Ren's Disclaimer:
T rating for profanity. If you're mature enough to play Mass Effect 3, you're mature enough for a few curse words when reading about it.
This story became mandatory writing as I worked through chapter 29 of my Traynor fic, "Queen's Gambit Accepted." Liara's point of view following the showdown with the Normandy Traitor colors her attitude for the rest of QGA, and I found myself unable to summarize her feelings in a couple of pithy paragraphs.
Ideally, I'd like to one day have a more thorough companion piece to QGA from Liara's perspective as she works though being the Shadow Broker, falling out of love with Shepard, and finding someone new. Probably as vignette chapters much like this one… someday. Until then, here is a stopgap piece that fits between chapters 27 and 28 of "Queen's Gambit Accepted."
Enjoy! Bioware and EA hold all the copyright cards for Mass Effect and its characters. I'm just borrowing them for funsies.
20:37:55 GST, 16/04/2186
Infuriated, Liara T'Soni spiked the datapad she'd been trying to read into the floor of her room. It didn't shatter, but the screen did flicker before powering off. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or unsatisfied that it remained whole. Likely a mixture of both.
She had been trying to calm her roiling mind by focusing on strategy for the upcoming week; assigning tasks to her agents and wet squads was generally quite soothing for an information broker.
But the asari was feeling vengeful. Liara's mercenaries had received the brunt of her ire from her Shadow Broker alter ego only an hour previously on the Presidium. But she craved something more visceral than just yelling.
Especially after everything that had happened.
Or, to be more accurate, everything that had gone wrong.
["Report,"] the voice modulator garbled Liara's words into the comm as her taxi (borrowed from Shepard) glided back over the Presidium. ["Explain to me what happened with Operative T'Soni and the SpecTRes in the wards."]
The mercenary captain's tone wavered slightly. "Transport trouble, sir. C-Sec has been focusing on larger operations since the Cerberus coup and had to be bribed to let us through the docks."
["That will be coming out of your fee, which I'm also reducing by half for failure to provide adequate assistance. You had strict orders that the target, Officer Postle, was to be taken alive."] Liara threw a venomous grin at her Omni-tool, savoring the quiet, angry breaths on the other end.
A begrudging sigh. "…Understood, sir. We dressed the scene to remove Operative T'Soni's and our presence from the location. Both Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Commander Williams are prepared to testify to interrupting a stand-off between hired mercs as the target was attempting to flee Citadel space."
Captain Belaris droned on about weapon serial numbers and body positioning, to which Liara only barely paid attention (…I am aware, I was there). Instead, she focused on searching an empty rapid transit station for a hidden case. Spying a dark gray footlocker under a bench next to a parking space, the asari quickly landed.
This is my life now, Liara had thought numbly as she popped the clasps of the hard case left by yet another agent of the Shadow Broker.
Inside was a sterilization scanner suite to remove all trace of herself, Specialist Traynor and Commander Shepard from the taxi. Also included was an Omni-tool attachment to hack into and wipe the cab's travel manifests. She had to be thorough.
…Technically, this has been my life since I met Shepard.
Liara suddenly realized the other end of the comm had gone quiet. By the Goddess! Focus, Liara!
["It is reassuring to hear you are able to follow some of my instructions, Captain. Especially if you hope your services will be rendered again."]
Swallowing a bitter "Yes, Shadow Broker," the Captain continued with his report.
"Our sources in C-Sec indicate Operative T'Soni escaped the scene undetected. She said she would be awaiting further orders at a safe location. The SpecTRes remained behind to coordinate the scene once C-Sec arrived."
["Good. Operative T'Soni will also be dealt with at a later time for her failure. I still have use of her intel aboard the SSV Normandy. Otherwise…"] She let that unspoken threat hang in the air as she finished her sterilization of the taxi.
It was important for Liara's employees to know she was serious. That the Broker reigned supreme. And that she ("he") could get to anyone at any time. It was all part of the pageantry of being the Shadow Broker.
And protecting the Shadow Broker.
And protecting everyone else.
…From herself?
