Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or gain any profit from this fanfic other than writing practice and improved self-esteem ʅ（◞‿◟）ʃ

Following the events of The Conquerors of Shamballa

Chapter One:
Black, the Grief

sometimes things go so wrong the world turns black.
it is only then that you may consider yourself struck by grief.

"They're gone."

Roy Mustang looked at the now asleep transmutation circle and frowned. "They're gone."

Central City was enveloped by a sorrowful silence. Night was lurking in, the sky painted by an orangish yellow. All around, buildings and crumbled and blood stained the floor, emitting a dark aura. "They're gone". He repeated again, standing up.

For many, the boys who had disappeared forever were just two soldiers like any other. For them, their 'death' was as normal as it would be if a normal soldier died. They were just there to fight against the Germans, protect Amestris. For some, they were two boys that had changed the country. Two boys that had a goal, and they were happy for them. They were now living together, and the younger one had his body back. Everything had worked out fine, right?

Right?

While it may look like that, the few that really knew the boys didn't think so. Everything had gone wrong. Not for the boys, obviously, but for them. They were now engulfed in grief and doubt, blaming themselves for everything that had happened. They weren't even sure if the boys had got to the other side safely, and that only made things worse. For Roy Mustang, things were no different. He suddenly found himself in a situation where he was lost in the dark, with nowhere to go. His only sources of light — that being the boys and his long lost friend — were gone from his life.

When that day started, he walked into the cold snowstorm the North had to offer and stood there, waiting for Edward. By noon, however, he was fighting alongside his subordinate, and for that moment he felt truly hopeful. After two years of waiting, the boy returned, bringing hope and joy with him. But then again, isn't that what Edward always did? Wherever he went, he always seemed to bring luck with him, no matter the situation. Mustang felt as if Equivalent Exchange was actually a thing, and as if he was finally paid back for those years of suffering.

Yes, he suffered. He suffered more than anyone. Being the man he was, he waited for him in pure shame and guilt. Not only couldn't he get himself to snap his gloved fingers anymore, but he also couldn't even look into the eyes of his own bodyguard, Riza Hawkeye. It's quite ironic to think that, when he needed her the most, she also couldn't face him due to his new, gloomy personality. Their goodbye wasn't even a proper one: all he did was leave. He boarded the train to the North, telling only Havoc were he was going, and told him to forget about him and keep his location a secret.

When the news that the Colonel had 'mysteriously disappeared' arrived at Riza, she was frightened, but whenever someone offered her the opportunity to be in one of the search teams, she would simply decline and that would be it. If he needed time to reflect, she would give it to him. Her presence would only make him worse, just like it had been in Ishval. She knew he would return when he was ready.

For those two years, while he waited for Edward, she waited for him. She went to his house, cleaned it, bought him groceries, and dusted his clothes. That until he couldn't afford to pay his rent anymore and the house was put on sale. She then started waiting for him at the station, every day before and after work. She would wake up earlier than usual, cook him breakfast, go to the platform and wait. When it was time for her to go, she would leave the food behind with a note, then get him some fresh food from the mess during her lunch break and wait for him again. At night, when the last four trains arrived for the day, she would make him dinner, and if he didn't show up, she would take the pile of boxes with food back home and sigh, only to repeat her actions on the next day.

Riza knew it was wrong. She knew she was wasting her money with food for someone who didn't want to see her anymore. To be honest, she wasn't even sure if he was alive. All she knew was that he disappeared one day, nothing more and nothing less. Maybe the only reason she waited for him and brought him food was to convince herself that he would return. She missed him, even though she never admitted it. She regretted avoiding him on their last days together.

Maybe if she hadn't done that, he would still be there. Maybe she could have helped him get over what had happened. But she ran away like a coward, and now she no longer had a lazy Colonel to scold because he didn't do his paperwork. She no longer had a man to call her at dawn asking her to drive him home from a bar because he had drunk too much. She no longer had a friend that was always there for her, when she needed help the most. Now she only had his ghostly presence, haunting his desk. No one sat there anymore; Havoc and the others requested to leave that desk reserved for when he returned. That is, if he returned.

Riza was mad at him. She was mad at him for making her worry like that. She was mad at him for making her wait for so long. But she was also mad at herself. She wasn't there for the brothers when they needed it, and she wasn't even there for her superior when he needed it. She wasn't able to keep her only promise: to protect him with her life. Everything seemed to be her fault. While everyone was fighting she was just running around, wondering which battle to join. But why? It's not like she would have a brighter future awaiting her if she stained her hands with blood again and experienced more of this hell called reality. Edward and Alphonse already proved that Equivalent Exchange wasn't a thing. They lost their limbs and bodies for nothing, and now Riza had lost the Colonel and the Elrics for nothing. Absolutely nothing.

What she would do if he returned? She wasn't sure. In fact, she had no idea. She wouldn't just salute him casually, that would be too hard for her to do after waiting for him for years. Truth be told, she would probably burst into tears the moment he stepped out of the train, and have to blend into the crowd in embarrassment before regaining her composure and talking to him. Would she actually give him the food? What if he arrived when she wasn't there and didn't see the food and note? Was he already back in the city? Maybe going in dates like he always did, and using the fact that he had disappeared to the country to not go to work. If he was doing that and Riza found out, he would get shot right on that good eye of his and he wouldn't be able to go on dates anymore.

The problem would be that he wouldn't be able to sign his paperwork either, so she would probably avoid shooting it.

