I would like to point out right now that I know this is totally impossible and unlikely and very weird, but I was listening to the song Ronan by Taylor Swift and... yeah... I got this idea. I hope you like it and that it works okay for you :)
Emma stared at the picture of her wife, and her son. She gently ran her finger over the little boy's cheek, whispering, "can you tell me about him?"
She saw Regina tense, her jaw clenching and Emma could hear the automatic response of a cutting 'no', but she jumped over to her, pulling her tightly into her arms.
"Please. He was your son, and I-" Emma took a deep breath when she felt Regina freeze. "I want to help your pain."
The brunette licked her dry lips. She knew that she would have to tell Emma about Henry. They had been together five years, and married for two- and yet every time her baby boy's name was mentioned, Regina flipped and left, locking herself in her study for hours, crying over his old art and drowning herself in any alcohol she could find, before fucking Emma worthlessly and collapsing into a fitful sleep.
She knew it was wrong, but Emma let her. And if it got rid of the horribly suffocating, aching pain inside her, then who was she to put a stop to it?
Regina pulled herself from Emma's arms, shaking her head. "Emma, I-"
"Regina," Emma started, cutting her off. "It's been six years, please, please tell me," Emma asked, pleading with her now.
The brunette snarled at her, her temper rising. "Why? What the hell do you want to know about him anyway? He's dead, you never met him!" Regina yelled, her voice increasing with each word, her hands trembling more as her voice heightened.
Emma stepped back towards her, placing her hands gently on her shoulder. "Baby, I know... I know he's not here," Regina let out a sob and turned from her.
To anyone who ever claimed it got easier had obviously never lost their light.
"But it's that time again, and you're always so sad," she whispered, coming closer again, wrapping her arms around Regina's waist. "I want you to tell me about him, what happened, tell me happy things. All I know is that ca-"
"Don't," Regina whispered, falling into Emma's embrace. Tears fell softly down her cheeks, just thinking about her perfect baby. "Oh Emma, I miss him," she whispered. "He was my best four years," Regina choked.
Emma held her tightly, guiding the two of them over to the large sofa, keeping Regina close to her chest. "I know baby, I know."
Regina cried silently into her shirt, and Emma could feel the dampness seeping through, but she wouldn't stop her. Whenever Henry was mentioned, Regina got angry and Emma stopped asking, but Emma knew it would have been his tenth birthday next week. It was time for Emma to hear everything. To have Regina crying against her chest shows that she had already overcome the first hurdle.
"I remember his little laugh," Regina finally let out, her fingers fisting Emma's shirt, her knees brought right up to her chest. Emma nodded, her arms wrapped around her wife's skinny frame.
Regina always seemed skinnier at this time of year.
"He used to leave race cars and plastic dinosaurs over the kitchen floor," she said, a small smile on her face.
"Vroom vroom! Rwar!" Henry exclaimed happily, crashing is little toy car and mini T-Rex against each other, giggling happily.
Regina watched him, a small smile on her face. She had chosen to take the day off, not wanting to miss any more of Henry's pre-pre school life.
"Momma!" he cried excitedly, taking a minute to haul himself up and waddle over to her. "Momma!" Regina laughed and pulled him up off the floor to stop him tugging violently on her pant leg.
"Henry!" she exclaimed back, lowering her lips to his stomach to blow raspberries upon it, making him scream with laughing and wriggle from her grasp.
"No momma!" he yelled, giggling. Regina pulled her head back, kissing his nose.
"Sorry baby," Regina said, smiling.
Henry laughed, pushing his finger off her nose. "Silly momma!" Regina nodded at herself woefully.
"I know, honey, I'm very sorry," she pouted, making Henry gasp. He raised his chubby palms and clutched her cheeks, making her shake her head.
"Don't be sad, momma," he said, concerned at her pout.
Regina's face broke into the biggest smile, "I'm not sad, sweetheart, I'm with you!" she said lovingly, brushing her nose against his. "What's happening in Henry-topia?"
He beamed and clapped his little hands together before going on off on a long spiel about how Queen Momma was giving all the naughty dinosaurs into trouble for wrecking the shiny new play park where Prince Henry enjoyed playing.
Regina nodded her head enthusiastically at her son's rambling. She adored him, he really was the only light in her empty life.
"Momma listen!" he said, tugging her shirt. Regina snapped from her thoughts, nodding her head.
"Sorry baby, of course," Henry glared at her for a moment, his lips pursed in a cute little pout, as though judging whether she really was listening or not and after a moment, accepted that she really was listening to him, before he spoke to her- his bright blue eyes piercing into her;
"Momma, my head hurts," he said quietly, still staring at her.
