or tell anyone, okay? This is something I need to handle on my own. Promise you won't say anything?"
"I promise."
Sometimes he wishes he didn't keep his promises.
A month after Grey Day was a Sunday, and he was in New York for a meet-and-greet when the worst day happened. That day didn't have a name. They didn't want to remember that day.
He just remembers getting that call from Mr. Dawson and suddenly he didn't want to sign autographs, or smile, or be a pop star. He just wanted to get home to Ally.
He plastered on his charisma and his grin for the rest of the afternoon, then hopped on the next plane back to Florida, leaving all of his luggage at the hotel.
He'd have it shipped later.
"Where is she!?" He'd panted desperately to the receptionist, Anna. He'd had to run all the way here from his house, deflecting paparazzi along the way.
"Mr. Moon, it's four in the morning. Visiting hours are long over." She explained rationally.
"No, you don't understand! I need to see her!" He pleaded, falling to his knees and beginning to hyperventilate in panic.
"Mr. Moon! Austin! She's alive, okay, she's stable, breathe! You don't want to end up in the hospital yourself, do you?"
He shook his head. "Not unless it meant Ally could get out." He said, taking a long, deep breath in.
Receptionist Anna gave him a small, wavering smile. "You really care about this girl, don't you?"
It almost wasn't even a question at that point, it was so blatantly obvious.
He nodded. "Honestly? More than anything in the world."
Anna smiled. "That's honestly the sweetest thing, oh my God. I don't even think my husband was ever this sweet."
Austin laughs. "And Ally and I aren't even together."
"Well, yeah." Anna nods. "If you were…this never would've happened."
Tears pierce his eyes. "I know."
Anna's green eyes soften. "Unfortunately, I really can't let you see her. But I can give you the gritty details, if it would make you feel better." She offers.
"I mean, I don't know if it would really 'make me feel better', per se, but it would definitely help me understand what the hell even happened here. Lester didn't exactly go into it."
"Well, I assume you know Ally's boyfriend has been abusing her."
He nods sadly. "I regret not telling someone sooner every second. But I promised her I wouldn't."
"She said she'd deal with it?"
Again, he nods.
Anna's tired eyes cast downwards to her desk. "I said the same thing." She whispered softly.
His eyes widen. "You went through this, too?"
Anna laughs. "Ally and I could be the same person. Just, you know, I'm not a professional songwriter and my best friend wasn't a pop sensation. He's a dentist. And he's my husband now."
Austin smiles. "Are you implying that there's hope for me?"
"I'm telling you that things get better. Whether or not you and Ally end up together, I don't know, that's not my decision to make. But I do know that it will get better, and no matter how things work out, it'll be for the best."
He swallows hard. "Okay. So back to the details?"
"Oh, yeah. Anyways, um… there's really no delicate way to put this, so I guess I'll just give it to you straight: Damian or Damon or whatever his name is-"
"Damon." Austin interjects.
"Yeah, Damon, he um… he wanted Ally to have sex with him, but she refused, and he got mad. So they got into an argument, and he punched her. In the stomach, and in the head, and that knocked her unconscious."
He stayed silent. He didn't know what to say in a situation like this, so he just listened.
"Also…" She lowered her voice to a melancholic whisper. "She lost the baby."
Austin blinked and his stomach fell. "The baby? I didn't know she… I didn't know…"
Anna nodded. "She probably didn't either. She was only about a month along."
"Well, not only that, I didn't know they'd even 'done that'." He said softly.
Anna bit her lip and brushed some of her flaming red hair back behind her ear. "I'm sorry, Austin."
"Don't be. There's nothing to apologize to me for."
"Common courtesy."
Austin gulped. It was a lot of information to take it. "So, uh, when do visiting hours start?"
So here they are, three weeks later. Damon's trial was today, and he had been sentenced to five years in jail.
It was raining again today. The sun hadn't shone very much throughout this whole ordeal, odd, considering it was summer in Florida. It was as if the weather matched their emotions.
"He was almost a father." She laughed spitefully. "Imagine that. Imagine our child."
He opened the car door for her. "Honestly, I'd rather not."
She watches the rain for the majority of the drive back to her house.
"You know what they told me when I was released from the hospital? They told me that now, everything could be simple." She scoffs.
"Yeah, well, " She continues. "If simple means pretending that nothing ever happened, that everything's okay, if simple is spending nights crying alone in my bed, wondering what I could've done differently, if that's simple, then I don't want that."
"I would hold your hand if I wasn't driving." He chuckled.
Despite her desire not to smile, to stay wallowing in her sadness, she found one creeping up her face without her permission.
"Stop that." She whispered to her brain.
"What?"
"Nothing."
He stops at the curb in front of her house.
"Can I ask you a question?"
She shrugs uncommittedly in response.
"Why did you keep going back to him?"
She tries to suppress the flare of anger that immediately flickered up into her blood. He was asking an honest question, and he deserved an honest answer.
"Because he loved me."
He turns to her and reaches out to place a hand on her shoulder. She flinches reflexively, expecting to be hit. It was habit now, and knowing that broke his heart a little bit more inside his chest.
"No he didn't." He says soothingly.
The flare bubbles over and for a moment, he sees her eyes flicker dangerously amber. "Yes, he did! You don't get it! No one gets it!"
She storms out of the car and slams the door so hard he can hear it rattling.