After two long years of waiting, he finally returned to her. She was slightly disappointed for not being the first one to see him and announce his return, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that he was back. He was safe and strong, using his power for the good of the country. Riza felt uncomfortable, shooting the targets from the shadows while he paraded in front of the enemy, snapping at them while showing off his good looks and new eyepatch. It was almost as if she was showing all of the insecurities she had gained in the Ishvallan War of Extermination, while he hid his behind his performance.

He stopped the enemy fire and gave commands to his men. Riza was so relieved to know he was alive and well that she had to squint her tears away, but couldn't hold the urge to assure him that she had waited for him for all those years, and had not forgotten about him.

"We all waited for you," she explained, a soft smile gracing her lips. She didn't quite know how she was able to look at him after all that had happened. It almost felt as if it didn't happen, and this was just a normal field mission with Edward, Alphonse, and the other men. He briefly returned the smile and greeted her, then asked her to stay there and fight the coming wave of enemies with him. For what seemed to be the first time, she obeyed him without a word in protest. Even though, according to Havoc, he was no longer a Colonel and just an enlisted man, she still respected him as if he were a General, or maybe even the Fuhrer, the only times she wouldn't obey him being when he gave her an order that would make him risk his life. He had given her these types of orders several times before he defeated the former Fuhrer King Bradley, and the reason he lost his left eye was that she obeyed him and wasn't there to back him up during the battle. Since that day, she decided to only obey him if it wouldn't separate her from him. She is his bodyguard, after all.

The enemy started bringing airborne vehicles and Roy requested a balloon to take them down. The balloon was quickly prepared and he went in, creating hot air with alchemy. Riza was finally reunited with him, so it wasn't as if she would just let the man she was supposed to protect wander off alone in a hot air balloon when the sky was filled with warplanes. She dashed towards him but was a bit too late, and he slowly lifted into the atmosphere.

"Sorry, I only have power for one passenger!" He apologized, raising two fingers for whatever reason. Riza knew he was lying and was just worried about her, but Major Armstrong held her down when she tried to jump into the balloon.

"Colonel, you liar!" She shouted, trying to escape the man's grip. He had, however, already flown too high up to hear her, but kept his fingers up as if to repeat what he said last time. "Come back here, or I'll —" She was stopped by a bullet that scratched her shoulder ever so slightly, and noticed she still had work to do. She shrugged Armstrong off her, positioned her rifle and continued resisting, cringing slightly whenever she saw the cold blood leak out of the armors and into plain sight.

Riza kept pulling the trigger, well aware that, with her 99.5% accuracy, a soldier was going to die whenever she did so. She started remembering her experience in the Ishvallan War of Extermination again, and purposely slowed down her pace, intending to gain time while Edward took care of the mastermind behind them instead of eliminating them. They were, after all, just mere Germans that had no knowledge of alchemy whatsoever. They were only being used as weapons to defeat the Amestrian forces, ending up dying themselves instead.

They didn't really have salvation, however. If they stayed back in Germany, they would be forced into the Nazi's uprising and become mere puppets like the others. Wherever they tried to go, they would end up dead. That was the reality for all soldiers, including Riza and her beloved team.

Finally, after a lot of sweat and blood was poured, the Colonel returned. He was in a small capsule transmuted by one of the brothers from what Riza could see, and it crashed onto the already devastated streets of Central City. Riza dropped her weapon and rushed towards the sound, soon meeting up with Winry and Scieszka. The three women quickly scavenged through the wreckage, and Riza sighed in relief when she saw that the Colonel wasn't badly injured. She would make him pay for worrying her like that later. Not now, though. They still had to look for Edward and Alphonse.

"They aren't here," Roy muttered, answering the question poised in Winry's lips.

"What do you mean?" She questioned, clutching the suitcase that once held Edward's automail tighter.

"They went back. Fullmetal was going to go back alone to break the gate, but Alphonse begged to go with him, asking me to break the gate from this world."

"And you just let Al go?! In your mind, he's seventeen, but don't forget that he doesn't remember anything since he was ten! He has only a thirteen-year-old mind now, why did you let him go?!"

"So you would rather lock him in his world while Fullmetal is locked in the other one?"

"Locked?" Winry's legs started trembling and she felt strangely weak.

"The gate is the only path between both worlds. Breaking it means never opening it again," Roy clarified, taking a note from his inner pocket and handing it to her. "Fullmetal told me to give you this."

She took it but immediately ripped it up and threw the pieces onto the floor, squeezing them with her dirty boot. "I don't want it. That idiot is always risking his life for this country. This stupid letter doesn't mean anything to me."

"I imagined that would be your reaction, so I read the letter."

"I said I don't want to know!"

"He said he would miss you," Roy started, ignoring the fact that Winry wasn't hearing. She was covering her ears and screaming some gibberish. "He said he would miss you more than anything, and that, even though he always argued with you and said horrible things to you, he always loved you. He said that, if he could stay in this world, he would be more than happy to marry you. But he did what he did to protect you. Protect you, your grandmother, Private Sciezka, and everyone else."

Riza put an arm on his shoulder and shook her head, signalizing for him to stop. He looked up at Winry, who was now in tears.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, covering his face with his hand and gently rubbing his eye. "I'm sorry."

"No. I can't cry. Ed told me that the next time I cried would be out of happiness. I'm not crying because he is gone, I'm crying because Amestris is safe." There was a clearly fake smile plastered onto her face, and the shake on her voice didn't go unnoticed by anyone. "He will come back. I'm sure he'll find a way. He always does, doesn't he? That idiot. When he comes back, he will bring Al with him, and Al will have all of his memories back. They will visit you and Ms. Riza first, like they always did, and then they would go home to Resembool, and everything would go back to normal, right?"

Roy nodded, even though he knew they were gone forever.