Liara's "threat" to herself, while obviously idle, had still caught in her throat. She hadn't had time to fully process the Normandy Traitor's death, the failure to question Chris Postle about his co-conspirators, the failure to avenge the Normandy…
…or avenge Shepard. Straightening her shoulders, Liara strode toward the Presidium Commons elevator. Not right now.
"One other thing, Shadow Broker."
["Speak quickly."]
"There was an anomaly. An Alliance tech specialist at the scene. Operative T'Soni indicated she was a crew member aboard the Normandy. Still, we overheard that this specialist recovered intel from the target's system. Shall we acquire it for you, Shadow Broker?"
This had given Liara (shameful) pause.
Samantha.
…No, Specialist Traynor.
The Alliance human had been integral in tracking down Officer Chris Postle. Samantha had been the one to recover the email threads that implicated the former requisitions officer in his role in the Normandy's destruction. And her data analysis had been the key to this entire operation, confirming Postle had had outside sources. And Hope Lilium.
Sources that needed to be hunted down. For what they did to Shepard.
And to me.
But for all of Samantha's contributions to the operation, she'd also apparently had a motive of her own…
Liara couldn't get it out of her head how angry Shepard had been on that balcony that Samantha was involved. The worry in her tone. The blaze of concern and anger in Annelise's eyes. And when Liara had looked over to Sam, the other human had been blushing. Embarrassed. But the asari had still caught a brief glow of… pleasure.
She… and Shepard?
Shaking her head, Liara had cursed herself for jumping to conclusions in the middle of an argument. For treating Samantha so coldly in that moment. Liara had just been upset from this (latest) argument with Shepard. She felt so petty when she had stormed off to the taxi… like a child.
I'm just frustrated about Postle, Liara had thought at the time. And reading too much into a heated situation. I shall converse with Shepard later when we are thinking more clearly. Resolve this perpetual foolish misunderstanding once and for all.
At least, that's what Liara had intended to do as she settled into the driver's seat of the purple cab. The asari even felt a brief pang of fondness at her and Shepard's shared inside joke about taxis from their mission hunting the previous (and now dead) Shadow Broker.
She had reached for her Omni-tool to disconnect from the group comm.
And then she heard it.
["I'm glad you're all right, Samantha."]
Liara hadn't so much as tapped the "Disconnect" button as she had crushed it with a biotic fist.
This was what had made Liara hesitate about her mercenaries "taking care" of Samantha Traynor: a stab of pure, white-hot jealousy.
…Was Shepard not glad I was all right? Was she not worried for me?
As I worry for her?
The elevator doors parted, and Liara was relieved to find them empty. Turning to the side to clear her throat, the asari spoke clearly into her Omni-tool as she leaned against the elevator support railing.
["Negative, Captain. Operative T'Soni will be in a better position to deal with the Alliance tech at a later time. Credits will be wired to your usual account. Disband and disperse. Shadow Broker out."]
All that research. All that planning. And Postle was still dead.
And I have nothing.
Liara gripped the back of her chair, digging her gloved fingers into the fabric.
It was a helplessness she was slowly getting accustomed to as the Reaper war progressed. That her resources had their limits. She looked around her cabin at the towers of servers and consoles crammed along every meter of wall space. They hummed and analyzed and assessed every hour of every day. And it still wasn't enough.
I… wasn't enough.
What had happened to Shepard? Liara wondered. …my Shepard.
Siame.
Thinking of Shepard like that… Liara hadn't done so in a long time. Days. Weeks, maybe. She'd barely had time to think about anything other than the Reapers, the war, then Postle.
Her doubts always returned first. They usually assumed her mother's stern voice.
"Siame" indeed, Little Wing. You toss around that word so lightly.
Because I did everything for Shepard, Liara would retort. She was everything to me. I fought to resurrect her. I stood against the Shadow Broker, Cerberus and now Reapers for her. I gave her everything of me.
…And yet when you saw Shepard again, there was no joy. No relief. Only pain. Plus the sting of knowing all the agony you'd endured would one day be repeated. Such is the shortness of human life, Benezia would say in her matronly way.
It was so easy for asari matriarchs back on Thessia to preach about the philosophical approach of unions with non-asari. While the reality… it did not always cooperate with philosophy.
