A/N: This is my first attempt at phanphic (heehee- kudos to whoever came up with that name- very cute!). Please don't eat me alive if it's horrible, but I would adore you if you'd do me the honor of posting a review. Thanks!: )
I watched her intently, the silence of the night broken only by the gentle lapping of water against my paddle. Her cheeks were pale and tear-streaked, and though her slender arm clutched my waist firmly, I sensed that her mind was elsewhere. Her unexplained despondency was infectuous, and to my utter horror I found myself fighting back tears of my own in my moment of triumph.
She had stumbled from behind a crimson curtain, her chest heaving with broken sobs as she rubbed the spot on her finger which her ring had recently occupied. She did not glance back over her shoulder, but ever since she climbed into the boat next to me, I felt that she had left a piece of her soul with that mutilated, cold-hearted shell of a man. Her Angel of Music... the phrase brought my blood to a searing boil. How could she possibly have mistaken that demon for an angel? He was a heartless killer, a madman! Buquet, Piangi, and nearly my own life had been claimed by the infamous Opera Ghost.
So why, why in God's name did she stare back in his direction now with a pained longing and regret in those beautiful brown eyes?
And then it hit me. She had chosen him.
Of course, I had been blinded by my own passionate lust—dare I say love for her—I had convinced myself that she was giving her life away for my sake, to save my life … Oh, what an ignorant fool I was! I had stood in denial, convincing myself that the kiss was just another of her brilliant tricks, and it had worked, by God! He had let both of us go unscathed, physically if not emotionally. But how very wrong I had been. That kiss was not for my sake, not to save my life, but a true reflection of the authentic song that had sprung sadly from those full, rosy lips. Pitiful creature of darkness, indeed—minus the pitiful portion! That abhorrent wretch held the heart of my beloved Christine in his palm; now I was the antagonist, prying the lovers from each others arms in the vain hopes that perhaps the two of us would one day share such a bond. But as I stared deeply into those heartbroken brown eyes, I finally realized that it would never be true.
I stopped the boat. She didnt notice for a moment, but suddenly snapped out of her reverie, tearing her gaze painfully from the dwelling behind us to meet my eyes. "Raoul?" Her voice trembled lightly. Hot tears of pity and despair and rage flooded my eyes and burned the back of my throat, but I forced a gentle smile. I traced my fingertips along the curve of her jawline softly, allowing the tears to spill down my cheeks. Then slowly, reverently, I lowered my lips to brush hers gently. She did not resist, but did not return it with the passion that I had once felt in her.
It was true, then.
A trembling sigh escaped my lips as I steered the boat back in the direction from whence we came. She looked up at me, her eyes going wide, before a sob caught in her chest, and she embraced me tightly.
"Oh, Raoul, I'm so sorry!" she sobbed into my chest. Slowly I laid the paddle down and brought my arms to rest along the curve of her slender back, rubbing the tensed muscles gently. I laid my temple on her soft brown curls, murmuring sweet nothings to her under my breath. Enough tears had been shed that night; I fought my own back viciously, determined to be her rock and support until the very end. Shaking my head sadly, I pulled away from her just far enough to meet those mesmerizing chocolate brown eyes.
"You cannot choose whom you fall in love with, Christine," I whispered, wiping a stray curl from her eyes. "Though I can't deny the remorse that it wasn't with me." I forced a trembling smile, planted a firm, lingering kiss on her smooth, pale forehead, and proceeded to steer the boat back toward her angel's dwelling. She clung to me even more tightly now– not out of necessity for the threat of collapse, but out of compassion and heartfelt appreciation. I rowed a bit more slowly than I had done on the way out, and it probably bothered her, but she showed no signs of it. I studied her intently in those last few moments, memorizing the way the candlelight flickered across her chestnut curls, the distinct curve of her lips, the feel of her arms around me... memories that would haunt me until the day I died.
Despite my best efforts to keep it tucked in the depths of my mind, that song, that hauntingly beautiful lullaby, surfaced in my mind, drawing unwanted tears from me in floods.
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime,
Say the word and I will follow you,
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you love me...
You know I do...
She looked up at me, guilt glazing over her previous elation as my features contorted in pain. I turned my head away in shame, rowing a bit faster. "No, Christine, don't feel sorry for me. For God's sake, don't feel sorry for me..." My voice trembled and broke like that of an adolescent, and I crumpled into a sobbing heap, brushing away her hand angrily.
"Raoul," she whispered, her voice trembling as mine had.
