"I'm a virgin! That doesn't make it drinks conversation! We all have stuff we don't talk about!"
April picked up her drink and quickly drained what was left in the glass despite the burn as it goes down her throat, slamming it back down on the table as she finished. Everyone's eyes were on her and burning with their stares after she had finally gone off, sick and tired of the ways that they had teased her about it. It wasn't fair, and well, she certainly wasn't about to come out to any of them. Things were hard enough as is.
"Oh April, I'm liking you more and more…" Meredith muttered, looking far too annoyed.
"Thank you." The redhead replied, still clutching her glass like it might break if she let go.
Everyone else was quiet at the table, no doubt uncomfortable with the way that she had ripped them all apart and put out their own secret matters on the table. If they were going to mock her… well, it felt a little nice just to get a little more even on the matter. Being a punching bag for all of them was exhausting.
Not able to take the quiet that she had caused any longer, April got up from the table quickly and find herself walking away and toward the bar, desperately in need of another drink. She didn't know if she was ready to go back to them any time soon, but a little time away from them would be good.
Waving over the bartender's attention, she ordered a long island iced tea. It's a little more alcoholic than what she usually went for but at the moment, she pretty sure that she completely need all of it.
"You seem like you're having a rough day," the woman next to her spoke.
April looked up from her hands, surprised to see Dr. Robbins seated on the bar stool next to her. She hadn't been paying much attention before, zoned in on getting another drink and forgetting everything else around her. But the blonde was another doctor and Joe's tended to be quite popular at the end of the shift for anyone who happened to work in the hospital, conveniently located across the street. It had been a good business move on their part.
"I heard everything that you said over there. I think most people at the bar did, actually." Robbins informed me, but the smile on her face was kind. Gentle. Not mocking. April's heart could sing just from that alone.
"Sorry," she breathed out with a shake of my head. "I didn't realize how loud I was."
"You don't need to apologize." Arizona shrugged one shoulder. "Own it. It's your choice and it's a choice that not a lot of people would be able to make. Takes a lot of strength, that's for sure."
April found myself blushing as the bartender slid over a drink and a napkin toward her, thanking him with a smile and nod of the head as she quickly took a sip from it. It's a bit weak but probably for the best. The last thing that she needed to do was be loud and wasted.
"Thank you," The redhead finally smiled. "Most people are pretty happy to just… jump into making fun of me."
"It's kind of a cool idea," Arizona offered. "Only being with the person that you love. It's sweet. But it's a religious thing for you, right? Jesus and all that?"
April snorted at the other's particular word choice. "Yeah, Jesus and all that." She nodded. "Waiting for the person that I want to marry. I guess I haven't had any better luck with that." She shrugged, a hand coming up to scratch the back of her neck as she tried not to make a big deal out of it.
"I'm sure that your Prince Charming is around the corner. And if you ever get bored or tired of waiting around, you're a beautiful woman. I'm sure that you can find a long line of people who are willing to pop your cherry." Arizona grinned, a flirty grin appearing on her lips. "It's just up to you, of course. But don't think there aren't people who are happy to participate in that."
"I don't know if I want a Prince Charming." April blurted out suddenly. She paused as she realized the words coming out of her own mouth. She knew that Arizona was a lesbian. Pretty much everyone in the hospital did, it was something that the blonde didn't bother to try to keep a secret. And April found herself to be envious of that, to be out and proud of who she was. She knew that everyone assumed that she was straight because of her religion, and, well, the whole heteronormative ideals of society. But out and proud Christian and lesbian? It sounded wrong.
"Oh yeah?" Arizona questioned, her eyebrows perking up.
"I… yeah," April admitted, chewing harshly at the flesh of her lower lip for a moment before lifting up the drink and taking another sip from the straw. "I don't talk a lot about it. I don't think that people will get it."