"Don't focus on the inevitable loss, but celebrate the time shared together as long as it lasts."
Liara herself had spoken these words to the woman who would share her first Joining.
The too-soon loss of Liara's human partner had not been a celebration of the past, but utter misery in the present. Sharp and constant and unyielding. And this was after they'd spent only a short, blissful month together. She might still be curled up in Annelise's shirt in that hotel room on the Citadel, mourning like a child.
Instead, Liara had thrown herself into trying to solve what had happened to the Normandy SR-1 to distract from the pain.
She had slowly found a grim satisfaction in the hunt, the intrigue, the game that was Information. Liara's biotics had never been sharper and her instincts hardened from optimistic and hopeful to ruthless and untrusting in those two years. Force and credits replaced research papers and archaeological digs in Liara's life.
When finding the Normandy wreckage had dead-ended two years ago, Liara focused on tracking down Shepard's corpse after hearing rumors it—she—had been recovered. She vowed to never again be that frightened researcher on Therum waiting for rescue. She would be the rescuer this time. No matter the cost.
Shepard told me on Ilium she'd been afraid to see me. That if anyone knew she wasn't herself—because of what Cerberus had done to her—it would be me.
…How could you tell her that she was different, Little Wing? As were you. Time was but a fading dream for Shepard while even two short years were enough to reshape you. And the woman you knew was also marked by it, whether she could admit that truth or not.
When Liara had first seen Shepard on Illium, it was a wellspring of relief. The sensation of waking from a nightmare that she had been trapped within for two years. And Shepard's glow of joy at seeing her… she had felt the same. Longing was reflected in familiar green eyes.
But as Shepard got closer, Liara had felt that difference she'd secretly feared.
It was a subtle biotic sensation. A tingling of mercurial energy. Liara had spent many nights in Shepard's mind, being close to her body. She had revisited that mind, body and energy in her own dreams often, going so far as to memorize the ripples of Shepard's biotic aura.
But this—she… was different. It was power, raw and erratic. The control that Liara remembered, the undulation and softness of Shepard's familiar biotic field, was gone. In its place was a radiating, frenetic pulse. It had frightened Liara.
I'd hesitated. I pulled away from her familiar kiss. And Annelise knew it. It wasn't caution to her. Or coping. Or any other reassurances I might have used to explain what I was feeling.
She only saw it as rejection.
…In a way it was. It was easier that way. Being around Annelise was an anguish like I never thought I'd experience again. Even though I had wanted her back more than anything.
Every second of joy is overshadowed by the knowledge that her presence is not permanent, Benezia would sagely remind her. Defiance of death does not equal immunity from death. Particularly for humans.
Liara had wanted to just look inside Shepard's mind. Just to be assured it was her. But… she had also been afraid of what she might find.
Or what you might not find, Benezia warned.
"Dr. T'Soni, Commander Shepard is outside your door requesting permission to enter," Glyph chirped to her right.
Without looking over, Liara growled back. "Denied. I wish to be alone." For a just little while longer.
Still afraid of what you might find, Little Wing?
…More of what I might have lost, Mother. For good, this time.
The glowing white drone drifted in her peripheral vision. "I am sorry, Dr. T'Soni, but Commander Shepard is invoking Alliance protocol to override your privacy lock. 'Article 30.811 of the 2149 Systems Alliance Charter requires witnesses to be available for the purposes of providing testimony on Alliance matters.' Charter subarticles require asari citizen cooperation unless otherwise proven detrimental to asari interests.'"
Shepard really said all that? Liara wanted to ask, a scowl already creeping up her lips. The human who once committed mutiny to stop Saren has suddenly become a slave to propriety?
"Very well," Liara sighed. She stood up and ran fingertips down her coat to make sure every clasp was in place. A stoic mask was also carefully arranged on Liara's face, though she gritted her teeth underneath. The last words she'd heard Shepard say previously were still fresh on her mind.
["I'm glad you're all right, Samantha."]
A second before the door opened, Liara spied the datapad she'd left on the floor and quickly scooped it up.
