AN: So, another project from me. This'll update monthly-ish? I'll try to get chapters about this length out each time but I'm about as consistent as random chance, so it'll vary.
Y'know all those things people say about your life flashing before your eyes when you die?
That's horseshit.
When I died, all that flashed before my eyes was a lime green peterbilt 357 as it swerved around the crash that killed me.
Also, the thing about how you get reincarnated and remember being in the womb?
Double horseshit.
I remembered my previous life, oh brother did I remember my previous life. I remembered it right down to the feeling of the flatbed Chevy that sideswiped me as I was going across the street. Thinking about it still hurts god damn it!
My first thoughts, however, did not occur until I was being cut out of Ma like a tumor.
And then the air hit my skin and I started screaming like I'd gone and died again. I screamed, and bellowed, and hollered, and every other synonym for making a damn loud noise I could think of before they got my tender ass swaddled up and handed me to my new Pa.
Now, I was still a baby. Eyes were blurry, color was distorted, and everything was fuzzier than a bears ass cheek, but when I looked at where my Pa's head should have been and saw a mess of pink hair, I just about freaked.
Now, dyed hair isn't the weirdest thing in the world. I was from a rural town so it was a bit rarer than elsewhere but still, nothing to freak about.
Unless said hair has been dyed hot pink, in which case you goggle at the schmuck a bit and go about your merry way.
Then I got a look at the doctor, saw his hair was lemon fucking yellow, and came to the conclusion that I'd been reborn to a pair of hipsters in either Williamsburg or Greenwich Village.
Then they started speaking what had to be Japanese and I realized I had been reincarnated into a fucking anime.
They wound up having to replace the blanket I had been wrapped up in when I literally shit a brick in surprise.
It took me all of three years to figure out what anime I was in, unfortunately.
We lived in Kansai, apparently, and just like the first time around I spent most of my time asleep.
I was three years old when they sat me in front of the boob tube while Pa got around for work and Ma cooked up breakfast. They'd plopped me between two propped up pillows and left me there with some channel running and I had been spaced out when my ears registered the words "Duel Monsters" coming from the TV.
"WHAT!? DUEL MONSTERS? REALLY!?" I yelled at the top of my lungs, tone incredulous and left eye beginning to twitch.
My folks took it as me having enthusiasm for the game, despite the rapid twitching of my left eye. (Damn thing must have been a holdover from the last go around.)
Over the years I took to the game as I had last time, and somehow beyond all belief was an honors student in this life when I'd been a slackoff last time.
When my folks approached me about picking a high school after junior high, I had jokingly asked if there were any schools for dueling I could attend.
Pa's response was not funny.
"Well, y'know I work for Kaiba Corporation, so maybe we could afford tuition for that Duel Academy that Mr. Kaiba started?" He said, only halfways joking.
I choked on my drink, fell out of my chair, and looked him dead in the face with an expression that read as "either you're fucking with me or I'm hallucinating".
Turns out neither was the case and my old man made the arrangements for the Duel Academy entrance exam.
That's the beginning of how I, Inoue Yasuhiro, formerly a bumpkin named Randy, became involved in the biggest string of bullshit ever.
Contrary to what the anime would have you believe, the Duel Academy practical exam was not done with training decks and friendly instructors. That exam was all kinds of brutal, and that was just what I got watching it from afar.
"Inoue Yasuhiro, report to field B-1 for your practical exam."
Well, that's me. Time to go and hassle my way through whatever trouble the instructor throws my way.
When I arrived on the field, I had to doubletake. The instructor looked remarkably like someone I had known in life. All broad shoulders and barrel chest, it was the spitting image of one of my schoolmates from the last go round. He was dressed in one of those obelisk blue coats, which made sense seeing as the exam was being run by Crowler.
"Hello, I'm Jesse Wade and I'll be your instructor for today. Bring your best challenger!" He said in heavy accented Japanese. Hell, it was like I was back home already!
"Duel!" we yelled out in unison, our duel disks starting up as we drew our hands.
I grinned as I looked at mine. My folks really knew how to give a guy the edge.
"Alright, I'll start!" I said as I drew for my first turn.
[Instructor Wade: 4000 LP]
[Inoue Yasuhiro: 4000 LP]
God, traditional format bumpkins like this were too fun to play against.
"Now, I'll summon Elementsaber Willard by discarding my Elementsaber Nalu and Elementsaber Aina!"
Before me appeared a tall blonde man in a high-collared suit of golden armor, a greatsword wrapped in lightning in his hands.
[Elementsaber Willard: LV 6/ATK 2400/DEF 2100]
"And, thanks to his effect, Willard is unable to be destroyed by battle or card effects." I was grinning smugly at this point, thinking myself invincible with Willard on the field.
Plus, with my Elemental Training facedown, I was bound to be pretty safe overall.
Then fate pulled the rug out from under me like the vindictive whore she is.