Arizona reached over toward the redhead for a moment, placing her hand on the other's shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. The blonde had grown out loud and gay and knew how difficult it to be to come to terms with something like that. even in the most accepting of environments and with the kindest of people around, it was still a big deal for any gay woman. It wasn't something to belittle.
"Well, whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm sure people will happy to listen." The blonde offered up. "Not everyone is great. But this is a good hospital. Lots of nice and accepting people. Lots of really cute and super eager nurses, too." She grinned, just a little teasing.
"I'm guessing that you've taken full advantage of that," April questioned, her brows raising.
"Of course. I am a big advocate for sex. Even if it's j just a one night stand, there's an intimacy there, just the two of you and nothing else in the world, the sweet touches and getting to know someone on such a different level, having someone else get to know you in the exact same way…" The blonde trailed off, bottom lip catching her teeth though it doesn't hide her grin. "It's pretty great. Once you're ready to get along with that, you know." She finished up, looking a little too thoroughly amused with everything that was leaving her mouth.
The color of April's cheeks was nearly enough to match her hair with the layer of embarrassment that had coated her completely. It's not like she hadn't thought about how amazing it would be to finally have sex, but she's certainly not used to someone talking about it, especially not like that.
She'd overheard Alex, Jackson, Meredith, and Cristina all talking about it at least once or twice. But the way they talk about it – well, it tended to be a little gross. Maybe it was the fact that she wasn't appealed by sex between a man and a woman. or maybe it was just that they could all be a little abrasive and a little gross. It was hard to know the difference when it came to that particular group of people.
Either way, April was much happier to be having a conversation like this with Arizona than them. Even if she didn't know the other woman that well, it seemed like she was much more understanding about all of this.
"I guess you know a lot about it," April murmured, then realizing how her words sounded. "That– sorry! I didn't mean anything bad by that. I just, you know, compared to me. That's all."
Loud laughter stumbled from Arizona's lips, waving off her apology. "You're fine, April, don't worry." She beamed. "I'm very sex positive. And I take pride in that. Labels and what society thinks is just about the last thing on my mind. It should be the last thing on your mind, too."
"You're right." A shrug came out with the redhead's words. "I know that. I've known that for a long time. I just don't know how to make the spinning in my head stop when it comes to stuff like that."
"It's definitely not easy." Arizona gave a nod of her head along with the words. "It takes a lot of work but it's the best thing that you can do for yourself. It's freeing. And I definitely recommend that you try it because it will change your life in the best way possible."
"Have you always been this confident?" April questioned a bit impulsively.
"Not at all," Arizona answered honestly. "I was terrified to come out. My dad – he's a marine. And when I came out to him, I was terrified. I was ready to be kicked out and disowned. But the thing that he had to say to me? All he wanted to know is if I was still the person that he raised me to be. And I was. So he accepted it, and he loved me for it. So did my brother, my best friend. It was beautiful. I was lucky and I know that not everyone's that lucky. I've dealt with a lot of ignorance. But having that support system has always made a world of difference."
Hazel hues dropped, thumb running over the rim of her glass. "I don't know how accepting my family would be," April admitted. "I mean, they're all so Christian and conservative… maybe not in the Trump way, but definitely in the Bush way."
"You're Christian. And at least from the virgin thing, you seem pretty conservative. But you're not sitting here judging me for our differences. So why do you think your family will judge you? They raised you. They loved you. A little benefit of the doubt for them wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." Arizona suggested, trying to be helpful.
"I… I don't know. I assume the worst. It's kind of what I do. I look at all the different possibilities and I clutch to the worst. I guess so I can't be disappointed." April elaborated, lifting one shoulder in a shrug.
"You're beautiful and successful. You will still be both of those things, even after people know. I am."
"You are," the redhead agreed. "But we're different. Like you said." April pointed out.
"Sure," Arizona agreed. "I'm not trying to push you, or anything like that. It's your decision and it should always be your decision. But you deserve to be comfortable as the person you really are. Not the person that you want the world to think you are." She pointed out.