Commander Shepard's few bootsteps were light and professional. Both women acknowledged each other with a raise of their chins. Liara was determined not to speak first. But Shepard's probing stare was irritating. Bitter sarcasm bubbled up from Liara's chest.
"Did you come here for an interrogation? Or a confession? Because even though it is hard for you to believe, I am quite busy, Shepard." The asari gestured to her consoles with the datapad for emphasis.
"Neither. Or both, depending on how you want to look at it," Shepard said flatly. As she raised her left wrist to spark her Omni-tool, Liara noticed how haggard the woman looked.
Not bothering to change out of her service uniform, the Commander's sleeves were still bloodied from the fight in Postle's apartment. Her hair was semi-tamed, but wispy red bangs fell across hooded green eyes. Liara saw scrapes and bruises along Shepard's delicate wrists, as well as dark scar tissue across the knuckles of her right hand.
A memory from the SR-1 flitted across Liara's mind, a moment when Shepard had been sitting on a cot, unmoving and silent in her grief over Kaidan's death. Dr. Chakwas had been away treating the remaining members of the salarian strike team from Virmire. Liara, a resident of the Normandy's Med Bay at the time, had been the one to soothe Shepard's wounds. She remembered wiping away Annelise's tears with a cloth then tenderly dabbing Medi-gel across cuts on that freckled cheek.
Shepard had whispered: "I'm glad you're here, Liara. I couldn't do this without you."
She had been so hauntingly beautiful in her grief.
Liara had once ached when Shepard ached. Now she was fatigued by Shepard's aloofness.
["I'm glad you're all right, Samantha."]
"I am not in the mood for your cryptic wordplays, Shepard. …By the Goddess, I'm tired of arguing all the time. Just tell me what you want." So maybe I can give you what you want.
Tapping on the small orange Omni-tool screen, Annelise glanced over at Liara. She sighed deeply and tilted her head.
"What I want… is for this war to be over. And to be able to sleep without dreaming of all the people I've failed."
Liara's head jerked back in surprise at an honest answer.
The human's nostrils flared as she stiffened. "Instead, I'm spending what little time I have between saving lives and running the galaxy's errands chasing down my own crew. A crew tearing a path of destruction across the Citadel." Shepard gestured with her Omni-tool. "So what I need from you is an account of what the fuck happened earlier."
"To what end?"
"To make sure it never happens again. I'm putting Williams and Traynor on report."
Liara squeezed the datapad between her hands. "Why? It was my operation. They were only trying to help."
Shepard flicked her gaze to Liara before returning to her Omni-tool. "And you dragged along two of my crew for your op. Crewmembers I need fighting Reapers, not running off exacting your revenge. Crewmembers who knew better and defied me anyway."
Taking in two very deep breaths through her nose before speaking, Liara was glad she was gritting her teeth.
"Are we going to hold a reenactment of our argument on the rooftop, then? As I said before: I pursued a lead. I requested assistance. Would you not have done the same in my situation? Or simply gone it alone? Ashley and …Samantha…" The name was an incendiary round in Liara's chest. "…were free to refuse. They acquiesced voluntarily."
"Indeed," Shepard deadpanned. "And you're going to testify to that effect. You may have diplomatic immunity as an asari, but Ash and Traynor apparently need a fresh lesson in following orders. And the chain of command."
Liara could only stare back in horror. She felt her cheeks grow hot as she internalized a sudden onset of shame.
Ashley… and Samantha… were to bear the consequences of what happened on that rooftop. All of my mistakes have become their mistakes.
All because of Shepard's stubbornness! All so she can… what?
"Please don't do this," Liara appealed. "If you're going to punish someone, punish me."
"Trust me: if I had the military authority to reprimand you, I would," Shepard said coldly as she rolled her shoulders. "Short of not taking you on missions—which I will exercise at my discretion—for everyone else, it's now Discipline 101. Everyone in the op now has the pleasure of sharing the consequences of their actions."
There was a chime from Shepard's Omni-tool. A human male VI appeared, droning on about the copyright of the "Alliance Redact Pro x559 VI Transcription Service" and to please begin recording at the tone.
Beep.