He waits in his car for a few minutes, wondering what in the hell had just happened, something that seemed to be a frequent occurrence lately. She watched from her window as he drove off, figuring she needed space, and tears dripped down her face, her mind racing with thoughts of wonder if she had just fucked yet another thing up.
He was trying to helpful, she chided herself. He was trying to tell you the truth and you sent him away.
She feels herself slide down the plaster wall near her window and her palm covers her eyes, spilling more and more tears by the second.
Why won't you let anyone love you anymore?
It's a question she'd been asking herself for the past week, ever since Austin asked her if she could see herself falling in love again.
Her answer had continuously been Damon, it was all Damon's fault.
But now she was beginning to wonder if it was actually hers.
At that point, it was painfully obvious to Austin, Ally, and anyone in the near vicinity of wherever they happened to be at any given moment that he was very much in love with her.
The mystery was her. The mystery had always been her. She might've been good at expressing feelings through words, but she was never a girl of action, and she was very good at hiding.
"Wouldn't you like to be happy someday?" He'd asked her one day out of the blue.
She looked up from the bruise she'd been poking at. It was all but gone, but she could still feel the pain when she poked at it, and she had apparently developed some perverse masochistic habits over the past few months.
"I am happy." She responded monotonously.
If it was painfully obvious that Austin was in love, it was also painfully obvious that Ally was lying.
"So are we just not going to talk about this?" He sighed exasperatedly, resisting the urge to just faceplant into the piano before him in frustration. The tension and unsaid words (the ones that would probably be something along the lines of 'I'm hopelessly in love with you and we both know that but you like ignoring that fact please talk to me please be okay please don't have a broken heart I've been waiting to keep it safe') had hung in the air between them for a while now and he'd be lying to himself if he said it didn't hurt.
"Talk about what?" She said sweetly, smiling innocently and playing the intro chord to their next song.
"The fact that I'm in love with you and you're ignoring me."
She stops for a second.
"Can you just answer something for me? Really simple: do you love me or not?" He inquires. She can't tell if it's disappointment or hope or whatever in his voice, but she detects something that's not usually there.
Ally sighs. "I love you, I do. But I can't… I can't be in love with you right now."
She tilts her head down so he can't see the tears that are getting caught in her eyelashes right now.
Austin stands up. "You can't be in love with me, or you won't?" He asks. He doesn't seem to actually want an answer though, considering the fact that he gets up and walks out, shutting the door firmly behind him.
"You don't understand." She whispers sadly to a boy who's already gone.
She's alone again.
.If you asked me what I wanted, I couldn't tell the truth,
'cause I've been scared for a while,
but what I want is you.
Her head thinks this is true, but her heart knows.
From: Austin
To: Dez
8:46 PM
Hey bro, I know you and Trish are working on the movie and stuff but I sorta need to talk to the Love Whisperer right now :/
From: Dez
To: Austin
8:49
Well the love whisperer's #1 rule is to always be there for his #1 friend so what's up?
From: Austin
To: Dez
I love ya, man. But anyways, it's Ally. You know about the whole… "Damon thing"…
I'm trying to figure out why she can't be in love with me.
From: Dez
To: Austin
Bro. is this even a legitimate question? She just got out of an ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. wouldn't you be a little scared to fall in love again if you were in her situation? Love is a scary enough thing in general, but I assume it's ten times worse in a situation like hers.
Dude, you know I love you, but that was honestly one of the stupidest/most selfish things I have ever seen/heard you say.
From: Austin
To: Dez
What should I do?
From: Dez
To: Austin
You love her, right? Make sure she knows that.
"Hey, Alls. It's me. I…I'm just calling to apologize. I'm so sorry I said any of those stupid things, that wasn't fair to you and I pray to God that you're not blaming yourself for any of this, because it's absolutely not your fault AT ALL, okay?
Anyways, I wanted you to know that I love you, okay? Always, unconditionally, unrequited if that's what it is. I've been selfish, and stupid, and just… yeah.
I want you to know that I love you, but I also want you to love yourself.
You deserve it. "
They meet up in the practice room the following Saturday.
She hasn't come up with a name for that day yet, but if she were to assign it a colour, like Grey Day, she'd say it was yellow.
There's still unsaid words lingering in the air, but there's also love, and that overpowers anything and everything else.
"I love you." She whispers hoarsely. The bruises are gone and her eyes are glimmering.
"Just come here." He says softly, holding out his arms.
She melts into his embrace and tears come spilling out for what must be the billionth time this month, but these ones are better. Easier.
She shuts her eyes tightly and holds him as tightly as she can.
"Thank you for not giving up on me."
.
(fin)
A/N excuse me wat no wat did I just write
(and why do I sort of like it wat no it's has about five thousand plot holes and logistic errors tessa you're not supposed to like it)
So I've been toying with this idea for a few weeks and the first drafts of it are actually centric on Ally/Abuser (his name was Logan in the drafts) for the first half and then I couldn't really connect it to Austin being the superhero, which is what I wanted to be the central plot. Plus it's a highly sensitive topic that I, once again, am not qualified to write about accurately.
So I scrapped it and wrote this in three hours whatevs.
Also in case you do not live in the U.S and/or do not know the legal age to drink (aka the only clue I gave as to how old they are) it's twenty-one, meaning the gang is about twenty here.
Anyways, I hope you enjoy it!
(:Tessa:)