Regina frowned, raising her hand to his head, feeling how he was on fire. "Henry! How long has it hurt for?" the little boy looked curiously up at her.
"Forever, but Joni said it would go away," he said- and even before it happened, Regina saw it coming, but she was too slow to stop it.
Henry threw up down her front.
His eyes grew wide and he glanced, terrified, up at her, his lip trembling.
But Regina wasn't angry, she was scared. In the four years she'd had Henry, the worst illness he'd had had been sniffles as a baby. A sore head, vomiting?
"Hush baby boy, don't worry, it's okay," Regina soothed when Henry started to cry and murmur apologies. "Don't worry, everyone gets sick..." she paused. "Would you like some ice cream?"
But Henry shook his head. "I hurt, momma," he whispered, his tiny hands clutching her shirt.
"I know, I know sweetie, we'll go to the Doctor okay? Maybe you can get some strawberry medicine?" she said, trying to distract him as she huddled him close to her chest. She managed to unbutton the shirt and leave it on the floor, thankful she had a suitable t-shirt underneath it for once.
Henry just nodded his head, his eyes dipping closed, succumbing to sleep.
By now Regina's face was completely damp and she had managed to, somehow, put Emma's shirt in the same way. The blonde just held her, letting her take her time.
"You know you hear it all the time," Regina said, taking a shaky breath. "Cancer."
Emma nodded, kissing her wife's forehead.
"But you never realise just how awful it is... when Whale told me," a fresh wave of tears poured over Regina's face.
"Don't! Stop! Thinkin' 'bout 'morrow!" Henry yelled, jumping on Regina's bed, whilst his mother watched on in fondness. She stood nearby to make sure he wouldn't fall, but he seemed safe and content to bounce in the middle of her bed and shout loudly to the Fleetwood Mac song.
"Momma dance too!"
Regina laughed and reached for his hands, spinning him on the bed, singing with him. "Yesterday's gone, yesterday's gone!" They dueted loudly, collapsing onto the bed when the song, and the album, died out. Henry lay silent next to her for a moment, catching his breath.
He reached down and grabbed her hand. "Momma?"
"Yes, baby?" Henry crawled over to sprawl over her stomach, his big blue eyes gazing into hers.
"Will I feel super soon?" Regina closed her eyes, willing the tears not to fall. She didn't trust her voice, so she just nodded, wrapping one arm tightly around him and the other ran through his thick hair.
Henry squeezed her back and nodded, accepting her nod. "I'll fight it like a soldier," he said determinedly. "I promise, momma," he said, smiling at her. "Goodnight, Momma. I love you," he said, pressing a sloppy kiss on her mouth.
Regina just nodded, cradling his head as her baby boy drifted off to sleep. It took a few minutes before he was snoring gently and Regina's urge to sob had passed.
She shifted and moved him to the empty side of the bed, kissing his head and whispering, "I love you to the moon and back, Henry."
She didn't sleep, just watching her little son breathe was enough reason to stay up. Hours later, she noticed him fidgeting.
"Hot," Henry mumbled, kicked the covers off his tiny body, only for Regina to tuck him back in seconds later when he started to shiver.
She had taken to having him sleep in her bed, as every night since the diagnosis he had woken up and padded into her room, needing heat or cold, or food, or water. It wasn't like she could sleep any more anyway.
She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing his forehead. When her fingers traced his pudgy little cheeks his hand flew up and held on tightly. He rolled over and curled into her side, wriggling his short legs.
Regina wrapped her arms around her beautiful boy and kissed his head again. When he started to shuffle and pant, as though in the middle of a nightmare, he was calmed immediately by Regina stroking his hair and whispering, "come on baby with me, we'll fly away from here."
She whispered the words over and over, promising him a future, a life, until she fell into a restless slumber her baby boy nuzzled tight to her heart.
"I remember waking up one morning," Regina started, lifting her head to look at Emma this time. "To him jumping up and down on my stomach," she laughed, making Emma smile too. "He was whispering for me to wake up, he needed pancakes," Regina's voiced tailed off.
She hadn't made pancakes since.
"It was that morning, that moment of light on his face, that gave me the blind hope. Maybe it was a misdiagnosis. Maybe my baby would live, and have his own room- pass all his schooling, have a great marriage," Regina stopped herself. She had to get this out. Emma deserved to know.
"I sent him down to the kitchen to pick out the shiniest apples for me whilst I got ready," she swallowed, curling back against Emma.