"State your name and homeworld for the record," Shepard ordered. Her eyes didn't meet Liara's.
The asari cleared her throat. "Dr. Liara T'Soni. Armali on Thessia."
"And your relation to the Alliance."
Liara shot Shepard a pointed look, but the human was still staring at the orange screen. Liara sighed. "I am a Prothean expert and information broker liaising on behalf of Admiral Steven Hackett, specifically for the Crucible project."
"Explain in your own words what happened on the afternoon of April the 16th, 2186."
…Was it only this afternoon? It feels like a lifetime ago.
If only.
"Shepard. Is this really necessary?" Liara evaded. She shifted a hand to her hip as a thought crossed her mind. "Besides, won't this testimony needlessly implicate myself… as well as Specialist Traynor?"
Her mention of Samantha was quite strategic, but Shepard did not react (as Liara had hoped she might). Instead, the Commander tapped her Omni-tool screen to pause her recording. "On the contrary, it's very necessary."
"You three seemed to have forgotten that we have a war going on. And that you are not invincible." Shepard's gaze wavered at this, briefly glassy and somber before hardening once more.
The human cleared her throat and raised her Omni-tool once more.
"So yes, Dr. T'Soni. Reminding my crew, all of my crew, of their priorities is something I consider very necessary."
There was a time when hearing "Dr. T'Soni" fall from Annelise's lips with such intensity would send a tingling shiver down Liara's spine. Now she could only sigh at how stern and empty her own title sounded.
Raising her chin defiantly, Liara asked, "And if I abstain from testifying?"
Green eyes narrowed at the asari, though Shepard maintained a flat tone.
"Then Ash takes the heat for your botched op, since she assumes total responsibility for it. Officer in charge."
By the Goddess.
Three years ago, I never would have guessed that Gunnery Chief Williams would become such a steadfast friend.
"That's 'Lieutenant Commander SpecTRe', Doc. I've come up in the world."
You sure have, Chief.
Liara chewed her cheek. "So Ashley receives more lenient treatment if I confess my role in Postle's death on the record."
Shepard nodded once.
"Very well," Liara sighed, pressing her hip-hand to her forehead. It had suddenly gotten uncomfortably warm in her cabin. "I shall tell you everything you want to know. I trust you will do the same." Her eyebrows arched in challenge.
Annelise nodded assent and gestured over to Liara's bedroom. Taking up the couch by the window, Shepard assembled herself in a casual, but commanding, pose. Liara sat lightly on her bed after pushing a heaping pile of datapads to the side.
The asari closed her eyes to visualize the situation from hours before in her mind. Instead of Benezia's council for this situation, Liara found herself comforted by Ashley's last words from their vid-call from a half hour earlier.
"Don't worry about me, Doc. I'm a Williams. I've spent most of my career having the worst assumed about me. At least this time it's for a good cause. We wouldn't have gotten this far without you, T'Soni. And don't you forget it."
I don't. And I haven't, Ashley.
A chime from Shepard's Omni-tool announced once more for Liara to begin testifying.
Folding her hands over her knee, Liara started at the beginning. "Through the course of my investigations, I determined that Officer Chris Postle had ties to what befell the original Normandy. I tagged his accounts to track his whereabouts, to determine if this human was the traitor I believed him to be."
She paused before continuing. "This morning, a source notified me of a flagged transport intending to take Officer Postle out of Citadel space to an undisclosed location. I had to move fast or risk losing him. I paged you, Commander Shepard, for assistance. You didn't respond."
Shrugging, Shepard tapped at her wrist. "I was unavailable. Attending to a crime scene on behalf of the Alliance and C-Sec on the Presidum. The lab was on lockdown."
"Had you been available, Commander, you were my first choice to attend to this… matter. Your comm was also logged as full and not receiving new messages. In lieu of your absence, I decided to pursue more unorthodox means."
It was more difficult to keep an even tone than Liara had anticipated. The sting of their argument on the balcony needled at Liara's professionalism. It made her hands clench uncontrollably.
"Ashley's involvement had been unintended but necessary," Liara admitted. "The Lieutenant Commander was an ideal second choice as she had authorized access to weaponry and was at the SpecTRe offices at that moment. Ashley had volunteered to do reconnaissance on Postle's apartment and close off any outlets of escape."
