**It's after midnight so I can officialy post this now! Happy Birthday to the wonderful Jenny/Squabble :D
"The secret side of me, I never let you see, I keep it caged, but I can't control it."
Becker hit the punching bag again and again, his anger and frustration dissipating a little more every time he made contact. Sweat soaked the cotton of his black tank top, causing it to cling to his chest. He'd been in the ARC's gym for a couple hours already and had already tried his normal workout routine, which involved 100 sit-ups, push-ups and chin-ups, they hadn't worked. So now he was taking things out on the punching bag, wishing fervently that someone would come in that he could spar with, that always made him feel better.
He'd been back at the ARC for two days, everything was different, he felt like he was in an alien spacecraft or something ninety percent of the time. The only fractional upside to returning to the ARC he'd found so far, was the new field coordinator, Jess Parker. Beautiful, intelligent and bubbly, he'd found himself unexplainably attracted to her since the moment they'd met. He hit the punching bag again harder this time, he couldn't let that happen again, he'd always swore he'd never let himself get involved with anyone on the job, it was too much of a distraction, but then he'd met Sarah and now… now there was Jess.
You won't go there again, Becker, he mentally scolded himself. He closed his eyes and hit the punching bag again and again his succession even faster this time, his hand beginning to hurt from the force of it, as memories flooded his mind.
He'd spent most of the day working up his nerve, warring with the part of him that knew it was a bad idea. For once, he wasn't listening to that part of him, he wanted this, wanted a chance with her. He knocked on the outside of Sarah's office door.
"Come in!" she called.
He walked in to find her dark hair framing her face as she sat bent over a book. A smile had crossed his face just briefly as he watched her, she'd looked beautiful, the sunlight streaming in and highlighting her features.
"Sarah," he said her name softly.
She looked up and smiled when she saw Becker standing there, "Hi Becker."
He fidgeted slightly, "Sarah, I was hoping, I could ask you something…"
She watched him curiously, "Of course Becker, what is it?"
"Would you…like to have dinner with me tonight?"
Her expression had quickly changed to surprise, her brown eyes lighting up, "I'd love to Becker."
"So stay away from me, the beast is ugly, I feel the rage and I just can't hold it."
"Becker…Becker, you with me?" a voice asked from behind him.
He spun around, not completely back in touch with his current surroundings, his fist still raised from hitting the punching bag.
Jess skittered backwards, eyes wide, she tripped and fell backwards when her heel caught the edge of the mat, hitting the ground with a thud as Becker looked on horrified. Idiot! he scolded himself internally, rushing to her side, hating himself for the look of fear and pain in her wide, blue eyes, which were normally so bright and trusting.
He knelt down next to her, clinching his fist at his side, stopping the urge he had to reach out to her, in fear of scaring her more, "Are you okay, Jess?"
"Fine, I'm totally fine." she said, her voice high and shaky.
"Jess, I am so sorry, I was focused on something else and you startled me…I would have never hit you!" he tried to explain, his brown eyes pooled with hurt and regret for his actions.
She closed her eyes briefly, trying to regain composure, "I know you wouldn't…it just startled me." she said, her voice faltering slightly, before she finally reopened her eyes.
He reached out toward her hesitantly, and when she didn't try to move away he hugged her gently. She leaned forward into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck. He inhaled her sweet scent as he held her against him, her small frame resting calmly against him, head buried in the crook of his neck.
"Jessica, I'm so incredibly sorry," he murmured again.
"It's okay, it was an accident," she replied, her lips softly brushing against the skin of his neck as she spoke, causing his pulse to pick up involuntarily at the feel, a small sigh of pleasure escaping his lips.
"It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls, it comes awake and I can't control it. Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head. Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"
As soon as he'd finished making sure Jess was alright, he headed to the armory, sinking down onto the floor next to one of the shelving units. After feeling the touch of her lips on his skin, however accidental it had been on her part, it had taken every ounce of his self control not to kiss her.
Her lips had been soft, feathery light against his skin, he couldn't help thinking of how different it was from the feel of Sarah's. His mind was overcome with yet another flashback;
Becker stopped in front of Sarah's door and she turned to face him, her deep brown eyes, glowing and happy.
"I had a wonderful time tonight Becker," she said smiling.
"I'm glad, so did I," he said, pushing her hair from her face and keeping his hand on her cheek.
Her eyes came up to meet his, and he leaned down and kissed her, her lips warm and eager beneath his.
They'd been dating for a little over a month at that point and that kissed had escalated to him staying the night. Not a full month later, she'd been killed in the rescue attempt to save Connor, Abby and Danny.
He banged his head back into the wall, immediately regretting it as a searing pain shot through his skull. That was why he couldn't let himself get involved with Jess, it was too dangerous, for her, for him… There was just one problem with that, he was pretty sure he was falling in love with Jess Parker.
"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin."
When he got back to his flat that night, he collapsed onto the sofa and kicked off his boots. His mind hadn't stopped trying to work out what to do about his developing feelings for Jess.
Part of him felt guilty, it hadn't been six months since Sarah's death and he was falling for someone else. Did that make him a monster?
"I must confess that I feel like a monster"