Instructor Wade drew his card for the turn and grinned, and I knew I was SOL.
"Alright, first I'll activate my Kyoutou Waterfront field spell!" He said as the towering buildings and titular waterfronts of Kyoto rose up around us.
"And now I'll tribute your Willard to summon Dogoran, the Mad Flame Kaiju!"
[Dogoran, the Mad Flame Kaiju: LV 8/ATK 3000/DEF 1200]
Oh shittles.
Willard disappeared from the field in a gout of flame, and in his place on my field rose a towering Godzilla-like monster with ruddy red skin and gouts of flame sprouting from its toothy maw.
"And now my Waterfront gets a Kaiju Counter!" Jesse proclaimed as what looked like concerned civilians swarmed around our duel, smartphones out and recording us.
"Next, I'll special summon from my hand Thunder King, the Lightningstrike Kaiju!" and Instructor Wade's field was graced with a massive reptilian beast, three horned heads waving with anticipation as it and Dogoran eyed each other.
[Thunder King, the Lightningstrike Kaiju: LV 9/ATK 3300/DEF 2100]
"Now, Thunder King will attack Dogoran!" And what ensued was not a battle. That was a murder, plain and simple.
[Inoue Yasuhiro: 3700 LP]
"Okay, now it's my turn again!" I drew my card and sighed.
I still had Phosphorage in my hand and not enough light attributes to summon him, and I'd just drawn Temple of the Elemental Lords, so I guess I had some plays.
"You aren't the only one with a field spell! I activate my Temple of the Elemental Lords!"
The city around us shattered, and in its place a stone temple rose around us, monuments to each of the elemental lords along the walls.
"Now, I'll use my Temple's effect to add one Elementsaber monster from my deck to my hand! I'm not going to be able to attack this turn, but I think it's a fair trade." I said as I drew and revealed another copy of Willard from my deck.
"Next, Willard's effect again! Thanks to my Temple, I can send the cards from my deck to the graveyard instead of discarding them, so I'll send my Elementsaber Malo'o and Elementsaber Makani from my deck to the graveyard to special summon Elementsaber Willard once more!"
The spectral forms of Malo'o and Makani appeared behind Willard as his effect took hold once more and protected him from destruction by all means.
"Now I'll use the effects of my Malo'o, Makani, Nalu, and Aina in the graveyard to change their attributes to light! And now I'll special summon Phosphorage, the Elemental Lord!"
Again, Malo'o's and Makani's spiritual forms appeared alongside Willard's, Nalu's, and Mana's before melding together to form a an armored humanoid with bonds of pure energy holding it together, a blue globe of energy placed in the center of its chest.
[Phosphorage, the Elemental Lord: LV 8/ATK 2800/DEF 2200]
"Now Phosphorage's effect activates destroying all monsters you control!" I was genuinely smug now. Temple would be boosting my monsters by a whopping 1000 attack points as soon as I ended my turn, making Phosphorage and Willard nearly 4000 attack points strong each.
Instructor Wade drew his card for turn and looked at it like it had personally offended him.
"Alright, now I'll tribute your Phosphorage to-"
"Hold up Instructor, I have a response! Elemental Training!" I said as my trap activated.
"I'll tribute Phosphorage myself and special summon from my deck Elementsaber Molehu!"
Phosphorage crumbled apart, and in its place stood a blue-haired man clad in dark metal armor brandishing a scythe.
[Elementsaber Molehu: LV 4/ATK 1900/DEF 0]
"Grr, fine, I'll tribute your Willard for my Kumongous, the Sticky String Kaiju, instead." He growled out as his prime target vanished from the field.
Willard too disappeared as he was replaced by the oversized spider. Ugh, even in another life I have arachnophobia.
[Kumongous, the Sticky String Kaiju: LV 7/ATK 2400/DEF 2500]
"Now, with a Kaiju on your side of the field I'll special summon Dogoran, the Mad Flame Kaiju!"
"Molehu's effect! I'll send another copy of him from my deck to the graveyard to turn your Dogoran to face down defense position."
The dramatic appearance of the massive beast was cut short, literally, with Molehu swinging his scythe and turning the beast into nothing more than a face down card.
Spitting and cursing, the instructor passed the turn off to me, and I drew my card for the turn.
Oh hell yes.
"Now, with six different Attributes in the graveyard, I'll special summon my Elemental Grace Doriado!"
Between Kumongous and Molehu appeared an angelic woman garbed in pink robes that seemed to glow with holy light, accents of gold and white lacing her outfit.
[Elemental Grace Doriado: LV 9/ATK 0/DEF 0]
"And thanks to her effect, she gains 500 attack and defense points for each different attribute in the graveyards!"
[Elemental Grace Doriado: LV 9/ATK 3000/DEF 3000]
"And my Temple of the Elemental Lords increases her attack and defense by another 1200!"
