AN: I don't own anything but Jennasis I. Winston. I don't own or have anything to do with Pink Floyd either. Please read & review. Thanks and enjoy-Meg
St Thomas Hospital November 13, 1993
Jennasis is only twelve and for all the things she's seen and experienced being the daughter of Piney and Ann Winston nothing had prepared her for this.
John Teller's dead and with him he takes the heart of SAMCRO. Even she knows that.
She really doesn't know what to do or how to help. Grief makes her Mama clingy, her Daddy gruff ,and Opie silent.
So she sits in her Mama's lap and lets her stroke her hair. She watches her Daddy pace. Movement stiff and angry. Quick.
"Like he's trying to out run the sorrow." her mother muses more to herself than anyone. Chibs walks over blocking his path and pulls him into a hug.
For the first time in her life Jennasis sees her father cry. Harshly like a child disappointed by the world.
The sight breaks something inside her. If she's going to miss Uncle John's calming presence, patience, quick smile, and being called "Pretty Jenny." what will her father miss?
The tears she'd been holding on to since the accident come spilling out. She curls into her mother burying face into her shoulder. As she sobs she breathes in the scent of Lauren perfume.
"Oh, sweet baby…". Jennasis concentrates on breathing and her mother's nonsensical soothing to calm herself.
Once the worst of the crying jag is over she looks around to see if anyone caught her being babyish. She goes to wipe her nose with the back of her hand. Tig appears before her a startlingly clean white hanky in hand.
"Here baby." he says with more kindness she'd ever seen from him before. "Thank you." she takes it and blows her nose a little loudly.
She looks over at Gemma. She's always been amazed by Gemma because no matter what you always see her unshakable strength. Even exhausted and completely grief stricken to the point of near catatonia. You find steely strength and determination in its midst. She's not going to worry as much for Gemma she should. Gemma's strong.. Clay hovers around her strangely unemotional in the chaos of the club. Jennasis finds it odd. She'll ask mama later.
She catches snatches of Tara and Jax fighting.
"Yeah, Tara he's in a better place just where we all want him! Fuck you!" Jax shouts and stalks away from her. Opie stops Tara from follow him.
"Be back mama." Jennasis murmurs and gets up. She very quickly snatches a cigarette and lighter from whoever dumped them on the table. She leaves the same way Jax did or tries.
Donna stops her with a sad smile. "Jenny, honey."
"Let the girl go darlin' she knows how to handle him." Gemma says. She takes her cue and high tails it.
-/-/-/-
She makes her way outside into the bright day. He's leaned on to the brick wall of the hospital. One foot resting on the wall arms crossed his eyes are closed head kicked back slightly. "Jax."
"No platitudes Jenna please…"
"Huh?" she says,
"That just means no saying sorry or anything I'll make you go back inside if you do."
"No greeting card bullshit got it." that pulls a startled laugh from him. "I brought you a cigarette. Only pinched one Mama was looking so enjoy it."
He grins a little to himself and opens his eyes.
He looks at her and then takes the proffered smoke and lighter.
"How come you quit hangin' with me and Ope so much? I miss you kid."
She steps in front of him to block the November wind as he lights up.
"You're girlfriend hates me, remember? I'm a brat." she bites down on the urge to add "And she's a clueless bitch."
"She's wrong." he inhales. "You ain't a brat." he offers her a hit she shakes her head no. "Good. It's a nasty shitty habit anyway don't start." he exhales
"How can I help you Jackson? This is all so big and confusing and everyone is in pain and I just…want to help."
"You are helping. What you're doing? Being honest and just standing here with me that helps."
"Sure is a pretty day." Jax muses.
"It shouldn't be, just shows how twisted god's sense of humor is." she adds.
Jax nods. "I honestly thought he was gonna make it…got hit by fuckin' semi and I thought he's made it three days he's gonna be fine. How'd I think that?" He looks to her for answer she doesn't have and flicks ash at his feet.
"He's a goddamned vegetable… and now all I can think is Christmas is gonna blow!" his jaw is working and his chest hitches to hold in the sobs.
"Jax can I hug you?" She asks hands on hips.
"Please." he drops from his defensive stance, She wraps her arms around his middle squeezes, the way Opie does for her. She rests her head on his chest. She doesn't let go. She keeps it up a steady solid embrace.
"Man you even hug like Ope," he tries to tease but it breaks off into a sob. He puts out the cigarette and puts his arms around her shoulders and hugs back. She hangs on, his sobs shaking them both. "S'not fair first Tommy now Dad? Who's going to sponsor me for a prospect?"
"Someone will Jaxy I promise, Dad, Opie, Clay, somebody will."
"I can't … I don't know… I can't…" he says mindlessly still crying.
"I know…it's gonna be alright Jax I don't know how but it will." she rubs his back in an attempt to soothe. somehow they've moved away from the wall because when she opens her eyes she sees Opie over Jax's shoulder as he hugs them both. Its kind of clunky for a group hug but it works She's expecting Tig to make a joke about it but it never comes.