To distract herself from Shepard's focused stare, Liara plucked the topmost datapad off the nearby pile on her bed. It was full of statistics on minerals and credit acquisitions in the Apien Crest.
Hesitating, Liara slowly confessed, "My involvement… was to acquire aerial transport and locate the target's precise location. I was also to assist Ashley in capturing the Normandy Traitor so that he might be interrogated. That was the plan that I organized and Ashley agreed to lead."
Despite some initial flutters of uncertainty about outing herself, Liara did already feel lighter. Overall, while she enjoyed the information organization aspect of being the Shadow Broker, the shadow games and politics could be rather burdensome (even terrifying) at times.
Especially when they almost came at the expense of old friends.
"And Specialist Traynor?" Shepard asked.
And new friends, Little Wing?
Scowling inwardly, Liara glanced up sharply. She tried to read Shepard's expression for any sign of emotion at the Specialist's name. But Shepard was also adept at masks; she may as well have been asking about the weather.
"In a serendipitous encounter, I ran into Samantha on the way to the skycar I had arranged. It had occurred to me that Officer Postle was likely to have data that would implicate his activities following the destruction of the Normandy. It would be difficult for Ashley and me to simultaneously subdue Postle and acquire data. A tech specialist adept at information retrieval and analysis seemed a wise choice."
Liara remembered pleading with Samantha to help her this morning. She had willed the human to understand how important Postle was to her… how important bringing him to justice for what he did was.
As usual, Shepard did not respond. Which made Liara feel defensive.
"I did not coerce or extort Specialist Traynor into joining me. I only explained that capturing the Normandy Traitor was important to me and I needed her assistance. I even made mention that the situation was likely to be dangerous. She was free to walk away. She chose to accompany me."
Was it a trick of the light, or did Annelise's jaw tighten?
Liara recounted escorting Samantha to her cabin, loaning the human armor and a weapon, promising to look out for her. The two traveled to Bachjret Ward, keeping in constant contact with Williams.
Ashley took point to sweep the interior of the apartment for hostiles. Commander Shepard arrived soon after and cleared the upper level mercenaries that had Postle pinned inside. Liara side-stepped admitting she killed anyone, but her biotics did cause some mayhem amongst the troops.
"Specialist Traynor, while armed and armored, was discouraged from intervening. Her main focus was acquiring data from a console within the apartment. Her efforts were successful and she was able to obtain information that Postle was dirty."
"Skip to the part where Traynor was injured 'in the line of duty,'" Shepard asked, curling two fingers into sarcastic quotation marks. Her eyes no longer met Liara's.
Liara tilted her head. "Very well, Commander. Samantha and I were pinned down just before you arrived. During an attempt to enter the apartment, Samantha was struck from above by gunfire. Her armor fortunately absorbed most of the blow. I administered a scan and applied Medi-gel to the Specialist's fractured ribs. Despite this injury, Samantha still was able to recover much of Postle's financial history. She stayed focused."
In spite of how she felt about the comms specialist personally now, Liara still felt a glow of pride. Samantha reminded Liara of herself a few years ago; smart, earnest, but still productive despite overwhelming circumstances. Almost a rite of passage to serve aboard the Normandy.
And Liara just spotted what she'd been fearing since the confrontation on the balcony: a line of worry between Annelise's brows.
["I'm glad you're all right, Samantha."]
Gritting her teeth, Liara hurriedly finished her testimony. Her patience for this farce was at an end.
She paraphrased how Postle surrendered after the last of his men were taken down by Shepard. How Ashley assumed custody of the traitor as we were notified C-Sec was on their way. But, just as the scene was secured, a sniper assassinated the requisitions officer.
"Samantha and I jumped into Shepard's skycar to give chase, but the sniper was long gone. When we returned, C-Sec had arrived. I worried our presence would create more questions than answers, so I chose to leave the scene to two capable SpecTRes. I took Samantha to a clinic in the Lower Wards to attend to her injury. …And that's all that happened."