April's brow rose and fell again, knowing that it wasn't something that she could disagree with. Arizona seemed to be happy and proud of who she was, and the redhead couldn't help but be a little jealous of that. No one teased or made fun of her, and she knew it wasn't just because she was an attending and the rest of her group was just residents. She was the weak link when it came to this type of thing.
"I just wish there was a way to be a trial run or something like that. That sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?" April laughed at herself. "It took me a long time to figure this out. Like, I didn't get it till I was in med school. Far past the normal stage of college experimentation, or whatever."
"I mean, you kind of can, if it's something you're really interested in. Most people come out to friends first. Accepting ones, close ones. Way before they do their family. I did." Arizona retorted.
"Karev, Yang, they're a little brutal on the outside. But they're not bad people. None of them are."
"I know that." April agreed. "Is it weird that I just… want a girlfriend before I do? Some kind of solid proof?"
"Not at all," Arizona answered.
The redhead stared at the other woman for a moment before impulsively reaching over and taking her hand, giving it a squeeze in appreciation for everything that she had said. Arizona smiled back at her. Most of the time, she didn't involve herself with baby lesbians. Too often it was just experimentation. But she could see that with April, it was a part of who she was. It wasn't just a whim or impulse.
"Thank you for everything. I know that… you probably don't like me very much because most people do," April started rambling before she could help herself. "But thank you. I appreciate it, a lot."
Arizona laughed again, shaking her head. "April, I do like you. Very much. You're sweet and kind in a way that most of the other residents aren't. And you are beautiful. I don't say that just for kicks. I mean it." A real smile pulled across the blonde's lips with her words.
Without waiting any longer to follow the impulse in her gut, April leaned forward toward Arizona, pressing her lips against the blonde's in a gentle kiss. One hand came up to cup a pale cheek in the process, keeping it sweet and chaste given the public setting that they were under. She'd never kissed someone in public, hardly kissed anyone, just to begin with. But now seemed like as good of a time as ever. Maybe it'd finally get everyone to shut up about her business.
Or maybe it would do the exact opposite. Who knew?
"Is that okay?" April whispered when their lips finally separated, though she remained lingering close to the other woman, suddenly not wanting to put any distance between the two of them.
"That's more than okay," Arizona grinned back at her, lifting up a hand to tuck short hair back behind her ear. "I liked that. I liked that a lot, actually. I wouldn't have guessed that you hadn't been kissing a lot of girls in your day." She complimented without hesitation.
A little giggle fell from April's lips. "Thank you."
"Maybe it's something that we can do more often. With or without the company of the bar." Arizona suggested, one manicured eyebrow quirking up into her forehead. "How would you feel about that?"
"I'd like that a lot, Dr. Robbins." She answered with a grin beginning to grow across her features, beaming at the situation at hand. She had certainly never had this kind of success before, not with a man or a woman for that matter. But it felt good. It felt right, despite all of the hesitations and doubts that she had about it in the past. Arizona managed to give her some of the confidence that she had been missing all along.
Across the bar, of course, it had been hard for the group of residents sitting at the table to miss the scene occurring at the bar. Jackson had been the one to spot it, glancing over to see if April was okay.
"Damn, Kepner! Get some!" Karev yelled obnoxiously.
April blushed again at the attention that he drew and another laugh spilled from Arizona's lips, pulling the other woman a little closer to her. She picked up her glass, downing the rest of the wine that was in it.
"That's definitely one way to make a point to the rest of them," Arizona commented with a large grin.
"I guess so," April agreed with a small shrug of her shoulders. "Do you, uh, want to get out of here? Not– for a one night stand or anything like that. But maybe we can just talk and watch a movie or something and just… have a girl's night. A girl's night with maybe some kissing. And some other gay stuff. I don't know." She rambled on a little excitedly.
"I'm sure that we can figure out something appropriately gay to do," Arizona agreed with a laugh, scooping up her purse and getting the strap on her shoulder before wrapping an arm around April's waist. "Let's go."