"Can you handle the mission Corporal Mills?" Regina asked firmly, her hands on her hips.
Henry nodded eagerly, but when Regina raised an eyebrow he scrambled and stood on the bed, whacking his hand against his head in, as subtle a salute as a four year old, can manage before shouting, "Yes, Sergent!"
Regina laughed, kissing his head. "Right march, soldier!" Henry nodded, his face serious as she lifted him from the bed and let him march strictly down to the kitchen, grinning at his retreating figure.
Fifteen minutes later, Regina walked into the kitchen, feeling suspicious of the silence, but thought maybe Henry was just playing 'the hiding game!'
If only it had been so simple.
"Henry, did you pick ou-" she stopped when she entered the kitchen.
Henry was collapsed on the floor, an apple rolled to the side and blood pouring from his nose. "No," Regina whispered, managing to grab the phone as she fell to his side.
"Flowers piled up. I remember every time I would open the front door, the old ones would be gone, only to be replaced with bigger ones." Regina whispered.
Her hands were playing with the ring on her finger, one Henry had loved and claimed was the ring of a sorceress and that it made his momma magic so she had to always wear it.
She never took it off now.
"No one knew what to say. I was greeted with nods and pats on the back," her hands start to tremble again. "No one understood."
Emma nodded her head, placing another kiss to Regina's. She didn't know what to say either. This was Regina's story and she needed to say it just as much as Emma needed to hear it.
"I remember the last day..."
"Madam Mayor, there's nothing we can do, he's got hours, maximum," Whale informed her.
Regina felt the air leave her lungs, like a truck had been thrown at her.
Hours.
Her baby boy, her light, would flicker out and leave her in total darkness, in just hours.
But there was still too much to do. He still had to pick out the apples for his pancakes.
Regina fell to the floor, tears streaming down her face. Whale crouched beside her, speaking, but she couldn't hear him. All she could hear was his promise. His promise to keep fighting to get better. He was her little soldier. He couldn't leave her.
She managed to move herself from the floor to Henry's bedside, where she clutched his hand tightly.
He drifted in and out of consciousness, his heart rate monitor never being quite consistent.
When was awake he would speak to her, distract her, act like he was fine. He talked about Henry-topia and how Queen Momma was going to have a large party with balloons and ice cream so Prince Henry could choose his friends.
But as the day wore on his conscious moments became less and less. Dr. Whale stepped into the room and Regina knew this was it. She looked at him, asking him to let them be alone and he nodded, leaving the room.
"Henry, sweetie, come back to me," she whispered, slipping into the bed beside him.
He moaned and rolled over to face her, his little eyes opening up sleepily.
"Momma?" his voice groggy. He slapped his hand on her cheek and Regina placed hers over his, wanting him close to her. "I- I feel slow, Momma," he said, his voice slurred and Regina could see the tears in his eyes. He was so confused.
"It's okay baby, we're flying away okay?" Henry nodded, not noticing how thick her voice was, or how damp her face was growing.
"We're going to fly away from here, out of this curtained room in this hospital grey, we'll disappear," he smiled drowsily.
"Henry-topia?" Regina choked on her laugh.
"Yes baby, all the way to Henry-topia," she kissed his face, wanting to savour the feel of him, of her son. "Come on baby with me we'll fly away," she whispered, feeling his hand slip from her cheek, his breathing slow and the monitor's beeps increase.
"Love you," he mumbled, his breath dying on her cheek.
"Oh Henry," she choked, cradling his lifeless body to hers as the sobs rip through her. "You were my best four years."
Emma couldn't speak. Regina was sobbing against her, her fingers tightly clutching the blonde's shirt. "It hurts so much, Emma, so much," she whispered, her entire body shaking.
Emma shh-ed her and kept her close.
"I know, I know," was all she could manage.
Regina lay there in silence, trying to regain at least some form of self control.
After minutes of silence, Emma feels her little fingers tugging at her chin. She looks down and Regina meets her lips in a soft kiss.
"Thank you for making me tell you. I can't forget him," her fingers danced over his name tattooed on her wrist."But I feel better, I feel..."
"Released?" Emma suggested.
Regina nodded slowly. "I want..." she paused.
"I would love another child, but since Henry, the thought of replacing him has always made me feel so guilty, but I know you want a child too-"
"Hey, it's okay, when we're ready okay?" Emma soothed, her hands gently stroking Regina's sides. "We can't ever replace him. We can have another child to remember him, to honour him."
Regina nodded, kissing Emma's neck. "I'd like that," she said quietly.
Emma kissed her forehead. "When we're ready."
Regina agreed, "when we're ready."