"You've made your choice!" I screamed, causing her to recoil in fear. I panted for breath, glaring up at her menacingly. "You've passed the point of no return!" Her eyes filled with wounded tears, and she pulled her knees to her chest, sobbing into them. I was instantaneously flooded with guilt, and buried my head in my hands in shame and grief. "Christine, I'm sorry," I breathed after a moment. "You don't deserve this." I looked up, and brown eyes met blue. "Forgive me. Forgive both of us." I could no longer hold that beautiful gaze, and stared instead at my own reflection in the water. Another sigh escaped me, followed closely by one of her own. Slowly, I climbed to my feet, picking up the oar once again.
A gentle hand grasped my arm. "Raoul, wait..."
I looked down at her, a sudden spark of hope lighting up my features. She held out her small, pale hands to me, and I helped her to her feet obediently. Trembling violently, her arms came up behind my head, her fingers entwining with my hair. She pulled my mouth down to meet hers, and I shuddered involuntarily, deepening and hardening the kiss with a moan of desire. I clung to her frail figure as if it would save the last remnants of my fallen soul, but soon she broke away, burying her head in the crook of my neck.
She seemed content to merely be held, so I stood there, breathless, my heart hammering mercilessly in my chest. Moments passed, our heartbeats and unsteady breathing the only sounds penetrating the night.
Then finally, decisively, she pulled away just far enough to look me in the eye. A resolve had settled in those beloved pools of deep brown, and all I could do was wait restlessly for the decision that would elate me for eternity or damn me to a life of solitude, for I knew that I would never love another as I did Christine Daaé.
"I love you, Raoul," she whispered, running the back of her hand down my cheek. Her eyes misted over with a film of tears, and she shook her head sadly. "You have my heart... but he possesses my soul." She swallowed, collecting her wits before stumbling into a lengthy monologue without pause for breath. "If I were to follow you, to marry you, he would never let me live in peace. He would haunt us, Raoul, intentionally or not, until the day we die. I would fear for our children's safety, seeing him in every shadow, behind every statue. I don't want to live the rest of my life glancing feverishly over my shoulder for a phantom of the past. I couldn't do that to you. You deserve so much better than that, Raoul."
"There is nothing better than you, Christine," I offered tearfully. But I knew that she was right. Damn that wretched man! Damn him to hell for cursing this innocent beauty.
"Please, Raoul," she whispered with another shake of her curly head. "You're not making this any easier on either of us." She sighed, running her fingers through her tangle of brown curls. "This is my choice, Raoul. I would rather spend the rest of my life with him than have him haunt the both of us for an equal amount of time." A sob caught in her throat, and she looked away. "I want you to find a beautiful woman and marry her, and have adorable little children, and raise them to be just like you, Raoul. Do me that honor and favor, and grant me the knowledge that my sacrifice will not be in vain."
I shook my head fervently. "Never! If I can't have you, I won't marry at all!" I swore, bitter tears streaming down my cheeks.
"I'm not worth this, Raoul," she breathed, embracing me lightly and planting a gentle kiss on my neck. "You are the Vicomte de Chagny. Your life holds such promise. Don't throw it away for your childhood sweetheart."
"The love of my life," I corrected. She sighed.
"Raoul, please," she begged again, unable to finish as her words broke with sobs. "I've- I've made my decision. Take me back, please."
I didn't budge. "How will I know that he is treating you well? If you live in this-this sewer, how will anyone know if you are injured or sick, or..."
She pressed her finger to my lips. "Erik will take care of me, Raoul," she assured me, her eyes shining with confidence. "He loves me...worships me. If I were to cut my finger on a sheet of paper, he would tend to it as if I had broken the bone. You needn't worry about any harm coming to me."
I was not comforted, but I recognized with a horrible pang in my heart that no amount of protest would dissuade her. With a deep sigh of defeat, I nodded sadly, and picked up the oar which I had discarded at my feet. We continued the rest of the journey in silence, and I managed to withhold the tears of bitter despair that I had previously failed to retain. When once again upon the shore of the phantom's domain, Christine turned to me slowly, and fell into my arms in a suffocatingly tight embrace. I clutched to her, smelling her hair, feeling the warmth of her skin against my lips, for that excruciatingly blissful moment before she left my arms forever.
"Goodbye, Raoul," she whispered, her delicate features contorting in pain. She blew a kiss, then turned quickly, disappearing behind the crimson curtain. I stared after her for a long while, waiting with one last glint of hope, but she did not reappear as she had before.
She had decided.
A/N: If there are spacing problems, please overlook them; I can't figure out how to fix them. --glowers at computer-- Again, please review!