"Sorry man, its all so shitty." Opie tells him and Jax sobs again. "Yeah it is." they all cry because nothing else helps.
-/-/-/-
They are all standing there still embraced. Sniffling and coughing pretending like the weren't all three bawling.
"I just realized I'm the meat in a Winston sandwich." Jax jokes and they all crack up laughing so loud they attract attention from an old man hobbling by.
"You just had to make it gay, didn't ya." Opie says joking half heartedly as he steps away.
Jax kisses her forehead. "Thanks, kid." and he lets her go.
"No problem, I love you that means its part of the job." Jax looks uncomfortable for a mere second.
"Yeah, well anyway, I love you too." Opie clears his throat and they turn the whole club is watching them from about five feet away. Some undecipherable expressions on their mothers faces. Tara staring holes thorough Jennasis.
Jax walks past them all wordlessly. He stops next to Tara. "Don't even start. Understand."
"She's a spoiled brat. Pretentious little snot." Tara replies voice stance and face all angry.
"Are you stupid? Do you want to be with me? Because I swear Tara you're pushing me."
"You went to her instead of me? Some fucking little teenybopper with a delusional crush." Jax just shakes his head walks away.
"Fuck you. You nasty uppity tramp! Everybody knows the only reason jax is with you is he's guaranteed to get laid. You slept with half the football team…in one night!" Jennasis hollers and lunges for her.
Opie hauls her back into him and it actually takes effort. "Let me go! I wanna hit something her face will work!"
"Nah, Look Jenny Donna's got her in her crosshairs." he nods to Donna who turns to Tara very calmly.
"I try to like you really I do for Jax, but you make it hard by being petty and cruel to someone I love consistently. Yes, he went to her because she handled it better unlike you, who just spewed so much Mary Poppins philosophy at him you might as well be shitting rainbows. She didn't patronize him or make it about her like you did. She may be twelve and yeah she has a little crush on Jax. So does half the female population of charming. Get over it and yourself and then maybe you'll be on the same level. You immature self centered poisonous bitch.'
-/-/-/-
It's the funeral reception and Jax has barely spoken to anyone. Gemma hands Jennasis a large slice of strawberry pie. "He's on the stoop Darlin' make him share." she hands over a fork. "The pie or?"
"Just anything he'll share."
"Gotcha."
-/-/-/-
"You know this whole James Dean broody thing you're doing is freaking everyone out although I do get the appeal I mean Jett Rink was a cool motherfucker. I brought you pie."
She closes the door to the kitchen and walks over and sits next to him. She hands him the plate. "Your mother says share with me."
She looks at him. "You're staring at me Jackson, Why?"
"You're growing up Jenna and well I see it sometimes like now and it's weird."
"Why is it weird? It's just a dress Jax I've worn them before."
"I don't know…you just look graceful I guess." He shrugs.
He forks up a bite laden with strawberries glaze and whipped cream and shovels it in. "How are you really?" she asks.
He looks contemplative as he chews. "Truth?"
"That's a dumb question Jax…no I totally want you to lie to me." he feeds her a bite of pie.
"You're to damn smart you know?"
"Thanks." she says mouth still full.
"That? Not graceful at all."
"Screw you. Quit avoiding my question."
"Mom couldn't send anyone else out to badger me could she?" He eats more.
She laughed at that. "And have it work? No, besides you think I'm cute and find me charming."
"True…you are pretty charming and you aren't as fucking pushy as Tara." he shovels in a another bite.
"I dislike her completely but I do think she's trying the best she can. There's no easy to read instructions it all sucks."
He nods. "There is that. I keep waiting for it to change, be a dream, suck less, something and it never does."
"Maybe it's like when I sing a real hard song and there a bits I hate no matter how many times I sing it, but there a good parts fun parts that make me love it. Maybe this is like that… we all hate this part but if we keep singing, living, we remember the good parts, like how freaking loud his laugh was or how much he loved us all then the fun comes back. Maybe… I don't know totally but I hope he's happy where ever he is and that he's with Tommy."
"We can hope…What song you got stuck in your head today?" he asks out of curiosity and she's always humming something.
"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl year after year." she sings.
Jax smirks sadly. "Appropriate."
Jennasis looks down at the plate. "You ass you ate the pie. I got two bites."
"Saved you the crust its your favorite." he offers it up.
She takes it. "Thanks." she kisses his cheek. She bites into the pastry.
"What happened between Donna and Tara? They're all tense…." He squints and nods to them.
"Oh that's right you missed it Donna called her a immature self centered poisonous bitch it was amazing." Jenna grins conspiratorially.
"I always miss the good shit!" He mumbles snickering.
"Well brooding is a loners profession Jaxy."
"It true you called her an uppity slut?"
"An uppity tramp…tramp not slut. Jax laughed.
"I love you kid." Jax grins.
"And you better always." she replied.