[Elemental Grace Doriado: LV 9/ATK 4200/DEF 4200]
I was grinning like a fool at this point, all teeth and looking like the worlds biggest asshole.
"So, let's take a look at the lineup, shall we?" I said as I gestured grandly to my field.
[Elemental Grace Doriado: LV 9/ATK 4200/DEF 4200]
[Kumongous, the Sticky String Kaiju: LV 7/ATK 3600/DEF 3700]
[Elementsaber Molehu: LV 4/ATK 3100/DEF 1200]
"Now, battle! Molehu attacks your face down Dogoran!"
Molehu dashed across the field and slashed the face down card, the hologram dissolving into motes of light with a dying roar.
"Now, Kumongous and Doriado attack you directly!"
[Instructor Wade: 0 LP]
[Inoue Yasuhiro: 3700 LP]
And just like that, it was over.
"That was a good duel Instructor Wade, your deck was really unexpected." I said as I shook the man's hand. So I still offered a handshake after the duel, so what? Bad habits are tough to break.
"See, here's the thing...I'm not really an instructor." He said sheepishly, scratching at his cheek as he gave a nervous chuckle.
"What, like a junior instructor? Got a trainer overseeing you or something?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"Not even that, I'm one of the students. Mr. Asahi is sleeping off a hangover in the break room right now, so I told him I'd borrow his deck and do his duels for him." He said as he began to head towards the door with me. The exam was ending soon, so it made sense that he'd be helping the real instructors pack up to leave.
We parted ways at the exam desk, Jesse stopping to help them file away papers and pack up loaner duel disks.
As slick as the academy style disks were, I was pretty partial to my personal one. It was an older model compared to the ones the academies used, but it was really only a year or so old.
It was a 'custom' model, which is to say one of the standard KCDD-05's with home done paint job done in the shed behind our apartment building. It was mostly black, with a hot pink 'edge' along the blade, and gold accents on the main body. All in all, combined with my mostly pink and black outfit, I thought I looked pretty fashionable.
I found a seat near the top of the stands to watch the last matches of the day. From what I could see, there was someone playing Felgrand, someone with Gishki, someone blocking my view of the goddamn matches.
I looked up and met the smirking face of one Doctor Vellian Crowler, looking at me like I was his golden ticket.
"Can I help you ma'am?" I asked plainly, trying to play up the 'moron from kansai' stereotype.
His expression soured a bit, and I chuckled on the inside. Take that you elitist knob-jockey!
"That's 'sir', actually. My name is Doctor Vellian Crowler, head of the Obelisk Blue dorm at the academy. I saw your duel with young Jesse. That was very impressive. How would you like to duel another examinee for me? Someone who came late, you see, and most of the other instructors are busy." He said in that snide tone of voice, trying to butter me up to do his dirty work.
"Ehhhh, I'm pretty tuckered out from my duel. Sorry professor, gonna have to pass." I said, pulling a legitimate yawn as a spoke. One of the only holdovers from the last go round that I could still appreciate was my ability to yawn on command.
"Hmm, very well then. Have a good day young man." He said, grin turned downward at my subtle jab and refusal. Hey man, fuck you, I didn't want into the blue dorm anyway.
I must have nodded off, because a while later I was being prodded awake by someone who must have had a Kuriboh on their head.
"Uh-bwuh, a friggin Kuriboh? Wha?" I said blearily as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, blinking them clear.
"Hey, I'm not a Kuriboh!" Said the Kuriboh-head. Hmm, sounds fake but okay.
"Yeah, this is Jay! He just beat Doctor Crowler!" Said another, higher pitched voice. Ugh, where're my glasses? Normally with this reincarnation shit your eyes get better, not worse! I was kinda nearsighted before but now I'm full blown myopic!
"Yeah yeah, good for him, y'all seen my glasses? Sorta oval-shaped, with black frames?" I asked as I scoured the area around where I had nodded off.
"Uh, you mean the ones on your head bro?" Said this 'Jay' guy. Sounded familiar-ish, but whoever he was I had to thank him for spotting the obvious for me.
I pulled my glasses out of my birds nest of hair and readjusted the bandana on my forehead.
"Thanks bud, now I gotta go. Don't wanna miss my train back home." I said as I moved past them and made my way toward the door.
"Hey, wait up!" Jay yelled as he and the other guy ran after me.
"Let me get your number! We can swap duel advice!" He said after catching up to me. His little buddy caught up right after him, panting like he'd run a marathon.
"Sure, whatever." I said before rattling off my number to him.
"Sweet, I'll text you tonight to ask about that sweet duel you had!" He said before running off with his little blue haired buddy right behind him.
Wait a damn minute.
Kuriboh hair. Beat Crowler. Wimpy little blue haired kid.
Fuck me I just made friends with a main character.
My walk to the bullet-train station and ride home on it were spent in shell shocked silence at the massive blunder I'd just made.
I wonder, is it too late to transfer to North Academy?