Liara's throat felt hoarse from speaking for so long. She craved a glass of Thessian Red at Apollo's Café.
It was several long minutes before either woman spoke again. The Commander was on her Omni-tool, fidgeting with the interface. Her intense focus, usually a trait Liara admired, was creating a silent, building tension.
Finally, Liara softly asked, "Why are you really doing this, Shepard?"
Annelise paused. She rolled her shoulders and looked at Liara squarely.
"To make you—all of you—understand that your actions have consequences."
"And you believe that we do not?" Liara returned with an accusing edge.
"I believe you have lost perspective, yes." Annelise cleared her throat and her gaze hardened. "Ashley is risking her career to cover your ass. And Traynor risked her life for your boondoggle. Are they worth everything in the face of the Reapers?"
Liara felt a blush of shame heat her cheeks. No. Of course not.
Her silence was apparently not the answer Shepard wanted. Her voice grew louder. "You put my crew at risk! …I just got Ash back, Liara. I can't lose her again. Or you. Or—I can't—" Shepard inhaled a shaky breath. "We have to stay focused on the Reapers. 100%. I can't lose anymore friends. Especially to something so meaningless."
"Meaningless." Meaningless?
Liara countered, "If he's so meaningless, why did you nearly drop him off a balcony?"
"I—I…" Shepard stammered before closing her eyes for a moment. "I wanted him to pay for what he did to my crew. Did you know I went back to Alchera? To the wreckage?"
Her brow furrowed, but her eyes remained closed. "I collected the dog tags of every single crewmate lost that day. To send back to their families, so they'd stop wondering when they'd come home. They're never coming back. That's what made me want to snap his neck. I kept thinking 'They're never coming back, and he tried to run away.'"
The woman sighed and opened her eyes. She glared back at Liara.
"But then I realized: where was Postle gonna go, huh? The Reapers are everywhere. Nowhere is safe. If we don't stop the Reapers, he would either die hidden and alone, or be harvested like the rest of us. The Big Picture is: Postle is meaningless."
"No, he's not!" Liara barked back. "I knew what was at stake! I wanted that man to pay for what he did to you! To the Normandy! To me!"
Shepard tilted her head curiously but said nothing.
Liara clenched her fist before pressing her hand to her forehead. She continued softly, "…I thought it would be simple. Get in, get the one who betrayed the Normandy, get out."
"And then what?"
"And then? …I thought… if we could get justice for the ones we lost, things might go back to how they used to be." Liara suddenly realized how strange and silly her words were. How impossible and naïve and foolish.
The taste of truth often favors bitter over sweet, Little Wing.
"You weren't doing this for me. Or the Normandy crew. You did it for you," Shepard countered.
"Someone had to pay!" Liara found herself shouting.
"Pay for what?" Shepard asked patiently.
"Pay for—for… taking you from me." There was a deep silence as Liara realized what she'd said.
Annelise's voice wavered, and the reflection in her eyes was glassy with sympathy. "I've almost lost Ash twice since Mars, Liara. Twice. Traynor got hurt. And you—you could have been killed, too. Over what?"
Invoking Ashley made Liara tremble with guilt.
While she and the soldier had not always gotten along (especially when Liara had first joined the Normandy) a respect was forged through solidarity in battle. And what remained of Ashley's mistrust towards Liara had dissolved when she had seen how emotional the asari was after Shepard's death. They had traded long correspondences when Ashley was reassigned by the Alliance to other squads, nurturing a quiet friendship.
It hurt to admit that Liara might have gotten one of her few true friends killed.
"I—I didn't…" The asari cleared her throat. "…I was never skilled at the broad world view of the Matriarchs. And so much of my research on Protheans was spent on specific time periods and events. I've been so—" …foolish? Blind? Naïve?
She stood up and walked to the opposite side of her bed. Her eyes found the frame of Shepard's dog tags and lingered there a moment. She heard Shepard stand up and approach from behind, but the woman stopped short.
A long moment passed.
"Liara. We all lose perspective. Me especially," Shepard confessed softly.
Turning to face Shepard, Liara had to grit her teeth to contain shaky breaths.
"Without you, we never would have tracked Saren to Ilos. We might already all be dead if the Reapers had come three years ago when we were fractured and unprepared. Because of you, we have a fighting chance."
The mention of Ilos evoked a very different reaction in Liara, but she managed to keep her blush to a minimum. She said nothing.
Annelise continued with a slight smile. "I might never have tracked down Samara on Illium. Or Thane. I could have gone to the Collectors without my biotics or mind in check. Thanks to you, I found my mentor… and a brother."
That smile tightened from fond to sad before softening once more.
Annelise spread her fingertips toward Liara's towers of consoles. "You found the Crucible plans when no one else could, Liara. You're one of the smartest people I've ever met. …And I know the salarian who cured the krogan genophage and the perfect human who can resurrect dead Commanders. You're in good company." There was a kind glint in her eyes. "You're easily in the Top Five," Shepard joked.
Liara exhale-laughed, relieved at finally seeing some light return to her siame.
Crossing her arms, Annelise tilted her head. She grew serious once more. "We don't have the luxury of time to waste on revenge anymore, Liara. The galaxy can't wait that long."
"Revenge… is that what you think this has been about?" Liara's voice was hushed.
"If not, then what?"
"It's about you, Shepard. It's always been about—for—you."
A beat of silence.
"Liara…" Shepard's voice softened. She actually reached out for Liara's hands, which the asari was too numb to refuse.
"Liara… I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard, and a lot of the time I don't feel up to the task. But I'm here because of you. And if we manage to win this war, it will be in large part thanks to you. For never giving up… On the galaxy… On me."
Shepard squeezed Liara's fingertips, and when Liara looked into those eyes she saw a crinkle of softness.
The asari whispered Shepard's name and drew closer. Annelise smiled fondly, a tiny curl of her lips that rippled into warm creases along the woman's cheek and nose.
But Annelise pulled away.
"I'm sorry, Liara. I'm not the same person I was. …Neither are you." She paused. "I'm sorry I never got to see what changed you. And I didn't get the chance to change with you. …I care about you. I'll always miss you… care about you. But I… I remember you as you were..."
…not as I am, Liara silently finished. She could scarcely breathe.
Chin raised defiantly, Liara braced herself for the question she was terrified to ask.
But she had to know.
"What's going on between you and Specialist Traynor?"
Annelise's eyes widened and cheeks darkened. Her hands suddenly became fidgety at her sides. "She—she's…"
"That tells me more than words ever will," Liara growled with bitter finality.
Shepard struggled to clarify. "She's… a friend. She's been there for me. A comfort." She tried to shrug dismissively.
"How much of a comfort?"
Annelise couldn't meet the asari's accusing gaze. It felt like the air had been stolen from Liara's lungs.
This… This was worse than she had feared. The thought of Annelise and Samantha joining—
The asari shook her head to clear that mental image. It stung too deeply.
"Liara, I—"
"No," Liara cut off Shepard and pushed her away. "The honesty is refreshing for a change. Here I thought my evolution in the wake of your example was a positive change. I had no idea the price of it was you. Twice."
"I still need your help, Liara," Annelise said quietly.
Liara stood up and stepped over to the entrance to her bedroom, nodding towards the door. "I know, Shepard. You just don't need me anymore. Only my help," she said coldly.
"Just like you need mine, T'Soni," Shepard growled back. "Next time, keep my people out of it."
The Commander stalked out of the room, leaving the asari breathing heavily. Her heart pounded in her ears.
Raising her arm, Liara put threads of biotic power behind her throw.
This time, that datapad shattered against the wall into hundreds of shards of plastic and code. It was not relieving or unsatisfying.
It was nothing.
Ren's Note:
A wiki entry in the Cerberus Daily News Wiki had a surprising number of asari language entries. "Siame" allegedly translates to "one who is all", a loved one cherished above all others.
Anyway, special thanks to my beta Avigdor (and a special shout out to ccryder) for your gut check(s) of this piece. Back to QGA for now!
Please let me know if you found this segue valuable (or tedious! Critique is always helpful and appreciated! It's how I learn!) and if you'd like to read more of the Liara Perspective of Events from me.